After Jane Died
by beegurl13
Summary: Bella had the perfect life – amazing husband, wonderful children, great family...until one night it came crashing to an end. Struggling to care for her children and put her life back together, she wonders if she'll ever be happy again. But the hardest part just might be the confusing things she feels for Edward...her brother-in-law. AH, M, BxE
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do have is a rather large folder full of Robert Pattinson pictures. It's probably good that my hubs doesn't know it's there or just how many pictures are in it. Actually... There may be more than one folder on more than one computer... :) I can't help it. You've seen the man. :) I think for this story, I'll describe one picture per chapter and post it on my Facebook profile. Then you can enjoy the Pretty, too. :D**

**First Rob – He's wearing a beanie, has a beard, and is playing a guitar and singing. It was at some charity song thingie or something. I can't be expected to remember what the event was when he was THAT good looking at it. :D Ugh... He's so pretty. :) His brow is kinda furrowed and his lips are open just a bit, a little pouty-looking, and his fingers are on the guitar, playing it. It's so good... :)**

**Thanks to **_**goldentemptress, **__**BellaEdwardlover1991, **_**and **_**bugsmama07 **_**for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

******Thanks to ********_MariahajilE_ for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter One

The wind blew across my face, whipping the baby hairs along my temple into my eyes. Maybe it was my eyelashes that caught them, or maybe it was the water pooling on the lashes. Either way, it stung, yet I didn't care. I was just grateful I hadn't worn mascara. After crying every day for the past three weeks, I'd learned it was better to go without it. At least I wouldn't end up with black smudges under my eyes by the end of the day. I had enough to worry about, enough people who knew my pain. I didn't need a neon blinking sign for those who weren't in the loop or too caught up in their own lives to have heard the news.

"Mommy, I needa go potty," Mckenna whispered.

"Shh, baby. Not right now."

After a few moments, she started to wiggle in her seat. She was only three. I knew she didn't have a lot of time.

"Can you hold on for just a minute?" I asked her quietly.

She nodded. "I trying, Mommy, but I needs to go real bad."

I sighed, listening to the preacher as he continued to ramble on. I had no clue what he was even talking about anymore. I hadn't heard a word he'd said, anyway. My thoughts were kind of somewhere else and on anything except the box sitting in front of me.

There was a small office building at the end of the section we were seated in, and I leaned to my left to whisper into Collin's ear. "I'll be right back, okay?"

"Where are you going, Mommy?" he asked, his eyes wide and watery.

"Kenna needs to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

People around us were starting to stare, starting to glare, starting to get annoyed with my obvious lack of manners and regard for the situation. Their thoughts were of no concern to me. I didn't care. I slowly stood up, smoothing my black dress down my thighs as I did. With my movement, the crowd went silent. Even the preacher stopped talking.

"My daughter needs to use the restroom," I said aloud for everyone to hear. "The world doesn't stop spinning because of things like this. It just keeps going, whether we want it to or not. Excuse us for a few minutes." I reached down and took hold of Mckenna's hand and pulled her behind me toward the office, where I knew there was a bathroom she could use.

I was only a few yards past the back row when I heard steps behind me.

"I'll take her," he said, and I turned to see Edward hurrying toward us.

"No, I got it. You should go back."

"Bella, please. Let me help you, okay? Please."

I shook my head and kept walking, knowing he would follow us. And he did.

Once we'd reached the office and my daughter was inside the small bathroom, I ran my hand through my hair and stared up at my brother-in-law. "How did you do this?" I asked with a shaky voice.

"The same way you are," he said, smiling a sad smile at me. "You just do what you have to do, and don't listen to what anyone else expects of you."

He knew what I was feeling, what I was going through. He'd been in my exact shoes less than two weeks earlier. It was a tragedy, they said. A senseless accident. There was no way to avoid it, no way to know what would happen, no reason for it. It was random and stupid and shattering, and I couldn't change it or fix it or erase it. It was done.

"You need to check on her?" he asked, rubbing his hand on my upper arm.

"Yeah," I said, then cracked open the door to make sure my little girl was okay. Once she was all done, we started back, walking through the grass toward the group that had gathered. Aro and Heidi watched us closely, a strange look on their faces as Edward helped us back to our seats. He smiled down at Collin, ruffling his hair when he walked past us to his chair at the end of the row. My niece, Emily, was waiting for him, leaning against his chest as soon as he sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Alec and Jane left this world in much the same way they entered it," the preacher said. "Both in a hurry, unexpected, and together. We'll miss their laughter and their beautiful spirits, but we're so grateful that pieces of them live on in these beautiful children. Collin and Mckenna, you are made up of the best parts of your father and he'll always be with you, just as Emily's mother will always be with her."

I heard Emily sniffle and shake against Edward's side, clearly still upset over the death of her mother, Jane.

"Let us pray," the preacher said. Everyone around me began to mumble The Lord's Prayer, but I was silent, quiet. I couldn't say it. I couldn't feel it. I didn't care. My husband was dead, gone, and I was alone. Alone to care for two small children, to be a single parent. To be known forever more as the Widow of Forks.

Looking over at Edward, my brother-in-law, I wondered how I'd ever make it. How I'd ever get through all the things I knew I had to deal with. How I'd get on with my life. How I'd ever be happy, or complete, or even content again. Edward looked toward me, our eyes meeting and sharing a pain many would never know.

I didn't know what my life would be like after Alec, and I really wasn't ready to find out. But fate didn't seem to care what I wanted. I placed my arm around my son's, Collin, shoulders, touching Edward's hand and grabbing onto it with a strong grip that seemed to surprise him.

"You're okay," he mouthed to me, nodding and smiling just a bit.

I was okay. I'd be okay. I had to be; my children were counting on me. I wasn't sure how, but I would make it. In that moment, a sense of relief washed over me, and I let out a breath that I could have sworn I'd been holding for the past three weeks. Everything was different, but I would learn to adjust and survive. I watched Edward and knew I would be okay, just like he was, after Jane died.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: I know it's been a while. This is a story that's been bugging me since December, when we were making the three-hour drive home late at night after my husband's younger sister passed away. It was dark and I had nothing to do other than stare out the window at the darkened mountains and desert, lost in my thoughts and sadness. Then, in the middle of all of it came this little spark... What if... :)**

**Chapters will be posted every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. All pretty much between 1000 and 3000 words, give or take. The banner for this is on my Facebook profile and page (_Beegurl OneThree FanFickee_ and _Stories by beegurl13_), as well as the Rob pictures. There are pictures of the main characters in my Facebook Group. It's a secret one. If you want in, just ask. I don't automatically add people. I just don't. :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do have is a copy of a Rob picture from back in his **_**Remember Me **_**days. This particular copy is enhanced by MelbieToast, and ugh... He's so hot. :D He's all walking down the street, his little blue NY baseball hat on. He's got a black light jacket on, and as he's walking, the side of it is open, showing his wrinkly gray t-shirt that just barely meets the waistband of his jeans. And those jeans... I know you all know them. Ugh, they're the ones with the holes in them. He wore them forever, and they're so nice to look at. :D They've got all the scrapes and rips and frays in them, and you can almost just see the buttons on the fly... Ugh! :D And he's got one hand in his front pocket and the other on the back of his neck in the hair there. And there's scruff. Oh, the scruff. :) I could seriously look at this man all day. :)**

**You all... Oh, man. You made me cry yesterday. :) I told myself that if chapter one got 100 reviews in the first day, I'd post chapter two today, since I started posting halfway through the week. Let me just say I NEVER thought it would get anywhere near 100 reviews. Yet now, almost 24 hours later, there are 101. And I know of several other people who read it and didn't leave a review on ff dot net but told me other places instead. Oh man... Crying again. :D So because of that, here's chapter two a day early. And I'll post chapter three tomorrow. I really do love you guys. I brag to my author friends all the time that I have the best readers. You all just proved me right... yet again. :) Thank you. :)**

**This story has flashbacks. That's how we're finding out about Bella and Edward's backstory, their lives before Jane died. Hope this doesn't confuse anyone. If the chunk of words are in italics, it's a flashback. :)**

**Thanks to **_**goldentemptress, **__**BellaEdwardlover1991, **_**and **_**bugsmama07 **_**for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

******Thanks to _MariahajilE_ for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

~*o*~*O*~*o*~

Chapter Two

The house was quiet for the first time in weeks. Looking around the kitchen, I saw all the leftover casserole dishes, the bags of salad, the plates of cookies... all food brought over in an effort to comfort us and make things easier on me. Heidi had put away most of the perishable items, but there was so much more that was left. We'd never eat it all. I knew Edward and Emily could probably use some of it. By now, they'd most likely run out of all the things brought to their house a couple of weeks ago.

It was still strange to see our house - my house - without Alec in it. The sun had set, so the windows were dark, and I closed my eyes and tried to remember what we would have been doing at that time of the day. Mckenna would have been squealing in the bathtub as Alec splashed her and tried to get shampoo in her hair. It seemed to me like it was getting so long, all soft and the lightest blonde-brown with her baby curls still in it. I dreaded the day I'd have to cut it and they'd be gone, a symbol of her toddler days that would vanish with the snip of the scissor blades. Just like Alec had vanished from her life. From our lives.

Collin would no doubt have been sitting in the family room, playing whatever video game had captured his interest that week. He'd be yelling for Alec to finish with Kenna so that he could join him before bedtime. That was their favorite thing to do together when they couldn't be outside throwing a ball around. Collin thought his dad walked on water, and Alec thought likewise of his son. They were so alike, their personalities so in tune to each other. It would kind of be like he was still here with us, as long as I had my Collin with me.

I would probably be baking something in the kitchen, so the kids would have dessert before bed. Or maybe making my way through Alec's work schedules, setting up which crew had to be at what place for the upcoming week. Later in the evening, after the kids had gone to bed, Alec would be teasing me, tickling and touching me, all in an effort to get me worked up so that he could kiss me and grope me and pull me into our bedroom. He would leave me breathless as his hands ghosted over my skin, his lips leaving wet, sloppy kisses all over my body. He would drive me crazy with want and need before he'd finally whisper he loved me and then make us one.

I closed my eyes, and I could see it like it was yesterday.

"_Happy birthday, baby," Alec whispered in my ear. "I know it wasn't as exciting as last year, but I think it was good."_

_I giggled. "It was perfect. Thank you. Besides, you really can't top a twenty-first birthday in a strip club."_

_He laughed out loud, his whiskery cheek scratching against my shoulder. "I wanted to kill Paul for planning that. But then watching you get that lap dance... I don't think I've ever been so turned on in my life."_

_My hands raked through his hair, holding his head against my breasts. "It was fun, and I was drunk. Don't worry about it. But don't think it's ever happening again."_

_He moaned as he made his way down my naked body, pushing me deeper into the couch we were lying on. "Thanks for letting Jane bring her new boyfriend tonight. He seems like a real stick-in-the-mud."_

_I smiled. "He laughed a few times. What are you talking about? He was nice, and she likes him."_

"_Yeah, okay. Do you know him or something? He kept looking at you," he said before pushing my thighs apart and kissing along my hip bone._

"_No, never seen him before. Oh, yeah. Right there. You really wanna talk about Edward right now?" I asked with a sigh and a moan._

"_Right now ,all I want is to talk to these lips right here. And maybe kiss 'em a little."_

_A deep moan escaped my throat as his tongue flicked over my wet, slick clit. "Oh, baby. You do say the sweetest things..."_

_After he licked me until I thought I'd burst, he worked his way back up my body and kissed me as he buried his cock inside of me. When we were both spent and lying in a sweaty heap on my sofa, his fingers tracing up and down my torso, he cleared his throat and then looked at me._

"_Marry me, Bella."_

"_What?" I asked as I turned my head a little to meet his gaze._

"_Marry me. Make me the happiest man in the world. Be mine forever. I'm already yours."_

_I smiled, then brushed my fingers against his cheek._

"_Yes, I'll marry you."_

My hand flew to my neck as I pushed back a new rounds of sobs. It was never going to happen again. I was never going to feel that way again. Never have someone hold me and tell me that he loved me. Never feel someone's lips on my neck as his hands wandered up and down my body. Never be skin to skin, all sweaty and hot as he pushed himself inside of me. Never see the look of hunger and desire in a man's eyes as I stripped my clothes from my body. Never... Never again.

"Hey, Bella. Mckenna's asking for-" Edward said as he walked around the corner and into the kitchen where I stood. Turning away, I tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks and clear my throat. "Bella?" he softly whispered from behind me.

"Sorry. What?" I managed to ask.

"Mckenna's asking for a story before bed. You want me to do it?"

I shook my head. "No, I'll get it. Thanks, though."

"Of course."

"Hey, um, you and Emily want any of this food? We're never gonna eat it all before it goes bad. Will you please take some of it home tonight?" I asked him as I turned to look at him.

His shirt was wet, a result of Mckenna's nightly bedtime routine. He'd offered to bathe her after Emily asked if she could help me with it. His eyes were heavy and dark, tired. I knew that look. I felt the same way.

"Are you sure? I've still got some stuff frozen in the freezer."

"Yeah, please. I hate to throw it away, you know? People were nice enough to bring it over, and I just hate to waste it. I think I'll have the kids take a couple of these cakes to the neighbors' tomorrow. I can't really freeze those." Looking around at all the kindness that had materialized in my kitchen over the past few days, my mind started to wander back to some of the things I'd baked for Alec in the past.

"Bella? Kenna's story..." Edward quietly reminded me, pulling me back to reality.

"Yeah, sorry. I keep getting distracted."

He laughed just a bit. "I know. I do, too."

I smiled at him, letting my arm reach out and take hold of his forearm. "Thank you, Edward. For everything. I really appreciate all the help."

"It's no problem, Bella. You know I'll do whatever I can to make things easier on you. Plus, it's distracting me from other things, too."

"I know, but still... Thanks."

He smiled, and I leaned my head against his shoulder, pausing for a moment before I walked out of the room and toward my waiting daughter.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: I know. Lemony stuff not with Edward. Sorry. She was married to Alec for like eight years, with him for about ten or eleven. She loved him. It's good. It shows she was happy and in a healthy relationship and that maybe - someday - she can get there again... :)**

**If you wanna see the Rob picture, it's on my Facebook, so look me up. :) ****(_Beegurl OneThree FanFickee_ or _Stories by beegurl13_) I have a secret group there, too. If you want in, just ask. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do have is a copy of a Rob picture from that **_**Details**_** shoot. You know how sometimes Rob looks like a cute guy, and sometimes he looks like a silly boy, and then sometimes... he just looks like a MAN. Ugh, in that shoot he was lookin' like a MAN, and ****I ****loved it. :D Naked girls aside, he looked good in every picture. His hair's a little longer, he's dressed so well, and the look on his face... Yeah, he's a man in those pictures. :D The one that ended up on the cover of the magazine, the close up of him sitting between one of the model's thighs while the other stands next to them? This chapter's picture is a little variation of that. It's more of a full length shot, so we can see all the glory he's packin'. :) He's just staring at the camera while these women hang all over him. The scruff is in full effect, he's got a few buttons undone on his shirt, so there's a little chest hair peeking out, and those lips of his are pressed together in a line that's got just a bit of a pout to it. Dang man... He's so hot. :D**

**Thanks to _goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _and _bugsmama07_ for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

******Thanks to _MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Three

"Mommy, I's waiting for you," Mckenna said in a sleepy voice as I entered her room.

"I know, honey. I'm sorry. Did you have a good bath?" I picked up her stuffed panda bear that Alec won for her at the last school fair and tucked it under her arm.

She giggled. "Yeah, I got Unca Edward all wet. Me and Emily splashed him!"

I couldn't help but smile at her, hearing the excitement in her voice. It had been such a long few days, and I knew my mood was affecting her.

"I'm glad you had fun, baby."

"Emily can sleep in my room, Mommy?" she asked in her tired, sweet baby voice.

"No, she's going home with her daddy. I'm sure she'll come back over in a couple of days to see you."

Edward had better things to do than spend all of his spare time with me and my kids. I was sure of that. We were a constant reminder of what he'd lost, and even though I appreciated the help, I knew I couldn't count on him forever. I didn't want to, either. Reality was going to hit me soon, and I wanted to be ready for it.

"Mommy, you tell Emily to come see me tomorrow?" Mckenna asked.

"I'll tell her. Don't worry. Baby, it's so late. Why don't you get to sleep, alright? We'll read an extra story tomorrow night," I told her, leaning down to kiss her on the nose, on the cheeks, on the lips, and finally on the forehead. It was our nightly ritual, and if I missed even one spot, she'd never let me hear the end of it.

"Okay, Mommy," she said just before she yawned. I watched her for a moment, her eyelids heavy over her sleepy blue eyes. Those she'd inherited from Alec, just like the light brown hair with the blonde streaks in it. I was there in her facial features and mannerisms, but her coloring was all from her father.

As I stood from her bed and started toward the door, I heard her sniffle. "Mommy, are you gonna die, too?" she quietly asked.

I paused, steeling my emotions before I turned around to assure her that I wouldn't leave her.

"Someday I will, we all will, but not tonight. I'm gonna sleep in my bed, just like you're sleeping in yours, and tomorrow when we wake up, I'm gonna let you eat a piece of any cake you want, okay? We'll have cake for breakfast and some milk, and then we'll watch cartoons all morning, alright?"

"You promise? You won't go away like Daddy?"

I shook my head. "No, I won't go away. I'm gonna be here to take care of you and Collin until you're a big, grown up mom who has lots of her own kids. And even then, I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay," she said before wiping at her eyes. "Daddy's in Heaven with Grandma Sue, huh?"

"Yeah, he is."

"I bet me misses me, huh, Mommy?"

I smiled the best I could at her as my eyes began to fill with tears. She'd always been such a daddy's girl, and I knew Alec's death would be especially hard on her. "I know he does. He loves you, baby. And he wants you to be happy and sleep good, so you can be healthy and strong."

"Good night, Mommy."

"Night, baby."

I backed toward the door and watched as she closed her eyes and breathed deep and slow. Tears began to trickle down my cheeks as I flipped off the light and pulled the door partially closed. It didn't surprise me that Edward was standing just outside of her room in the hall.

"I don't know how to do this," I whispered, looking up at him and finally letting go of my emotions. "How do I tell her I'm never gonna leave when I don't know? I can't promise her that."

"Bella, you're not leaving her. You know God wouldn't take both you and Alec away from your kids. He just wouldn't do that. You have to believe me, okay?" he said, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

My hands shook as I frantically wiped at the tears streaming down my cheeks. "I want to believe you, but what if you're wrong?" I asked, silently begging him for comfort and strength, even though I knew I shouldn't be asking that of him.

"I'm not. You and me... We're in the same boat here. We're not going anywhere, you understand?"

I nodded at his words, sniffling and running my tear-stained hands through my hair as I tried to draw in a deep, stuttered breath.

"And if something should happen to me, Emily will have you. And if anything happens to you, you know I'll take Collin and Kenna and I won't rest until their lives are as wonderful as they can possibly be."

"Promise?" I said with a voice even I could barely hear.

"I swear on my life, Bella," Edward said as he pulled me into his arms and held me until I'd cried all the tears my body could muster. Gently, he rocked me from side-to-side as my chest rattled with sobs and despair. And when my legs grew too weak to hold me up any longer, he lifted me and carried me to my room, placing me on my bed and swearing again that he would always be there for me and the kids.

As I drifted off to sleep, the skin on my cheeks tight from my dried tears, I could have sworn I felt lips softly kiss my forehead, then linger above my skin for a few moments. Maybe it was a dream. Maybe I was remembering all the times Alec had kissed me that way. Maybe I was wishing he was there to do it one more time. Maybe I didn't want Alec to do it at all. Maybe I wanted someone else to do it.

Maybe.

But that would never happen for me. There would never be anyone else to kiss me at night, to hold me close, to make me feel special. That part of my life was over. I'd buried it in the ground with Alec's casket, and I'd never get it back again.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: If it isn't hard, it's not worth it. Right? There's a lot of heavy stuff going on here. They'll work through it. Don't worry. :)**

**And thanks for this. Ya'll are freakin' me out with your love and kind words. Thank you so much. You'll never know how much that means to me. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ****I ****do have is a copy of a Rob ****picture ****and ****I ****have no idea what it's from, but ****I ****kinda don't care. He's so hot in it. :D ****I ****think it might be a ****_Remember Me_**** shoot, but who knows? Anyway, he's wearing a suit, sitting on the roof of a building with what I'm thinking is the New York skyline behind him. I've never been to New York. ****I ****don't know. :D But there's a beer bottle next to him and a cigarette in his hand, and he's just staring off into the distance. He's so pretty. And the fact that he's sitting on the ledge makes me want to grab him and pull him away from danger. ****I ****mean, really. A big wind could have come along and blown him right off, and then what would we have to look at? Ugh.. I can't even think about it. :D Anyway, the picture's in black and white, and his hair's all crazy, and there are side burns and scruff... Gorgeous. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****and ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Four

"Bella, honey, are you sure you don't want me to stay the week here with you?" my mother asked again. It had been nearly two weeks since the funeral, and my mom was packing up and getting ready to go home.

"No, Mom, we're fine. You need to get back to Dad. Besides, Jasper and Alice are only an hour away, and Aro and Heidi are here if I need them. We're good."

My mother looked at me with a look that I was quickly coming to hate. I didn't want pity from people, and even though I knew my mother didn't pity me, the look in her eyes was the same as everyone else's in town. And I knew they all pitied me.

"If you say so. But your father will be fine on his own. You know that."

I smiled. "I know but the kids and I need to get into a routine, get back to a normal life."

"Honey, you know you'll never have a normal life again. You can't expect that to happen," she said, speaking from her own experience.

"I know and that's okay, but I need to figure things out, and it'll be easier to do that if I have to rely on myself."

She meant well. I knew she did. I loved her for it. I also needed her to go back to the home she and my father shared in Seattle and give me some space.

My mother and father were oddities, not what you'd expect. They were high school sweethearts — young and so in love that they couldn't help but marry right after graduation. It wasn't long until they were pregnant with me. Within a year of my birth, the newness of marriage had worn out its welcome and they decided to part ways. A few months after their divorce, my mother met and married a man, Phil Whitlock, and soon enough, my brother Jasper was born. My father wasn't so quick to move on, and it wasn't until I was a teenager that he finally asked out a woman from work. They dated for a few years before marrying, giving me a step-brother and sister to add to Jasper, my half-brother.

I bounced back and forth between my parents throughout my childhood, grateful that they both still lived in Seattle and I could spend time with each of them. I was eighteen when Phil was killed in a freak work accident. My mother was devastated and cried for weeks. Jasper and I took care of everything we could for her, but she went into a deep depression that lasted a few years. In the midst of that tragedy, my step-mother, Sue, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She endured three years of treatment, but when I was twenty-one, she passed away, leaving my father alone and broken.

Watching both of my parents live through the death of a spouse was an eye-opening experience, and one that I never thought I'd deal with. I was dating Alec at the time of Sue's death and he was wonderful and helpful, and a real source of strength for me. Seeing the compassion in him convinced me I could always be happy with him, and when he proposed, I didn't even hesitate in my answer. It was at our wedding when my parents reconnected for the first time.

"_Bells?" my dad called from the doorway of the bridal suite. I was straightening my dress as my mother adjusted my veil. _

"_In here, Dad," I said, looking in the mirror and watching as he entered the room. He looked handsome and nervous in his black tux._

"_You sure you wanna do this?" he asked._

"_Yes, I'm sure. Why? You like Alec."_

"_I do," he said with a smile and laugh. "But you know, no guy's ever gonna be good enough for my little girl."_

"_She's not so little anymore, Charlie," my mother said. "I think we did well with her. Can you believe we're old enough to have a daughter this grown up?"_

_She moved to stand next to my dad, looping her arm through his. I smiled back at them as I turned around, thankful that they'd always gotten along. So many of my friends had divorced parents that fought or disliked each other. I never had to deal with that._

"_You look beautiful, Bells."_

"_Thanks, Dad," I sighed with a smile just as the wedding coordinator peeked into the room._

"_We're ready," she said._

_Later at the reception, Alec and I were dancing when I noticed my father ask my mother to dance. "What do you think is up with your parents?" Alec asked._

"_I don't know, but look at the way they're looking at each other. It's kinda crazy, right?"_

_He smiled. "Yeah, it's great." He kissed me softly, letting our foreheads lean against one another as he looked into my eyes. "I'm sorry about Jane's big announcement today. She didn't mean to steal our thunder."_

"_It's okay. I don't mind."_

"_I can't believe she was stupid enough to get pregnant. And by Edward. Didn't know he had it in him."_

"_Stop it!" I said with a giggle and a swat to his shoulder. "She loves him. It'll be fine." _

_I wasn't sure why Alec still didn't like Edward all that much, but I thought he was a nice guy. And he treated Jane well. Anyone could tell he loved her, just as she loved him, and I knew they'd work things out._

"_But can you imagine him with a baby? I mean, he's so routine and stiff. I can't wait to see him with baby puke all over him," Alec laughed._

"_I'm just happy it'll take the grand-baby focus off of us for a little while," I said._

"_What? You don't want to get all knocked up with my baby, Bella?" he asked, pulling me tighter against him as his eyebrows wiggled up and down._

_I smiled, loving his silly and flirty side. "Eventually, I do. Until then, I think we need lots of practice."_

"_Practice makes perfect, baby," he said._

"I think I've got everything packed up. You'll call me if you need anything, right?" my mom asked one more time.

"Yes, I'll call you. Don't worry. We'll be fine."

"I love you so much, Bella. I just worry about you." Her hands smoothed over my hair, and she bit down on her lip.

"I know, Mom. Thank you."

"Okay," she said with a sigh. "I'll see you later."

As she loaded her suitcase into her trunk, I heard another car driving down the street, pulling into my driveway. I smiled and waved at Edward and Emily, turning to see my mother looking pointedly at me.

"Bella, be careful."

"What?" I asked, uncertain of what she was talking about.

"You and Edward, you've always had a connection. I've seen it, a special friendship. Now that Alec and Jane aren't here... Just be careful, baby."

For a moment, I was dumbfounded by her words. How she could think Edward and I would ever be anything more than in-laws was crazy to me. "Mom, I don't... I don't even know what to say. He's like my brother, Mom. Nothing's gonna happen."

She nodded, smiling at me and sighing. "Bye, sweetheart," she said before opening her door to climb inside the car.

"Hi, Mrs. Swan!" Emily said as she ran toward me. "Hi, Auntie Bella!"

"Hi, Emily. The kids are in the living room watching a movie."

"Okay!"

She ran past me and into the house while Edward came to stand next to me. My mother drove away as I waved, then glanced down to see what Edward was holding in his hands.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I brought some of the life insurance stuff I've been working on. I figured it might help if we worked on it together since we both have to do it. Same company policy and all."

"Thanks," I said, genuinely touched that he would think of me. It was true. Jane and Alec's life insurance policies were through the same company, so it made sense that we work on them together. "You're always thinking of me."

"Well, I made a promise, so..."

His sweetness made me smile, and I wondered how Alec ever could have thought he was a stick-in-the-mud. Clearly Edward wasn't, or at least I didn't think so.

"Come on. We can order some pizza for dinner," I said, turning to walk into the house. Hearing the kids playing from the living room made me happy, content. Or at least as happy and content as I could be. After all, I'd just buried my husband, and there wasn't supposed to be any happiness after that.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: We're about to the end of January here, just in case anyone is wondering. :) No big time jumps are coming in this story, at least, not that ****I ****foresee from this point. :) Slow burn... That's what this is. :D ****I ****don't know if I've really done that before. :D**

**Rob picture's on FB, as always. :) Find me there if you wanna see it. :)**

**FYI –****_What Hurts the Most_****–****I ****WILL finish it... eventually. The last chapter's started and sitting in my laptop. Has been since last July. It's kinda killing me. :(**  
**_What _****_I _****_Really Meant to Say_****–****I ****have no clue. I'm hoping to get it done this year. We'll see. It's all outlined, so... :)**  
**_Baby_****–****I ****really don't know. It's not even on my radar at this point. Maybe one day... :)**  
**_The Maiden _****and ****_Worshi_****p Outtakes – Who knows? Stranger things have happened. :D**

**Thanks for making me feel so loved. It's all kinds of incredible. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ****I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from the **_**Breaking Dawn Part 1 **_**press junket in Europe. Rob and Ashley went to several countries, making a stop in Sweden, which is where this picture comes from. ****I ****remember before they went, Rob was sporting a full beard and we were all wondering, "Will he shave it? Will he go with facial hair? What's he gonna do?" Then he got there, and he had it shaved into this goatee thing with tons of scruff... Oh, good gravy, it was hot. :D At least, ****I ****thought it was. He looks like a MAN, and ugh, ****I ****love it. :D In this picture, he's wearing this black sweater that hugs him in all the right places. There's no shirt underneath it, so the light from the cameras is giving us just the slightest hint of skin through the knit weave. His hair is everywhere, and his eyes are so bright. His lips are kinda pinched together in just a hint of a pucker, and even though he's not smiling... Hmmmm, he's so pretty. ****I ****just wanna grab him. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****and ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Five

Death is different for everyone. The way it affects you, alters your life — it's never the same for any two people. From the way people talk about it, you'd think that if your spouse died, your whole life would be changed, like every aspect of your day would be altered so completely that it would seem as though you'd been given a new life or the life of another person. But for me, that wasn't it at all.

There were times when I completely forgot Alec was gone, moments during my day when I was so totally wrapped up in what I was doing that I didn't even remember. Normal things that didn't usually involve Alec gave me a false sense of security and stability, made me forget for just a little while. Then I would stop long enough to let my mind wander, and I'd remember.

Then there were the daily tasks that wouldn't let me forget how different my life was. Washing the dishes or doing laundry almost made the hurt worse. Mindless, thoughtless activities gave me plenty of time to remember him and the way our family had been together. Those things made me remember what I'd had and what I'd lost. Falling asleep alone at night in our bed was the hardest thing; longing for the warmth his body had always radiated, for the scratch of his rough feet against mine, and smelling his always minty breath float over my neck as he cuddled against me. Those were things I missed and that I'd never have again. Those were the things that threatened to break me, to crush my spirit.

That's why I'd taken to sleeping in the guest bedroom. The bed was smaller, not familiar, and didn't smell of Alec's aftershave. I could sleep there because it was different. I needed that.

As Edward and I sat at my dining table sorting through papers and forms, I looked over toward the kids. They were all lying on the living room floor watching whatever show was playing on Disney Channel at the moment. Their laughter carried from one room to the next, and for just a moment, I felt normal again. My life felt the same, like it hadn't been shattered only a few weeks earlier.

"So, I think these forms all need to go together," Edward said, bringing my focus back to what we were supposed to be doing.

"Have you sent anything in yet?" I asked him.

Jane passed away twelve days before Alec did, though it was the same month. I wasn't sure how soon things like life insurance had to be taken care of, if there was a waiting period or a deadline.

"Not yet. I wasn't really sure what to do at first, so then when Alec took a turn for the worse, I decided to just wait and see what happened. I thought it might be easier to do this together, you know?"

I smiled at him, seeing the pain in his eyes. "Yeah, I know. I get it. And thanks again for thinking of me with this stuff. I'd be completely lost on what to do with all of this."

"Aro said it should be pretty simple. I guess they had some kind of policy on Jane and Alec, since they were legally the owners of the company, but I think his lawyer took care of it. He offered to have him do this for us, too, but I thought it might be better if we did it on our own." He looked up at me, his eyes searching mine. "I'm not sure what to do about a lot of this."

"About what?" I asked, confused by the turn our conversation seemed to be taking.

"Well, Jane and Alec technically owned the company. Aro retired last year, so now that Jane and Alec are gone and Felix has nothing to do with their dad's business, I'm not sure what my place will be, you know?"

I hadn't really given much thought to Black Construction and the whole ownership issue. I'd just assumed that Aro would take it over and that Edward would keep working for him. Of course I would help out if they needed me, but I didn't know all the ins and outs of Alec's job, so even though I could do parts of it, I couldn't do all of it.

"Has Aro talked to you about it?" I asked.

"No, not really. I'm sure we'll figure it out in the next couple of weeks. I think he's hoping Jake will be able to keep filling in for me until then, but we'll see."

"Jake hates it, doesn't he?" I asked, knowing that Jake's personality was not suited for being in an office all day.

Edward laughed. "Oh, yeah. He hates it. He'd much rather be out on site with the crews. He loves that stuff, but the whole organization thing... not so much."

"Yeah, I can't really see him sitting at a desk and setting up crew lists and schedules." Jake had been Alec's best friend since they were toddlers. His dad and Aro began Black Construction together, but when Billy's diabetes finally put him in a wheelchair, Aro bought him out. Jake went to work for them right out of college, just like Alec, but he'd always favored the actual building process. He wasn't cut out for being behind a desk drawing blueprints and construction documents. He was most at home with a hammer in his hand and sawdust all over his clothes.

"Me, either," he said. "I'm guessing Aro will leave the company to the kids and maybe just have me keep working there. It's probably too much to hope he'll let me run it or buy him out."

"Well, shouldn't the company go to you and me, anyway, since our spouses were the owners?" I asked.

Up until that point I hadn't really thought about work and income and how I was going to get by. Alec's life insurance was enough to pay off my house and give me a large nest egg to pull from for years to come. If I was careful, I shouldn't ever have to worry about it. But would I want something else?

"I don't know for sure. I guess we'll see. I think there was something legal written up about it, but I'm not positive," he said, running his hand through his hair as he looked back down at the papers in front of us.

I could tell Edward was nervous and worried, though I didn't really think he needed to be. There was no way that Aro and Heidi would ever let their granddaughter starve or go without anything. Edward would be fine.

"So, you guys doing anything this weekend?" I asked him, trying to lighten up the mood a little bit.

"No, I don't think so. We'll see. Emily wants to go hiking or something. I guess one of her friends went last week and just had the _best time of her life_," he laughed. "I told her maybe we'd go, though I don't think she realizes there will be bugs and dirt, and there might be snow. I mean, it's January. It's not exactly warm outside."

The thought of sweet little Emily hiking through the forest made me laugh, and I nodded in agreement with him. As soon as she realized she might get dirt on her shoes, she'd be back in the car, ready to go home.

"What about you guys? Doing anything fun?" he asked me.

I sighed. "I don't think so. My brother Jasper and his wife are coming to stay for a couple of days. They didn't get a lot of time here after the funeral. Alice had some work things she couldn't get out of. The kids are excited to see them, anyway."

"That's good. It'll be nice to have someone around." Edward let out a deep breath, his eyes lowered and focused on something on the table. "I hope you know I'm here if you ever need anything, Bella."

"I know that."

He looked up at me. "Do you?"

I smiled. "Yeah, I know. And I'm here for you, too. You know that, right?"

His hand moved to cover mine. "Thank you, Bella. That means a lot to me."

I knew Edward's parents lived nearby and his brother and his family lived not too far away, so it wasn't like he was totally on his own.

"It's good to have family nearby. It helps," I said, squeezing his fingers with mine.

"Family..." he mumbled, his eyes looking to where our hands were joined. His thumb mindlessly rubbed over my wedding ring. "We're family, aren't we?"

"Yeah, brother and sister-in-law. Our kids are cousins. That's good, right?"

"It's good," he said, though his voice didn't seem to agree with his words.

There was something else going on in his head, but I just couldn't tell what it was. I only hoped, for the sake of our children, that we could figure it out.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Wonder what's going on in Edward's head... We shall see. :) ****I ****think you'll like Chapter 6. :) And FYI – Emily is seven, Collin is five, and Mckenna is three. Lots of people asked, so ****I ****thought I'd just mention that. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ****I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from the **_**Cosmopolis **_**premiere in New York. Or at least ****I ****think it was the premiere. I'm always too busy drooling to pay attention to wha****t event ****it is. :D Anyway, in this one, he's got the scruff going, which drives me insane, and his hair's just a little bit longer, which ****I ****love more than words can say. The suit he was wearing... ugh, hurt me. :D And he looked a little tanner, not so Edwardly-white. He looked good, as always. This picture is a close-up of his face and those eyes are so blue and pretty, just like his shirt and jacket. :) And his lips aren't quite smiling, but you can tell he knows what he's doing to us when he presses them together like that and gives us just a hint of a smirk. Darn that man... He's lethal! :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****and ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) ****I ****added a couple of things after she was done with this, so if there's a mistake, I'm sure it's from me. :D But ****I ****tried super-duper hard to get them right! :D**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Six

It was late when Mckenna finally fell asleep. Collin and Emily were crashed on the floor in front of the television as Edward and I sat on the sofa in the darkened room. We'd had a nice evening, finishing all the paperwork we could before serving up ice cream sundaes to the kids. We all even laughed when Edward initiated a whipped cream-eating contest. It took a bath to get it all out of Kenna's hair afterward, but the warm water soothed her and helped to calm her down from the sugar rush she was on.

"You want some wine or something?" I asked him. It was near midnight and I knew he and Emily should probably head home soon, but he seemed so tired and worn out. I didn't think it would hurt anything to let him sleep on the couch for the night.

"Sure, that sounds good."

I went to the kitchen, straightening up a few toys on my way, and returned with a bottle of red wine and two glasses. I wasn't a big drinker but there were a few wines I enjoyed, especially late at night after a busy day with the kids.

"Sorry I don't have anything stronger. I know you're more of a shot kinda guy," I quietly said as I walked back into the living room.

Edward laughed. "Oh, yeah, right. I think I can take about one shot of tequila, and I'm down for the count. I'm getting too old. I can't hold my liquor anymore."

"Not that you ever could," I reminded him as I filled our glasses. "Alec could drink you under the table."

"Yeah, he could. I don't know how he managed it, but man, that guy could drink."

It was silent for a few moments as we both sipped from our glasses, consumed by memories from our past. Emily stirred just a bit, then settled back to sleep with her mouth hanging open.

"She sleeps like Kenna does," I said with a smile.

"I think they get it from Jane and Alec. It surely didn't come from us."

"Of course not. I'm very ladylike when I sleep," I teased. Edward smiled at me and nodded in agreement.

"I'm the same way, though I'm not really ladylike."

I smiled, realizing just how right he was. There was nothing ladylike about Edward. He was all man, all masculine and strong and commanding. That was something I'd always liked about him — the way he could take complete control over a boardroom and yet be kind and sweet and caring at the same time. That's what made him so good at his job and I knew Aro was grateful for it, especially when it came to winning work contracts.

"You seem to be doing pretty well with all this craziness lately," he said.

"What?" I asked, uncertain of what he was asking about.

"You know, with Alec dying and leaving you alone. A lot of people would have completely crumbled under the pressure of it, but you seem to be coping pretty well."

"I guess I don't have a choice, do I?"

He shook his head. "No, I guess not."

"Besides, you're in the same boat, and you seem to be handling things better than I am."

He smiled and laughed just a bit. "Well, I guess the idea of being a single father isn't all that foreign to me, you know?"

His words shocked me. "What are you talking about?"

"Jane and I, we were heading for divorce."

I stared at him with my mouth agape. "What?" I asked in a shocked whisper.

He sighed. "Yeah, we weren't doing anything right away, but we would have ended up there soon enough."

"Why?" I asked. I hadn't seen any signs that there was trouble in their relationship, and I wondered what would have made them decide they didn't want to be together any longer.

"Things weren't good. You know why we got married. I think Jane always kind of resented me for that, like it was my fault she was sick and taking medicine that made her birth control ineffective."

"I know, but she thought that? That's ridiculous."

"Yeah, well I think it was easier to blame someone than to just acknowledge that life is screwed up sometimes." Edward was so somber, seemingly lost in his own head as he stared at his glass and ghosted his fingers around the rim of it.

"I'm sorry, Edward. That's horrible. I know she loved you, though."

"I know she did. I loved her, too, but sometimes that's not enough."

I felt sad for him and the life that he'd been living. Edward was a good man, and he deserved someone who would treat him well. Jane had always been a bit flighty and crazy, and when they started dating, we were all shocked.

"_I met this guy! Oh, man. He's so hot!" Jane said with a huge smile on her face. Excitement was radiating off of her and pouring over into her words as she began to gush over her newest boy toy. "I mean, ugh, you should SEE him, Bella. You'll be so jealous of me!"_

_I laughed. "I don't think so. I've got Alec, and he's not so bad to look at."_

"_Gross!" she said. "I am NOT thinking that about my brother! I don't need to know the freaky kinda things you do with him." _

_Seeing her so uncomfortable made me laugh. She had a knack for finding pretty boys, but they were usually as wild and out-there as she was._

"_So, what's so great about this guy?" I asked her, grabbing another chip out of the bag I was eating from._

"_He's smart, Bella. Like SMART smart. He's on the Dean's list or something. He's studying architecture, and from what some people in my classes who know him have said, he pulls straight As and doesn't really even study."_

"_He's a brainiac? How did you end up with him? He doesn't sound like your type."_

"_Like I said, Belllllla," she said, drawing out the Ls in my name. "He's hot! And he's got a body that I can't wait to get my hands on."_

"_Okay, now THAT sounds like you."_

_She sighed. "Exactly, except that he's some kinda prude, I guess. He didn't even kiss me until the third date, Bella. Most of the time, I don't even get to a third date because I have sex with them on the second date and then get out of it."_

"_That doesn't mean he's a prude. It's kind of old fashioned or something. It's nice."_

"_I guess so. And he's worth the wait. Trust me. You just have to meet him, and then you'll totally understand."_

"_Cool with me. You know, my birthday's next week, and we're all going out. You could bring him then."_

"Did something happen?" I asked him. He seemed rather solemn, but I wanted him to know he could talk to me about things. He needed to know he could trust me.

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "What didn't happen?" he said with a sad chuckle in his voice. "She got bored a couple years back and instead of maxing out the credit card or jetting off to Europe for a few weeks, she had an affair."

"What?" I nearly shouted, then slapped my hand over my face as I turned to look at our sleeping children. "Are you kidding me?"

"No, serious as a heart attack. You know Hunter Drywall in Port Angeles?" he asked.

"Yeah..."

"Yep, the owner, James Hunter. She was seeing him, sleeping with him. Whatever."

There was pain in his eyes as he took a long drink from his glass.

"How did you find out?" I asked.

"He called the office, and I guess he didn't realize her husband worked there. He left some messages for her that were kind of strange. Then on Valentine's Day, he sent flowers for her to the office and the card was open, so I read it. I felt bad, but some other person was sending my wife flowers. I think I had the right to know who they came from."

I nodded at him. "Yeah, I would think so."

"He wrote some things, kinda intimate stuff on it, and mentioned seeing her the next night. Jane had told me she had book club that night, so after she left, I followed her. Unless her book club was meeting in a hotel on the edge of town and the only other member was James, I was pretty sure they weren't discussing any books. I asked her about it the next week, and she told me." He laughed a sad laugh, and I knew there was no humor in it. "She was just so matter-of-fact about it, like it was no big thing, like she hadn't just single-handedly destroyed our marriage. We decided then and there that we'd split up. The next day was when Aro told us he was retiring and giving Jane and Alec the company."

"So you couldn't leave then, I guess."

"No. I mean, I was heartbroken over what she'd done, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I guess it was then that I realized Jane wasn't my soulmate. Not in the same way that Alec so clearly was yours. So when she died, I was sad but I'd already lost her, you know? This was just more permanent or something. And now I don't have to worry about only seeing Emily two nights a week and every other weekend."

I thought about his words for a few moments, and about the sadness in his voice. How did I not know what was going on between them? How had I missed it? As I continued to think it over, I found myself wondering about the whole soulmate thing.

"I don't know if Alec was my soulmate. I love him and I wanted to spend my life with him, but I don't think I'd go as far as saying we were soulmates."

Edward smiled an embarrassed little smile. "I just assumed. Sorry."

I drank the last few drops of wine from my glass, then leaned forward to set it down on the coffee table. "It's okay. I mean, if you marry someone, you should want them to be your soulmate, right?"

"I guess so," he said. "But I guess maybe that's a good thing for us."

"What's a good thing for us?"

"If they weren't our soul-mates."

My eyebrows furrowed just a bit. "How would that be a good thing?" I asked.

His eyes met mine, and there was an intensity there that I'd rarely ever seen in anyone else. "Because maybe that means our soulmates are still out there. Maybe all this doesn't have to be the end of our happiness, you know?"

I thought about his words for a few moments, noticing the way he was watching me, wondering what he meant. Was he right? Could I really have a soulmate out there somewhere? And if I met him, how would I know it was him? And would I be willing to give him my heart? The heart that still loved and missed Alec? Would he be able to heal the hurt I was feeling, to put my life back together?

"I guess... Maybe."

I leaned back against the sofa, looking at our children as they slept. For just a moment, I hoped he was right. I hoped there was someone out there for me. And I hoped I would be able to accept him once I knew it was him.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: FYI –****I ****don't plan to do any chapters from Edward's POV. This story is all from Bella. That being said, I've learned you never say never, so we'll see what happens. :D  
**

**Oh, and Alec didn't always hate Edward. ****I ****don't think he ever HATED him. They were actually really good friends for a long time. But you'll see that later. :) And just because you'll ask - Bella met Alec, started dating him, met his sister Jane, became friends with her, then met Jane's new boyfriend Edward on Bella's 22nd ****birthday, which is the birthday Bella mentions in this flashback. Little timeline for you. :) I'm just nice like that. :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ****I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture that's from a scene in a movie. I'm sure we ALL know exactly what scene it is. Let me paint a picture... Bella Swan sits in a high school cafeteria with her new friends. The camera pans to the windows, where we see people walking toward the door. It opens, and Bella sees four of the most beautiful people she's ever seen. After hearing about how strange they are the music starts to build...we get a glimpse of bronze colored hair through the window...the tension mounts...and the door opens again. You know what happens every time this scene plays out in a movie theater. Screams. Shrieks. Oohs and Aahs. Swooning. And it's all because of the man that just walked through the door. When we finally recover enough to look at him we see Rob in the role that only he could do justice to. His hair's all wild and perfect, his eyes are dark, his lips are pinkish-red, his skin's pale, and that shirt he's wearing is doing AMAZING things for his shoulders and chest. :D Awwww, the moment we all first met Edward Cullen. ********I**** couldn't think of a more fitting picture to have today, since it's Rob's 27****th**** birthday. Hope our favorite boy has a happy birthday. :) ********I**** know I'm happy he's had 27 birthdays. It makes me feel a little less like a creeper knowing that he's closer to 30 than he is to 20. :D And dang, that man ********just**** gets better looking each and every year! :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****and ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Seven

Before I knew it, six weeks had passed since Alec died. The kids and I were getting back into a somewhat normal routine of school, homework, and practices mixed in with housework and family time. Collin and Mckenna were so strong, so brave, and often times, it was their words, hugs, and smiles that got me through the day. So many nights, I let them stay up way too late, simply because I wasn't ready to be alone in the darkness of my home.

Sometimes late at night, when I was watching television or checking my Facebook or simply wallowing in my sorrow, I would get the feeling I wasn't alone. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I could see Alec standing there, watching me, but when I'd turn to look, it was always just a bare corner or an open doorway. And my heart broke all over again.

"Mom, can we go skating?" Collin asked one Saturday morning. I wasn't sure why he was requesting that particular activity, since he'd only ever been once before, but we had nothing else planned for the day and I thought it might be fun. The nearest skating rink was in Port Angeles, so I called Jasper and Alice to see if they were free and wanted to join us. A little after noon, we'd arrived at the rink and gotten everyone situated with skates. They were excited and Jasper took Kenna out on the ice while Collin worked his way around the edge of the rink, holding on to the side. He wanted to do it himself, so Alice and I decided to get some drinks and find a table. Neither of us was too graceful, and it was probably safer if we sat out.

"So, how's work going?" Alice asked.

"It's fine. I'm still doing all the stuff I used to do for Alec, plus I'm doing a little bit more. Well, the stuff I know how to do, anyway. Edward went back a couple of weeks ago, and he's picking up most of the slack for now. He works late, so I keep Emily with me most days."

"How long do you have her?"

I sipped my soda, watching Jasper twirl Mckenna around the ice. "Just in the afternoons. He takes her to school, and then I pick her up when I get Collin. We just go home and they do their homework and play, and then Edward picks her up on his way home. Sometimes his mom gets her from school, but usually since I'm already there and my house is on his way home, it's just easier for me to take her. Plus, the kids really like being together. I think it's comforting, maybe."

"How old is Emily again? She's not a lot older than Collin, right?"

"She's seven. She'll be eight this summer. It's still crazy to think she's that old, you know? That it's been that long since Alec and I got married."

Jane had made a surprise announcement during the middle of mine and Alec's wedding reception. She didn't mean to but she tripped over a chair leg, which caused Edward to catch her and mumble something about the baby being okay. Of course, Heidi overheard it and started screaming from her seat. Alec and I were just about to cut the cake when all the commotion happened. Jane apologized over and over again, and Edward felt horrible for blurting it out the way he did. But it was no one's fault, just an accident. And Edward was just being his cautious self. I couldn't fault him for that.

"Hey, isn't that Edward?" Alice asked, pointing toward the entrance. I looked over, and sure enough, Edward and Emily were standing at the skate rental counter, getting their skates.

"I wonder what they're doing here…" I said out loud, shaking my head just a bit and thinking it was odd that we'd end up in the same place, an hour away from our homes, at the same time.

"Emily!" I heard Collin shout from the side of the rink. That made me even more curious. Turning back to look at Edward, I saw him watching our two children greeting each other, then saw his eyes move as he scanned the room. Finally, they landed on me, and I saw him smile.

"Oh, boy," Alice whispered from the seat next to mine.

"What?" I asked, turning to face her.

"Bella, what's going on here?" she asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The way he just lit up when he saw you sitting here, and the little smile on your face when he finally noticed you... What's going on between you two?"

"Nothing. That's crazy. Nothing's going on."

"Uh huh. We'll see about that. He's coming over here."

We both sat in silence as we watched Edward make his way across the room to our table. He had two pairs of skates in his hands and was motioning for Emily to join him.

"Hey, there, stranger. Funny seeing you here," he said, stopping in front of our table. "Are these seats taken, or can I-"

"Sit down!" Alice yelled, wildly gesturing as she tried to push the chair out for him.

"Thanks," he said with a chuckle.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. My curiosity was off the charts by that point.

"My niece is having her birthday party here today. My brother Emmett's daughter, Claire. It's that table over there with all the balloons and streamers above it. Rosalie tends to go all out for this kinda thing." He smiled, and I remembered that big, flashy parties had never been his style.

I looked to my right, seeing Emily and Collin hurrying toward us. "Well, now I know why Collin wanted to come skating today. I'd been wondering what made him suggest that this morning."

"Hi, Auntie Bella!" Emily said as she sat down next to Edward. "Daddy, hurry! I wanna go skate with Collin before Claire gets here."

Edward put her feet into the skates and tied them up, tucking the laces into the boot so she wouldn't get caught in them. "Be careful out there, okay? Help Collin so you two don't fall. And when Claire gets here, you need to stop and go say hello, alright?" he told her.

"Okay, Daddy. Come on, Collin!" Emily said and then hurried away, the two children wobbling on the thin blades of their ice skates.

We sat for a few minutes, watching the kids skate and laughing at how much fun they seemed to be having.

"Edward!" we soon heard from across the room. It was Edward's brother, Emmett, who I'd met many times over the years. "Come on! I got cake!" he yelled, waving at me with a big smile on his face.

"Your presence is being requested, it would seem," I told him, trying to smile so he would know it was okay for him to go.

He seemed hesitant to leave and finally turned to fully face me. "Come sit with us. Both of you. It's just Em and Rose and maybe a few parents, I think. The kids are all gonna be skating. Come over."

I wasn't sure about barging in on their party, and he could see the concern on my face. "I don't know," I softly said.

"Please? Don't leave me with them all afternoon. Rosalie just goes on and on about how hard it must be to be a single parent and how lonely I must be. Then Emmett starts trash-talking Jane and listing off all of Rosalie's apparently hot friends I should go out with. Then he starts going into detail about body parts." His eyes closed and he shook his head as he sighed, as if remembering something rather unpleasant. I'd heard Emmett talk before, and sometimes, it could be a little questionable, even bordering on vulgar when he was drunk. "Please, please come with me."

I looked at him for a few moments, uncertain about the twisting and turning my stomach was doing. It started as soon as he mentioned being set up with Rosalie's friends. I wasn't sure why that would bother me, but I knew for some reason I didn't like it.

"Can we?" I asked Alice as I looked over at her.

"Sure thing," she said with a smile and what I knew was most likely a false sense of excitement. "They have cake, after all."

Edward got up and started toward the other table as Alice and I followed him.

"Bella," she whispered to me, grabbing for my free hand and leaning toward me. "You and I are _so_ gonna have a talk after this."

I just smiled, shaking my head and following Edward. And maybe noticing the way his jeans seemed to hug the curve of his butt and the long muscles of his thighs.

"Whatever, Alice," I quietly said to her as she giggled beside me.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Just so you know, if I don't get teasers sent out in chapter review replies, they're usually always posted on my Facebook profile, group, and page. Not that you'd want them for the chapter after this, since it's already posted, but you know... :D**

**Have a Happy Rob's Birthday! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from ****_VMAN Magazine_**** in 2008. It's a photoshoot I've always loved, and this picture ********I**** think is an outtake. It's cute, regardless. But then again, what Rob picture isn't cute? :D In this particular photo he's wearing a gray t-shirt with a blue button-down over it. His hair is crazy wild, just the way ********I**** like it. There's a decent amount of scruff on his jaw, even though his eyebrows still seem to be a little manscaped, probably leftover from some photoshoot or filming for ****_Twilight_****. Whatever, he's hot. In this picture they've given him a pair of plastic vampire teeth. You know...****_Twilight_****...vampires. Whatever. Anyway, he's got these teeth and being the goof ball that he is, he's put them in his mouth, but they're sticking out to the side. His lip is curling up over the edge in what looks like a bit of a smirk. His eyes...oh, his eyes. He's got this look in them that could impregnate any woman from just a few moments of staring into them. Is it wrong that I've told my hubs the only way I'd choose to give birth again is if Robert Pattinson either asked me to help carry on his genetic make-up, or if he stared at me from across a crowded room and knocked me up with the power of his gaze? :D Anyway, this picture's good, and hot, and cute. All the things Classic Rob is. It's the essence of why we love him. :) **

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991,_**_** a**_**nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Eight

Emmett and Rosalie were very welcoming, insisting that they were thrilled to have Alice and me spending the afternoon with them. It didn't take long before Alice and Rosalie struck up a conversation about the scarf Rose was wearing and the boutique she'd found it in. They were both much more into fashion and apparel than I'd ever been, and I sat quietly at the table and listened to Edward and Emmett while they talked. I kept an eye on the kids as they skated and was happy to see Emily still skating with Collin even after Claire had joined them. Claire was a nice girl, but she was a year older than Emily and I wasn't sure how excited she'd be to have Collin hanging around with them. He was over three years younger than her, so I knew it probably wasn't all that thrilling for her.

Jasper kept Mckenna with him as they skated around and around the rink. Eventually, when Jasper was nearly worn out, they joined us at the table. Kenna sat next to me, telling me all about the tricks her Uncle Jasper had taught her, and the smile never left her face. Not since before Alec died had I seen her so lit up and animated. As I sat listening to her, I realized how much she needed the kind of attention her father had always showered on her. I knew I could take care of her and raise her to be a happy, wonderful girl, but there were some things I couldn't give her. Fatherly love was one of those things, and the realization seemed to overwhelm me as I sat at the table next to my baby.

I quickly wiped at my eyes before the tears could fall, but knew I needed a few minutes alone.

"Excuse me," I mumbled, standing from the table and rushing toward the restrooms. Once inside, I splashed my face with cool water, using a paper towel to dry it and then cry into without worrying about mascara smudges all over my cheeks. That was one thing about crying so much — I rarely wore make-up anymore. I didn't see the point when I would just end up crying it all off before the day was through.

Once I had myself put back together, I opened the door to leave the restroom. My eyes were focused on the floor, and it surprised me to see someone leaning against the wall just next to the door.

"Oh my-" I gasped, realizing it was Edward there. "What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you. Are you okay?" he asked, watching me closely.

I nodded. "Yeah, it just hits me sometimes, you know? Like when Kenna was talking about skating, and I realized I haven't seen her that excited since the last time Alec took her to the park."

"Oh."

"She misses that, and I can't give it to her. I can't be her dad. And she needs that, that kind of attention. I hadn't even thought about it, but I can't give her that," I sadly said with a sniffle.

"Bella, she has a lot of men in her life who could give her that. It won't be the same, but it could still be good."

I looked at him, noticing the dark bags under his eyes and the pinch in the lines across his forehead.

"I guess," I said. I wasn't sure if I could ever bring myself to ask someone to step into that role for my children, even though I knew any of the men closest to me would do it without a second thought.

"I could do it, if you wanted me to," Edward softly said. His voice sounded uncertain, insecure, and when his eyes finally met mine, I nodded, trying to smile.

"I'd like that. Thank you, Edward."

He smiled a crooked half-smile that had always made my day. "Of course. Anything for you and the kids, Bella. Anything at all."

We walked side-by-side back to the table, both seeing the curious looks that awaited us. We were greeted with cautious smiles and quiet words, and we settled back into our spots at the table as the conversations around us picked up again.

After about an hour, one of Claire's friends finally arrived at the party. Her mother was a friend of Rosalie's who I'd met once or twice before. She hurried to the table, rattling on about how she was late for an appointment and couldn't stay, but she'd be back to pick up her daughter. Just as she turned to leave, Edward returned to the table, carrying two pitchers of soda and a tray of pizza. He sat down next to me, and from the corner of my eye, I watched as Tanya, Rose's friend, sputtered and rambled a bit before declaring that her appointment was actually the next week and she'd be happy to join us for the afternoon.

For some reason, the fact that she sat down in the seat on the other side of Edward didn't make me happy. It had been Emily's seat, but since she was out skating, it was open. Over the next several minutes, I sat quietly and listened as Tanya occupied every moment of Edward's time, asking question after question about his life. She expressed her sympathy over Jane's death, then mumbled an "Oh, yeah. Sorry about that" to me when Edward mentioned Alec's passing, too. I could tell by Edward's words and gestures that he was just being polite and really didn't have an interest in talking to her all afternoon. Unfortunately, Tanya didn't see that and she continued to ramble and paw at him, touching his hair and arms and hands and shirt as she giggled and laughed at almost every word Edward spoke.

"Bella, I think Collin's stuck," Rosalie said, pointing toward the middle of the rink where my son was standing by himself, trying his hardest not to fall down. People were quickly skating around him, and he looked like a deer in headlights as he tried to figure a way to get out of the center of the rink.

"Excuse me," Edward said before standing and leaving the table, heading straight for the rink entrance.

"Ugh, that poor man," Tanya said. "He needs to just get right back out there in the dating world."

"What?" I asked, looking at her with shock on my face.

"What? He needs to start dating again. Soon."

I was stunned by her words. "Um, his wife, like, _just _died. Not even two months ago. He shouldn't be out dating, yet. He should be home, taking care of their child."

Tanya waved off my comments. "Oh, Bella. Men have needs. They need to just get right back on that horse or else they'll never do it. I mean, if he's single for a while, then he'll never end up getting married again. And it would be such a waste for some lucky lady to not enjoy that man every night."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was about to say something when I heard Alice clear her throat.

"So, you're saying it's no big deal that his wife just died? That he needs to rush back into dating so that he can get married again? That's what you're telling us?" she asked.

"Well, yeah. Men have needs."

Alice laughed. "So, then I guess it would be okay for Bella to start dating, too, huh?"

Tanya looked appalled. "Oh, no! Not after two months! She would be considered a whore if she did that."

"But it's okay for Edward? Because he's a man?" Alice asked.

"Well, yes, because men have_ needs. _I told you. Women do much better on their own. Men need someone to take care of them. They just do."

I could tell that Alice was getting angry fast. Tanya was clearly an idiot and had set her sights on Edward. I only hoped he was smart enough to stay away.

When he returned to the table, he brought Collin with him, helping my son remove his skates so that he could eat some pizza and then go play in the play center near where we were sitting.

"You're so sweet to help him," Tanya cooed to Edward, smiling and laughing as he tended to my son.

"Thanks," he said, then glanced at me and mouthed "What's her deal?" to me. It made me smile and laugh, and a little later, when he left the table to help Emmett, I felt better about things.

"I think I'll ask him out," Tanya said as she applied another layer of lip gloss.

"I don't think he'd go out with you," I said.

She laughed. "Why not? And why do you even care? Aren't you in mourning or something?"

"I know Edward's type, and it's not you."

Tanya's smile disappeared. "Oh, yeah? And how do you know his type?"

"I just do," I said, remembering a conversation I'd had with Jane a few months earlier.

"_How can you sit back and just let those women flirt with your husband?" I asked Jane. Across the room from us, several women were talking to Edward as he handed out drinks at the company Halloween party. Most of the women were dressed in very revealing clothes, and I could see his discomfort as he tried to keep his eyes focused on their faces and not all the other things they were showing that night._

"_Oh, they aren't Edward's type. I'm not worried," she said, scrolling through the index on her phone._

"_What's his type?" I was curious… about a few things._

"_He doesn't like blondes. He likes brunettes," she said with a smile, though still distracted by her phone._

"_But you're blonde."_

_Jane laughed. "I know, but don't you remember? When I met him, I was going through my 'mousy-librarian-Bella' phase, and my hair was colored brown like yours."_

_I did remember it, and what a shock it was to Edward when he saw Jane for the first time with blonde hair. Of course, by then, they'd been together for a while, and he was obviously attracted to her for more than just her hair._

"_Oh, yeah," I said._

"_Besides, he wouldn't ever cheat on me. It's not like him," she said with a smile, then giggled at something on her phone._

"_What are you laughing about?" I asked, shifting to try and see the screen of her phone._

"_Nothing," she quickly said before tucking the phone into her purse. "Just a picture on Facebook. No biggie. So, you want something else to drink? I guess I should at least act like I'm jealous of all those women. You know, make Edward feel like I still like him and all."_

_She laughed and smiled at her joke. As if anyone could dislike Edward. At least I couldn't think of any reason for anyone to find fault with him. He was as near to perfect as men came in my book. Jane straightened the hot pink corset she was wearing and fluffed her little cotton tail before strutting over to the bar and showing up all the other women that were standing there._

"So Edward told you what he likes, huh? Isn't that interesting. You spend a lot of time with Edward?" Tanya asked, her eyes squinting just the slightest amount.

"I do because of our kids. And I know Edward doesn't like blondes. He prefers brunettes. Looks like you're out of luck," I said with a smile, then turned to see Edward and Emmett walking toward the table with the goodie bags and ice cream for the kids.

He smiled brightly at me, and as I felt Tanya's glare burn into my skin, I smiled back at him just as big.

I didn't know why, but the thought of her and Edward made my stomach turn and my skin crawl. As Edward continued to watch me, it dawned on me.

Maybe I was his type.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: This chapter deals with a HUGE issue that will be in this story – Double Standards. Do ********I**** agree with them? Nope. Do ********I ********like**** them? HECK NO! :D Do they happen? Oh yeah, every day. We'll see how Bella and Edward deal with them. Trust me. :)**

**Oh yeah, and Bella's starting to notice things. :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from Mexico during the _Twilight_ promo tour. Ugh, he was perfection during that time, and the sex hair was in full effect. Dang, that man. :D Okay, so this picture is black and white, kinda. He's wearing a white button-down shirt with a skinny little tie. His hair, like ********I**** said, is tousled and everywhere, looking like he just rolled out of some lucky lady's bed. :D He's looking down, probably signing something since he seemed to do a lot of that during that tour. :D His cheeks and jaw are covered in scruff that's definitely been growing for more than just a couple of days. Although with Rob, you never know. His hair grows so fast! :D His lips are puckered, like he's concentrating on something. And the eyelashes...oh, good gravy, the eyelashes. ********I**** love that man. :D**

***** Bit of sadness...be warned. :( ***  
**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991,_**_** a**_**nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Nine

The next week was a busy one. Edward worked late almost every night. By the time he came to pick up Emily, she was ready for bed. I always gave him a portion of the dinner we'd eaten since I didn't want him to starve, and I knew he wouldn't cook anything for himself at that time of night. Mckenna had a few play dates with friends, which kept me running during the day, and then all three of the kids seemed so needy and clingy in the afternoons. As I fell into bed each night, I felt like I'd just run a marathon, yet I had nothing to show for it. At least with how exhausted I was, I didn't have any trouble falling asleep.

Our weekend was quiet, luckily, and I was happy to spend some one-on-one time with both of my children. We talked a lot about Alec and looked through some photo albums at pictures from the previous years. It was bittersweet for me, seeing how happy we'd been and knowing that it was a very real possibility I'd never be that happy again. I only hoped that the kids would be able to find joy in their lives and always remember their dad with fondness. Neither of them had a lot of time with Alec, and it broke my heart to think they might forget him as they got older. I decided to put together some photo collages for each of their bedrooms, and they helped me choose some of their favorite pictures from the albums.

I cried myself to sleep that night, after staring at photos of Alec with each of the kids only moments after their births. He'd been so excited and so happy, pure joy shining in his eyes. I was grateful that our children were able to experience that, even if it was just for a little while. I only hoped they would be able to remember it.

By the time Monday rolled around again, I was hoping that things would be a little less hectic for a few days. When I picked up the kids from school, Collin was clearly in a bad mood, though Emily couldn't tell me why. He pouted and was quiet all evening, and since he refused to talk to me about whatever was bothering him, I just let it go.

His mood continued into Tuesday and Wednesday, and by Thursday, I'd had enough. He was lying on his bed when I decided to try and talk to him.

"Hey, whatcha doin' in here? The girls are playing with clay at the dining table. You don't wanna play?" I asked as I entered his bedroom.

"No. It's dumb."

I took a deep breath and walked to his bed, sitting on the edge of it. "They're making animals. You love animals."

"I hate them!" he yelled at me, completely catching me off guard.

"Collin, what is going on? You've been upset all week, and I wanna know why."

"No, just go away!" he said as he kicked his feet and turned onto his side, facing away from me. I didn't know what to do, but then he sniffled. And I saw his shoulders start to shake. Something was really wrong. I knew he would never act like that if it wasn't. Turning around, I lay down on the bed behind him and put my arm around his waist, pulling him toward me.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong. I love you, and you're scaring me."

He started to cry as I held him close, laying my cheek on the back of his head as I tried to soothe him.

"It's not fair, Mommy," he mumbled in a broken, whispery voice.

"What's not fair?"

"I don't have a dad now, and it's not fair."

My heart broke a little more at the sadness in his voice, and I fought back my own tears as I tried to think of what to say.

"Honey, you still have a dad. You'll always have a dad. He's just not here anymore. But you know how much he loves you, Collin."

"But now I got no one to take me to the baseball game on Saturday."

Baseball game? I racked my brain for a few moments, wondering what he was talking about. Suddenly it hit me – the school's annual Father-Son Baseball Game and Picnic. How it had slipped my mind, I didn't know, but it had and now I was going to have to deal with it.

"Well, I know how much you and Daddy wanted to go to that, but since he's not here anymore, maybe I could go with you instead."

Collin huffed in surprise or frustration, I wasn't sure which, then squirmed in my arms as he turned to face to me. "Mommy, you can't go! You're a girl, and there's no girls allowed. It's only for boys."

"I know there are lots of boys at school who don't have dads that live with them. I'm sure there will be some other moms there," I tried to reason with him.

"No way, Mommy. All the boys in my class are bringing their dads or grandpas, and Nick's bringing his big brother. And some are coming with their uncles, but no moms are going. You can't go."

I breathed a little easier, finally knowing the problem and seeing him calm down as he explained it to me.

"Okay. Do you want me to ask Grandpa if he can go with you?" I asked. I didn't know what Aro's schedule was like, but I hoped and prayed that he'd be free Saturday afternoon. I knew how much he and Heidi missed Alec and Jane, even if they didn't show it. They usually chose to deal with sad things by either avoiding them or preoccupying themselves. It had always been that way, so it was no real surprise to me when they suddenly started traveling all the time after Alec's funeral.

"Can Grandpa Swan go with me? He likes baseball lots," Collin said. It was true. My dad was a baseball junkie, so I promised Collin that I would ask.

"Dinner will be ready in a little while. I sure would love to see your sweet face sitting next to me at the table," I whispered as I softly kissed his forehead and squeezed him one more time.

"Alright, Mommy."

I left him alone in his room while I checked on dinner and called my dad. Unfortunately for me, my father was working all weekend and couldn't get time away. Aro informed me that he and Heidi were going away for a few weeks, and he couldn't make it, either. I even called Jasper to see if he might be able to go, but like my dad, he was working. I didn't say anything to Collin about it during dinner, but after we'd finished eating and the kids were playing quietly before bedtime, I sat on the couch and started to freak out. What was I going to do?

Just then, I heard the front door open, and Edward's heavy footsteps through the entry way calmed me down a bit.

"Hey," he said as he entered the living room and saw me sitting quietly in the darkened room. "Forget to pay your light bill?" he teased.

I let out a deep sigh, then looked up to meet his eyes. "No, I'm just thinking."

"What's got you all twisted up, Bella?" he asked, sitting down next to me on the sofa.

"Collin's got this thing on Saturday, and I don't know what to do."

"What kind of thing?"

"Ugh, that stupid school baseball picnic thing for fathers and sons. Apparently, since I'm a girl, I'm not allowed to go with him."

Edward laughed. "I'm sure the dads wouldn't mind if you showed up."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, turning to look at him.

He smirked at me as he held his hands up in surrender. "Nothing! Just that you're not too bad on the eyes, and in a crowd of only men, I think you'd get a lot of attention."

"Whatever," I said with a slight laugh, shaking my head at his comments.

"So, since you're not allowed to go, can you get someone else to take him?"

"I tried. My dad's working, and Aro's leaving town again, and Jasper's working, too. I'm screwed. I got nothin'."

He was quiet for a moment, and I could sense a shift in his mood. "You don't got nothin', Bella. You got me. I could take him," he offered.

"Edward, I can't ask you to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because you already do so much for us. I'm starting to feel like a leech, you know? It's not fair. I keep taking and taking from you, but I have nothing to give back for it."

"Bella," he said with a sigh. "You watch Emily for me three or four days a week, and you feed both me and her dinner each of those nights. You're doing far more for me than I'm doing for you. Don't worry about it."

"But I need to be more independent, you know? Everyone keeps saying I need to take charge and run things myself, and I can't do that if I'm always letting you rescue me." It was true. So many people thought I was wrong to spend time with Edward and Emily, and I was beginning to wonder if maybe they were right. It didn't feel to me like it was wrong or that it was too much time, but maybe they could see things I couldn't.

"I want you to lean on me anytime you need to," he said. "I want you to know you can ask me for anything. You're not in this alone, Bella. Let me help. You help me; let me help you."

"I don't know," I said. I really didn't know what to do, but it seemed my problems just jumped from one thing to the next.

"Listen, if it makes any difference, I was gonna ask you a huge favor, anyway."

"What?"

"Well, Emily got invited to a birthday party next Saturday, and it's a mother-daughter tea party. I offered to go with her, but apparently, I'm of the wrong gender. I mean, I thought I'd look pretty cute in a floppy hat and pearl necklace, but I've been told I'd look ridiculous." He smiled at me, and it made me laugh just a bit. The thought of him in a big hat with a bow on it, pearls around his neck as he sipped tea out of tiny china cups was certainly an amusing one.

"For the record, I think Emily's wrong. I'm sure you'd look plenty cute in that get up," I said, watching as his eyes locked with mine for a few seconds.

"Well, anyway, my mom's busy that day and Rosalie's got something for Claire's school, and like you said, Heidi's gonna be gone. So I thought I'd see if you wanted to take her. You'd really be helping me out, you know?" he said, his fingers playing with the seam of the sofa cushion he was sitting on.

"You think she'd want to go with me? She seems pretty picky," I teased, making him smile.

"Yeah, I know she'd be okay with you. I figured I could keep your kids that afternoon, if you want, and maybe this Saturday, if I go with Collin, then you can keep Emily with you. It might be good for the kids, getting some time away from each of us for a little while."

I nodded, agreeing with him. "Are you sure it's not too much trouble?" I asked one more time.

"Bella, it's fine. Besides, this way, we're even, so you don't have to feel like a leech." His smile was bright and full, and for some reason, I felt my heart beat a little faster and my stomach flip just the slightest bit.

"Okay," I said, thankful to have a solution to my problem. "I'll tell Collin you're going to take him."

"Actually, can I talk to him about it? Maybe I can get him to think it's his idea, and then he won't be opposed to it."

I nodded and watched as Edward got up and walked toward the playroom, then pause and turn as he passed the family room. Curious about what he was doing, I quickly got up and followed him. Just as I got to the entryway for the family room, I saw him sit down on the floor next to Collin. My son was sitting alone in the room, playing a video game. I leaned against the wall, out of eye sight but close enough to hear their conversation.

"How's it goin'?" Edward asked him.

"It's okay."

"You feelin' alright? It seems like you've been kind of sad lately. Anything wrong?"

"I just miss my Daddy."

Edward was silent for a moment, and I wondered what he was doing.

"Yeah, I'm sure he misses you, too. You know, I was thinking about him yesterday. I saw a paper that Emily brought home from school about the father and son baseball thing on Saturday. I remember how much your dad used to love baseball."

"I know. We were gonna go to it, too. My dad was gonna make me a picnic and everything."

"That's rough. Sorry, bud."

"Whatever. Mommy said she's gonna ask my Grandpa Swan if he can go."

"Oh, that would be fun," Edward said. "Do you think he has to work?"

"Maybe."

"Well, I guess your mom will find out. Hey, I was gonna ask you something. You know how Aunt Jane died, and now Emily doesn't have a mom here?"

"Yeah."

"Well, she got invited to a birthday party, but it's for girls and their moms. I was just wondering, since your mom seems like such a cool mom, if maybe Emily could borrow her for the afternoon. What would you think?" Edward asked.

"My mom's a great mom!" Collin said loudly. "And she loves parties, so I bet Emily would have lots of fun with her."

"Oh, well, that's good, then. So, you wouldn't mind if Emily borrowed her?"

"No, that would be okay."

"Thanks, bud. I just wish there was something I could do for you, you know, to thank you for letting Emily borrow her. Too bad you don't need someone to go to the baseball game with you."

It was silent for a few moments, and I hoped and prayed that Collin was thinking things over.

"I mean, I love baseball, but I'll probably never get to go since Emily's a girl and all. I don't think they'd let her in. And it's too bad, 'cause I make such an awesome picnic lunch." He let out a rather dramatic sigh, and it almost made me laugh at how obvious he was being.

"Hey Uncle Edward, do you think maybe I could borrow you for the baseball game?" Collin quietly asked.

"Well, I mean, I'd love to go. I love baseball, but if your mom's already asking your Grandpa Swan, I'd sure hate to upset him and make him miss out. But man... I'd really love to go to that. And I think Emily would agree that I make a pretty great picnic lunch."

"So, maybe you could be my borrowed dad and my mom could be Emily's borrowed mom, huh?"

"I guess so, but we'd have to check with your mom and see if she's okay with it."

"Okay!" Collin shouted, then shuffled around on the floor a bit. After a few seconds, I heard little footsteps running across the carpet, and I hurried to make it seem as though I was walking down the hallway toward the room.

"Mommy!" Collin said as he turned the corner and ran right into me.

"Yeah?" I asked, steadying him and looking down at his smiling face.

"Can Uncle Edward go to the baseball game with me on Saturday?"

I pretended to think about it for a moment. "Well, I supposed so. You don't want me to call Grandpa?"

"No, I'm gonna borrow Uncle Edward from Emily 'cause he loves baseball. And he wants Emily to borrow you another time. It's okay, right?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I guess that's okay," I said with a smile.

"I'm gonna go tell Emily!" he said just before turning and running toward the playroom, where the girls were playing together.

I looked up to see Edward still sitting on the floor of the family room, a smile on his face. I couldn't help but smile back at him, thankful that once again he had come to my rescue. The way Jane had treated him made me wonder how she could have ever doubted the fact that he was most certainly a Prince Charming. But for just a moment, as he looked at me with his shining, kind, and loving green eyes, I was glad she did. And I was thankful that if I had to be in the mess I was, at least I had him with me, saving me over and over again.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Sorry we didn't have a blow out with Tanya. :) Time needs to move a little quicker for these two, so why dwell on skanky ho-bags when we could have more of this sweet and smitten Edward? :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do have is a copy of a Rob picture from the prom scene in _Twilight._I know you all know it. It's that one where Edward and Bella are dancing in the gazebo and he's holding her and they're looking at each other, so totally and completely in love. :) It's sweet, and dang, he's perfect. :D He looks properly tortured, and she looks totally smitten. His hair's got the prefect Edward poof going in the front, with that one piece doing its own thing by falling forward. You know, kind of like Rob does in real life; how he's always part of the crowd but doing his own thing. :D His lips are open just a bit, like he's about to say something, but he's caught up for just a moment and he can't help but look at her. :) Obviously we all know he IS about to say something. He's about to ask her if being with him forever is really what she wants. And we all know what she'll say, because we would all say the same thing. :D I'm not sure where this picture came from, but along the bottom is the first line to the song "A Thousand Years" from _Breaking Dawn Part 1_. "Heart Beats Fast" captures the feeling of this picture, and I love it. :) I chose this picture now because I'm firmly entrenched in the Team Robsten Camp and I love them together, and after this past weekend, I just wanted to speak my mind on the subject. I'm not saying anyone has to agree with me — they don't and we're all entitled to our own opinion. But for me, I like them together. They seem to make each other happy, and the look he gets on his face when he's watching her... I love that look. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991,_**_** a**_**nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Ten

Saturday arrived sooner than I'd planned when I was awoken at six in the morning by my very excited son.

"Mommy, when's Uncle Edward coming to get me? When are we going to the ball game? Do you know what kind of lunch he's bringing? Where's my lucky baseball hat?"

I tried to hide my irritation and sleepiness with laughs and groggy answers to his never-ending questions. Finally, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him down alongside of me on the bed.

"Honey, the game doesn't start until almost lunchtime, and Mommy's tired. Let's get some more sleep, because otherwise, you're going to be too tired to stay awake all day. I' sure don't want you falling asleep in the middle of your lunch."

He giggled and squirmed into my side. "Okay, Mommy," he said just before closing his eyes. He never fully went back to sleep, but at least he lay still in the bed for another hour and a half. He probably would have stayed longer except that Mckenna woke up and was a little jealous about her brother getting to lay in my bed with me and her not being involved. After they played and whispered and laughed for another twenty minutes, I got up and made them breakfast.

We were all dressed and Collin was ready to go when Edward and Emily showed up.

"You got sunscreen on, buddy?" Edward asked Collin.

"Mom! We forgot it!" he said with a look of horror on his face. I was certain that he was remembering the sunburn he'd gotten the summer before when Alec took him swimming. It hadn't been too bad, but it was painful enough that he knew he didn't want another one.

"Come on," I said, whisking him away to the bathroom so that we could get him all lotioned up.

When I returned to the kitchen, I could hear Edward teasing the girls as he tried to steal a few of the cookies Mckenna and I were making for our Girls Day. "Mommy say you get a spankin' if you steal cookies, Unca Edward," Mckenna scolded him.

"Oh, your mommy would never spank me. I'm too sweet; I'd never do anything bad enough to need that," he told her as he pulled a cookie from the cooling rack and shoved it all into his mouth.

"Mommy! Unca Edward's takin' cookies!" she shouted just as I entered the room.

"Well, I guess we'll have to spank him, won't we?" I joked, met by laughs and squeals from all three of our children.

"Spank him, Mommy! Spank him!" Kenna and Collin yelled as they jumped up and down and clapped.

I was a bit taken aback at their excitement over it, but was happy to see them enjoying themselves.

"Uncle Edward's been a bad boy, hasn't he?" I asked them with a smile, putting my hands on my hips to exaggerate the severity of the situation.

"Now, Bella..." he said, taking a step away from me.

"Spank him!" Emily shouted as she continued to giggle and clap alongside her cousins.

I turned to look at Edward, smiling at the look in his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was enjoying the moment or concerned that I might really spank him. I was only planning to tap him a bit on the arm, and when I did, the kids erupted in displeasure.

"Spank his fanny!" Mckenna yelled, which caused me to turn quickly and look at her.

"Kenna!" I said in surprise, only to be met by Collin and Emily both repeating the phrase over and over again.

I turned back to Edward, seeing the smirk on his face. "I've been a bad boy, Bella. You'd better spank me."

My heart stuttered, and my stomach dropped to my feet. Suddenly, the room felt about thirty degrees warmer, and when he turned his body just a bit, keeping his eyes locked on mine but his backside accessible to me, I let out a stuttered breath.

"You want me to spank you?" I asked him quietly.

"I was bad. I guess I deserve it," he shrugged, his smirk growing even wider.

He was enjoying my discomfort for some odd reason. But then again, as I looked at him and listened to our children, I realized maybe it wasn't discomfort. Maybe it was something else, something more… something different. Maybe it was nervousness. Maybe it was anxiousness. Maybe it was excitement.

"Okay, you asked for it," I said, the smile on my face faltering for a moment as I got closer to him and really thought about touching that part of his body. Before, it always would have been considered inappropriate, being that we were both married people. But now... it wasn't so black and white anymore.

I reached my hand out and gently tapped his butt, for just a moment letting myself feel the denim that covered his muscles and skin and blood and everything that he was made up of.

"Harder!" the kids called out to me as Emily fell to the floor in a laughing fit.

"Come on, Bella. Give me all you got," Edward whispered to me, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

I smiled brighter at him, then pulled my hand back and smacked him hard.

"Ouch!" he yelled, jumping forward and rubbing his butt as he put on a show for our squealing children.

"Yay! You got him, Mommy!" Mckenna laughed as she danced around the room.

I knew the hit wasn't too hard, but it was hard enough that it brought back memories of the night I met Edward.

"_She's the birthday girl! Everyone's gotta give her a birthday spankin'!" Alec shouted, then proceeded to line up all of our friends who were at the bar celebrating the night with us. Some hit hard but most were just light taps, and I was drunk enough that I wasn't feeling any pain or anger over it. Finally, it was Jane's turn._

"_This will hurt me more than it hurts you," she laughed, then gave me a smack that wasn't too hard but wasn't the softest of the night, either. Behind her in line was Edward, her new boyfriend that I'd just met that night._

"_Sorry, Bella," he said in a quiet voice._

_I laughed. "It's okay. You only turn twenty-two once, right?"_

"_I guess so." He smiled at me, and his cheeks turned a bit red as he got closer to me. "Happy birthday, Bella," he said softly, then lightly tapped by butt with his open hand. In my drunken mind, I thought maybe his hand lingered there a bit too long, that maybe his lips grazed my cheek in a barely-there kiss before he pulled away. I wasn't sure, but I as he got farther away from me, I felt a warmth that had been building in my chest begin to fade._

_There was something different about him, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it._

_"Happy birthday, baby!" Alec said loudly, kissing me as he spanked me, letting his hand remain on my butt cheek as he squeezed and pulled me tight against him. "You ready to get outta here?" he asked before pulling me behind him and out the door._

"What?" Edward asked, watching me with a puzzled look on his face.

I shook my head. "Nothing. Just remembering something." The smile on my face was meant to reassure him, but it also showed how I felt at the moment; happy.

"I was just joking with all the talk before. I didn't really mean anything by it, you know... if you thought I was being inappropriate or something." He was stumbling around his words, which Edward rarely did, and I watched as his hands twisted together in nervousness.

"Don't worry," I said, reaching out to touch his upper arm. "It's fine."

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Yes," I told him with a smile and a wink. "Now, don't you boys have a ball game and picnic to get to? Us girls have a whole afternoon planned, and there are no boys allowed!" I said.

The girls squealed and giggled as Collin ran for the front door. Edward's smile as he left the room caused my breath to catch for a few seconds, as did the wink he gave me just before he turned the corner and took my son on his first official father-son outing.

He might have been the wrong father, but something about the two of them walking out the door together felt very right to me.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Naughty Edward is so fun... :) And no, the kids are NOT trying to set their parents up. :D They're ********just being kids. And they aren't done yet. :D This should be a fun week! Bring on the UST! :D Oh, and my beta says if Bella's not up to the job of spanking Edward, she'll do it. :D Oh man...I think we all would do it if we had the chance. :D  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:****I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ****I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from ****a **_**GQ**_** photoshoot. ****I ****know you all know the one I'm talking about. Ugh, ****I ****can honestly say ****I ****was speechless when these pictures first came out. :) He looks like such a MAN! In this one, he's sporting a white button down shirt with a skinny black tie and black pants. The shirt's sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and there's this belt on his pants... It's highlighted rather nicely by his hands. His thumbs are tucked into the waistband of those pants, with his fingers directing our gaze toward what many of us would refer to as "The Promised Land." :D He's sporting the tousled sex-hair and the bad-boy scruff, and his brow is furrowed as he looks straight at us. It's like he can tell what we're thinking when we look at him, like he's not sure if he's worried about our sanity or wanting to teach us a naughty lesson for so blatantly ogling him. Either way... it's hot. :D Those pretty little pink lips of his are puckered up ever so slightly, and the look in his eyes... Oh, there aren't words. :) ****I ****need to just mention one other thing: his arm hair. I'm probably weird, but holy crap... I love that. :D There's something very manly about that to me. :D Ugh, every inch of him is perfection. Or as close to perfection as a person can get. :D**

**Thanks to **_**goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, **_**and **_**bugsmama07 **_**for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to **_**MariahajilE **_**for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Eleven

I sat on a bar stool in the kitchen cutting up apples, listening as Emily and Mckenna talked and giggled while rolling out pie crust. We'd painted our nails, done our make-up, fixed our hair, and had a short dance party during our Girls Day. The girls decided to make an apple pie for dessert that night, and I happily obliged. They were having so much fun together, and I was enjoying every moment of it right along with them.

"You have to push hard on the handles like this. That's how my Grandma Cullen does it," Emily told Mckenna. She had the rolling pin and was trying her best to get the crust smooth and even.

"Okay," Kenna said. She was watching Emily like a hawk, imitating everything her older cousin — and idol — did. Just as I finished with the last apple, my baby said something I'd never heard her say before. "Emily, can you's be my big sister?"

My heart nearly stopped as I froze in place. I wasn't sure what Emily would say, but I hoped it would be enough because I had no idea what I would tell my daughter if she asked me the same question.

"I can't be your sister, Kenna. I'm already your cousin. You have to have the same mom and dad if you're gonna be sisters."

Her answer was simple but direct and, for the most part, accurate. Mckenna was silent for several seconds, and I hoped maybe she would drop the idea and move on to something else.

"Well, you's got a dad, and I gots a mom. Maybe if they live in the same house with us, then we could be sisters."

Emily laughed. "No, silly. They have to get married. My friend at school has a mom who married a new dad, and now she has stair-brothers or something like that."

"Stair-brothers? What's that?" Kenna asked. I quietly giggled to myself over Emily's confusion about the term "step-brothers," even though I was still in shock about the conversation the two girls were having.

"It's when a mom and dad already have kids before they get married to each other. If my daddy got married to Aunt Bella, then you'd be my stair-sister."

"Is that like real sisters?"

I glanced up at Emily, seeing her ponder the question. Her sweet little face had a pinched expression just like the one Edward often got when he was frustrated, and I could tell she wasn't sure of her answer.

"I think so. I mean, not like real-real sisters but pretty close."

Mckenna nodded at the answer, watching while Emily patted the pie crust with her hands.

"Mommy, when can I has a real-real sister?" my daughter asked me. After laying the pairing knife down on the countertop in front of me, I took a couple of deep breaths before venturing an answer.

"Well, I don't think that's gonna happen for you, honey."

Her bottom lip stuck out in a pout as she turned to look at me with a rather annoyed expression on her face. "Why not? I wants a baby sister, Mommy."

"Honey, you know Daddy went to Heaven, and like Emily said, it takes a mommy and a daddy to have a baby. We only have a mommy, so I can't have a baby now."

After answering her, I felt good about the directness of what I'd told her. It was pretty simple to me — without a daddy there could be no baby. We didn't have a daddy, so there wouldn't be a baby. It made perfect sense in my mind.

"Emily has a daddy, and I have a mommy. That's all it takes!" Kenna said excitedly. "Emily, we's are gonna have a baby sister!"

My mouth dropped open in shock as Emily turned to look at me.

"Really, Auntie Bella? You and my daddy are gonna have a baby? I'm gonna get a sister?" she asked with wide eyes. I would have been more concerned about breaking her heart, which was obviously so full of happiness over the idea of being a big sister, except that I couldn't quite breathe right after her questions.

"Um... Well... Ahhh..." I stuttered. I couldn't find the words to tell her what I needed to tell her. Just when I thought my luck couldn't possibly get any worse, I heard the front door open.

"Daddy!" Emily yelled as she jumped down from her chair and ran toward the entry way.

"Emily, wait!" I said, hoping to stop her and save myself the embarrassment I knew was coming.

"You and Auntie Bella are gonna have a baby!" she said with Mckenna hot on her heels, repeating her every word.

I buried my face in my hands before finally leaning over and smacking my head onto the countertop over and over again.

"Ugh, sweetie, I'm pretty sure Aunt Bella and I aren't having a baby," I heard Edward tell our daughters. The tone of his voice was laced with both confusion and humor and I really hoped that he'd just grab Emily and run out the door, saving me from having to face him and the questions he was going to have.

"Mommy say'd that you's gotta have a mommy and a daddy to get a baby. And I gots a mommy and Emily gots a daddy, so now you's can has a baby," Mckenna explained. "And I wants a baby sister, so you's gotta make the baby a girl baby, Unca Edward."

Edward laughed a low, throaty laugh as he listened to my three-year-old's reasoning. "Well, that makes sense. It does take a mom and a dad to have a baby. But usually, the mom and dad are in love with each other, and lots of times, they're married to each other. Your mom and I aren't married, sweetie, so I don't think that's gonna happen. I'm sorry."

"Oh, you don't wanna get married to my mom?" Mckenna asked, her voice losing much of its excitement from earlier.

"Kenna, your daddy and Aunt Jane both just died. I don't think your mom or I is ready to get married again. Maybe someday, we'll find someone else we want to marry, but I think it'll be a while before that happens."

"Okay," she said.

"Daddy, if you married Aunt Bella, then Mckenna and me could be stair-sisters, huh?" Emily asked.

Edward chuckled again. Clearly he wasn't leaving. I was going to have to face him sooner rather than later. "Yeah, you would be step-sisters, sweetheart."

"Oh, yeah. Step-sisters; that's what it's called. And Collin would be my step-brother, right?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, that's what it would be," Edward answered.

I sat quietly, patiently waiting for them to find me and for the smirk and questions Edward would most certainly have for me.

"Mom!" Collin shouted as he finally ran into the kitchen. When he saw me, he paused. "You're not having a baby, are you?" he asked.

"No, honey, I'm not having a baby. Don't worry."

"Okay," he said. I thought I could sense some relief in his voice, though the idea of that sounded silly to me. He was only five; he shouldn't have been relieved over me not moving on in another relationship. "Me and Uncle Edward had so much fun today. I even caught a foul ball and everything!"

I smiled at him. "That's great. I'm so glad you had a good time. How was your picnic?"

"It was yummy. We had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and some cookies and carrots and fruit snacks, and even some root beer," he told me as he counted off a finger for each item he mentioned.

"That sounds good," I told him, pulling him into my arms when he approached me for a hug.

"I missed you, Mommy. Uncle Edward was fun, but I wish Daddy could have gone with me."

"I know, baby," I said, kissing the top of his head. "But I'll bet he was watching from Heaven, seeing how much fun you were having with Uncle Edward. I'm sure it made him really happy."

"You don't think he'd be mad, right, Mom?" Collin asked, pulling back and looking up at me with sadness in his eyes.

"No, I don't think he'd be mad. You know how much he loves you and how he always wanted you to be happy. And he would be glad that you're getting to spend time with Uncle Edward. He was one of Daddy's best friends, you know." I said with a smile, trying to reassure him that it was okay for him to be happy again, even though his dad was gone.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Mom. I'm gonna go put my baseball in my room," he said before running toward the hallway.

Emily and Mckenna came back to the kitchen, followed by Edward. Just like I thought, he had an amused smirk on his face and his eyes sparkled with something that I just knew wasn't good.

"You girls got that dough rolled out?" I asked, moving toward the dining table with the pie pan in my hand.

"Yep. Can we go play now?" Emily asked.

"Yes. Thanks for your help," I told them, bending down to kiss Mckenna's forehead before she skipped after Emily.

"Sounds like you had an interesting afternoon," Edward said. I could hear the laughter in his voice, but he was doing a good job of holding back.

"Shut up," I replied, picking up the pie crust and laying it across the tin.

"What? You don't wanna have a baby with me?" he asked, in a voice full of mock-hurt.

"I don't even know how that conversation got started," I told him, looking up and meeting his amused eyes. "They just started talking about being sisters and real-real sisters, and all of a sudden, Kenna was asking for a baby sister and insisting that all it takes is a mom and a dad. I couldn't stop them," I laughed.

Edward stood next to me, smiling and laughing as I explained what had happened.

"So, you had a good afternoon," he said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice, and I kept my eyes locked on his.

"I did. It was really good. Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?" he asked. "I didn't do anything."

I sighed, turning to scoop the apple slices into the pie pan. "When Alec died, I never thought I'd have any more happy times, you know? And even though every day it still hurts me and I feel like just giving up, there's always something that brings me back, something that keeps me going. And sometimes, I even have something wonderful happen to me, and I forget about being sad and feeling hurt and alone. And today, I had that. Those girls in there..." My eyes were quickly filling with tears and I wiped at them, getting flour all over my cheek.

"You got a little something..." Edward said, reaching up to wipe the flour away as he smiled down at me. "I know. Trust me, I know. And Bella, that's why I keep coming back here, to this house, to you and your kids. You do that for me and Emily."

I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him with a fierceness I didn't know I possessed. His arms lifted to circle my shoulders, and for almost a full minute, I kept my head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating, feeling the movement of his body with each breath he took. It was different than what I had felt with Alec, but in some strange way, it was right and easy and comfortable.

Only when we heard our children calling for Edward did we step away from each other. As I watched him walk out of the room, looking back at me and smiling before he turned the corner, I realized maybe it wasn't just Emily who brought that happiness into my life. Maybe it was him, too. And maybe that was okay.

Later that evening, after we'd eaten dinner and the apple pie that our daughters had made, Edward and Emily headed home for the night. I tucked my children into bed, then sat down in the quiet, darkened living room. On the wall hung a family picture of Alec, the kids, and myself. I looked at how happy we'd been, thinking about how good our life was. The conversation I'd had with Collin earlier, about Alec being happy that our son was happy, hit me with such a force that I was stunned for several seconds.

Alec would want that for me, too, right? He would want me to be happy again? I knew he would want me to have someone I could love, who would love me and care for me. He wouldn't want me to be alone forever, and he wouldn't be upset to see me smile again. He would be happy to see me happy with someone. Maybe even with Edward. But could I be with Edward? Could I ever love him as much as I knew he deserved to be loved? Could I ever move beyond my past and be truly happy?

Then another thought entered my mind. Edward never said he didn't love me. He never told our daughters that he didn't want to marry me. He never said we wouldn't get married someday. What did that mean? Or maybe it was nothing at all.

But maybe it was something. Maybe.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Oh, you gotta love sweet, innocent children. :) And look at Bella, throwing that four-letter L word around there at the end. Hmmmmmm, interesting. :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. What I do have is a copy of a Rob picture from that TV Week photo shoot. You know, the one that gave us SOOOOOO many amazing pictures of him? Yeah, well after the past few days I've had, I needed something a little relaxing. Rob is reclining in a hammock, looking all alluring and inviting. He's got jeans on with a white undershirt and a button-down shirt on top, with none of the buttons buttoned. Hmmmm, so pretty. :D The sleeve on one arm is pushed up just a bit, showing more of his bicep, and he's playing with his hands in that way he always does. He's looking off to the side, and his brow's all wrinkled. It's kinda like he's saying "Aren't you gonna come sit on this swing with me, baby?" Ugh, how could you resist that? :D The way his lips are pressed together... the scruff is all scratchy- looking on his face... his one knee is bent so his legs are spread just a bit... Yeah, laying in that hammock with him could relax me. :D Well, for a few minutes, anyway. But with the way he looks, I think I'd have other things on my mind. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twelve

All week long after the father-son baseball game, I pondered over the new thoughts and ideas I was having about Edward. Each time I saw him, whether it was for five minutes or an hour, I couldn't help but watch him and pick apart every word or look he cast my way. It was like I was seeing him for the first time, even though I'd known him for years. I never said anything to him about it, and I tried to be as secretive and inconspicuous as possible. I didn't need him thinking something was going on, especially when I still didn't know if it was or not.

That weekend was the birthday party he'd asked me to take Emily to. It was being held in a local restaurant, and we were required to dress in our Sunday best. I decided on a tea-length party dress I hadn't worn in years. It was red with black polka dots and had a sash that wrapped around the waist, with a large flower off to the side. The halter top showed off my shoulders, and even though I knew I might be a little chilly, it was the end of March and the weather was decent, so I didn't wear a cardigan over the top of it. It was frilly and the petticoat underneath the skirt made it swishy, as Mckenna called it. The dress was something that really wasn't my normal style. Alice had asked me to wear it when she and Jasper got married, and with its party-feel, I knew it would be perfect for the birthday tea party.

"_Bella, please! You'll look so great in this!" Alice said, hopping up and down as she held the dress out for me._

"_Alice, this is totally not my style. Plus, I just gave birth like three months ago. I really can't fit into something like this, yet. And I'm breast feeding, so I'd have to get a completely different bra so that I don't leak all over this during the reception."_

"_Come on. Just try it on. The waist is higher, so it'll hide that little baby pooch you think you have, which honestly, there's nothing there. You're wearing the same jeans you wore before you got pregnant with Mckenna."_

_I sighed. She was right, I was fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes, but the dress she'd picked out was nothing like me. And I still felt fat, regardless of what she said._

"_Fine. For you. But only because it's your wedding. Don't think you're going to dress me up like this all the time," I huffed at her and then went to try on the dress._

_She was right. It fit me like a glove, and it hid all my imperfections. I liked it, though I'd never admit that to Alice._

_That night, when I got home and tried it on again, Alec happened to walk into our bedroom._

"_Whoa! What is that?" he asked, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist._

_I sighed. "This is the dress Alice picked out for me to wear to the wedding. I like it, but I don't know. It shows a lot of skin."_

"_Baby, your shoulders are awesome. And it's not like your back is covered in freckles or zits or anything," he laughed and then bent down to place a kiss on my shoulder. My sweet husband, always trying to make me feel better._

"_You think it's okay?" I asked._

"_Yeah, I like it. And I really like this fluffy thing underneath it. What is it? It's kinda scratchy," he said as he reached under my skirt._

"_It's a petticoat. The lady at the shop called it a tutu petticoat, and it's supposed to stick out farther or something. It swishes side-to-side." I rocked my hips back and forth, letting the dress move like a bell._

"_Honey, you'd better take that off before I rip it off you. I really don't want Alice mad at me for ruining the dress before the wedding even happens," he growled._

_I giggled at his urgency and then quickly unzipped the dress._

"Mom, Uncle Edward's here!" I heard Collin yelling down the hall. I had just finished with my hair and was buckling my black heels when I heard him.

"Okay, let them in, and I'll be right there," I called back. I grabbed my black sequined clutch purse and made sure the black hair clip I had in my hair wasn't falling out. I wasn't a big hat-wearing person, so I hoped the black netting and feather clip would meet Emily's approval.

I saw Emily first, and she looked so cute in a little pink and green polka dot dress with a big green sash at the waist. Her hair was curly, and she had a white hat on her head with a strand of white, chunky beads around her neck. I wondered for a moment if Edward had been the one to curl her hair and then assumed he must have had some help. I knew Alec couldn't even brush Mckenna's hair into a ponytail, much less work a curling iron.

"Auntie Bella!" she yelled when she saw me. Her little white dress shoes clacked loudly across the floor as she ran to me and threw her arms around my waist. "You look so pretty!"

"Thank you, sweetie. Look at you! You're just beautiful!" I gushed at her. My heart melted just a little bit when she turned her face upward toward me, and I could see the huge smile she was wearing.

"You're like an angel," she said in an almost whisper, and for a moment, I couldn't catch my breath. The way she looked at me was the way she should have been looking at Jane, and in that moment, I realized I couldn't remember ever seeing her look that way at her mother. It made me sad for a moment.

"Mommy, you's so pretty!" Kenna said as she stood nearby and watched us, then decided she needed to hug me, too.

"Thank you, baby," I said, reaching down to run my hand over her hair as she pressed her face against my thigh.

I heard Collin giggling from a few feet away, and when I looked up at him, I saw Edward standing behind him. His eyes were focused on me and were huge, like he was seeing something he couldn't believe. His mouth hung open just the slightest bit, and for some reason, it excited me. I felt a rush of pride run through me and I straightened up just a little bit, pushing my chest out as I tried to lengthen my spine. I could feel his eyes moving up and down my body, almost like laser beams burning into me. I liked it.

"It's gonna be so much fun, Auntie Bella. I can't wait until all my friends see us!" Emily was excited, and when I looked back down at her, I was met once again with her beaming smile.

"How come I can't go with you?" Kenna asked, pushing her bottom lip out in a pout and turning her sad, puppy-dog eyes up at me.

"Because you and Collin are going to have fun with Uncle Edward today, but I'll be home this evening and we can have our own tea party at home, okay?" I offered, hoping to pacify her. When she didn't respond, I looked up at Edward, hoping he would say something to draw her attention away from Emily and me.

His expression was still blank, and his eyes were still wide and on me. I started to wonder if something was wrong, if maybe I'd messed up my outfit in some way.

"What?" I asked, the smile dropping from my lips. "Do I not look okay? Is something wrong?"

He stared for a moment longer, then blinked a few times as he swallowed deeply and cleared his throat. "Um, what?" he asked.

"Do I look okay? Is this dress a bit too much or something?"

"Too much?" he asked. Lines appeared in his forehead as he apparently thought over my questions.

"Yeah, is this too much for the party? I know it's not something I'd normally wear, but I figured it's a tea party, so it might work. I can go change if you think-"

"No!" he said, snapping out of whatever daze he'd been in. "No. No, it's fine. The dress is... The dress is fine. Don't change. It's good." He kept nodding his head as he spoke, and I tried not to smile. A few weeks before that, I would have thought maybe something was wrong with him, but after the week I'd had, I didn't think that was it.

It was finally becoming very clear to me. Edward had a crush on me, or something like it. The thought of him wanting me made me happy for a moment, and then I felt sick. I felt like I was betraying Alec by even entertaining the idea, and I hurried to rush us all out the door for our afternoon activities. I needed space from Edward and his intense gaze.

We decided that he would drive my car and I would take his, so that we wouldn't have to transfer the kids' car seats. Emily and I were seatbelted into his car, ready to go, as I watched him get my kids into my car. When he lifted Kenna up so that he could set her in her carseat, the muscles in his arms bulged just a bit. When he reached into the backseat to secure Collin's seatbelt, his shirt rode up just a smidge, revealing a small sliver of fair skin at his waist. When he rounded the car to get into the driver's seat, he ran his hand through his hair, making it stand up in a crazy, random mess. As I sat watching him, I couldn't deny it.

Edward was hot. And even though I felt bad about it, there was some part of me that wanted him in the worst kind of way; the kind of way a newly widowed woman should still only want her husband; the kind of way a sister-in-law should never want her brother-in-law. As he smiled at me when he and my children drove away, it dawned on me. I didn't care what I should or shouldn't want. And that realization terrified me.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: There are pictures of the dresses in my Facebook group in case you wanna see. :) There are also pics on my profile of my graduated kid. Ugh... How did he get so old? Yesterday morning, I found a picture of him from his first day of Kindergarten. I cried. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from that ****_Vanity Fair _****photoshoot from a couple years back. You know you know the one. :) There are about a bagillion AMAZING pictures from it. Ugh, who knew the man could look so good in so many different settings and outfits? :D Anyway, so in this one, he's eating corn on the cob and lobster. He's got this cream colored sweater on, and a white bib with a lobster picture on it, as well as a gold ring on his pinky. And his hair... oh hurt me, his hair. It's all sexed up and wild, and just so "him" that it drives me insane. :D In this particular picture he's holding his cob of corn in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other, and he's drinking from the bottle. Now, a few other pictures from this setting show smirks and laughs and all that, but this one... Hmmmmm. This one shows his lips all puckered and wrapped around the rim of the bottle, and it makes me want to stop time, pull that bottle away, and replace it with my lips. Oh holy hannah, he's beautiful. Even eating corn on the cob. :D You know he's got corn stuck all over in those teeth of his, but dang if he's not still a smokin' hottie! :D But that's just Rob. He could be dressed as a swamp monster and I'm pretty sure 95% of us would still throw him on the floor and have our way with him. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirteen

The restaurant was nice. It was smaller and most definitely catered to women, considering the pink and purple shutters on the windows outside and the miniature rose bushes that lined the walkway to the door. They specialized in tea parties, and I knew it was one of the more expensive restaurants in town. We could smell the sweet aroma of tea and cookies before we even walked in the door. Emily carried a gift bag in one hand and held on to my hand with her other. She was all smiles, and I was looking forward to spending a few hours with her.

Once inside, I noticed a sign directing us to the room where the party was being held. I saw several women I recognized from around town, though I didn't really know many of them. All the girls were sitting around talking and giggling, and I noticed how much older they looked than Emily. Clearly these girls were at least a few years older and I paused in the doorway, pulling Emily to my side.

"Honey, do you know these girls?" I asked her.

"Yeah, kind of."

"How do you know them?"

She glanced around the room for a moment before turning to look at me. "Well, they go to my school. My friend Suzie, it's her big sister, Beth. She's the one with a birthday."

I wondered for a moment if maybe the birthday girl's sister had invited Emily to attend as her friend. "Oh, so Suzie invited you?" I asked.

"No, her mom did. She gave my dad the invitation when he took me to school and said to make sure and come to the party."

I thought it was rather odd but decided to just let it go and try to enjoy myself. A couple of other moms from the school who had kindergarten-aged kids were standing just inside the doorway. As Emily went to place her gift on the gift table and go find Suzie, I went to talk to the other women I knew.

One of the women was Angela Cheney. Her son Aiden was friends with Collin, and she was one of the first moms from the school to come over after Alec's death. "Bella!" she said with a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I came with my niece, Emily. Her dad asked me if I'd bring her. He didn't want to come and make her feel uncomfortable about being the only girl without a mom here."

The two other women standing with Angela each smiled, and we started to talk a bit. As I looked around the room at the other moms there, I noticed how uptight many of them seemed, and I was glad to have a few more down-to-earth women there that I could talk to.

"Did you see Emily Cullen's here? I wonder where her dad is?" I heard a woman whisper from behind me.

"I don't know, but I'm sure he's here somewhere. Does my hair look alright?" another woman quietly said.

"Yeah, it's fine. Do my boobs look big enough in this dress?" she asked.

I was starting to get an uneasy feeling in my stomach as I listened to them talk about Edward, and I began to wonder just why Emily had really been invited.

"Angela, do you know if Suzie invited a lot of her friends to this?" I asked.

"Beth's sister? I don't think so. I mean, Suzie's not even here. It's just Beth and her friends," one of the other moms standing with us said.

"What?" I asked. "Why would she invite Emily? I mean, Beth's what, three or four years older than Emily? Why would she want her here?"

Angela let out a sigh. "I don't know, but it looks like we might find out. Beth's mom, Lauren, is coming this way."

I turned to see Lauren Carpenter quickly walking toward us. The look on her face was rather tight and not completely pleasant.

"Hello. You're Bella, right? Emily's aunt?" she asked. It was then that I noticed Emily standing behind her.

"Yes, I'm her Aunt Bella." I put my hand out to shake hers and watched as she let out a short huff, then reached up to grasp my hand.

"It's nice to meet you. Um, where's her father? I assumed that since Emily doesn't have a mother anymore, her father would be accompanying her to the party."

Things were starting to get much clearer in my head.

"Well, he asked me if I could bring her. Losing her mother has been very hard on Emily, and he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable in a room full of mothers and daughters by having to sit with her dad." I was trying to explain as nicely as I could, hoping that I was just misreading the situation.

"So you just volunteered yourself to step right into the role of her mother?" she accused.

"Well, no, actually. He asked me to come, and I agreed. Is that a problem?"

She rolled her eyes at me, then looked away. "So her father isn't coming? At all?"

"No, he's not."

"Fine," she huffed, then turned around to walk away.

"Would you like us to leave, since you obviously had your sights set on spending the afternoon with her very recently widowed father?" I asked in rather loud voice. The woman was infuriating me, and I didn't care how I sounded to everyone else in the room. I noticed then that most of the other moms stopped what they were doing and were watching our interaction.

Lauren turned and let out a very fake laugh. "Of course not. Little Emily is more than welcome to stay, as are you since you're her guardian for the moment."

I heard several women whispering around the room, and more than a couple were commenting on how disappointed they were about Edward not being there. Looking down at Emily, I could see how sad her eyes were, and I knew she wasn't having fun.

"Honey, do you want to stay for the party, or do you want to go do something else? It's up to you."

She looked around the room at the other girls, then turned to look up at me. "I think I wanna go. Suzie's not here, so I don't have any friends."

I reached down and took her hand in mine. "I'll let her father know how disappointed you all were not to see him today. Thank you for inviting him to your party." I paused, then smiled. "Oh, I mean inviting Emily to your daughter's party." Turning to Angela and the other women I knew, I smiled and said my goodbyes, then Emily and I left the restaurant. Once we were back inside the car, I asked her where she wanted to go. We decided on a sub sandwich shop across town, and as we drove the few miles it took to get there, I laughed as she sang along with the radio.

We were sitting at the table enjoying our lunch as she laughed and giggled and told me story after story.

"Are you sad that we didn't stay for the party?" I asked her, hoping I hadn't made the wrong decision by taking her away from that place.

"No, I didn't know any of those girls. I tried to say hi to Beth, but she didn't talk to me."

I really didn't want to get into a discussion about the injustices of life with my seven-year-old niece, so I just smiled and nodded. "They didn't seem like such nice girls, did they? Oh, well. I'm having more fun here than there. I like getting to be with you, Emily."

Her whole face lit up. "Me, too. I like being with you, Aunt Bella. I wish I could be with you all the time."

Emily's words made me pause. "You don't mean that. Your dad is great. I know you love being with him."

"Yeah, he's cool, but I mean, like, for a mom. I wish you could be my mom."

I placed my sandwich on the plate, then carefully watched her. "Why do you say that?" I asked.

Her smile slipped from her face, and she poked at the french fries in front of her. "My mom didn't like to do stuff with me. She wasn't nice like you are."

I knew Jane had seemed a little cold around Emily in public, but I remembered many sweet moments from when Emily was younger and I knew Jane loved her.

"She liked to go with her friends, but she didn't like to stay home with me and Daddy. I missed her sometimes, 'cause she didn't do fun things with me. Not like you do with Mckenna."

"Honey, you know your mom loved you, right?" I asked. I really hoped she knew, and I really hoped that Jane had told her she did.

"Yeah, I know, but I don't think she loved me like you love Collin and Mckenna."

My heart broke for the precious little girl sitting across from me, as well as for Jane and the opportunities she'd missed out on. I thought back to what Edward had said at the skating rink, about stepping up and being a father-figure to my children if they needed it. I hoped I wasn't overstepping my bounds by offering to Emily the same type of thing.

"Honey, you're always welcome at my home, okay? I want you to feel like my house is your house, too. And if you ever need anything or want to talk to someone about girl stuff, I'm always going to be there for you. I promise," I told her, reaching across to grasp her fingers in mine.

"But you're busy with Collin and Kenna. You won't have time for me, will you?" she asked.

"I'll make time. You're important to me, Emily, and I love you. Anything you ever need, just ask me. Okay?"

She smiled and nodded. "Okay, Auntie Bella. I love you, too."

We finished our lunch and decided to stop off at a few stores on our way home. We tried on silly hats, bought bags of ridiculous candy, and even had our nails painted at a little nail shop. There was a mother-daughter manicure special that Emily really wanted, and we left the shop with matching pink fingernails. It was fun, and we were both exhausted by the time we reached my house.

My car was in the driveway when we pulled up, so I knew Edward and my kids were already back. We walked in to find them sprawled out on the living room floor, both of my children using Edward's arms as pillows. A movie was playing on the television, but Collin and Mckenna were sound asleep. Edwards eye lids fluttered open, and he smiled at us. The sight shouldn't have made me feel so warm inside.

I took a deep breath, knowing I was about to burst the happiness bubble he was obviously living in. As I glanced down and saw the way Emily was looking at her father and her cousins, I knew that Edward and I needed to have a very uncomfortable conversation. I only hoped we could get all three kids napping quietly in bed so that I could say all the things I needed to say and not be interrupted.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Oh boy...a talk is coming. :) Things are about to get very interesting. :) My beta had a very nice comment to say about one part of the next chapter. She said, "OMG. This is the absolute definition of UST. Holy sh*t."**

**:D ********I**** think that's a good thing. :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What******** I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from... oh heck, ********I**** don't even remember where. It's a long time back, and the pictures weren't up for long. It seems like they all got pulled from the sites that had them. But oh, they're so good. :) In this one he's wearing a black button-down shirt and mega sex hair. The stare he's got is what I**** usually refer to as the "ovulation stare" because if he were to look at a woman that way in real life, she'd instantly start ovulating as her body tried desperately to ready itself to carry this man's baby. :D And if he kept looking at her that way, he could probably impregnate ********her**** from across a crowded room. ********I**** mean, it would be a pity to miss out on the sex that usually has to occur, but this is Rob... and he's a powerful man... :D There's all this scruff covering his jaw and his shirt is unbuttoned just enough that we ********can**** see a bit of chest hair. And his lips are perfect and pouty and pressed together. Ugh... ********I**** love him. :) And yeah, I'd let him knock me up. Please, like I'd have a choice if he was staring at me like that! :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Fourteen

"Did you ladies have a good time at the party?" Edward softly asked. I smiled and let Emily tell him about our afternoon.

"It was a nice party, but we didn't stay. I didn't leave the present there, either. Is it okay if I keep it, Daddy?" she asked. When she mentioned to me that hadn't had a chance to drop off the gift and that she didn't want to give it to Beth anyway, I simply smiled and let her keep it. If Edward thought she should take it to Beth, then he could drive her over to their house himself. After the way her mother had acted, I silently wondered if maybe Edward would enjoy seeing her again. The rational side of me figured he wouldn't ever want someone like that, but a little part of me — the jealous part — still wondered.

"Uh, I guess so. Did something happen at the party? Why did you leave?" he asked, looking at me.

"Maybe we can get these kids into their rooms so they'll sleep a little longer. I'll tell you then," I said. "Emily, honey, do you want to change out of that dress? I think I have a t-shirt on my dresser you could wear if you want to lay down on my bed for a little while and rest."

"Okay," she said before heading toward my bedroom.

Edward carefully stood up, then bent down to lift Mckenna and give her to me. I carried her as he followed me, carrying Collin in his arms. I took Kenna to her room while Edward took Collin, and after getting them settled, we met back in the hallway.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Let me make sure Emily's okay. We can sit in the living room and talk about it," I said, then stepped around him so I could get to my bedroom. Emily was in the bathroom changing, and when she came out, she asked if she could sleep in my bed. I hadn't slept in it in months, though I hadn't washed the sheets, either. Alec's side still smelled like him. I didn't want to lose that, yet.

"Just stay here on my side, okay?" I told her, pulling the covers down and letting her climb into the cool, crisp sheets.

Emily yawned as she looked up at me. "I don't wanna sleep very long," she said.

I smiled. "Don't worry, just a little while. I'll wake you up for dinner. You want pizza tonight or maybe Chinese food?" I asked.

"Um," she said as she thought. "Pizza!" she happily said.

"Pizza it is," I agreed. "Now, get to sleep, sweetheart."

She quietly laughed. "That's what my daddy calls me," she said.

"Well, your daddy's a good man, isn't he?"

Edward really was a good man, a great guy and a wonderful father. I knew maybe Jane had been a little lacking when it came to parenting skills, but Edward more than made up for it.

Emily smiled and I left the room, taking in a deep breath before I returned to the living room. Edward was sitting on the sofa, toward the center of the couch. I wasn't left with a lot of seating choices, so I smoothed down the skirt of my dress and sat on the space next to him. He watched me with an expectant look on his face, obviously waiting for whatever it was I had to say.

"Edward, why do you think they invited Emily to that birthday party?" I asked. I had to know something. My curiosity was about to kill me.

"What?" he asked. "I don't know. What happened today?"

I let out a deep breath and looked down at my hands that were resting in my lap. "We got to the party, and Emily's friend wasn't there. All the girls were older than her, and it was just them and their mothers." Lifting my head, I looked him in the eyes. "I don't think they were inviting Emily to that party, Edward. I think they were inviting you."

He watched me for a moment, then started to laugh. "Yeah, right."

"I'm serious. And I think Emily knows it. Those girls didn't even talk to her, Edward. And the mother, Lauren, was clearly not happy that I showed up instead of you."

"Bella, it was a mother-daughter party. Why on earth would they want a man there?" he asked. I could tell by the confused look on his face that he wasn't getting it.

"What did that mother say when she gave you the invitation? Did she say anything about her daughters?"

"Well, she just said that she was sorry about Jane and that she'd love to have me and Emily come to the party. She said maybe it would help if we got out of the house and had some fun. That's all I remember. I mean, she was friends with Jane, so I didn't think anything of it."

I knew Jane had a lot of friends that weren't exactly nice or even decent, really. Most of them were bored, rich, lonely housewives who had too much money and not enough responsibility. I'd never liked them. Several times Jane had invited me to go to lunch with her when she was going to be meeting them. Most of them didn't seem to have much to talk about aside from the new purchases they'd made or who had the hottest guy caring for their lawn that week. And they weren't always talking about the kind of lawn that grew outside of their house. It seemed that most of them had lovers on the side here and there and that their husbands did, too. They weren't the kind of people I wanted to associate with, and I hoped Edward wouldn't, either.

"I think she wanted you to come to the party. And I think most of the other women there did, too. I heard some of the things they said, Edward. They weren't very quiet or discrete about adjusting body parts once they thought you were nearby."

He looked at me with a puzzled look. "Adjusting body parts? What?"

"You know, pushing their boobs together, primping their hair, sticking their butts out; that kinda thing. I heard them talking to each other while they looked around for you."

"That's ridiculous, Bella. I'm sure most of those women are married, and they all know Jane just died. I doubt many of them knew how things really were between us, so why would they be looking for me?" he asked.

We were getting nowhere. I was going to have to just blurt it out and hope that he understood what I was saying.

"Okay, fine. Here's the deal. You're hot, Edward. You're this totally gorgeous guy, and all those women screw around on their husbands like it's no big thing. They don't care if Jane's dead or for how long she's been dead. They want you. That's it. They wanted to get you to that party so they could have a chance with you. Do you understand me now? You're a smart guy. You know I'm right."

He was silent for several moments, then let out a long, deep breath.

"You think all that? Honestly?" he asked with a quiet voice.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I may be your sister-in-law, but I'm not blind. And I know how those women are. You should, too. Jane was friends with them. I wouldn't be surprised if she got her whole cheating idea from them, to begin with."

"You're not blind... Okay. Well, then I guess I'm glad I didn't go today."

That was all he had to say in response to everything I'd just blurted out? That he was glad he didn't go?

"Alright," I said, leaning back into the sofa. "Are you worried about Emily?"

"Of course I am, and I'll talk to her about it. But she said she had fun with you, so I don't think it's too big a deal, you know?"

I nodded, still a little surprised by his response. "You seriously don't have anything else to say?"

I heard him huff just a little in laughter. "Well, I'm glad that you took my daughter away from those women. I'm glad that you and Emily had a good time together. I'm really glad that I got to spend the afternoon with Collin and Mckenna. And Bella, I couldn't care less what those other women think or want. They hold no appeal to me whatsoever. Is that better?"

That little part of me that twisted at the thought of Edward wanting any of those women started to tingle. There was a fluttering in my stomach that I hadn't really felt in a long time, not since I first met Alec. Although, if I was being honest with myself, I'd been feeling just a twinge of it over the past couple of weeks whenever I thought about Edward and my future. It was a relief to me he said he wasn't interested in those other women. He deserved better than them, whether that better was me or someone else. I wanted him to be happy, and I knew he never truly would be with any of them.

But could he be with me?

"Yeah, that's better."

"What? What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked. "You've been different the past week or two."

"Different how?" I asked. I didn't think he'd noticed anything out of the ordinary, but maybe he had.

"Just more quiet, like you're thinking about something important. Is everything okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's okay. I've got some things on my mind. That's all."

"Anything I can help with?" he asked. His voice was soft and felt so close to me. Was he inching closer without me realizing it? I felt like his body was a magnet pulling mine closer, and I was unable to stop. It was probably not even noticeable, and I didn't feel like I was actually leaning toward him. But maybe I was.

"No, it's some things I need to work out in my head. That's all."

"I'm here if you need me, okay?" he said.

"I know. Thanks."

We were silent for several minutes, just being with each other on the sofa. I listened as he breathed in and out and watched as he played with his fingers, dragging them back and forth across his thigh. The air felt so heavy, and soon enough, it seemed like my lungs were full of lead and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

"You really don't want any of those women?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"No. How could I, Bella? There's only one woman I've ever truly wanted."

The tingles that coursed through my body kicked my heart into overdrive, and I tried unsuccessfully to slow down my breathing. With the adrenaline running through me, I felt like I'd just run a mile or two. It made me recall something I hadn't thought about in years.

_I stood beside Jane, holding her bouquet as she and Edward stood before the minister. Her tummy was just starting to stick out a little bit, which I still marveled at. She was nearly seven months pregnant and barely even showing. Heidi insisted it was good genetics since she hadn't shown before the sixth or seventh month with any of her pregnancies._

_As Jane repeated her vows to Edward, I smiled and thought how happy I was that she'd found such a good man to spend her life with. Some of the boyfriends she'd had before Edward were nothing more than jerks and losers. Edward was different, and he was good for her._

"_And promise to always love only you, until death parts us," she said._

_Then the minister turned to Edward. "Edward, repeat after me..."_

_Edward began repeating the lines spoken to him, all the while holding Jane's hand and looking down at her fingers. She was doing the same, admiring her diamond rings as he slid them onto her finger. They were beautiful and flashy, just the way she liked her jewelry to be. As the last line was spoken, I saw Edward look up and past Jane, and his eyes met mine._

"_And promise to always love only you, until death parts us."_

_He held my stare for a few seconds, and then I watched his throat move as he roughly swallowed and flexed the muscles in his neck. I found it rather odd that he would look at me during that line of his vows, but soon enough, they were pronounced husband and wife. He kissed her very sweetly, and then we all made our way back down the aisle and into the reception. Alec pulled me onto the dance floor for most of the evening, and soon, the odd occurrence was forgotten._

"What are we doing?" I whispered. Suddenly, my eyes were burning with moisture, and I couldn't look at him.

"I don't know," he said. For the next few minutes we simply sat together, both lost in our thoughts and our own heads. It had only been a little over two months since Jane and Alec died. We both should have still been grieving our losses, and I knew we were. But something was growing, changing. And as I sat quietly next to Edward, I debated in my head whether or not I wanted that change to happen.

Would I be able to know him in a different way than I already did? What would happen if things changed and we couldn't handle it? Would it hurt our children?

All I knew was that I needed Edward in my life. He was my rock and my constant support, and Emily was a necessity for me, too. Could I risk that on the long shot that something good could happen between us? Did I even want anything to happen between us? It was a lot to think about, and there were a lot of people who stood to be hurt by our actions.

Eventually, I leaned forward and unbuckled my shoes, slipping them off and lifting my feet onto the coffee table in front of us. I pulled the clip from my hair and shook the curls loose a little. Edward shifted slightly next to me, and as I sat back, I moved just a bit, letting my head lean against his shoulder. I let out a deep breath, trying to relax and stop the flutters in my stomach that were going wild.

Nothing would happen between us so soon. Nothing could happen yet. Maybe someday it would, but for the moment, I made myself let it go and enjoy the company of the man sitting next to me. It wasn't long until I felt him lean his head onto mine, and I closed my eyes. I just had to keep breathing. That was all I could do. For the moment.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: What do you think? Do you like what Bella found out? :) Do you like where this is going? Next chapter's fun, too. :D Have ********I**** mentioned ********I**** like UST? 'Cause ********I**** do. :D**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from that Blackbook magazine photo shoot. You know, the one in the bowling alley where he's got the fake tats all over his arms? Yeah... that one. :) In this picture he's wearing a black button-down shirt with white and red stripes, and a t-shirt underneath it. His hair is pretty short, although there's still plenty of it to grab on to. :D He's got words and writing all over his forearms, and it's hot. :) His hands are tucked into the front pockets of his jeans and he's not smiling. At all. He's just got this "So what?" kinda look on his scruffy face, and ugh... yeah, he's pretty. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

******* Just because a LOT of people have asked... No one ever knew that Edward had a crush on Bella. He didn't tell anyone because it didn't matter. Bella was taken and happy, and he never would have wanted to jeopardize that for her. Edward DID love Jane. He was happy with her, for the most part, and they had a good life together and an honest marriage. At least until she started messing around. :D He did propose sooner than he probably would have, because she was pregnant, but he DID love her. A lot of people are thinking he only married her so that he could stay close to Bella, and that he and Jane had a loveless marriage. Not the case. He and Bella had a special connection, but all that ever came of it was that they got along really well, and he secretly crushed on her. That's it. Hopefully we're all on the same page now. :) He's a good guy, and he was good at keeping hidden the feelings he had for Bella. :) *******

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Fifteen

After our talk, Edward and I spent the evening with our children, just like we'd done so many other times over the past couple of months. It was getting to be somewhat of a routine, and it felt natural to me. He laughed when I started preparing a tea party for the girls and me, but he then got Collin to assist him in setting up a small table and chairs on my back patio. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him spread a tablecloth over the top of it and then place a small vase of flowers in the center. He was so cute, and I had to bite my lip and force myself back into the kitchen before I did something I might regret.

I'd promised Mckenna that we'd have a tea party when I got home, and once she had awoken from her nap, she wouldn't dare let me forget. Emily joined us, since we'd skipped out on the birthday party. We all got into pajamas and lounged outside in our slippers while drinking our tea and eating cookies. We giggled and laughed and had a wonderful time together as the sun set on the day.

"Mommy, it feels like the world's on fire," Mckenna said as she watched the sun fall below the horizon.

"It does," I said, turning my head to look through the window. Edward and Collin were in the living room playing a dancing video game together. They were laughing and being silly as they danced to the music, and I could see how much they both loved it. "It really does feel like the world's on fire." But I wasn't talking about the sunset. I was talking about Edward. He was setting my world on fire.

The next week was a busy one. It was the kids last week of school before Spring Break, and Edward was trying to get ahead on his work. That meant long days and some late nights when he finally came to pick up Emily. They were going to California for the week of Spring Break with Emmett and his family. Emily was so excited about getting to go to Disneyland, and she talked about it non-stop. My kids were a little jealous, but I reminded them about our trip to Seattle to visit my parents for a few days. We were all looking forward to some time away from real life, but I knew I'd miss Edward and Emily.

Edward and I danced around each other all week. Neither of us said anything more about our talk or about what, exactly, was going on between us. It was too soon to be making any changes when it came to my love life. If I was being honest with myself, even though I was having feelings for Edward, I was still in love with Alec. I just couldn't see how I would ever stop being in love with him. He'd been my whole world for so long that I didn't know how I could simply pick up and move on in only a couple of months. I knew Edward was in a different place than I was, since he and Jane had been over for a long time before the accident. Silently, I hoped he'd be willing to wait for me. I hoped he would give me time to grieve and time to move on. My attraction to him was growing stronger and stronger every day, and I really wanted to see if anything good could come of our feelings.

He and Emily came by Saturday morning before they left for Seattle. They were flying to Los Angeles the next day, and they wanted to say goodbye. Emily also wanted to make sure she knew exactly what souvenirs my kids were hoping she'd bring back for them, and while she talked to them about it, Edward moved to stand next to me.

"When are you going to your parents' house?" he quietly asked as he leaned toward me.

"Um, Monday."

"You need me to check your car or anything before you go? It's a long drive, and I'd hate for anything to happen to you."

He was so thoughtful and sweet, and I turned to look at him with a smile growing on my lips. "It's okay. I'm gonna stop at Jasper's on the way, so he's gonna change the oil and stuff. It'll give me some time to visit with Alice while he works on the car."

My brother Jasper had his own garage, and he was a great mechanic. He'd saved me many times over the years, and I knew he'd be a little offended if I let someone else tinker with my car.

"Okay, that's probably good. Just promise you'll check the water and the oil before you go," Edward said.

"It's only an hour away," I laughed.

"You never know, Bella," he said with a pointed look. It was true. You never did know, and sadly, he and I were both well aware of that fact. "I wouldn't know what to do with myself if anything happened to you or the kids."

The smile dropped from my face as his eyes burned into mine, and I couldn't help but fall a little more for him in that moment. "Okay," I whispered, and for a few seconds, it was like there was nothing else in the world but him. I watched as his lips pressed together and he breathed in and out of his nose. When his tongue peeked out just a bit, wetting his lips, I nearly lost it.

"I'll miss you," he whispered so softly that no one else could hear his words except for me.

"Me, too. I'll miss you, too," I said, lost in the look he was giving me.

He was like a magnet to me, and I couldn't help it when my hand moved and touched his. It seemed like he wasn't in control, either, because his fingers shifted to the side and caught mine, pulling them tightly as he closed his fist around them. My chest shook, and my heart started to pound as I leaned closer to him. I was burning alive, and when his other hand rose up and brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear, my knees nearly buckled. The air around us was so thick and charged with electricity that I let out a stuttered breath.

"What are you doing to me?" I mumbled, causing him to smile a sweet, gentle, flirty smile.

"Only what you've been doing to me all along, Bella."

What he meant by that, I wasn't sure, but I knew I'd do anything to find out.

"All along? What do you mean?" I asked as my heart continued to pound and my legs started to feel a little shaky.

His smile grew, as did the spark of life in his eyes. "Ever since I met you, there was something there. You've always captivated me, Bella."

There were no words in my mind as I listened to him. Since we'd met? He had liked me since the night we met? Over nine years earlier? And yet, he never said anything? I watched him closely, staring into his eyes as I tried to wrap my head around what he was telling me. It was nothing like what I'd expected him to say, and I was totally overwhelmed.

He sighed. "You were taken, happy, in love with Alec. Anyone could see that." His fingers grazed the skin along my jaw, moving down toward my chin. As he smiled at me, I felt his fingers slide under my chin as his thumb pressed into the skin just below my lip, tilting my face up ever so slightly. "I never would have acted on it, Bella. No one ever knew but me. Although, I always liked to hope that maybe you knew just a little. There's always been something special between us."

"I didn't know," I whispered, then watched as he nodded and his smiled faltered just a bit.

"Then that's how it should have been. You were happy, and I never would have done anything to jeopardize that."

"But Jane... I thought you were happy with her," I asked.

"I was. I loved her. I did. And I had a good life with her most of the time. But Bella, she was never you."

A shallow breath escaped from my opened lips, and I felt my resolve weakening even more with every look and breath and smile of his.

"Be safe," he said, then leaned closer and placed a tender kiss on my forehead. My eyes closed as I breathed him in, and then I felt him move, his lips kissing my temple, then my cheek. He paused there, letting his skin rest against mine. If I turned my head, our lips would meet. He was so close, and I was on fire with a sudden, and very intense need for him. But I couldn't do it. I didn't know if he was waiting for me to make a move or if he was debating things the same way I was. Then, he seemed to make up his mind, because he moved again and I felt his lips on the very corner of mine, barely touching me. "Bye, Bella."

He pulled away and left me a quaking pile of ooze. The kids ran past us as they trailed him and Emily to the door.

"Bye, Auntie Bella!" Emily shouted. It was all I could do to mutter a response to her as I lifted my hand and let my fingers touch the spot where Edward has kissed me last.

What was this man doing to me? I'd never felt the things I was feeling, not for anyone. Not even for Alec. I was completely and totally consumed with desire for him, and as I cautiously made my way to the front door, I tried not to stumble and fall. I could barely feel my legs at that point, and the last thing I needed was to cause a scene and make Edward come back to help me. Because I knew he would. He always would.

His hand ran through his hair as he climbed into his car. He smiled back at the kids and I, and waved. The most I could do was smile back, since I was still in somewhat of a daze. Plus, I was busy holding onto the door frame in an effort to keep myself standing up straight. Once he was gone and I got myself under control again, I led the kids into the kitchen so I could fix them some breakfast. Soon they were settled at the kitchen counter with their bowls of cereal and I made my way to the living room, letting myself fall back onto the sofa.

What was happening to me? What was I thinking? What was I doing? I saw the family picture hanging on the wall, and I looked closely at Alec and the way he was smiling. He'd want this for me, right? He'd want me to be happy and have someone wonderful? I closed my eyes and rubbed them with my fingers. I was losing it fast. I needed to get my bearings about me again. Maybe the week away from Edward would help me do that. Maybe it would help me get things back in order again, the way they were before I noticed the way he looked at me or the way he spoke to me.

Or it would just make the fire burning inside of me that much stronger. As I lay there on the couch, I honestly couldn't say which I thought would win. I was in trouble, and I was starting to like it. A lot.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Yeah, ********I**** think Edward could turn anyone into a pile of goo... :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from ****_Water For Elephants_****. ********I**** loved that movie. He looked so amazing as Jacob. Ugh, the hair was shorter and just so hot. :D And his clothes fit him perfectly. Like he said in an interview, he thinks his body is better suited for clothes in that time period because he thinks his back has an extra vertebrae or something. :D Silly man. :D Anyway, this picture is a close up that someone worked on, so it's all bleached out. He's turned, looking back at something, with a serious look on his face. Maybe concerned is the right word. Either way, the picture's gorgeous. His lips are pressed together, and he's sporting a slight amount of scruff. From the collar of his shirt, I'm thinking he's got a jacket on over his button-up shirt. Ugh, you have to see it to believe it. ********I**** don't think it's an easy one to recognize just from a description, so check Facebook and see it for yourself. And thank your lucky stars that someone was talented enough to make the perfection of Rob's face even better. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Sixteen

The rest of Saturday was spent in a daze. My thoughts were running wild, and my imagination wasn't far behind. Then one of the kids would mention Alec, and I would start to feel guilty. He'd only been gone for three months. It was far too soon for me to even be considering moving on to a relationship with someone else. But after a few minutes of feeling bad and telling myself I was crazy to entertain the idea of being with Edward, I would remember what it felt like when he kissed my forehead and my cheek. Suddenly, I was back to letting my thoughts and ideas get the best of me.

By the time we got to Jasper and Alice's house on Monday, I'd had a whole day of relative normalcy and I was back to just being Mom again. I hadn't seen Edward or Emily in over 48 hours, and it hit me like a ton of bricks that in the three and a half months since the accident had happened, I hadn't gone more than two days without seeing at least one of them. I cringed when I faced the fact that I had seven more days to go, and I made myself put it out of my head and focus on the week we would be spending with my parents.

"Bella! Come in!" Alice yelled just after we pulled up into the driveway. "I've got lunch ready!"

It didn't surprise me that she had a small feast prepared for us, even though I'd told her several times that we were really just stopping by for a couple of minutes. I still had a few more hours in the car with the kids before we got to Seattle and my parents' house.

"Ana Alice, I gots to go potty," Mckenna said as she skipped up the sidewalk that lead to the door.

"Well, come on in here, then. You can use my special bathroom. It's all pink!" Alice told her as she bent down and grabbed my baby's hand.

"Hey, Sis," Jasper said. He had a big smile on his face, and I could tell he was glad to see us. I knew he worried about me, and he'd asked several times if I would consider moving to Port Angeles to be nearer to them. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't leave my home, the place where my children had spent so much time with Alec. I couldn't take them away from those memories.

"Hi," I said, hugging him before entering the house.

"You still want me to check out the car, right?" he asked.

"Yeah. If you can, that'd be great."

"Okay. Any problems, or just normal stuff?"

"Nothing that I know of. Just make sure it all looks good, like you always do." I smiled at him, knowing he would be happy that I appreciated his effort.

"Sounds like a plan," he said, clapping his hands against each other and then rubbing them together. "So, anyone wanna help me in the garage?" he asked, looking down at Collin.

"Can I, Mom?" he asked.

I was happy to see the excitement on his face. "Sure, just don't get too dirty, okay? We still have a long drive until we get to Grandma and Grandpa's house."

With that, the two of them grabbed some sandwiches from the kitchen table and hurried off to the garage that sat behind the house.

Once Alice and Mckenna were back, we sat down to eat some lunch and talk while the boys worked on the car. Mckenna ate a little but was soon sidetracked by the large saltwater fish tank in the living room. It was only a couple of feet off the floor, and she plopped herself down in front of it to watch the fish. Alice's little clown fish was even named Nemo, after the movie, and Mckenna made a game of finding Nemo as the fish swam through the decorations in the tank.

"So, how are things going?" Alice asked me. She had a curious and expectant look on her face and I smiled just a bit, wondering what she was talking about.

"Fine. We're okay. How are you guys?"

"Good. Things are fine here. I went to lunch with Rosalie last week. She knows all these great little boutiques, so we've been getting together and shopping a little bit lately."

"That's nice. I'm glad you're getting along. She's great."

Alice smiled. "Yeah, it's nice to have someone to do that kinda stuff with, especially since my own sister-in-law hates it." She winked at me, so I knew she was just teasing. But she was right. I didn't enjoy shopping nearly as much as she did. "It's really convenient that she's so close, too."

I took a few bites of potato salad as she told me about the treasures she'd bought on their last few outings together. I "hmmm"ed and "ohhh"ed in all the right places, and tried to look interested in the latest fashion crazes. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less. Fashion was never my thing, though, at times, I was grateful to have Alice around so that she could help me when I really needed it.

As we talked, a thought struck me. If Edward and I ever did decide to date, or whatever it was we would do, maybe Alice could help me find the perfect outfit. Something that would totally wow him. Something sexy, yet relaxed. Something that made clear my intentions for the night, yet reminded him that I was a mother and had to be careful.

"Bella? Did you hear me?" she asked.

"What?" I replied, shaking my head. "I-I'm sorry, I was thinking."

"Really? About anything or anyone in particular?" she asked, that weird smile returning to her face.

"Um, no. Not really."

"Oh, okay. You sure?"

"Alice, what's going on?" I asked her. I really didn't want to spend what little time we had together playing guessing games and getting frustrated with her odd behavior.

"Ugh, fine!" she huffed. "Edward. What's going on with you and Edward?" she asked.

I was stunned for just a moment before clearing my throat and placing my napkin on the table next to my plate. "Edward? I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Oh, please! The way he was looking at you at that birthday party... Come on. You can't expect me to think nothing's happened since then. I asked Rose, but she hadn't heard anything."

"Alice, really it's not-"

"Bella, I know he likes you. And it was pretty clear you like him, too. So spill, Girl. And be quick about it. Jasper could be done any time, and I want the scoop."

I let out a sigh, then checked to make sure Kenna was still watching the fish. "So, I think you're right. He has a crush on me." Alice giggled just a bit, mumbling an "I told you so" under her breath before I could go on. I told her everything that had happened between us, making her laugh and clap and even squeal a time or two. I also told her that I wasn't sure what to do and that I was feeling guilty, but that I knew how Edward made me feel, and I liked it.

"Bella, you know you're not cheating on Alec. That's crazy."

"I know," I replied, "but I still love him, and I feel like even thinking about Edward this way is wrong."

Alice sighed. "I can't even imagine how hard this must be, Bella. You know that Alec would have wanted you to be happy, right?"

"Yeah, I know, but it's easier to believe he would have wanted that when I'm not staring back at some guy who makes me feel things I've never felt before in my whole life."

She was silent for a few moments, just watching me. "Really?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I think that's part of the guilt. I loved Alec. You know I did — I do. He was my first love, and I planned on spending my life with him. I didn't think there was anything better than what we had. But then Edward comes along, and the way he touches me... Alice, he makes me feel like I'm melting and burning alive at the same time. I can't even describe it."

"Wow," she whispered.

"I know."

Alice let out a long breath. "Well, I don't know what to say. I mean, I think in all honesty that Alec would be okay with who it is you're interested in. He and Edward were friends, like brothers. He knew how Edward treated Jane and Emily, and I think he'd be okay with this."

"But Alice, can you even imagine what people are going to think? First of all, it's almost incestuous. We're brother and sister-in-law, for goodness sake."

"You're not blood related, Bella. Don't be so dramatic."

"People are going to think there was something going on between us before the accident. They're gonna think we were cheating together, or that we planned this, or that we wanted Alec and Jane to die so we could be together."

Alice smiled. "Well, I can see you've put a lot of thought into this."

"Alice, I'm serious."

"I know you are. But really, who cares what other people think? As long as you're happy and he's happy and your kids are happy, who cares, Bella? You can't please everyone, so why bother trying? Life's short — you know this. If Edward makes you happy, you owe it to yourself to see where it could go. You said yourself that just the way he touches you makes you feel all crazy inside. Can you imagine how amazing it could be if you really fall for him?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I can. And that's when I start feeling guilty again, because I never would have felt that way with Alec."

We were silent for a few minutes, listening to Mckenna as she talked to the fish in the other room. Soon, Jasper and Collin returned, declaring that the car was in perfect condition and ready for the drive to Seattle. With hugs and another trip to the restroom for Kenna, we were soon back in the car and heading for my parents' house. The kids sang a few songs before finally falling asleep and leaving me with only my thoughts and the random radio stations my car could pick up.

As I drove along in the quiet, I remembered a drive along the same stretch of road. Alec, the kids, and I had been in Seattle for the weekend with my parents, and were headed home late Sunday night. As the kids slept in the backseat, Alec and I talked and laughed and sang along to the radio.

_We were quiet for several minutes as my hand gently combed through Alec's hair. The sound of some random song played softly through the speakers, floating into the car and dulling my thoughts._

"_You make me happy, Bella," Alec said. I smiled and turned to look at him._

"_You make me happy, too."_

"_I always want you to be happy. No matter what, I want you to have a happy life."_

_I giggled just a bit at how serious he sounded. "I'm always gonna be happy as long as I have you."_

_He sighed. "Even if - heaven forbid - someday I'm not here with you, I hope you'll be happy. I hope you'll find something or someone who makes you happy. I want that for you."_

"_Alec, what are you talking about?" I asked as my hand stilled in his hair._

"_I don't know, I just was thinking. I think something's going on with Jane and Edward. I heard them fighting on the phone the other day, and then a few weeks ago on Valentine's Day, some flowers came to the office for her, but I don't think Edward sent them."_

"_Have you asked her about it?" I wondered._

"_Yeah, but you know Jane. 'Everything's fine. My life is perfect. You worry too much.' You know how she is. And Edward's not saying anything, either."_

_I leaned my head against the headrest of the seat. "I don't know. She hasn't said anything to me, and the last time I saw Edward, he was the same as he always is."_

"_Maybe it's nothing. I don't know. But it made me think about how much I want you to be happy in life."_

_A small smile turned my lips up just a bit. "Well, as long as I have you, I'll be happy."_

"_Don't say that. That's a lot of pressure to put on a guy," he said, smiling just a bit. "I need to know that you'd be okay if anything ever happened to me."_

"_You really wanna talk about this right now?" I asked._

"_Yeah, why not? I want you to know that I'm okay with you being happy and having joy in your life. I don't want to be the reason you spend years and years being miserable."_

"_Well, I don't know what I'd do. I can tell you that much right now. But I know how much I would miss you, and I know that would never go away. And I don't think anyone could ever measure up to you when it comes to being an amazing husband. I'd actually feel a little bad for any guy who had to follow you up."_

_He laughed. "Well, it would take someone pretty amazing to put up with you on a day-to-day basis," he teased._

"_Hey, now," I said, smacking his shoulder as I quietly laughed._

"_I love you, Bella. I hope you always know that." He looked at me with the sweetest smile on his face, and it warmed my heart and made me feel a fluttering in my belly. He had always been so good-looking that it sometimes caught me off guard when he turned his charms loose on me._

"_I love you, too, babe."_

_His sweet smile turned a bit mischievous. "You know, if you really wanted to prove that to me, we could pull over somewhere along the way. There don't seem to be that many cars out tonight."_

"_Alec!" I said, leaning away from him as I laughed. "Not only is it March and freezing outside, but you know if you stop this car, both of those kids will wake up and you won't get whatever it is you're hoping to get."_

"_Well, I guess I could keep driving and you could..."_

_I smiled brightly at him. "Keep dreaming, baby," I said, leaning closer to him and resting my head against his shoulder as he drove us home._

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********Bella's dealing with things. I think that's healthy, right? :) And yes, I'm aware of how many times the word "happy" is used in this story. I think Bella's a pretty normal, down-to-earth person. Happy describes everything she hopes to have and be in her life. She could be joyful, or exuberant, or fulfilled, or blissful, or delighted, or thrilled, or effervescent...but I think she just wants to be happy. :) It's a simple word that covers a myriad of things. :) It's what she wants for herself. It's what Alec wanted for her. It's what Edward wants for her. It's a good thing. :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from last October. All ********I**** know about it is what ********I**** saved it as. Rob in NYC October 2012. :D I'm a simple girl. Anyway, it's gorgeous. According to the media, this was taken Monday, October 8, 2012, and he was in New York City for the IFC Films dinner the weekend before. Specifics, whatever. In this he's wearing his beanie, his sunglasses, his earbuds, and some major scruff. The jaw porn in is full effect, and he's all bundled up in a shirt, a hoodie, and a jacket. His lips are open just a bit, and he's looking away from the camera. ********I**** don't know if he's annoyed, determined, focused, or ********just**** kinda zoning out, but ugh...the man is beautiful. I'd let him walk around my house looking like that any day of the week! :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Seventeen

The time we spent in Seattle was good. Boring. Uneventful. Normal. Overall, good. I couldn't complain. My dad worked during the days, and my mom kept the kids busy with several different craft ideas she'd been gathering from some of her friends, who also had grandchildren. On Wednesday afternoon, she took the kids to the closest city library for story time, then met some of her church friends at the park. My mother was a good grandma, I couldn't deny that. And the fact that she was excited to show off her grandbabies made me happy. I welcomed the alone time, even though I knew exactly where my thoughts would be focused once I didn't have to worry about cleaning up messes my kids had made.

I had a lot to think about when it came to Edward. First off, I didn't really know what he wanted from me. He'd given me a pretty good idea, and if I was reading all his signs right, then I knew it wasn't just something temporary. The fact that he'd had a crush on me since the night we met really threw me for a loop. How I'd missed it all those years, I wasn't sure. But I honestly never had a clue. He was always just sweet and funny and thoughtful, though he never seemed to dote on me any more than anyone else. I thought that's just how he was, that it was just his personality. It made me wonder if I was the only one who missed it. Had Jane noticed? Or Alec? I highly doubted that they had, but I wasn't sure.

As I sat on my parents' front porch, enjoying the afternoon, I tried to read a book my mother had lent to me. It was one she'd recently read and fallen completely in love with. I didn't really get the appeal of it and was having a hard time focusing on the story. Maybe it was the fact that my thoughts were somewhere else; a little over a thousand miles south of me, to be exact.

It had been four days since I'd seen them, and already, I was nearly beside myself with sadness and longing; not simply because of the new feelings I had toward Edward, but also because I missed Emily and her happy, bubbly self. I'd grown so attached to her since the accident, and I knew I would soon be reaching a point-of-no-return, in some ways. She was a part of Edward, and Edward was a part of her. Would I ever be able to have one of them but not both? And if things didn't work out between Edward and me, I had no doubt that he would find someone else to share his life with. Would I be able to step back from Emily's life and watch as someone else mothered her and loved her the way I was beginning to want to do?

The first text message I received from Edward came on Monday morning, and it had a picture of Emily in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle at Disneyland. She was smiling so big, and I couldn't help but laugh at her little toothless grin. She'd finally started losing teeth about six months earlier, and I loved the gaping holes in her smile. The words along with the message simply said, "We miss you." It made my heart soar, and I quickly replied with a "We miss you, too!" message of my own. Emily called Tuesday night just to check on me and make sure we were okay. It made me smile to hear her talk all about the rides they'd gone on that day and how she was just barely tall enough for the roller coasters she wanted to ride the most. She giggled when telling me all about how Edward ended up soaked on Splash Mountain and how he got nervous when her Uncle Emmett insisted on taking his picture with Ariel, the Little Mermaid.

After she was done, I spoke to Edward for a few quick moments, promising him that I'd be careful when I drove home on Saturday and that I'd see them both Monday afternoon. Nothing other than goodbyes were said, which made me worry for a moment. What if he was rethinking the things he'd said to me? What if, now that he was away from reality for a little while, he didn't truly want the things I thought he wanted? It made me nervous, but after worrying about it all Tuesday night, I made myself put it in the back of my mind and leave it alone. There was nothing I could do about it, and I still wasn't even sure that I wanted anything to happen between Edward and myself. I really didn't know what I wanted, and as I sat on the porch thinking about it, I felt my dad sit down beside me.

"You actually reading that book?" he asked, offering me a glass of lemonade.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I've been trying to, but I can't really get into it. I'm sure it's good. I've just got a lot on my mind, I guess."

"Anything I can help you with?" he asked.

"No, not really," I said. My father was not the person I wanted to talk to about my ever-growing feelings for Edward.

"I think you're doing a wonderful job, Bells. I know it's been rough since Alec died, but you've really stepped up for those kids. I can't tell you how proud I am of you."

I was quiet for a few moments, not sure of what to say. "Thanks, Dad."

A breeze blew through the trees, and I found myself listening to the sound of it. My father had never been a man of many words, but usually when he had something to say, it was profound and carried a lot of weight with it.

"They say that when a person's had a good marriage and they find themselves alone, for whatever reason, often times, they're quick to find someone new to move on with," he said.

I stiffened just a bit, wondering why he was bringing up the exact thing that had been overwhelming me for the past few weeks. "I hadn't heard that," I softly said.

"Well, I think if you love someone and you have a good relationship with them, it's easy to find that same kind of love and trust with someone else. You kind of crave that, I suppose."

"I guess so. I see how that could be true."

"I know when your mom and I split up, it was rough on me. It wasn't what I wanted, but I knew it's what we both needed. Then when she moved on to Phil so quickly, I think it kinda hurt me." His fingers held tight to his glass and I watched as he turned it around in his hands, listening as the ice clinked against the sides.

"I didn't know that," I said. My parents had never been secretive about their first marriage. I knew they were both young and that they rushed into things. They'd always gotten along so well that I never felt the need to ask what had gone wrong between them.

"I think she and Phil worked, because she and I had a good relationship. I think we'd had a good marriage, but we were just too young, you know? Impulsive and impatient and all that. But I think she craved the companionship we'd shared, and Phil was a good fit for her. The same with me and Sue. It just took me a lot longer to find Sue, I guess."

I smiled, remembering Phil and Sue and how good they were for my mom and dad. I wondered how much my parents missed them and if they could go back and change things, if they would. I knew they were happy, but was it a different kind of happy? I wasn't sure.

"You know, honey, it's okay to move on. I think Alec would be okay with you spending your life with someone else. I never questioned the fact that he loved you. It was clear as day on that boy's face, from the very first time I met him. I think that's why I didn't like him at first."

"Dad," I said with a small laugh.

"He was sweeping my baby girl off her feet, and I wasn't ready for that to happen. But he was a good man who treated you with respect, and I admired him for that. I know if the roles had been reversed that you'd want him to find someone else, wouldn't you?"

I nodded. "Of course I would. I'd have hated for him to be alone and the kids to miss out on having a mother."

"Bells, there's no shame in moving on. Waiting around isn't gonna bring Alec back."

I reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek. "I know that."

"You need to be open to the opportunity of someone else, no matter when it might come. There are always gonna be people who think it's too soon, but you can't worry about those people. They're not living your life, Bella. They don't put your babies to bed every night, and they don't keep Alec's memory alive for those kids of yours. You had a good relationship and a good marriage. Loving someone else could never disrespect that."

My head leaned against my father's shoulder as I continued to cry. I wasn't even trying to hide my tears anymore, and I let them fall as I sniffled and tried to hold back my sobs.

"I think I found someone, Daddy."

He nodded and was silent for a few moments. "Is he good to you?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Does he love my grandchildren?"

I nodded. "Uh huh."

"Do you think you could love him?" he quietly asked.

"I think so," I whispered.

"There's no shame in that, honey. No shame at all. But you need to remember one thing: you can't compare him to Alec. It's not fair to either of them. And your relationship with this man won't be the same as the one you had with Alec. You can't punish him for that."

I nodded again, sniffling as I tried to gather my thoughts. Should I tell him who it was? He knew Edward, the kind of man Edward was. What would he think?

"You're a strong girl, Bella. I know you'll do what's right for you and those kids. I trust you. I hope you know that."

"I do, Daddy. Thank you."

"Of course. I just wanna see you happy, that's all."

We sat in silence for a few minutes as my tears began to slow down, and I started to make some decisions.

"Daddy?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"It's Edward."

He let out a long breath, then leaned his head onto mine.

"I kinda figured it was."

I didn't know what else to say, so I said nothing.

He grumbled just a little and let out a low growl. "I don't think I like that boy."

My lips pushed up into a smile as I listened to my father try to be tough. But he couldn't hide the truth. He was glad it was Edward. I could tell.

And I knew he liked Edward, no matter what he said.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: This chapter didn't go where ********I**** planned it to go. **** Charlie wanted his say, and ********I**** just wasn't giving him enough time to do that. :D Oh well, it's all good. :)  
**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from The Parking Lot Strut in ****_New Moon_****. Ugh...can you even imagine THAT walking toward you? There's no greater birthday gift, ********I**** swear to you. :D ********I**** don't think ********I**** even need to describe the picture, because you should ALLLL remember that moment. It's right up there with ********The Cafeteria Entrance in****__**** Twilight********. :) That man's so hot. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**** I'll leave this cause I liked it. Normally I'd edit it out since it's not relevant anymore. :D **  
It's my birthday. I'm old. Crap. :D This is the longest chapter of the story so far. :) My little gift to you. Most of this story is angst-free. MOST of it... :) It's my birthday, ********I**** like angst. What can ********I**** say? :D The angst is my little gift to myself! :D  
**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Eighteen

I sat on my sofa, counting down the minutes until school got out and I could pick up Collin and Emily. It was Monday afternoon, and it had been nine days since I'd seen her. Nine days since I'd seen Edward. It was kind of surprising that I still had any hair on my head, since I'd been pulling at it for the last four days.

We left Seattle on Saturday morning. I knew Edward and Emily were flying into town that afternoon. I also knew that if I stayed in Seattle any later than ten that morning, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from driving straight to the airport and waiting for them. Emily had called again Thursday night to tell me all about the gifts she'd bought for Collin and Mckenna, and I spoke with Edward for a few minutes at the end of the call. He said he was sunburned and that they were spending Friday at the beach. Needless to say, he wasn't too excited. After teasing him with reminders of sunscreen and an umbrella, I said good night to him and smiled as I fell asleep.

Edward had told me that he wouldn't see me until Monday afternoon, since he and Emily wouldn't be back in Forks until late Sunday night. I sat around all day hoping maybe they'd return early. Maybe I'd get to see him. Maybe we'd get to pick up where we'd left off over a week before. But they never came by and I went to bed a little disappointed, kicking myself because I'd let my hopes build up for no reason.

If Edward and I were going to start anything, I had to get a better grip on my emotions. I needed to clear my mind of the ridiculous expectations that were already beginning to form. We had talked and texted several times during the week we were apart, but I felt like there was a distance between us that hadn't been there before. And sadly, I was kind of relieved by it. I didn't want to rush into anything with Edward, but every time I'd gotten close to him after I figured out he liked me, my mind went blank and all I could do was feel him. I liked it too much. It was too soon. But it didn't _feel_ like too much, too soon.

When the alarm on my phone went off, I grabbed Mckenna and we practically flew to the car and then to the school. I was first in the pick-up line, and Kenna sang songs to me while we waited. After what seemed like hours, the doors finally opened and I saw them come walking out — my Collin and my Emily. My heart pounded harder, and I bit my lip trying to hold back the emotions that were suddenly overwhelming me. As soon as they saw me, they waved and started running toward the car.

"Hi, Mom!" Collin said after opening the door and climbing onto his seat.

"Hi, Auntie Bella!" Emily said with a smile, then closed the door behind her after she sat down.

"Hi, babies!" I said, reaching back to touch them both. Collin laughed and grabbed my fingers, shaking them a bit. Emily smiled brightly at me, then held my hand when Collin let go. "I missed you, Emily."

She laughed softly. "I missed you, too, Auntie Bella."

With all of my babies strapped safely in the car, we headed back to my house. The afternoon was spent playing and reading and giggling. I even managed to get the kids to finish their homework and then help me with dinner. I finally looked at the clock once dinner was done and realized it was after six. Edward wasn't there yet. Since dinner was ready and the kids were situated in front of the television for a few minutes, I took the opportunity to hurry to my bathroom and make sure I looked okay. The last thing I wanted was for Edward to see me run-down and messy. The fluttering feelings in my belly made me pause, and I remembered a time when Alec and I were first dating. I'd behaved the same way any time I knew I would be seeing him. I knew it wasn't okay to compare Alec and Edward, and I shook my head, hoping to rid it of the thoughts I was having.

Once I was presentable, I went back to the kitchen to start dishing out dinner. The kids helped to set the dining table, and after they were all seated and there was still no Edward, I went to find my phone so I could call him. There was a message alerting me of a new text. Somehow when it was sent two hours earlier, I'd missed it.

_Running late. Crazy day at work. It'll be about 9 before I'm there. Sorry. - Edward_

My heart sank just a bit. I had to wait three more hours until I could see him, and even then, I knew he'd be exhausted. I quickly typed a reply to him, telling him I'd pack up some dinner for him to take home and then went to eat with the kids.

By the time nine o'clock rolled around, Mckenna and Collin were in their beds sleeping, and Emily was quickly nodding off on the couch next to me.

"Hey," I heard from behind me. Turning around, I saw Edward standing in the doorway to the room and I smiled.

"Hey. Long day, huh?" I asked.

"You wouldn't even believe it. It'll probably be this way all week. Is that gonna be okay with you?" I could see the hesitation on his face. I knew he hated asking if I'd keep Emily longer than I usually did.

"Of course, it's fine. Are you hungry?"

I got up from the couch and walked toward him. I could see how tired he was and how dull his eyes looked.

"Yeah, but I'm so tired. Can I just take it home with me? Is that okay?" he asked.

Nodding, I assured him that it was, then moved into the kitchen and started putting things into bags for him. I could sense him in the room behind me, but it wasn't until I felt his hands on my hips that I paused.

"Thank you," he said quietly in my ear. I felt his hot breath on my neck, then felt his soft, warm lips on my skin. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was more than enough to make up for any disappointment I'd felt over him being late or him not coming by the day before. "Can we talk more tomorrow? I'm really wiped out right now."

"Of course. Don't worry. Why don't you get Emily? She's on the couch. I'll get this food and her backpack."

I heard him sigh as he remained behind me, his hands tightening just a bit on my jeans and his nose pressing into my hair ever so slightly.

"Thank you, Bella."

With that, he turned and went to get Emily. I followed him outside, giving him the things I was carrying, and then waved as he got into the car. The day hadn't gone exactly like I'd hoped, but it was better than what I feared. Besides, there was always tomorrow and his promise that we'd talk more then. I couldn't wait for a few more moments alone with him. If only it had worked out that way.

Tuesday evening was a repeat of Monday, except that it was nearly ten o'clock before Edward picked up Emily. He apologized over and over again, but really, there was nothing to apologize for. He was doing his job, supporting his daughter. I could never be upset with him over something like that. I'd learned my lesson about that a couple of years earlier with Alec.

_"I can't believe you missed something else!" I yelled. "It was your sister's birthday, Alec. I'm getting sick of carting our kids to all of your family things by myself."_

_"Baby, I'm sorry. I had to work. You know I couldn't get away."_

_I huffed in anger. "I don't get it, okay? Why are you always the one having to stay late?"_

_"Edward was there with me, Bella. He only left an hour before I did," he said. "It was Mr. Hamblin. You know he's a huge client for us, and when he asks for me, I have to be there. It's important."_

_"We're important, too. Mckenna's almost a year old, and you're missing so much."_

_"I'm sorry," he said with a sigh._

_"Your mother gives me this look like she can't figure out why I haven't tamed you yet or something. I hate it." I looked down, breaking our eye contact as I let out a long, deep breath._

_He smiled and stepped closer to me, cupping my cheeks with his hands. "She understands what it's like, Bella. She lived this life, too. And I'm sorry. I'll try harder to be here for you, but I just want to take care of you and the kids. I want to give you everything. That's all I'm trying to do."_

_My hands rose up and softly grasped onto his forearms as I looked up at him. "I'd rather be poor and have you home with us. I just don't want you to miss so many things. Please?"_

_"Okay, I promise," he said, leaning forward and lightly kissing the tip of my nose. "I'll try, but can you please try to understand? I'm doing my best. I swear."_

_"I know," I said, smiling up at him. I never could stay mad at him very long._

Wednesday, just after Mckenna's story time at the library, my cell phone rang.

"Bella, it's me," Edward said. "I really hate to call you, but the school just called and Emily's sick. My mom's not home and my dad's working. I'm in Hoquiam on site, and I can't leave for a few more hours."

"Okay," I replied. "I'll pick her up. That's fine. Don't worry about anything, okay?"

"You sure? She's throwing up, they said. I don't know if it's a bug or what, but I hate to get you or Kenna or Collin sick if that's what it is."

I smiled and shook my head. He was always thinking about us first. I shouldn't have been surprised; that was just the way he was. "It's fine, really. If it's a bug, then my kids have probably already been exposed. Honestly, don't worry. I'm near the school, anyway, so I'll go get her and take her to my house."

He let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much, Bella. I'll get out of here as soon as I can, but it's a two hour drive home and I've gotta stop by the office to finish a couple of things. I really don't have any idea when I'll be back. The customer here is picking apart every little thing my guys are doing."

It probably wasn't right for me to laugh at his frustration, but it reminded me of Alec and how he used to complain about some of the clients they had. "Don't worry. I've got this covered, so you just take care of what you need to do and we'll be here when you get back."

"You're an angel, Bella. Thank you. I'll call you when I leave here, okay?"

"Sure thing," I said. "Drive safe."

Emily was definitely sick, and when I picked her up from the school, I got a few awkward glances.

"Are you authorized to pick up Emily Cullen?" one of the school aides asked me.

"Yes, I'm her aunt. I'm on the list of approved people who can take her, because I'm family. Plus, I babysit her every day after school."

I wasn't sure where the secretary was, but the woman I was speaking to was one I hadn't met before.

"I don't see your name on the list," she said as she looked through Emily's file on the computer. "There's no Bella here."

"It's right there, Isabella," I pointed out to her on the screen. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get her home before she gets sick again."

I signed the sign-out sheet, then moved around the desk and into the nurse's office, picking a lethargic Emily up from the small bed that sat in the corner of the room.

"Emily can't return to school until she's been vomit-free for at least 24-hours. That means she can't come to school tomorrow," the nurse said as she handed me a plastic bag. "This is for the ride home, just in case."

I thanked her and hurried to my car with Mckenna skipping happily behind me. She always loved getting to go inside the big kids school. I only hoped she kept her excitement once she was old enough to start attending school there.

The afternoon was quiet as Emily slept and Mckenna colored and played with puzzles. When it was time to pick up Collin, I called another mom and asked if she'd get him and drop him off for me. I hated to take Emily out again when she wasn't feeling well, but my neighbors weren't home, so I had no one to stay with her. She slept most of the evening, too, only waking up to vomit a few times. Edward finally showed up a little after seven and took her straight home after apologizing to me again. I offered to keep her the next day, since she couldn't go to school, and he accepted since both of his parents were going to be working all day.

Thursday, Emily looked much better when Edward dropped her off a little before ten in the morning.

"She was so tired, I didn't want to wake her up. I'll try to get out of there early today. I promise," he said as I walked him to the door.

"It's fine. Don't worry. We're good."

I didn't know what I meant by that. Was I good with the kids? Were Edward and I good? I just didn't know for sure. But I smiled and waved when he left, then closed the door and banged my head against it for a good thirty seconds.

"Mommy, what are you doin'?" Mckenna asked as she watched me.

I smiled. "Nothing, baby. Come on. Let's go check on Emily. You get to be her nurse again today."

Mckenna clapped and jumped up and down as we returned to the family room where Emily was lying on the sofa. She smiled, but I could tell she was still tired. I pulled her head onto my lap and ran my fingers through her hair as she fell back to sleep.

Thursday night was a late one, again, and soon, it was Friday morning. The kids were out of school because it was Easter weekend, and Edward dropped Emily at my house just after eight. She was feeling much better, but I still had the kids do some more leisurely activities so that she wouldn't wear herself out.

"At Disneyland, you can get ice creams that look like Mickey Mouse's head," she told Collin and Mckenna. "And candy, too. It's so cool there."

She'd brought her gifts for the kids on Monday, and they'd been playing with them all week.

"I went on the Nemo ride with my daddy and Uncle Emmett and Claire," she said.

"Where was Aunt Rose? Does she not like fish?" I asked in a teasing way.

"No, she was talking to Daddy's friend."

Edward had a friend that went with them? I was certain he'd told me it was just him and Emmett with their families. Maybe they'd run into someone he knew.

"Oh, that's nice," I said, hoping Emily would offer up a little more information.

"Yeah, I didn't like her. And her sons weren't very nice to me, especially at the beach. They kept throwing sand at me."

Her? Edward's friend was a her? And not only had she been at Disneyland with them, but she'd gone to the beach with them, too? My heart started to thud in a strange way, and my stomach began to twist. Was this friend any part of the reason that Edward had been so busy all week? Too busy to talk to me?

"That's not very nice," I quietly told her. "How did your daddy know this woman?" I was hoping that my question wouldn't raise too much suspicion, but really, Emily was a seven-year-old girl. How much would she think about what I was asking?

"I don't know. We just saw her one morning when we got to Disneyland. She was waiting for us. And then she came to the beach when we were there, too. I think she was Daddy's friend because she talked to him a lot. And she talked to Aunt Rose, too."

"Oh, I see." But I didn't see at all. The sinking feeling in my gut was getting worse and worse. I really needed to talk to Edward before I completely let my imagination spin out of control. The first chance I got to sneak away from the kids for a few minutes, I grabbed my phone and texted him.

_Any chance you're gonna get away early tonight? - Bella _

It took a few minutes, but he replied.

_I'm gonna try. Is everything okay? - Edward_

_Yeah. I was just hoping maybe we could talk tonight. - Bella _

_I've got a meeting this afternoon, but as soon as it's done, I'm all yours. - Edward_

I smiled. I hoped it was true, that he was all mine. Because the idea of him with another woman was beginning to make me crazy. Although I still wasn't positive that I wasn't already crazy for thinking we could be together. Either way, hopefully by the end of the day I'd have my answer.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: So yeah, today's special 'cause it's my birthday. And yesterday was my daughter's birthday. And next week ********is my hubby's birthday. And the week after that is my son's birthday. :D June is a busy month at my house. :D So much cake... :D**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from ********the new Dior campaign. Seriously, it came out today, so how could I NOT talk about this one? Hopefully I'm finally breathing correctly again, but if I black out and stop typing, you'll know why. The things that man does to me... Hmmmmm. :) So, in this he's wearing a black sweater. Oh holy hannah... Okay, breathe. Okay. The end of the sleeve is folded up just a bit over his wrist. Am I the only one who's noticed that? No? Oh geez. Okay... His hair is super short, and there's a least a few days worth of scruff going on. It's probably like a week's worth, maybe? Oh crap. Okay... Big breath. Whooooo. Okay. His face is so beautiful. He's not even smiling a little bit. No smirk, no laugh, so hint of mischief... nothing. He's just got his lips pressed together and he's staring at the camera with this look that totally says "I know exactly what I'm doing to you right now. And I like it. If I were with you I'd so totally have you bent over the back of a sofa, screaming my name over and over again..." Ugh... *shakes hands and breathes deeply for a few moments* Okay, I can do this. Whooooo. Yeah, so it's black and white and it's taking every ounce of self control I have to NOT lick the screen of my laptop right now. At least I'm alone in my bedroom while my kids are watching tv in the living room. I swoon in private. Because oh, my every livin' heck... I love him. :) And my behavior in this moment would scar my children for life. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) ********I**** wrote a big chunk of this after she'd already beta'd it. We'll see if she can spot it. :D It's the part with all the extra comma's and not enough new sentences. :D That oughta narrow it down. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Nineteen

Friday seemed to drag on, with each passing hour going a little slower than the one before. I managed to get a few more tidbits of information from Emily without making it obvious that I wanted to know who the woman in California was. Apparently, the her name was Maggie, and her sons were Liam and Benjamin. The boys were older than Emily, and she commented on how they made googly eyes at Claire. She seemed a bit horrified that one of the boys had even tried to kiss her cousin. I knew it was most likely all innocent, since Claire was only nine and the boys were probably close to her age.

I didn't want to know details about Maggie, but as Emily spoke, I nodded and acknowledged that I was listening to her stories and tried to remember the things she said. I wanted to have as much information about the situation as I could before I spoke to Edward. Maybe Maggie was nothing more than a friend or an acquaintance. Maybe my imagination was getting the best of me. Maybe I had nothing to worry about at all. From what Edward said that Saturday morning before he left, he had felt something for me for years and I had to believe that just one week in California wouldn't change that.

A little after five, the kids and I started making pizzas for dinner. Emily hadn't thrown up since Wednesday night and she was hungry, so I figured as long as we didn't use anything too spicy, she'd be fine. Just as we slid them into the oven, I heard the front door open and my heart began to race. I had so many things I wanted to talk to Edward about, but I didn't know where to start. Besides that fact, I knew it would be a while before I'd get the chance. We had to feed the kids and get them distracted before we could sit down and talk.

"Daddy!" Emily yelled, running to the doorway and throwing her arms around her father's waist.

"Hey, Em," he said, running his hand over her hair. "How are you feelin' today?"

"I'm okay. I'm hungry, and Auntie Bella is helping us make pizzas for dinner."

He looked up, and his eyes met mine. Slowly, a smile graced his face, and it made me smile, too. "Awesome. You know how much I love pizza."

"I know! I put extra mushrooms on your part, Daddy."

"Well, thank you," he said, smiling at Collin and Mckenna as they finally greeted him.

Things were a bit hectic for a little while as we cooked the pizzas and got the table set for dinner. The kids were excited, and I could tell how much Emily had missed Edward. She didn't leave his side once during the entire evening. My hopes of having a few minutes with him began to fade, and I resigned myself to the fact that maybe he and I just weren't meant to be. Nothing seemed to be going quite right for us, and I had to wonder if maybe our timing was off; if maybe this was fate's way of telling me that it wouldn't work out, and we shouldn't even bother.

"You need some help with these?" I heard from behind me as I washed the dishes.

"I got it. It's fine," I said, turning my head to smile back at Edward.

"You gotta let me help with something. After the week I've put you through, it's the least I can do, Bella. I really wish you'd let me pay your for watching Emily."

It was a discussion we'd had several times, and each time I insisted I didn't need the money. I wanted to have Emily with me, and I knew my kids loved having her around, too. There was something missing when she was gone, and I wasn't the only one who could feel it. "Edward," I said with a slight edge of frustration in my voice.

"I know, I know. But I feel so bad about just dumping her on you all the time. I know you have things you need to do, and it's probably not easy having another child along with you."

"You're not dumping her on me. I offered. There's a huge difference. Besides, your parents still watch her a day or two each week, so I normally only get her a few hours total. This week just happened to be an odd week. Don't worry about it."

He sighed, then leaned against the counter, looking down at me. "So stubborn," he mumbled with a smirk on his face.

I nodded, then pointed to the plates and told him he could help with them first. We worked together, side-by-side, in relative silence. Yet, it felt right. It felt like we'd been working that way for years and years. Once we were finally finished, he asked if maybe we could set the kids up with a movie and talk. The look in his eyes made me hopeful that we could get things straightened out, so I hurried to find something that would entertain all of the kids for at least half an hour.

He was waiting for me in the living room on the sofa. I used all the courage I could muster up and sat down right next to him, smiling as he lifted his arm across the back of the couch and turned to face me a little more.

"Work's been kinda crazy, huh?" I asked. I remembered how things would sometimes get for Alec, and I could only imagine how hectic things were now that Edward was on his own. He had Jake to help him, but I knew that probably wasn't a lot. Plus, I wasn't doing as much as I used to, even though I'd asked Edward to let me help when things started to get a little overwhelming for him.

He sighed. "Yeah. I was hoping if I worked extra before we left town that things would be okay when I got back to work, but apparently there were a few disasters while we were gone. And then you know how clients can be. With Alec gone, they don't seem to trust anyone but me. I feel like I've been putting out fires since eight o'clock Monday morning."

He laughed softly and I felt his fingers play with a strand of my hair that was laying on my shoulder. "I remember how Alec used to get after vacations. It almost wasn't worth going in the first place."

"Yep, so true. And then with me and Jane's anniversary last Sunday, I've been totally exhausted all week. I didn't think it would hit me so hard, you know?"

I'd forgotten about their anniversary, but to be honest I was a little surprised by Edward's tone when he mentioned it.

"I didn't remember that was this week. Wow, it's been three months since the accident, hasn't it?" Shaking my head I thought about the past few months and how different things were. And yet, how much the same they still were, too.

"Yeah. A lot's happened in a pretty short amount of time."

We were both quiet for a moment, each of us looking away from the other as we sat close together on the couch. I could have reached up and held his hand that was tracing patterns on my shoulder. I could have turned my head and kissed his cheek without even having to stretch much. I could have rested my thigh against his with only a little bit of effort. But I didn't. I was still nervous, and I knew I needed to bring up the questions that were swimming in my mind.

"So your trip was good?" I was still a bit hesitant to hear what had really happened, but I had to find out sooner or later.

"Yeah, it was nice. I think my sunburn finally faded away," he said.

I smiled, turning my head to look at him. "Emily was telling me all about Disneyland and how fun it was. She said she really loved the Nemo ride. That made Mckenna happy. She wants to go there now."

"Oh, really?" he asked, the smile fading from his lips just the tiniest bit.

"Yeah. I don't think Emily was as impressed with the beach, though. She said she kept getting sand thrown at her."

I watched as he swallowed, then cleared his throat. "Um, yeah. I think she did get some sand thrown at her a few times."

We were quiet after that, just sitting in the silence of the room. Clearly, neither of us knew what to say, though I was certain he was aware that I knew something had happened.

"Bella, I should probably tell you something about the trip," he said softly.

"Okay."

"Well, there was a woman. Her name is Maggie. She was with us for a couple of days."

"Oh... okay. Um, why was she with you?" I asked, turning my head to look at my hands that lay in my lap. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer or not. I could feel my breathing begin to pick up and I felt like I was starting to sweat, even though it wasn't warm at all in my house. The fact that I couldn't even look Edward in the eyes should have tipped him off that something was wrong, but as I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, I could tell that he was a little nervous, too. This was gonna be bad.

"Well, see... She was-"

There was a knock at the door, and it startled me. I jumped up from the couch, anxious to get away from Edward and the words that I was so sure were about to come out of his mouth.

"I should get that," I said.

"Bella, hang on," Edward said, standing up next to me.

Turning to look at him, I reached my hand out and wrapped my fingers around his elbow. "Just wait, okay? Tell me in a few minutes." I walked away from him, hoping that he hadn't noticed how my hands were shaking.

When I opened the door, I was rather surprised to see Jasper and Alice standing on my doorstep with suitcases at their feet and smiles on their faces.

"Um, hi?" I said questioningly.

"Hey! We came to spend Easter weekend with you and the kids. I hope that's okay," Jasper said.

"I brought goodies for the kids and for you! I have chocolate!" Alice added, holding out a large Easter basket filled with candy and eggs and a few toys.

"Oh, wow. Thank you. Um, come in," I said, stepping aside for them to enter.

"Edward, hey!" Jasper said as he walked into my house.

"Hi, Jasper," Edward said as he stepped into the entryway, standing behind me.

"Oh, Edward's here," Alice remarked with a smirk on her face.

I cleared my throat loudly, hoping to get across the fact that I didn't want her to say anything while Edward was there. The last thing I needed was him knowing that I'd talked to Alice about a possible relationship between us. I especially didn't want him to know if he was just going to break things off with me before we ever even got a chance to start them.

When I turned around and saw Edward, I could see a confused look on his face.

"They just showed up to spend the weekend with us. Nice, huh?"

He nodded with a smile on his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. I knew if he was feeling even a tenth of what I was, he wanted to strangle them both.

"We'll take the guest room," Alice said, most likely sensing the vibe between me and Edward.

"No!" I said. "No, um you can have the office. There's a pull-out in there."

"Bella, what? You have a perfectly good guest room with a big bed. Why can't we just stay there?" Jasper asked.

"Because I sleep there," I said quietly, hoping they wouldn't push anymore than they already had.

"Why? You've got that big bedroom with that fancy mattress Alec bought last year."

I really didn't want to get into my sleeping arrangements with Edward right there, even though he knew perfectly well that I didn't sleep in my bedroom anymore. As soon as Alice saw my discomfort, she insisted that the office pull-out would be fine and then apologized for just barging in on me. She pulled Jasper behind her to the office, leaving Edward and I alone once again.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea they were coming," I told him.

His smile was sweet, yet I could see a bit of frustration in it, too. "It's fine. He's your brother, so I get it. My brother's the same way. Trust me. Always doing things he thinks will help me, whether I want him to or not."

Edward looked around a bit, and it felt like he was trying to leave, so I reached out and grabbed his hand. "Stay, please?" I asked.

"You sure? Jasper and Alice are here. Don't you want some time with them?"

"Yeah, but I really would like some time with you, too," I said. "Please stay."

He nodded, then ran his free hand through his hair. "As you wish," he said, making me smile.

"Am I supposed to call you My Sweet Wesley now?" I teased.

"Only if I get to call you Buttercup."

His response made me laugh, and I pressed my teeth into my bottom lip as I smiled up at him. "I'm really glad you're here," I told him.

"Me too," he said, leaning forward to lightly kiss my temple. "You wanna go be social?"

I really didn't. I wanted to take him back into the living room and finish talking to him, find out more about Maggie and his trip. But I knew we'd waited all week, so what were a few more hours?

"Not even a little bit," I said with a smile and sigh, then held his hand as we walked toward the family room where our children were. My fingers squeezed his for just a moment before I let go so that our kids wouldn't see us. I didn't want to confuse them, especially when I was still so confused myself.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: The angst will not drag on too long. ********I**** repeat, it will NOT drag on. Maggie's here for a purpose, and one purpose only. We ********should**** find out soon who she is and why she's there, so just sit tight. :) I**** think you'll be VERY glad. :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from********... I honestly don't have any clue where it's from. Maybe someone can enlighten me. :D It's black and white and he's wearing a suit. I'm sure that narrows it down. :D Maybe it's ****__****Water for Elephants ********or something? Whatever. Anyway, he's looking off to the side, his eyes cast upward as his lips press together in a little smirky smile. The way the light and shadows play on his face are amazing. I love the twinkle in his eyes and the mischief in his expression. He's clearly up to no good. :D Yet, he's an angel on earth. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty

Before Edward and Emily left my house Friday night, I made Edward promise that they'd come over Sunday afternoon for Easter dinner. He assured me that they would, and I felt a little better about all the things we still hadn't discussed. If he was spending a holiday with me and my kids, then surely that meant he wouldn't be spending it with any other woman and her kids, right?

Once he was gone and my kids were in bed, Alice apologized over and over again about barging in on me.

"We just knew that you and the kids were going to be home alone since your dad's working this weekend, and I couldn't bear the thought of you all spending your first holiday without Alec with no family around," she said as we sat together on the couch in the family room.

"I know. It's fine. I should have considered it when I told you guys we'd be home this weekend, especially when Jasper kept saying how he didn't have to work tomorrow and that your family wasn't going to be in town."

"We meant well. I swear," she said.

"It's okay, really. Although man, I wish you had shown up about ten minutes later," I told her with a laugh.

"Why? Did we interrupt something good?" She had a sneaky look on her face, and I knew she was curious about Edward and me and what we might have been up to.

I told her everything that had happened in the past week, along with how frustrated I was that we hadn't been able to talk about it yet. I also told her how nervous I was to possibly hear him say he'd found someone else, and that after hearing everything Emily had to say about Maggie, she sounded like a nice person. Even if I did already dislike her two sons.

"Bella, you know you have nothing to worry about," she reassured me. "That man's crazy about you. It's written all over his face. I think even Jasper caught on tonight."

"You didn't tell him anything?"

"Nope. I mentioned that we'd talked, and then he said that if you wanted him to know anything about your personal life, you'd tell him. And he doesn't want to hear it from anyone other than you."

My brother was great about that kind of thing, and I was thankful.

"You know, we really don't have to be back until Monday afternoon or so. If you want, Jasper and I can keep the kids busy Sunday evening so you and Edward can have some time alone. Maybe you can get a few things figured out," she said. "You know, get this love-show on the road!"

I laughed at her excitement over my life and nodded, letting her know that I'd be up for that. As I crawled into bed that night, I thought back over the day. While Edward and I hadn't really talked about everything we needed to talk about, I knew we'd get it figured out. And no matter what he had to say to me, I hoped I'd be okay. With Alice and Jasper, as well as my parents supporting me and my choices, I'd manage to struggle through, although I really hoped it would work out well. I was falling harder and harder for Edward with every passing day, and I didn't know if I'd ever be able to stop.

Saturday was fun for my children. Getting to spend time with their Uncle Jasper was really wonderful. They adored him, and I knew he felt the same way about them. He and Alice had been trying for about a year to get pregnant. They were ready to start a family, and I was hopeful that it would happen for them soon. We needed something good in our family, and a new baby would be a welcomed blessing.

Edward and Emily were spending the day with his parents. Rosalie had told Alice that they were all doing a big get-together Saturday, so she and Emmett were coming for the weekend, too. I hoped that Emily was having fun with Claire, and I thought about her as I watched my kids run around our back yard. I could almost see her chasing Jasper and laughing, too, just like Collin and Mckenna were.

The kids were worn out when bedtime finally rolled around. They were excited for Sunday morning, hoping the Easter Bunny would be making a stop by our house. Once they were asleep, Alice and I were putting together their Easter baskets when the phone rang.

"Bella, it's me," Edward said. It was a little late for him to be calling, and his voice sounded slightly panicked.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I'm standing in the grocery store looking at the shelves of Easter stuff, and I have no idea what I'm supposed to get."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I guess I'm supposed to do Easter Bunny stuff for tomorrow morning, right? And I've never done this before. Jane always did it. I don't know what I'm supposed to get."

I had to laugh at how clueless he was, but then I felt bad because he was clearly a little freaked out. And it was his first holiday on his own.

"Okay, do you have anything at home that's saved from last year? Anything that you use every year?"

He was silent for a moment. "I don't know."

"Well, what did Jane do for Emily each year?"

"I don't know, Bella. I'm freaking out, here. I have no clue what to buy or what she wants. I don't know what to do."

I sighed, looking over at Alice who was smiling at me.

"Go help him," she mouthed, having figured out who was on the phone and what the problem was.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm at the grocery store, standing in the middle of the Easter aisle. There are about a million people here, and it's mostly men. Why?"

"Just stay there. I'll be there in five minutes."

"Really? You'll help me?"

"Of course I will," I said.

It was easy to spot him, even though he looked exactly like half the other men in the store. They all had armfuls of whatever candy was left on the shelves and terrified looks on their faces. It reminded me of a year when Alec had forgotten it was Valentine's Day, and I happened to see him that afternoon when I'd stopped by the grocery store for a few things.

_He was standing in a sea of men, looking at all the flower arrangements, candy boxes, and musical cards that were on display. Most of the shelves were empty, but his eyes were huge with worry and stress, and I could tell he was on edge._

"_My wife only likes the chocolates with nuts. How do I know if these have nuts?" one man mumbled to anyone around him who might be able to help._

"_I think my wife's allergic to a flower, but I can't remember which one. Do you think very many people are allergic to these white flowers?" another man asked._

_Alec stood quietly behind most of the men, his eyes glancing up and down the shelves. Then with a determined look on his face, he pushed forward and grabbed a box of candy, a small bunch of flowers, and a heart-shaped card. I ducked out of the way so that he wouldn't see me, then watched as he hurried to the check-out stand to pay for his items. He had such a big smile on his face as he walked out of the store, and later that evening, when he gave me the items he'd picked, he was so proud. I thanked him over and over again, even though I knew how close he'd come to completely forgetting the holiday._

"So, what are you looking for?" I asked Edward as I approached him.

"Oh, thank you, Bella. I have no idea what to get."

We started looking at what was still left on the shelves, and within about ten minutes, we had everything he needed to make a cute, girly Easter Basket for Emily.

"I wanted to get some things for Collin and Kenna. What do you think they'd like?" he asked, and I had to stop myself from melting into a puddle of goo right there in the middle of the grocery store.

I showed him a few of the candies that they liked, and he chose some things. "I already got you something," he quietly said, and it made me smile.

"You did?" I asked, slightly in shock.

"Of course. I saw it a few weeks ago and thought it would be perfect. I just figured at the time that I'd get Emily's stuff later, and then I forgot. I've been so stressed out, it completely slipped my mind until this evening when Emmett started talking about the stuff they'd bought for Claire."

I softly chuckled a bit at his explanation as we walked toward the check-out area. Quietly, we stood in line next to each other but not touching in any way, even though I wanted to touch him. Badly.

"Oh, I forgot I need to grab some of that detangling hairspray gunk for Emily's hair. Can you watch this stuff, and I'll be right back?"

"Sure," I told him, smiling as he rushed off toward the hair products.

I heard some whispering and mumbling in front of me, and when I turned toward it, I was surprised to see the mother from the birthday party Emily had been invited to, Lauren. She was glaring at me, shaking her head as the cashier softly said something to her.

"I know," she said, her icy eyes still pinned on me. "Some people have no shame."

"What a whore. Her husband just died and she's out in public, pawing over another man," the cashier said quietly but loud enough for me to hear.

I turned my head, trying to ignore them, though I couldn't help but overhear the rest of their conversation. Apparently, I was a slut, because I was hitting on a man whose wife had just died. I was a bad mother, because it was Saturday night, and clearly, I wasn't home with my children. I was a slob, because I was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and my hair was pulled back into a messy bun. I was a low-life, skanky, self-righteous, ugly whore, according to them, and I swallowed back my tears and emotions, not willing to let them see how their words and opinions were affecting me.

"Found it!" Edward said as he returned to the line.

"Good," I said, refusing to look up at him.

I heard the two women ahead of me huff out in displeasure, and I knew I needed to get away.

"I'm gonna go. I told Alice and Jasper I'd be right back, so I should go," I told Edward.

"Oh, okay. Well, thanks for this. I'd have been completely lost without your help."

"Sure thing," I muttered as I slipped past Edward on my way out of the line.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" he called to me.

I heard the women in line gasp and start to laugh, saying things to each other that I couldn't understand.

"Yeah, tomorrow," I replied and then hurried out of the store and back to my house.

I knew Alice wanted to talk, to find out what had happened at the store, but I was on the verge of bursting into tears, and I promised her that we'd talk the next day. After bidding her and Jasper a good night, I made my way to my spare bedroom and closed the door before the tears finally started to flow.

No matter what words of comfort and encouragement my family gave me, I knew that pursuing a relationship with Edward was going to be a lot harder than I thought. I just didn't know if I had it in me to endure the snide comments and disapproving looks I was sure to get from people around town. I cried myself to sleep as I let reality sink into my brain. I was strong enough to survive losing Alec, but was I strong enough to survive losing Edward, too?

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Originally I didn't get to do review replies for this chapter, or Chapter 19. There's a special offer in Chapter 21's closing A/N, so if you want that offer, review Chapters 19, 20, and 21 and I'll get it to you. :)  
**

**On a side note, I have a very good friend whose husband passed away on Monday evening. He'd been suffering from leukemia for the past 7 years. We all knew it was coming eventually, but it's still sad and a little shocking when it actually happens. Is it sad that when I heard he'd passed away, I instantly wished she had someone like this Edward to help her through things? :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from******** that 2009 GQ photoshoot. You know, the one that gave us Rob in a Skinny Black Tie and White Button-Up Shirt. :) I love that entire shoot. He looks like such a man in that. :D I think that was one of the first shoots where I thought "Holy crap! He's a MAN!" :D This picture is an edit I found online. I did a Google image search and chose the 21********st******** picture in the line up, and this one was it. :D Ugh, I was glad because dang he was FINE in that shoot. :D This picture's a close up and he's sporting the scruff and sex hair, and his eyes are squinting just the slightest bit. His perfect color lips, which really should have their own crayon color, are pressed closed and kinda glossy and I just wanna lick them. :D He's gorgeous. As always. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**** Special Offer in the ending A/N, so make sure you read it! ****

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-One

Sunday morning was rather quiet. The kids were excited, but it was different. Alec had always loved holidays and tended to make a big deal out of them, especially once we had kids. Collin and Mckenna were excited to see their surprises from the Easter Bunny and they loved hunting for eggs, but I could tell they missed their dad. Once they'd looked all through their baskets and inspected every ounce of sugar that had been left for them, they both curled up next to me on the sofa and wanted to talk about their dad. Alice and Jasper were a huge help to me, offering up funny stories about Alec and some of the sillier things he'd done on holidays. It made the kids laugh, and it kept me from crying. It also got me thinking about all the things he was missing. That combined with the stress I was feeling about Edward put me in a negative mood, and as soon as the kids were ready to go outside and play, I got showered and dressed so that I could start working on our Easter dinner.

Edward and Emily showed up a little after one in the afternoon, and Emily's excitement over the Easter basket she'd received put a smile on my face. Edward still seemed a bit standoffish, and because of my sour mood, I wasn't as warm and friendly toward him as I usually was. Maybe he picked up on that, because after saying hello and standing around the kitchen for a few minutes, I saw him head outside to the backyard where Jasper and the kids were.

"What was that about?" Alice asked, coming in to help me prepare the ham we'd be eating later.

"I'm just in a bad mood, you know?"

"So I take it the grocery store thing wasn't a success?"

"Oh, no. It went fine. For Edward." I let out a huff, slamming my hands on the counter-top. "Why am I villainized for being friends with him? Why am I made out to be a slut because I'm keeping company with another man only months after my husband died? They have no idea what's going on between us, if anything at all. What gives them the right to make those kinds of conclusions about me?" I spat out.

"Whoa, what happened?" Alice's voice was laced with caution and concern, and I knew I needed to tell her. I needed to tell someone before I completely blew up. As I related the details of my grocery store trip, her eyes widened in shock, then quickly narrowed with anger. "That's ridiculous, Bella. You know what they said isn't true."

"Yeah, I know, but how many other people are thinking that, Alice? How many other people are seeing me and Edward and jumping to the same conclusions? I just don't know if I can do this. I can't take the looks those women were giving me. And it's not just because they want Edward, which I'm sure a lot of them do. It's the fact that they dislike me just because of who I am. It's not fair."

Alice reached out and took hold of my hand. "Bella, you can't think about them. They're not worth it. All you can do is be happy. You have to do what's best for you and your kids. You can't worry about anyone else."

"That's easy to say," I sighed.

"I know it's hard to deal with, and if things work out with you and Edward, you'll eventually have to move away from here if people don't understand. But Bella, Edward is good for you, and he's good for your kids. Alec would be okay this, and you know that."

"It's just hard, Alice. And it's not fair," I said, feeling my eyes fill with tears. "And now there might be someone else, so I might be worrying about this for nothing."

"Bella," Alice said, pulling me into a hug. "You're gonna talk to Edward this evening, and you're gonna tell him what's going on, okay? Just a few more hours and then you can get all this off your chest, all right?"

I nodded. "Okay."

After I'd calmed down, we finished the potato salad and a few other side dishes we were having with dinner and then frosted the Easter Bunny cake that had become a tradition for our family. When dinner was finally ready, we all sat down around the table and ate. I listened as the kids laughed and talked, though I didn't join in too much. Edward glanced at me several times, finally mouthing "Are you okay?" to me. I simply nodded, then focused on my dinner.

"Guys got the dishes," Jasper said once we were done, and I happily let him, Edward, and Collin take care of it.

"Come on, girls," Alice cheerfully called to the little girls. "I've got some new fingernail polish, and we can play beauty shop."

The girls were excited, and I followed the three of them out to the back patio. The sun was beginning to set, and I sat on the steps that led to the yard, listening as they all sat around the patio table and chose what colors they wanted.

"I had an Easter Egg hunt at my Grandma Cullen's house with my cousin, Claire. And my Grandpa put money in the eggs!" Emily said.

"Oh, man. Dat sounds like fun," Mckenna replied.

"Yeah. I got like ten or twenty dollars. Daddy said I can buy us an ice cream tomorrow after school. Can we drive by the ice cream place tomorrow, Auntie Bella?"

I nodded. "Sure, we can do that."

"I'm gonna get a chocolate one, huh, Mommy?" Kenna asked as Alice painted her toenails.

"Sounds like a plan."

I stared off into the yard at one of the bushes planted along my back fence. The leaves were finally starting to pop out — a sure sign that spring had arrived. I knew the days were getting longer and longer, and I was looking forward to the sun and warmth.

"Claire said that Liam and Benjamin are coming to visit in a couple of weeks. I'm not very happy about that."

Emily's words caught my attention, and I turned to face them as they talked.

"Who's that?" Alice asked.

"These mean boys that threw sand at me when I went to Disneyland. Their mom is bringing them to visit at my Aunt Rose's house."

Alice looked pointedly at me, a panicked look on her face when she saw my expression. Maggie was coming here? To Washington? Why else would she be coming all the way here if not to see Edward? My heart sank, and I felt like I might throw up. I wanted to rush into my bedroom and lock myself away, but I didn't think I could stand up without falling. And I didn't want to draw anymore attention to myself.

Emily and Kenna continued talking as Alice kept looking back at me, making sure I was alright. When they were finally finished and all their nails were dry, the little girls went back into the house to look for their Easter goodies.

"Bella, talk to Edward," Alice said as soon as the back door closed.

"Why? She's obviously coming here for him," I responded, digging the heels of my palms into my eyes. "What am I doing?"

"Bella, stop it! You know better than this. Either you go in there and talk to him, or I will."

"Alice, I-"

"No, knock it off! You don't know anything right now, so stop it. You go march yourself right into that house and talk to Edward. I don't want to hear another word out of you until you do."

I knew she meant business, but I just couldn't pull myself up. I was frozen, stuck on the stairs as my body began to shake and tremble.

"Hey, Bella," I heard Edward say as he stepped through the back door he'd just opened. Alice quickly excused herself and returned to the house, leaving Edward and I alone on the porch. "I was wondering if maybe we could talk. Jasper said he and Alice would keep the kids occupied for us."

I turned to my left, facing the backyard again and looking away from him. I didn't know what to say or what I even _wanted_ to say. I had so many different emotions running through me that I felt like I might explode. And it wasn't in the good way that being with Edward usually caused.

"Maybe we should," I said quietly.

"I think I should start out by apologizing to you. My behavior this week has been inexcusable, and I'm so sorry. I'm not sure if it's me or my leaving Emily with you so much, but something's off between us. I can feel it." He started toward me, and I knew he intended to sit on the stair next to me. My body was aching for him, wanting him close and accessible. My mind had other ideas.

I had to hold back a laugh as anger started to fester in my gut. I wanted to scream at him, to yell and rage and demand answers about Maggie and Lauren. Babysitting Emily was the least of my problems, and he didn't even seem to get that.

"Are you seeing someone else?" I asked. My voice was a little stronger than it had been before. I was certain if he could ignore the quiver in it, he would hear the venom there.

"What?" he asked, pausing where he stood a few feet away from me.

"Maggie? Are you seeing her? Did you sleep with her when you were in California?"

"Bella... What are you talking about?"

I turned to face him, letting him see the hurt and outrage that burned in my eyes. "Your new friend? You know, the one who's coming to visit in a few weeks? Maggie? The woman you spent all last week with while you were in California?"

His face had a shocked expression on it and I watched as he stared down at me, finally folding his arms across his chest and pressing his lips together. His brow furrowed a bit, and he was breathing harder than normal. I could sense his mood was changing.

"Were you gonna tell me? Did I not move fast enough for you? Am I still too busy grieving for my husband? What?" I asked him, my voice steadily rising. I stood up, finding a new strength and fierceness as the rage overwhelmed me. He was just standing there, not denying anything I'd said. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to shake him and make him understand that I needed him. I wanted to slap him and cry, because I'd made such a fool of myself in front of him.

"Bella..." he said in a low, strong voice.

"No! What about all these women here? The mom from the party, Lauren. Did you see her at the store last night? Did you talk to her? Maybe make a date?"

"Of course not. What has gotten into you?"

"Did you hear the things she was saying about me?" I asked, hoping with everything in me that he'd heard and that he'd set her in her place after I had left.

"No, I didn't hear anything. She didn't say anything to me, other than how sorry she was that I couldn't make it to the birthday party."

I laughed out loud. "Oh, of course!" I said. "She's sorry you didn't come hang out with her and her friends. Of course I should know that! Oh, man. This town is so screwed up! She doesn't even care that she used your daughter to lure you there. She thinks I'm a slut, and yet she's a married woman actually going after another man."

I stepped off the stairs and into the grass, pacing back and forth as I let myself get more and more worked up.

"It's this stupid double-standard. You know, the one that says it's okay for you to date and screw around because you're a man and you need someone to take care of you. But for me, a woman who was widowed only two weeks after you, I'm a slut and a whore and pathetic, because I hang around with a man who isn't my dead husband. I should be home with my children, after all. I shouldn't need a man, and if I want one, I'm branded with some medieval scarlet letter across my chest so that the whole town can see what a cheap whore I am!"

As I yelled, I knew I shouldn't be taking my feelings and frustrations out on Edward, but he was there and he was part of the problem. My mind wouldn't even entertain the idea that he could also be part of the solution.

"Bella, I-"

"You don't get it, do you? Do you know the looks I get around town? When I picked Emily up from school, the aide glared at me. The whole birthday party fiasco still gets me sideways glances from other moms when I take Collin to school in the mornings. And you wanna hear what else I heard the other day? This one's priceless, but you probably already know," I said as I stopped to face him. "Some of the boys in Collin's class were talking about his new dad; the cool dad who brought him to the baseball game. I heard them talking about how Collin called you his new dad, Edward. Did you let my son call you Dad?"

Edward's eyes widened in surprise, and I watched his jaw move as he ground his teeth together and his nostrils flared ever so slightly. "No, Bella. I did not let Collin refer to me as his dad. He called me his Uncle Edward and he called me his borrowed dad, just like we'd discussed. He never, to my knowledge, referred to me as his father." I could tell Edward was getting angry, and part of me felt good that I wasn't the only one feeling that emotion. "But make no mistake, Bella. I would be honored if Collin chose to call me his dad someday. But that would be up to him and you."

I huffed out a laugh. "Ugh, whatever," I said, then turned away from him as I reached up and dug my fingers into my hair. "I think you should go."

There was nothing but silence behind me for several seconds before finally I heard him breathe out a long, deep breath. "Fine. But before I go, I wanted to give you the gift I bought you for Easter. I know we're not very religious and Alec was never really into religious jewelry, so it's not for that. It's more a symbol of today and what the holiday represents."

I wanted to turn around and look at him, but I couldn't. The sadness in his voice was quickly stripping me of my anger, but in its place was hurt. And I was hurting badly, not just because of Edward and the mess we were in, but because Alec had left me in the first place. I still hadn't had a chance to deal with his loss completely, and I was mad at him for giving up and not fighting harder the last few days he was alive. How he could have left me alone with our children, I'd never understand. But the fact that he did still upset me. And in that moment, I was taking it out on Edward. And he was letting me.

"I saw this and thought of you. It symbolizes a rebirth, a reawakening. A new life. And I want that for you, Bella. I want you to have something new and good and happy. I miss the old Bella. The Bella that used to tell off-colored jokes when she was tipsy. The Bella that used to serve her kids cake for breakfast because it has eggs and flour in it. The Bella that used to watch horror movies just to laugh at how cheesy they are. The Bella that used to misplace Heidi's prized vase just to watch her search the house for it. I miss her. And I know I'm not the only one."

He paused for a moment, letting out a sigh before he spoke again. "And even if you don't want that new life to be with me, I want you to have it. I want you to be happy again, and I'd really like to be a part of that, Bella. But you have to let me in. You have to let me help where I can. You have to trust me. You have to give us a chance. You have to give us a start. When it comes to me, you have no competition. You're only competing against yourself. I know who I want, and if you honestly think I'd ever want one of those women from the party, then apparently you don't know me as well as I thought you did."

I heard him place something on the table, and then I heard footsteps as he walked toward the house. Just as I was about to turn around and ask him not to go, I heard him clear his throat.

"And just so you know, Maggie is Rose's roommate from college. Emmett asked her to spend a couple of days with us as a favor to me. Her husband died last year, and his best friend was there to help her and their boys. Within a few months, they were dating and six months after the funeral, they got married. I told Emmett about us and what was going on, and I told him I didn't know what you were thinking. I didn't want to scare you or push you away. I know we're not in the same place, Bella, and I hoped that maybe Maggie could give me some insight on what you're feeling."

My hand slowly lifted to my chest, pushing against my ribs as my heart began to pound and my breathing picked up. Tears were sliding down my cheeks, and I knew I'd made a horrible mistake.

"Maggie's coming to visit Rose, just like she does every year. She's not seeing me, although she'd hoped that maybe she could meet you while she's here. She's a good person, and she told me to be careful and patient with you." He paused for just a few seconds, and when he spoke, his voice was softer and so sad. "And she told me not to worry, that she was certain you'd be crazy about me. But I guess she was wrong. I'll take Emily and go, but when you figure out what you want, let me know. You already know what I want."

I spun around, catching his eyes and seeing the sadness in them. "I'll have my mom watch Emily this week. I don't want to burden your life anymore than I already have."

"Edward..." I said quietly.

"Happy Easter, Bella."

Then he opened the door, and I watched him through the window as he got Emily and her things and they left. After a minute or two, I finally found the will to walk back to the porch and to the table. On top of it sat a small blue box, and in it was a beautiful silver cross necklace with a little diamond in the center. I'd never seen anything like it before, and I instantly loved it.

Maybe Edward was right about me. Maybe I didn't laugh as much as I had before. Maybe I didn't enjoy life the same way I did before the accident. Maybe I'd lost myself in sorrow and grief and change. Maybe I needed to find myself, to rediscover myself, so that I could figure out what my life was going to be from that point on. Who I was going to be from that point on, I didn't know, but as I traced my finger over the curling silver metal of the cross, I knew that I needed to figure it out.

And soon, before I ruined something that could be amazing and wonderful. Perfect.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Longest chapter so far. Just under 3500 words. It's good that ********I**** separated it from the last chapter, otherwise we'd have been pushing 6000 words for one chapter. :D Hope you can see some things changing and moving for these two. :) This chapter was one of the first scenes ********I**** saw in my head when ********I**** first starting thinking about this story idea. The other one will be later in the story. :) But ********I**** see this as a bit of a turning point for Bella. ********I**** hope you do, too. :) There's a picture of the necklace Edward bought for Bella in the FB group, so if you wanna see it, it's there. :) And if you want in the group and aren't already, PM me there and ask and I'll get you admitted. ********I**** never admit anyone unless they ask me to. :)**

**Since ********I**** wasn't able to do review replies for Chapters 19, 20, and this chapter, I'm gonna do something special. Not quite a Bonus teaser, but instead an EPOV as a thank you to those who reviewed all three chapters, knowing full well ********I**** probably wouldn't get a teaser to them. It will be an outtake of_ The Night Edward Met Bella_. If you didn't review those chapters and you want the EPOV, I'm totally cool with you going back and reviewing them now. :) ********I**** don't mind. :D The chapter reviews are the only way I know who to send it to. :)  
**

**Thanks for the well wishes and condolences for my friend and her husband. The funeral was very nice, and their 11-year-old son gave a very sweet talk all about his dad and the wonderful things he did for his children. ********I**** cried. :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from******** the original Twilight cast Vanity Fair photoshoot from 2008. You know, the one that gave us all those pretty Rob and Kristen pics? Awww, they were so cute together. :D This picture is an edit I saw online and LOVED. It's from a pic of Rob, Kristen, and Cam and the color has been played with so it's more gray and blue than the original. Rob's brow is furrowed, his lips are open, his hair is crazy, his scruff is awesome, and his eyelashes are perfect, as always. :) Ugh, he's so, so pretty. And I'm totally not ashamed to crush on this poor man. :D Seriously, he knows what he's doing to us when he looks at the camera like that. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Two

It was well after dark by the time I re-entered the house. It was quiet; no television programs blaring or children singing or fighting. It seemed odd and a little strange to walk through the rooms and feel no life there. As I walked down the hallway toward the kids' bedrooms, I could hear soft mumbling coming from Mckenna's room. Peeking around the door frame, I watched as Alice sat on the bed with Kenna and Collin on either side of her. She was quietly reading a book to them, making animated sounds and different voices for each character. It made me smile to see my children so well taken care of.

"You okay?" I heard from behind me. Jasper stood there, his hand landing softly on my shoulder as he, too, watched Alice and the kids. "She's really great with them," he whispered. "I don't know what I'm gonna do if we don't ever get to have any."

"You will. It'll happen," I said, leaning my head against his shoulder as we stayed there for a few minutes and listened to Alice and my children.

"Come on," he said, pulling me away from the door and toward my bedroom. Technically, it was still my bedroom, even though I never slept in it anymore. He moved to sit on the bed, patting the space next to him so that I could sit down, as well. He let out a deep breath, then looked up at me. "You wanna tell me what happened?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Not really. I'm sure you can guess by the way Edward hightailed it out of here." I looked down at my lap, my fingers twisting together as my emotions started to get the best of me again and my eyes began to water. "I screwed up."

I could feel his sympathy radiating from him, and it relaxed me. He'd always been so in-tune with my emotions, from the time we were young children. "What happened?"

"What didn't happen? I jumped to conclusions, I got jealous, I got angry, I felt hurt, I felt made fun of. I blamed him for things that aren't his fault." Wiping at my tears as they trickled down my cheek, I looked back up to meet his eyes. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so scared, Jasper."

"Hey, you're okay. It's okay to be scared, Bells. This is a hard thing you're dealing with. Most people are lucky to find love once in their life. The idea of finding it twice can be a bit overwhelming, especially when it's with someone you aren't supposed to love."

"Alice told you?" I asked, sniffling as I continued to cry.

"No, she didn't have to. I have eyes, you know. But I wish you'd have said something."

"I know I should have, but I just didn't know what to say. How do you explain something like this to people? Besides, I don't even know what I want, much less what's gonna happen between us."

"Do you like him?" Jasper questioned, rubbing his hand comfortingly across the small of my back.

"Yeah, I do."

"Do you think you could be happy with him?"

I nodded. "Yes," I whispered.

"Do you think you're ready now to pursue something with him?"

"I'm not sure, but I don't think so. Not yet. And that's the thing. I know he's ready. He knows what he wants, and I don't want to hurt him. I need him. The kids need him. I can't screw this up, Jazz."

"Did you tell him that?"

I shook my head, embarrassed by the way I'd acted toward Edward that evening. My head fell forward as my tears increased, and I began to sob. "I miss Alec," I whispered.

"I know you do," Jasper said, pulling me against his side.

"I don't know how to move on from here. Edward said I'm different since the accident. Do you think I'm different?"

He sighed, taking a moment before he spoke. "Yeah, I think you are. I think that's to be expected. You suffered a tragedy, Bells, and you got left on your own with two kids who need a lot from you. Not to mention the fact that you've practically taken in Emily, as well. It's a lot for one person to do on her own. Your feelings for Alec aren't going to go away overnight, and they shouldn't, not if they were true and real. And I know they were. But as time passes, it'll get easier, you'll miss him a little less, and you'll start to live again, bit by bit. Eventually, you'll be happy again, Bella. You just have to believe that."

Nodding in agreement, I continued to cry as he held me up, supporting and loving me. After several minutes had passed, I asked him something that had been bothering me since the moment Edward and Emily left.

"Do you think I messed things up too badly? Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" Looking up at his face, Jasper raised his hand and wiped the tears from my mascara-stained cheeks.

"I know he will. I spent all afternoon with the guy, and if I learned one thing about him it's this — he's in love with you, Bella. I think he'd walk through fire to be with you, and I think he understands what you're going through. He might not be in the same place as you are, but I have no doubt he'll wait for you to be ready. You just need to be honest with him and tell him if it's worth his wait."

"Really?"

He smiled. "Really. How could he not love you? You're awesome. I mean, you're related to me, and I'm amazing. Just ask Alice."

His humor and confidence made me laugh, and I lifted my arms around his neck and hugged him. "Thank you," I mumbled against his shoulder, breathing deeply and letting his familiar scent calm me.

"Bella, I gotta ask you something. If it's too personal, just say so, but I think I should ask."

"What?" I replied, letting go of him and leaning back so that I could look at him again.

"Why aren't you sleeping in here? Why aren't you sleeping in your bed anymore?"

I looked around the room for a moment, seeing all the things that were so familiar to me. Alec and I had put the bedroom together so that we both loved it and felt comfortable in it. Without him there, it felt foreign and strange to me.

"I haven't slept in here since the accident, not since that night. I can't do it. I just can't sleep in this bed without him."

He nodded, reaching across and taking my hand in his. "Don't you think it's about time you tried?" he asked gently.

Looking at the pillows that lay at the head of the bed, I could almost see Alec in my mind, sleeping on the bed. The pajama pants he always wore, his bare chest, and his arms wrapped around his pillow as he hugged it to him. It wasn't a bad image to have in my head, and I took a deep but shaky breath.

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"Come on. I think I saw ice cream in your freezer. Let's see if Alice has the kids asleep yet, and then we can eat ice cream and watch a movie or something. Sound okay?" he suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good," I told him. "I'll meet you in the kitchen. I need to do something really quick."

He smiled and then left the room. I sat in the dimly lit quiet room, then lay down on the bed, facing Alec's side as my hand tenderly smoothed over his pillow. His scent was almost gone from it, and I pulled it to me and squeezed it for a few minutes. I must have nodded off, because I was soon dreaming about the last time I'd seen the real him - full of life and love and fire. The way I remembered him in my mind and in my heart.

"_Babe, come on," Alec said. "It's only ten-thirty. I don't wanna go yet."_

"_Alec, Kenna's not feeling well, and I really want to take her home. Besides, it's our anniversary. We should be home celebrating, not at your parents' New Year's Eve party."_

_I was still a little annoyed that they'd put together a party on the night of our anniversary, but I guess that's what I got for deciding it would be fun to get married on New Year's Eve._

"_Renata's gonna make breakfast at one. That's only two hours. And we can put Kenna in one of the guest rooms. She can sleep and she'll never even know she's not in her own bed."_

"_Alec, I want to go home. Please."_

_He sighed, and I knew I wasn't going to win the argument. "Fine, we'll stay until midnight, okay? My dad's got something planned for midnight, so we need to stay until then. And if you wanna go after that, we'll go. Okay?"_

_I let out a frustrated breath. "No, it's not okay, but it's better than staying all night."_

_Turning away from him, I walked to the living room and flopped down into a chair, crossing my arms over my chest and pouting. Collin and Emily were playing in the great room, and I could hear them laughing and enjoying each other. Mckenna was asleep on the sofa across from me. She'd been running a bit of a fever all day, and even though I wanted to keep her home from the party, I knew that Aro and Heidi would be offended if we didn't all show up. They'd put a lot of effort into the party and I felt bad about the fact that I didn't want to be there, but my baby wasn't feel well and I wanted her tucked safely into her own bed._

_By the time midnight rolled around, I went to find Alec and was a little upset about seeing him with an empty champagne glass in his hand._

"_Alec," I said. "Are you drinking? I thought we were going home?"_

"_Bella, come on," he said, and I knew from the way he said it that he'd had a few more than just one glass of champagne. "I know you love Renata's crepes, and she's making them just for us. Come on, baby. There's strawberries and chocolate... And we can even go upstairs to one of the bedrooms and celebrate our anniversary, if you want." His arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to him. "No one would even miss us," he whispered into my ear, kissing my neck._

"_No, Alec," I responded as I pushed him away. "I need to take her home. You promised."_

_He huffed and just as I was about to tell him to stay, that I'd take the kids and go home myself, I heard Edward come walking up behind us._

"_You going home?" he asked._

"_I need to take Kenna home, and Alec wants to stay for breakfast. It's no big deal."_

_Edward had looked miserable all evening, and I'd noticed he and Jane hardly interacted at all. She'd been drinking since before dinner, so by that point, she was pretty well gone. I figured a decent meal would help to sober her up, even though she looked like she didn't want to be sober anytime soon._

"_I can take you," Edward offered._

"_What?" I asked._

"_Well, Jane's gonna stay until later, but Emily's falling asleep, so I'm gonna take her home. I was just gonna come back in the morning to pick up Jane or have Aro bring her home. But maybe I could take you and the kids, and then Alec could drive Jane home later on after they've had breakfast."_

_Alec's face seemed to light up. "That sounds good," he said, smiling at me._

_I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I wanted to get home and put Mckenna to bed. "Are you sure? It's kind of out of your way."_

_Edward smiled. "Yeah, it's fine. It's like two minutes from my house. It's not a big deal. I'd be happy to take you."_

_I looked back at Alec, wondering what he would say, but he just smiled. "See? Problem solved."_

_Edward took my keys and headed outside to move Collin and Kenna's car seats from our car to his, leaving Alec and I alone for a moment. "Promise me you won't drive until you've sobered up. Even if you spend the night, just be careful."_

"_Babe, I promise. Don't worry, okay? And I'll bring you some breakfast so you'll have something to eat in the morning."_

_I nodded. "Okay."_

_Alec smiled down at me, his eyebrow quirking up just a bit. "And maybe I'll wake you up that one way that you like. You know, with that thing I do with my tongue that makes you squirm," he whispered into my ear. "We'll celebrate our anniversary. I promise. Don't worry."_

_Smiling, I kissed him quickly before saying goodnight to Aro and Heidi. Edward helped me get the kids into their seats, and we pulled away from the big house on the hill where my in-laws lived._

"_Long night, huh?" Edward asked._

_My somber mood had returned, and I had a sinking feeling in my belly as we got farther and farther away from the party._

"_Yeah, you could say that," I replied, then leaned my head against the headrest and watched out the window as the full moon lit up the forest all around us._

My eyes popped open, and my breathing picked up. That was the last real night I'd spent Alec, and I'd been asleep in the exact same spot, the exact same position when my phone rang at five a.m. that night. Glancing around the room, I bit my lip and forced myself to breathe in and out until I had myself under control again. It was past midnight on my clock, and I figured Jasper and Alice had gone to bed. I'd managed to sleep in my bed for over three hours, and I hoped that maybe I could go all night. I wanted to. But before I tried, there was something else I needed to do.

Walking across the room, I tiptoed into the kitchen and found my cell phone, which was laying on the counter. Opening it, I let the soft glow from the phone light up the room around me as I pulled up Edward's number. I hit the message option and typed out the only thing running through my head at that moment. It was the most important thing I needed to say for the time being, and I hoped he would hear all that the two words represented.

_I'm sorry._

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: You all are the bestest, most awesome-est, sweetest, funnest, loyalest, amazingest readers ever. ********I**** don't think ********I**** say that nearly enough. :)**

**Thank you! Ya'll never cease to amaze me and make me feel wonderful. :) Thanks so much! :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from******** March 30********th********, 2012, when he went paddleboarding in Malibu. Yes, I know it's a pap pic, and I know they're horrible, but oh... I love seeing him do different things. You know, something other than going to a club or to dinner or walking down the street. :D Why doesn't he go bowling or goofy-golfing or something different? :D Okay, so in this particular picture he's wearing his black shorts, his hair is kinda short but his beard is pretty long and full. I do love that. :) Anyway, he's shirtless and he's got that huge blue board and his paddle. He's kneeling on the board, like he's getting ready to head back out into the water, and he's looking ahead, like he's focused on what he's doing. Now, I know that a lot of women want him to have washboard abs and no fat and be all tight and built and chiseled and that. Not me. I like the fact that he's not at his skinniest or muscle-i-est in this picture. :D I like that when he's bent over on that board, the skin at his waist kinda folds over itself and he's got a little bit of a gut. He looks softer, which I love. :D If I'm gonna cuddle up with someone I'd rather them be more like a soft pillow than a hard rock. :D But for Rob, I'd take whatever he'd give me. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Three

Monday morning, I may have hung around the school parking lot a little longer than usual, hoping to catch a glimpse of Edward. But I didn't see him or Emily. My heart hurt a little more, knowing that he was probably hurting, too, and it was because of me. Mckenna and I returned home, and I helped Alice clean up the breakfast dishes.

"When are you guys leaving?" I asked.

"Oh, in a little while. I think Jasper wants to play with Mckenna for a bit longer." She smiled, and I could see a hint of sadness in her eyes. She was ready for a baby, and it was taking so long for it to happen.

"Well, she loves him, so I know she'll be sad to see you guys go. I will, too," I said as I bumped my hip into hers.

"You know, if you ever want to talk to someone about all this, I can help."

"Thank you, Alice. It really does help to talk to you about things."

"No," she hesitantly said. "I mean, if you want to talk to someone official, like a therapist or something, I know a really good one."

Her eyes stayed focused on the dishes in her hands, and I wondered how she knew about a therapist who might be able to help me.

"Okay," I replied with a nod. "That might be good."

"I've been seeing someone — a therapist — for all this baby stuff. It's been really stressing me out, and Jasper and I have been fighting more than normal. I worry that if there's something wrong with me and I can't have children, if that'll change his mind."

Pausing, I looked closer at her. "Change his mind about you?" I questioned. "Alice, you know he would never change his mind about you."

"I hope not," she said with a quiet laugh. "But you never know. Babies are a big deal, but Dr. Carmen's been really great. She handles a lot of family-type issues, so I'm sure she would meet with you, if you wanted. And I could watch Kenna for you during your appointments. She's in Port Angeles, so you'd have to drive, but no one would know. No one here, anyway. You know, the gossip queens."

A frown turned my lips downward as I thought about the hateful women I'd encountered lately. The last thing I would ever want any of them to know was that I was having difficulty dealing with things. They didn't need any more ammunition against me than they already had.

"That sounds nice. If you don't mind, I'd like to get her number." I wanted to be myself again. I wanted to move forward with my life. I wanted to be a better mother to my kids. And I wanted to be something to Edward and to let him be something to me, something more than what we already were. I wanted that with every part of me, and I _knew_ I did. Even if it scared me.

Jasper and Alice left before lunch time, and after Mckenna's nap, it was time to pick-up Collin. I parked in the pick-up lane and waited. When the doors opened, I watched for my son, and soon enough, I saw him, his little backpack bouncing up and down as he ran toward my car. Emily was next to him, and just as they reached me, she stopped and looked farther down the sidewalk. Glancing in my side mirror, I saw Edward's mother parked a few cars behind me and I turned to look at Emily. She gave me a sad smile and waved her hand, causing me to do the same. Then she told Collin goodbye and continued walking past my car to her waiting grandmother. My heart clenched as I watched Esme greet her, and I wished it was my car she was getting into.

But I understood. I knew why Edward had asked his mom to pick her up. It made sense to me, even though I didn't like it. It wasn't a punishment, but just his way of giving me time and space so that I could make the decisions I needed to make for myself. It was just Edward being Edward again and thinking of me and my needs before his own.

The afternoon and evening passed slowly, uneventfully. I waited all day, hoping Edward would text me back. The more I thought about the message I'd sent him, the more I realized how many different things "I'm sorry" could mean. I hoped and prayed that he had enough faith in me to know I wasn't apologizing about wanting him. Or for starting something with him. I would never be sorry for that, no matter what.

When the kids were in bed, I sat in my quiet living room, looking at the pictures that covered the walls. It showed a happy family, and we had been. Alec and I had issues, just like every other couple in the world did, but we loved each other and we were happy. I smiled at the faces of my loved ones, the people I cherished most in the world, as they stared back at me from their frames.

I was stalling. I knew I was. Sleeping in my bedroom again was my goal for the night, and I was attempting to work up the will to go into the room, lay down on the bed, and sleep. Alone. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to get up and go. After changing into my pajamas, I pulled the sheets back and climbed into the bed. It really was a comfortable mattress, and I loved the way it seemed to cuddle my body. It had been a long time since I had anyone do that. Remembering how it felt to have Alec wrapped around me brought tears to my eyes, but after a few minutes of thinking about it and crying over it, I felt better. It didn't hurt as much, and I smiled.

It wasn't too late, and I knew Edward was still awake. I had to try to reach out to him, even if I wasn't ready to promise him anything more, yet. My phone lay on the nightstand and I picked it up, sending him a quick message.

_I'm sorry but not about you. I could never be sorry about you. Please forgive me._

After ten minutes and no reply, I sent one more message.

_I miss you._

Then I closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

The next morning was the same as Monday. I got to the school a little early, hoping to see Edward and Emily. He hadn't replied to any of my texts, and I understood why he hadn't. He was still giving me space, just like he promised he would. If I knew anything at all about Edward, it was that he was always very thorough about things. He wouldn't contact me until he was absolutely certain I knew what I wanted. And as of yet, I hadn't made any declarations, so he was holding himself back. I respected that about him.

Esme's car drove into the parking lot, and the hopes I had of seeing Edward vanished. She parked a few spaces down from me and I stood next to Mckenna, watching as she walked Emily to the gate and kissed her goodbye for the day. As she made her way back to her car, she looked at me and smiled.

"Hello, Bella," she said. Her voice was very calming and comforting, but I could hear worry and concern in her tone.

"Hi, Esme. How are you?" I asked, hoping maybe she'd stay and talk for a few minutes.

"I'm good, dear. How are things going with you?"

I nodded. "Okay."

Her smile assured me that she had some idea of what was going on with Edward and me, and I nervously nibbled away at my bottom lip as I tried to work up the courage to ask her what I really wanted to know.

"So, how's Emily today?" I hedged.

"Good. She's doing well. Edward had an early morning today, had to be on site first thing, so he brought her by. I'm enjoying the time I get to spend with her."

"That's good," I mumbled. My eyes lowered, and I stared at the asphalt. "How is Edward?" I softly asked.

"He's okay. He seems a little preoccupied, but I've seen him worse."

My heart sank just a bit, and I felt my shoulders drop as my forehead began to crinkle. He was okay without me. He wasn't hurting the way I was. I wondered if he even missed me.

"But I've seen him much, much happier than he is now, especially these last few weeks or so, since he's been spending so much time with you and your children. He and Emily haven't seemed so happy in a long time, Bella."

"Really?" I asked, looking up at her.

"Really." She reached her hand out to Mckenna, taking hold of her fingers. "Now, you must be Mckenna. I've heard so much about you," she said as she bent down to my daughter's eye level.

"Yep, I'm Kenna. Do yous know my Uncah Edward and Emily?" she asked.

Esme smiled. "Yes, I do. I'm Emily's grandma. I'm her Grandma Cullen."

"Oh," Kenna said excitedly. "Yous showed Emily how ta make da pies, huh? And yous had money in da Easter eggs, huh?"

"Yep, that's me. Emily tells me all about you and how fun you are. One of these days, you'll have to come over and play at my house. You can bring your swimming suit and go swimming with Emily."

"Momma, can I? Please, Momma?" Mckenna asked as she bounced up and down.

"Yeah, I'm sure that'll be fine, baby."

Esme stood, still smiling down at my daughter before finally looking back at me. "You really should call him. He won't ever say it, but he misses you. And if you think it might work out with him, please don't keep him waiting. I hate seeing my baby so upset. I'm sure you know what I mean."

"I do," I said, nodding to her. "I'm figuring it out, and I'm gonna call him really soon. I promise."

Her smile brightened a bit, and the fine wrinkles around her eyes crinkled up a little more. "Well, good. I love Emily dearly, but I know my house isn't anywhere near as fun as yours is. And now I can see why," she said to Mckenna. "I'll see you soon, Bella."

"Thank you, Esme."

She walked back to her car, waving her fingers at us, and then left. Glancing around I saw a few of the other moms watching me, most likely wondering why I'd been talking to Esme Cullen. Part of me began to get nervous and worried, and then I remembered who I was and that I had nothing to be worried about. Before the accident, I never would have cowered to women like that. I would have ignored them or given them a piece of my mind. I wouldn't have freaked out over what they thought of my life.

I straightened my back and took Kenna's hand, pulling her to her door and helping her into her seat. As I climbed into mine, I caught a look at myself in the rearview mirror, and I liked what I saw. There seemed to be a bit of a spark in my eyes again. It was something I hadn't seen since Alec died, and I was happy to think it was coming back. Finally. Maybe there was hope for me yet.

When I got home I situated Mckenna at the dining table with some cereal, and then picked up my phone.

"Good Morning. Port Angeles Family Therapy Center. How can I help you?"

"Hi, I'd like to make an appointment with Dr. Carmen, please," I said, letting out a deep breath and feeling confident that I was taking a very needed step in the right direction. Once it was scheduled, I looked at my phone for a few moments, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. Finally, I decided anything was better than nothing, and I started to type a message to Edward.

_I__ made an appointment with a therapist. I'm trying. Please don't give up on me. __I__ need you. I'll call soon. __I__ promise. __I__ know what __I__ want._

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: No Edward this time, but for good reason. :) He'll be back very soon...don't worry. :) And because a lot of last chapters reviews mentioned ********this****, I**** thought I'd say something. Alec... He was a good guy, a good husband, a good dad. We haven't heard everything about the night of the accident, so let's not jump to conclusions just yet. :) We'll hear more, don't worry. And he was NOT driving drunk. That's NOT why the car accident happened. Also, remember he died 12 days AFTER the accident, so he didn't die that night/morning. But Jane did die that day. Hopefully ********that**** clears things up a bit. :)**

**Thanks so much! :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from********... well, I don't know. But I do remember the first time I saw it. I don't think I spoke for about 10 minutes... I was speechless. :) It's a side profile picture of him in a hoodie. His scruff is awesome and kinda salt-and-pepper looking in the light. His eyelashes are so long... I really love a man with long eyelashes. :D His lips are all pressed together and puckered. And there's just a hint of chest hair showing from the collar of his shirt. He's sorta beautiful... :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Four

I didn't hold my breath waiting for a reply text from Edward, so when my phone beeped Tuesday afternoon, I was curious.

_I'm glad you're talking to someone. I'm proud of you. - Edward_

His short and simple words made me smile, as did the fact that he signed his name at the end of the message, as if I wouldn't know it was from Edward, as if my heart wasn't pounding a million beats per minute after finally hearing something from him. It had only been two days since I'd blown up at him, but those two days were taking a toll on me. I smiled, debating over whether or not I should write back to him. I didn't want to press my luck and hope that he'd feel obligated to respond again. I wanted to honor his request to stay away until I was certain what I wanted. Even more than that, I wanted to be able to show him that I was doing something about it, to prove to him that I was trying and that I was serious. As I worried myself sick over what to do, my phone beeped again.

_I could never give up, Bella. I miss you, too. - Edward_

What he said was perfect, and I decided that I would call him that night. I wanted to see him, to talk to him. I was embarrassed by my outburst on Sunday, and I yearned for the chance to explain myself. Talking over the phone wasn't ideal, and I hoped that maybe we could make plans to meet somewhere so that we could do it in person, eye-to-eye.

Plus, I really wanted to see him.

As I made dinner that evening, my mind wandered back to a little over three months earlier — the day of the accident.

_It had been so hectic that day and I'd been in the hospital for hours, waiting for word on Alec. It was while I sat in the waiting room that I saw Edward for the first time since that morning when he'd come to my house. He looked like he'd seen a ghost; his eyes were so haunted and dull. There was no life in him, and for a moment, my heart seemed to stop._

"_Edward?" I asked in a shaky voice. I hadn't spoken much that day, other than a "yes" here and a "no, I don't think so" there. My voice sounded foreign and out of place as it broke through the silence of the room._

"_Bella." He paused, his eyes still downcast and his gaze glued to the floor._

_Slowly I stood from my seat, walking toward him. I was alone for the first time that day. Aro and Heidi had gone to the cafeteria for coffee and my parents were at my house with the kids, waiting for Jasper to get there for the night._

"_Edward, what?" I whispered as I carefully approached him. "What happened with Jane?"_

_His face tilted up, and his eyes met mine. He seemed to just stare at me for several seconds, not really registering what I'd asked him._

"_Edward?"_

_I watched as his eyes began to gloss over, getting more and more watery the longer he stood there. When his chin began to shake and his eyebrows pulled down, I knew. Instantly, without one word from him, I knew._

"_No."_

"_She's gone. It was just too bad, her injuries. The doctor said there was too much bleeding, trauma, something." His head shook back and forth as tears slid down his cheeks._

"_Oh, Edward," I mumbled as I went to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him to me. "Edward, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I cried. His body shook in my arms, and I felt him wrap around me as he crumbled._

_As I clung to him, feeling his tears soak the shoulder of my shirt, I heard a gasp from behind me, and then a crash of something falling to the floor._

"_No!" I heard Heidi yell, then Aro begin to call for help. _

_I couldn't move. I was frozen in place, holding up a man I thought was solid, steady, unwavering. I'd never seen him broken before, and as I felt him surrender to the pain of losing his wife, I began to wonder how I would react if it were me. What would I do if Alec didn't make it? Up until that point, I knew it was bad, that he was serious, but I believed he'd be okay. I thought he would pull through the surgery fine and that we'd go back home and be normal again. The fact that Jane was dead cut me to the core, and as I listened to Aro and Heidi grieve for their child and held onto Edward as he broke apart in my arms, I was forced to accept reality. _

_Alec might never come home. _

_If only I'd stayed at the party with him, maybe it would have been different. If only I'd made him leave, made him go home with me, maybe he'd still be alive. If only I'd done something, it might have made a difference. But it was too late, and I had to live with that._

My memory was cut short by the ringing of my cell phone. Wiping at the tears that had dripped down my cheeks, I sniffled a few times before answering the phone, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Auntie Bella?" I heard on the line. I knew it was Emily, and a smile broke out across my face.

"Hi, Emily," I said, so excited to hear her voice. "How are you? Is everything okay?"

"I'm okay. I just miss you, Auntie Bella."

"Oh, honey, I miss you, too. So much. Are you being good? You having fun with your Grandma and Grandpa Cullen?"

"Yeah, they're fun, but I miss you."

I sighed, so relieved to hear the voice that I hadn't heard in over two days. There was only one voice I wanted to hear more than hers, but I'd take what I could get for the moment.

"Auntie Bella, are you mad at me?" she asked, and I could hear sadness in her voice.

"What? No, of course not."

"Why can't I come to your house after school anymore? Daddy said you need time by yourself."

"Honey, I'm not upset with you, okay? I love you, Emily, and I miss you. This is just grown-up stuff, and I promise it won't be much longer."

"Are you mad at my daddy? He's sad, Auntie Bella."

I sighed, uncertain of what to say to this sweet little girl. "No, I'm not mad at your daddy. We have some things we need to talk about, and he was right. I needed some time by myself to figure that out. But I think I got it all figured out now, so I'm gonna talk to your dad really soon, okay? And then I promise you'll be coming back to my house after school, alright?"

"Okay," she said. "I'm still saving my easter egg money so we can get ice cream."

A smile turned up the corners of my lips. "That's good. I could really use some ice cream after this week."

She giggled a bit and then started to tell me about one of the books she was reading in her class.

"Em?" I heard through the speaker of the phone.

"Just a minute, Auntie Bella. Be quiet, okay?" she softly said. "Yeah?" she yelled, and it dawned on me that Edward probably had no idea she'd called me.

"Where are you?" I heard him say. It was muffled a bit, but I could still hear his words clearly. "There you are. Hey, have you seen Daddy's cell phone?"

"Yeah, it's right here."

"Sweetheart, why did you take my phone? I've been looking everywhere for it."

"I wanted to call Auntie Bella," I heard Emily say. I had to hold back a laugh when I heard her voice and the challenge that was in her tone.

"Honey, I told you we gotta give her some alone time, okay? She'll call when she's ready."

"But Daddy, I wanna see her now. I miss her, and she misses me, too."

"I'm sure she does, Em. But I promised that we'd give her some quiet time for a few days, so we need to do that."

"But she wants to see me, Daddy. She said so."

"I know she probably does, but... Wait, what do you mean she said so?" he asked. Emily was quiet for a moment. "Emily, what did you do?"

"I called her."

"Sweetheart, I really wish that you'd asked me before you did that. You shouldn't be calling people without my permission."

"But I wanted to talk to her, Daddy. And I know you wanna talk to her, too."

He let out a long breath, and I held mine. "I do, Em, but I need to stay away until she tells me not to. Okay? This is just grown-up stuff. I promise. I'll talk to her soon, alright?"

"Talk to her now, Daddy," she said.

"Emily... Is my phone on?"

"Yeah. Auntie Bella's on there, Daddy. I was talking to her."

"Em," he said. After a few seconds, he spoke again. "Let me see the phone, and I want you to go finish your homework."

"Are you mad, Daddy?" she asked quietly.

"No, sweetheart, I'm not mad. Let me talk to Aunt Bella, okay? I love you so much, so go do your homework."

"Okay," she said. Then I heard her voice loud in the speaker again. "Bye, Auntie Bella."

"Bye, Emily."

After several seconds, I heard breathing in the phone, and I knew Edward was trying to work up the courage to say something to me.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi," he said. "I'm sorry about her calling you. I didn't know."

"It's fine. I promise," I quickly replied.

Both of us were quiet for a few moments, and I knew I had to say something. "Edward, I'm so sorry. I never should have blown up at you like that. You didn't deserve it, and I can't apologize enough."

"No, it's my fault. I should have told you about Maggie, and I should have paid more attention to things around me. I really should have made time to talk to you last week instead of letting work take over. I'm so sorry for that."

"Thank you. Um, I just wanted to tell you that I made an appointment to see a therapist in Port Angeles. Alice gave me a number to someone who's supposed to be really good. I'm nervous about what she'll ask me, but I want to do it. I wanna move on with my life. I wanna be happy again. And I really want you to be a part of that."

He was quiet before responding. "Are you sure? I don't want to push you into anything. I feel like I have been."

"No, it's okay. You deserve someone being honest with you. I think we need to talk about a lot of things, but I wanna do that in person. Um, is there any way that we could get together this week? Maybe Friday night?"

"Friday?" he asked with a bit of humor in his voice. "It's only Tuesday, Bella. Friday's a long time."

I smiled. He was eager to see me just like I was to see him. "Well, I have my appointment Friday morning, and I wanna show you how serious I am about this. It's important to me."

"So, we'll talk Friday night, then? You and the kids want to come over here? We can get pizza and watch a movie or something?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'd like that." I'd been to Edward's house plenty of times but only a few times since the funerals. It just worked out that we usually met up at my house, which was always fine, but I wanted Edward to be comfortable when we finally talked.

"Okay, so like six or something? Sound good?" he asked.

"Yes, perfect." Then I decided that even if we weren't getting together for a few more days, there was no reason I couldn't see him before that. "Um, I know you probably have things set up with your parents all week, but I'd really love it if Emily could come over a day or two this week. We miss her, and I'd like to at least see you before Friday, if that's okay with you."

I listened as he let out a breath, then cleared his throat. "Yeah, that – that's fine. Um, my dad's taking her tomorrow afternoon, but Thursday's okay with me if that's okay with you."

"Thursday's great, perfect. Thursday, yes."

He laughed, and I reveled in the deep sound of his voice. "Thursday. I'll let my mom know, and I'm sure Emily will be thrilled."

"Um, are you taking her to school tomorrow?" I softly asked.

"Why?"

"I just..." I forced out a shaky breath and closed my eyes before pushing on. "I wasn't lying when I said I miss you. I just wanna see you, even if it's just in the car. To see you..."

"Okay. Tomorrow morning."

I smiled as a tear of relief or happiness or worry trickled down my cheek. "Tomorrow."

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Thanks so much! :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from******** the new Dior campaign. So many good pictures have come out already, and we've got hardly anything! :D I think a lot of Rob H00rs may swoon right into unconsciousness when that campaign finally hits the airwaves. :D Now, for this picture Rob's sitting against a blue wall, wearing a button-down white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. It's pretty thin, almost see through, kinda like that shirt he's wearing at the beginning of ****__****Breaking Dawn Part 2********. :) Stupid teaser shirts... :D Anyway, he's got some scruff, the short hair, and his lips are turned up just a bit in that smirk only he can do justice to. :) You can't tell me he doesn't know what pictures of him like this do to us. It's pretty clear that by this point, he's doing it on purpose. :) Smart man... :D Also, there's a reason why I chose this picture for this chapter. If only he was wearing a watch in the picture... :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Five

Wednesday morning, I might have woken up a little earlier than normal. Heck, I might not have even slept much the night before. I certainly didn't want to acknowledge the fact that I'd fixed my hair, put on a bit of make-up, and spent extra minutes deciding on what clothes to wear. I was a sight, that was for sure, but I knew I'd see Edward. After the way I'd treated him on Easter, I wanted it to be perfect.

What I didn't count on was cranky children. Neither of my babies was too excited about waking up that morning, and certainly not about getting dressed and presentable. By the time we got out the door, we were running nearly ten minutes late and I wondered if Edward would even still be at the school. I hoped he wouldn't think I'd changed my mind or that I didn't want to see him. Pulling up to the school, I found a parking space a few spaces farther away than where I usually parked, and I carried Kenna as I held Collin's hand and walked toward the front gate.

"Mommy, there's Uncle Edward and Emily," Collin said, pointing toward the playground. I looked over, and my breath caught in my chest. My steps slowed ever so slightly so that I could watch him that much longer. He was smiling and laughing, listening to Emily as she giggled and gestured wildly. I was certain she was telling him a tale or joke of some sort, and I could see how much he loved it.

"Emily!" Collin yelled, catching her attention and then Edward's. The smile on his face when his eyes met mine seemed to freeze, then grow even brighter after a couple of seconds.

"Hi, Collin!" she said, running toward us. "Auntie Bella, I missed you! You too, Kenna," she called as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

I smiled down at her, patting her back with my free hand and then looked up to watch Edward move toward us. The way he walked, how his body moved, was captivating. His legs seemed to be a mile long, and each step he took looked so effortless. His hands were pushed into the front pockets of his jeans, and the cuffs of his sleeves were unbuttoned and rolled up on his forearms. Never in history had a gold watch on a man's wrist looked so sexy and appealing.

"Hey," he said quietly, his eyes firmly on me.

"Hi," I replied, smiling brighter than I had been before — if that was even possible.

The bell rang, and it broke up our special little moment as we told the kids to be good and to hurry to their classes. Once they were gone, Mckenna reached for Edward, moving her little fingers as she grabbed at him and tried to encourage him to hold her. He took her from my hip and smiled at her, softly touching the tip of her nose with his index finger. "How's my special girl?" he asked. The question made her squeal with delight, and I watched them as she soaked up all the attention she could from him. It made me happy, seeing them both so joyful and carefree. I didn't even pay any mind to the group of mothers I could see out of the corner of my eye. They were obviously watching us, hanging on every detail of our interaction, but I didn't care. For the first time in a long time, it didn't matter to me.

Edward walked us back to my car, not saying much to me other than asking polite and simple questions. I was fairly certain he still felt a little uneasy about everything and that he probably would until we'd talked and gotten it all out in the open. Friday night couldn't come fast enough for me.

"Well, I gotta get going. I've got a job in Port Angeles I've gotta check on today. The client's been throwing fits about every little detail for the past week, so I need to try and smooth some things out with him." Edward kissed Kenna on the cheek and then handed her back to me.

"Sounds like fun. Good luck with that," I said with a smile, remembering how many times Alec had said something similar to me before he went off to work.

"So, you're good with taking Emily tomorrow afternoon?" he asked.

"Yeah, of course. I'm looking forward to it."

He smiled. "Okay, good. She's excited, and she's planning on bringing her Easter egg money, so I hope that's all right."

"Yes," I laughed. "It's fine. I think we could all use a little ice cream tomorrow afternoon."

"Sounds like a plan. So, am I gonna see you tomorrow morning again?" he asked with a hopeful look on his face.

"Yes, I hope so."

"Good. I like this, seeing you first thing in the morning."

The way he looked at me had my heartbeat picking up a little. We were in a school parking lot at eight o'clock in the morning with my daughter in my arms and parents all around us… and yet, there was a bubble. Something separated us from everything else, gave us our own little world, and I liked it.

I really liked that he liked seeing me first thing in the morning.

"Bella," he softly said, "I gotta ask you something."

"What?"

His smile turned a bit shy and maybe a little devious. "Did you put make-up on this morning?" he asked, lifting his hand to my face and lightly rubbing the back of his fingers along my cheek.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I just... I wanted to look nice." My teeth bit into my lower lip and I suddenly felt a bit nervous, questioning whether or not I should have made such an obvious effort.

"You don't have to do that for me," he replied. "You're always the most gorgeous woman in the room, no matter what."

I might have swooned right there. In the middle of the elementary school parking lot, with gossipy mothers all around me, I might have turned into a puddle of goo. The way Edward was looking at me, with his hand skimming down my arm and his fingers passing over mine before he stepped away from me, just might have sent me over the edge, if it had not been for my three-year-old daughter.

"Mommy, why are you looking so funny?" Mckenna said. "Your eyes are all silly, Mommy."

Edward's smile grew and his laugh rumbled from his chest, and I forced my eyes closed as I shook my head back and forth.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," he whispered, and then I felt him lean toward Mckenna and me. "Bye, Miss Kenna," he said. I opened my eyes just in time to see him lightly kiss her cheek.

"Bye, Unca Edward," she said, patting her hands on his cheeks and twisting in my arms to watch him as he pulled away from us.

He walked back to his car, and I kept my gaze focused solely on him. Before he got in, he turned and looked at us, waving and smiling one last time, and then he was gone.

"Mommy, can I has some pancakes today?" Kenna asked and I grinned, nodding my head and moving to put her into her car seat. She babbled all the way home and I heard every word, even though my mind was still back in that parking lot, thinking about the way Edward moved. The way his shirt pulled across his shoulders. The way his jeans sat on his hips. The way the sunlight sparkled on his hair. The way his eyes lit up when he got closer to me.

The way he was everything I'd been needing and wanting and hoping for. The way he just seemed to fit with me. The way I felt when he was near.

It was good. It was all very, very good.

I was anxious for the week to pass but nervous, too. Thursday afternoon was good. It felt right having Emily back in my home with me and my children. She just fit with us. I couldn't explain it, and I was certain I would sound like a loon if I tried to, but it worked for us. She was excited to get ice cream on our way home from school, and she asked if we could drop some off to her daddy while he was working. The office wasn't too far out of the way, and I knew he would be there that afternoon, so I didn't see any harm in it.

Things were busy, as usual, when we got there. It had been a few weeks since I'd last stopped by, but it already felt different than it had when Alec had been there. Emily carried the dish of ice cream while I kept hold of Collin and Mckenna. She had insisted that Edward loved hot fudge on his ice cream, and that's what we'd bought for him. He was surprised and happy to see us, and Emily's smile beamed when she saw how thrilled he was about what she'd chosen for him.

I could tell he was in the middle of a project, so we didn't stay too long. After letting him know that I'd have dinner ready when he picked up Emily, we hurried back out to the car so we could let him get back to work.

He seemed a little more relaxed that evening, and after dinner, he and I sat on the sofa while the kids were lying on the floor playing a video game.

"You okay? You seem a little quiet tonight," he said.

I let out a sigh. "I'm okay. Just nervous for tomorrow. I haven't ever done anything like this before. I worry that she's gonna tell me what a mess I am," I said with a laugh.

"She won't," he assured me with a smile. "Just be honest with her. That's the best you can do. It'll all work out. I promise."

"I hope so."

We were quiet for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to talk about anything too heavy since we knew we didn't have a lot of time. That would come the next night, and we knew it. When the kids finished their game, Edward told Emily that it was time for them to head home and they gathered her things together. Mckenna and I followed them to the door while Collin was in his bedroom getting his pajamas ready so he could take a bath before bed.

"Hey, um, my mom and dad offered to come over tomorrow night, if we wanted," he softly said.

Seeing the question in his eyes, I wondered why they would have made that type of comment to him. "Why? I thought it was gonna be us and the kids tomorrow."

He smiled and let out a little huff. "It is. Um, mom just thought maybe you and I would like some time to talk alone. You know, they could occupy the kids and give us some uninterrupted time together."

"They did, huh? How did they know we might need time to talk?" I asked, wondering just how many people knew about what we were doing.

"Well, she said she saw you the other morning, and then I kind of told her what was going on between us."

"You what?" I asked, not sure if I was shocked or angry or excited. There were so many emotions running through me in that moment, I couldn't decide on just one.

"She's not blind, Bella. She sees stuff. Plus, Emily talks. And between you and me, I think she knows."

I looked down at Emily who was standing next to Mckenna, whispering and giggling. She looked up at me, and with a smirk that rivaled her father's, she smiled. She was a smart kid. Maybe I'd underestimated her.

"Who else knows?" I decided to ask since I was curious.

"Not many. Emmett and Rose, Maggie, and my parents. That's it. I swear. Why? How many did you tell?"

"Well, it doesn't matter."

He smiled brightly and shook his head.

"Fine. My parents and Jasper and Alice know."

"Thank you," he said, leaning forward to place a light kiss on my cheek. "I'm glad you told someone. Otherwise, I might have been a lot more worried about tomorrow."

His comment made me laugh, and I promised him that I'd see him the next evening. He was picking Emily up from school, so unless there was an emergency, I wouldn't see him until we got to his house for dinner. It was hard watching him leave, just like it always was, and my heart ached for both him and Emily. But I knew as I watched them drive away that it was only going to get harder and harder the closer he and I got.

_Great_. The growing dependency on Edward and Emily was just one more thing to add to my list of therapy discussion topics. But I'd gladly discuss it, if it meant I could have them both and make it good for all of us.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: This is late, ********I**** know. Blame my hectic real life. And ****_counselor_****'s amazing story ****_My Wounded Soldier_****. Ugh...her Edward makes me swoon somethin' fierce! I**** don't know how she comes up with the stories she does, but wow...they're all so incredibly unique and amazing. And her Edward's... Perfection. :)**

**Thanks so much! :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture from******** the ****__****Water for Elephants******** movie. I really loved that movie. :) And I agree with Rob, the clothes did fit his body well. I know he said it jokingly because he thinks his spine's too long, or something, but it's true... he looked great in those clothes. :) In this picture he's wearing a blue pin-striped workshirt with suspenders over it and a white tank-top under it. He's leaning on a bleacher, I think, and just kinda looking off to the side, with no particular expression on his face. He just looks content. I like content Rob. :D**

******I know some people don't particularly like my Rob Picture Descriptions, and that's fine. Please don't think I'm insane or obsessed or silly. I just like Rob, and I like pictures of Rob. I think he's a sweet guy, and all the things that are said about him by people who know him or have met him just confirm my opinion of him, over and over again. I do the picture descriptions because I like having something fun in the a/n's of my stories. If you've read any of my other stories, you'll see that this is the case. This time around I wanted something different and I thought this would be fun. Please don't be offended or think less of me for it. It's a little bit of escapism for me since my real life is so completely and totally vanilla and boring and uneventful. :) If you don't like them, skip over them. I'm totally good with that. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Six

My therapy session wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined it would be. The office was nice, rather low-key, and very quiet. The waiting room was small, and I was the only one there. I was still nervous as I sat in the chair and tried to keep my breathing slow and regular. A dark-haired woman, who looked to be in her mid-50s, opened one of the doors next to the secretary's window and called my name.

"I'm Dr. Santiago, though most of my patients call me Dr. Carmen. How are you today, Bella?" she asked, offering her hand for me to shake.

"I'm okay, I guess. I'm nervous."

Her smile instantly calmed me. "Don't be. It's just you and me, and we'll be talking about whatever you feel comfortable sharing today. No pressure." She led me into a room that had two large sofas and a chair on one side of the room. The other side had a few floor-to-ceiling bookcases filled with books and pictures, and in a corner, there was a large box of toys, as well as several different toy structures for children. It made me feel better seeing how ordinary the room looked.

"As you know, I work with a lot of families, so children often times attend sessions. I find it helps me work with them when they have things they can relate to. The same with adults, so if you have any particular items you draw comfort from, please feel free to bring them along to future sessions. The work we'll be doing here is for you, to help you. My only real concern is that we're able to do that, and that you leave here feeling better about your life."

"Thank you," I quietly said.

She looked through the paperwork I'd filled out for a few moments and then closed the file. "Today, I want to get to know you a little bit. I've read what you've written in the file and we'll deal with those issues, but I want to just talk and get to know you for now. And you'll get to know me, too."

She started asking little questions, nothing too important or crazy. I answered as honestly as I could, remembering what Edward had told me. I knew there was nothing seriously wrong with me, so I didn't need to worry about that, but I also knew I had issues most people didn't have to deal with. Those were the things I needed help working through.

Dr. Carmen smiled through most of our discussion, and I felt very at ease in her presence. After explaining all the things she'd asked about, she finally asked if there was anything else I wanted her to know. With Edward's voice playing on a loop in my head, I took a deep breath.

"I think I'm falling in love with my brother-in-law," I said.

She was quiet for a moment. "Why do you think that?"

"Because I know what it's like to love someone. I know what that feels like. And this feels like that, only about a million times stronger. It scares me, especially that it's happening so soon after Alec died. I feel like I shouldn't be finding love again, not this soon and not with Edward."

"Why do you feel that way, Bella? Do you feel like you're not worthy of finding love again?"

"No, I don't think that. I just think it's so soon, you know?" I looked up at her, my eyes filling with tears. "It's so fast and sudden, and I know people will assume things about us. But it feels so right. I think part of me feels guilty, because I never felt this level of want for Alec. And to find that so soon..."

"What do you think Alec would have thought about you and Edward being together?" she asked.

"I don't know. He told me he wanted me to be happy, to find someone else who would make me happy. And the last time I spoke to him, the day before he passed, he told me there was someone else for me. There was something else that was greater than what I knew. I didn't know what he meant and maybe it wasn't love he was talking about, but the way he said it... It's like he knew something I didn't know. Like he'd seen something I couldn't see."

"How did Alec feel about Edward?"

I sniffled, wiping at my eyes. "He loved him. When Edward and Jane first stated dating and then when they got married, Alec didn't really like him. I think he just couldn't figure out why Jane was with him. He was so different from all the other boyfriends Jane had over the years. Jane and Edward together didn't make sense. But as time passed and Alec and Edward started working together, he watched Edward with Jane and Emily. He really gained a lot of respect and love for Edward. I saw it happen, and I remember when he stopped saying not-so-nice things about Edward. It was weird, because I could tell he genuinely liked Edward."

"And when Alec was still alive, how did you feel about Edward?"

I was silent for several seconds, trying to put my thoughts into word. I wanted to say it the right way, to really make her understand. And I didn't want to mess it up. Edward deserved better than that.

"There was always something special between me and Edward. We just got along, right from the first day. The first time we met, I felt so comfortable with him. It was like I could tell him anything, and he wouldn't judge me. He was funny and smart, and I admired the way he treated Jane and Emily. I could see how much he loved them, and I thought very highly of him. When Alec would say stupid stuff about him to me, I always felt offended and I'd stand up for him. I think maybe that's why Alec took so long to come around. I never felt anything inappropriate for him — I promise you that — but I knew I could always depend on him, which was great since Alec's family is the only family we have in Forks. We had to stick together, and we did. We were really close, and I knew him. I knew Edward."

"It sounds like you had a very special relationship."

"We did," I said, then smiled. "We still do."

Dr. Carmen smiled at me. "Bella, let me tell you what I think after today. I think you're a very lucky woman. I think you had a wonderful marriage to a good man who loved you and who you loved in return. I think you've tried to be a good mother, as well as a loving and faithful wife. I think you have a fierce love for those around you, and I can see a fire within you that's been dampened by what you've experienced this year."

I nodded, knowing that she was right, that Edward had been right. I wanted to be my old self again, and Dr. Carmen seeing a difference in me — the me then versus the me now — led me to believe that she could help me find that girl again.

"I see a sad, heartbroken girl who is strong and determined, a girl who's fighting back to reclaim what she's lost. I see hope in you, Bella. I see a need and a want that you have, that you're trying to fill. I see the desire for love and happiness in you. Because of those things, I think you're well ahead of many other people who face the same challenges you do. I'm confident that you're going to pull through this and that you will be a better person because of it."

"Thank you," I said.

"I know you live an hour away, so do you think meeting every other week would be okay with you?" she asked.

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Okay, we'll get some appointments set up before you go. Bella, I just want you to be careful. Just like with life, don't make any rash decisions until you've had time to really think about them first. You've got a pretty level head on your shoulders, and I have no doubt you'll do what's best for you and your children."

"Thank you."

"And just so you know, the things you're feeling for your brother-in-law are, quite frankly, very normal for a person like yourself. People who've had healthy, happy marriages often times find themselves in a new relationship very soon after losing a spouse. They yearn for companionship and someone to share their life with, and they know having a relationship can be a wonderful blessing. Just because you lost one person and you still love them doesn't mean you can't find someone new and love them, too. Life isn't a game. There are no winners or losers. Edward only has to compete against Alec if you make him. That's _your_ choice. Truth is you can have them both and be better for it."

I nodded, sniffling and wiping at fresh tears that were gathering in my eyes. "Thank you so much. That really helps me."

Her smile was warm, as was her goodbye hug, and I knew without a doubt that I'd come to the right person. After scheduling our next few meeting times, I left Dr. Carmen's office feeling lighter and better equipped to deal with things. I knew we hadn't really worked through any of my issues yet, but just being able to tell her about my life and my challenges was wonderful. I talked to Alice about it for a little while when I picked up Mckenna. She was happy for me, and when I left, she wrapped her arms around my waist and tightly hugged me.

"I can still see you, Bella," she whispered. "I see you." It felt good hearing that, and the whole way home to Forks, I had a smile plastered on my face. That might have been partly due to the fact that I would be seeing Edward soon. I wanted to see him, to tell him about my appointment and to really start talking to him. Maybe he was the thing Alec had told me about. Maybe it was him that Alec saw for me. Maybe.

As our meeting time with Edward and Emily approached, I decided not to change my clothes. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, so I grabbed a sweater in case the night got a little chilly, and we left. I'd been to Edward's house a million times. Jane always loved to show it off, and she would have parties and luncheons and get-togethers every chance she got. It was a really beautiful home, with many custom touches designed by Edward himself. Parking in the driveway, the kids were excited to run up the long sidewalk that led to the front door.

"Don't kick the lights on the grass!" I yelled at them, hoping they would avoid the little pathway lights that were shining bright as the daylight quickly faded. Walking toward the house, I remembered the first time I'd ever seen it.

_Alec and I had just moved to Forks and were renting a little apartment while we looked at houses to buy. Jane and Edward were moving to Forks, too, since Aro was handing over control of his business to Jane and Alec. Alec and Edward were going to run things while Jane and I helped out where we could._

_Jane was pregnant with Emily at the time, and when they'd found the house, she knew it was perfect for their new family. She didn't want anything too big and grand, but something a little smaller that felt cozier for them. Plus, the smaller homes in their neighborhood were much more affordable for a couple just starting out and with a baby on the way._

_The four of us had gone to dinner to celebrate Edward's birthday. He was so sweet with Jane, holding her hand and letting her lean on him when she walked. He pampered her throughout the entire meal, causing Alec to laugh and tease her about what a wimp she was._

"_You try having a ten-pound baby in you, and then we'll see who's a wimp," she spat at him. She was a week past her due date, and I could see how uncomfortable she was. It was the middle of June, and the weather was quite warm. "Ugh, don't they have air conditioning in this place?" she said, almost bursting into tears._

"_I'll go check. Can I get you anything while I'm gone?" Edward asked her._

"_Um, maybe a Shirley Temple or something, please? That sounds good. Thank you, baby." She smiled up at him so sweetly. She had to have been aware of her mood swings, and I was certain she regretted it. She didn't feel well, and I understood that._

_Edward hurried off, and just then, Alec's phone buzzed. "Oh, sorry. I forgot I left it on," he said, pulling it from his pocket and looking at it. "It's dad. I should take this. I'll be right back."_

_Jane and I sat at the table, her bouncing back and forth between whining and whimpering and sighing and giggling. She was beautiful all pregnant, and her belly wasn't nearly as big as many I'd seen._

"_So, any news from your doctor?" I asked. Alec and I were waiting another year before we started trying for a baby. We had a plan, and I intended to stick to it._

"_Yeah, he says any day. I guess if the baby doesn't come by next Wednesday, then he'll induce me."_

_I nodded, knowing it was only Thursday, and she had a long way to go._

"_Hey, babe," Alec said as he sat back down at the table. "There's a problem at work. My dad needs me to meet him and go in. I'm so sorry. I can take you home now, if you want."_

_Just then Edward walked back to the table. "Everything okay?"_

"_Yeah, I guess some stuff got left out of the storage yard. I gotta go help my dad get it all locked up. Plus, he wants to go over those plan changes we made today." Alec turned to me. "I should be an hour or so. If you wanna stay, I can come back when I'm done."_

"_We can take her home. It's no problem," Edward said. "I mean, unless you want to go home now."_

_I really wanted to stay. Alec and I hadn't had a night out in a while, and since we'd moved to Forks and __I__ hadn't made may new __friends__ yet, I'd been so looking forward to our evening out. "I think I'd like to stay, if that's okay with you guys."_

"_Fine with me!" Jane said happily. I was hoping maybe that would lift her spirits a little, but as we drove home after dinner, she was curled up on the back seat cursing Edward's name and several of his body parts. She may have looked beautiful as a pregnant woman, but she felt miserable._

"_Edward, can you take me home before you drop Bella off?" she asked. Her voice was so quiet and sad that when he began to protest, I spoke up._

"_No, it's fine. I don't mind. Plus, I haven't seen the new house yet," I said with a smile. He nodded in agreement, and we turned toward their neighborhood. It was in a newer area of town, one that Alec and I had looked in a few times, and we loved it. The house was gorgeous, like I knew it would be, and I helped Edward get Jane out of the car once we'd parked in the driveway. We helped her into the house, and Edward gave me a quick tour before we left to take me home._

"_The house is so pretty," I told him._

"_Thanks. I like it. I think I can add a few things to it, you know, to make it a little more unique."_

_I smiled at his enthusiasm. "That would be great. And you can use that schooling of yours, too."_

_He laughed at my comment and as we drove along I saw a For Sale sign in a yard. "Oh, slow down," I told him, then looked closely at the house. It was so nice, and I really wanted to see the inside of it. Jotting down the number, I made a mental note to call the realtor the next day so that Alec and I could see it._

_As we pulled onto the street where Alec and I were living, Edward's phone rang._

"_Hi, babe. I'm just dropping Bella off. You want me to grab something on my way back?" he asked._

"_Edward! Come home! I think the baby's coming," I heard Jane yelling through the phone._

"_What? Why?" he said, his tone suddenly very loud and panicked._

"_My water broke. Or at least all this clear liquid came gushing out onto the floor. Luckily I was in the kitchen. I'd hate to have to get this out of the new carpet."_

_I had to hold back my laugh at her worry over her carpet. I knew she and Edward wouldn't see the humor in that just yet._

"_Okay, we're heading back. Did you call your parents?" Edward asked as he turned around and headed back to his house._

_I heard her say she hadn't but that she would._

"_I love you, and I'll be back in just a minute. Be ready. We're havin' a baby tonight!" Edward said to Jane and I smiled, seeing him so excited and anxious for this next step in his life._

"_You'll come with us, right? I'm probably gonna need your help with her on the way, and I know she wants you and Alec at the hospital, too."_

_I smiled. "Of course I'll go with you. There's no place else I'd want to be."_

Collin knocked on the door, and soon enough, Emily opened it, inviting us in. Edward was in the kitchen pulling plates and cups from the cupboard.

"Hey, you're here," he said, smiling at us and looking sweetly at me. "My parents are coming over about seven. I figured that would give us time to eat and stuff. Is that okay?"

Nodding at him, I smiled. "Yeah, that's perfect. You need any help?"

"I do know my way around this kitchen, missy," he teased, and it made me laugh.

"Well, by all means then, I'll let you serve us."

I herded the kids to the table that sat in the open dining space and watched as Edward moved around the room. It made me happy to watch him being so domestic and useful. And it made me not feel so bad about him helping out in the kitchen at my house.

When the kids all had their pizza and were happily eating, he looked across the table to me and smiled.

"How did it go today?" he asked.

I watched him closely, taking in his calming and reassuring mood. I thought about what Dr. Carmen had said about moving on and how some people who had been happy before could be happy again. And how it was okay. And how Edward wasn't competing against Alec, unless I forced him to. It was up to me, and I'd already decided.

"It was good," I said. "It was really, really good."

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Next chapter's The Talk so many of you are looking forward to. :) Sorry it didn't happen yet, but it's coming. ********I**** know a lot of people view chapters like this, or the last one, as filler chapters. ********I**** don't see it that way, especially in this story. I**** think there's been something of consequence in each chapter so far. Each chapter is pushing Bella a little bit further along in her journey, teaching her something, or opening her eyes to something. All these things need to happen for her to get where she's going. And I**** feel like without all these things, the story wouldn't be truthful or complete. ********I**** hope you'll ********have**** patience with me and trust that there's an order to this story and I**** know where it's going. Isn't the journey the best part of a tale? :D**

**Man, I'm all sorts of deep today. :D Thanks for sticking with me! Pictures of Edward and Bella's houses are in my Facebook group. If you want in, find me and I'll add you. :) ********I**** never add anyone unless they ask. :)**

**Thanks again! :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********that someone named SPRSPR manip-ed into a fireman picture. It's a Fireward! :D I know it's not really a Rob picture, but it's kinda perfect for today. And it's a REALLY good manip. :) I'm from Arizona, and in case you haven't heard, we have a wildfire going right now. It's in the central part of our state. As of this morning it has burned over 8.500 acres, destroyed over 200 homes and several businesses, basically flattened half of a town, forced the evacuation of over 1,000 people, has approximately 500 firefighters assigned to it, and is zero percent contained. In the great scheme of things, that's not so bad. We've had far worse fires here in recent years. The thing that is bad is that yesterday afternoon 19 firefighters working the front lines of the fire were killed when the winds shifted and pinned them into one area. Apparently, there was no escape. That's 19 families who won't be welcoming home their son, husband, brother, friend, cousin, and sadly...father. It's the deadliest wildfire in Arizona history and our flags are flying at half staff for the rest of the week. If you pray, or meditate, or even send out good thoughts, please do so for the 19 fallen brave, for their families who are left behind, for the other hundreds of firefighters still working to stop this fire from spreading, and for the thousands of people who no longer have a home or business to return to. And if you could add rain in there, too, that would be great. We need it. Our forests are so overgrown and our weather has been so dry and HOT. Half our state is just waiting to burst into flames. No lightening, since that's most likely what started this fire, but rain...that would be good. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

By the time Edward's parents showed up, dinner was finished and cleaned up and the kids were totally into some new cartoon movie that had just come out on DVD. I remembered it was one that was in theaters right around Christmas time, and Alec and I were going to take the kids to see it on New Year's Day. But that never happened. Luckily for me, the kids both remembered it when Emily mentioned her Aunt Rose had given it to her for Easter.

Edward and I danced around each other for the hour that we were there. I was nervous about talking to him, and he seemed a little nervous, too. When Esme and Carlisle finally got there, I had to shove my hands into my jean pockets because they were starting to shake. Edward's parents were sweet and lovely, as they'd always been each time I'd seen them over the years. I met them at Edward and Jane's engagement party and then again at the wedding. Once Edward and Jane decided to move to Forks, his parents figured it was a good time to leave Tacoma behind and try to be closer to their children. With Emmett living in Port Angeles and Edward in Forks, Carlisle applied at hospitals in each town. Forks won out. He knew he could be of greater help in the smaller town, so they decided Forks and Edward would be a good choice for them.

"I thought maybe we could take a walk. The park is just down the street, so maybe we could go there," Edward quietly said as his parents went in to greet the kids.

"Yeah, that's good. Let me grab my sweater and tell the kids we're going."

He smiled and nodded and then went to get his jacket. It was April, and though the days were getting warmer, the nights were usually a little cool.

"Collin, Mckenna," I said. "Mommy and Uncle Edward are going to go out for a little while. We'll be back soon, okay? Can you stay with Emily's grandma and grandpa and be good?"

"Where you going, Mommy?" Kenna asked with a curious voice.

"We're just going for a walk. It's just grown-up stuff. I'll be back soon. I promise."

"Okay," she said, hugging me and leaving a sloppy kiss on my cheek. Smiling at her joyfulness, I wiped off my cheek and then turned to Collin. He was looking at me with eyes that had suddenly grown very serious.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Can I come with you?" he questioned me in a worried voice.

"We're just talking about mom and dad kinda stuff. I'm gonna be right back in a little while. You guys just watch your movie and have fun, okay? I think Emily's grandma brought some treats for you, too. I saw her with a bag, and I think there was ice cream."

He let out a deep breath. "Okay. But you come right back, Mommy."

"I will. Don't worry. Be good." I kissed the tip of his nose and then he hugged me, wrapping his arms tightly around my neck. Once he was back with the girls in front of the television, I stood and turned around to see Edward waiting by the doorway that led to the entry.

"Ready?" he asked with a smile on his face.

I let out a long, deep breath. "As I'll ever be."

He smiled at me, and I laughed just a bit before turning one more time to check on my babies. Collin was looking at me, and I knew he was worried. I smiled and waved, trying to reassure him, and then turned and followed Edward out the door.

We were quiet as we walked to the sidewalk and started toward the park. Ever the gentleman, Edward walked along the edge closest to the road. There was just a bit of a breeze, and I unfolded my sweater from over my arm and put it on as we walked.

"Can I help?" Edward quietly asked and I nodded, pausing to let him help me.

"Thank you."

"The park has some benches. I thought maybe we could just sit there and talk for a while."

Nodding, I agreed with him, and we continued walking. It was only a few streets over from his house, so before long, it came into view. My mind started going into overdrive, attempting to sort through all the things I wanted to say and ask about. I didn't want to forget anything, but I knew I probably would.

"Does this one look okay?" Edward questioned, pointing toward a bench that sat under a tree. There were no overhead lights right around it, so it was a little darker and out of the way. The sun had set and all the lights in the park were on, lighting up the different areas. A few families and groups were still around, so I thought the less illuminated bench would be a good option for us.

"Yeah, that's perfect."

I sat down first and Edward sat next to me, though he seemed to make sure to leave plenty of space between us. My hands were in my lap, and he cleared his throat.

"I wanted to apologize for last week, for my work schedule. I guess I didn't really think about it being so much. I just remember Alec working late all the time, but I know it's different when it's not your own children you're watching," he said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice, and I was glad for it.

"Edward, I wasn't upset about you working. I'm used to long hours, you're right. I know what it's like to be a business owner, working night and day. And please don't ever think you're inconveniencing me by leaving Emily with me. I love having her there. And honestly, I don't even think of her as someone else's child. She just fits in with us, like she was always meant to be there."

He was quiet, and from the corner of my eye, I could see the muscles in his neck flexing and moving as he swallowed a few times. "As long as you're sure."

"I am. I'm sure."

"I need to explain about Maggie."

I was nervous to hear what he said. I believed him before, but I was still a little worried about the details of his vacation and the fact that she was coming to visit. I watched him closely as he stared off across the park.

"She and Rose were roommates in college, like I said. I met her the first time when Rosalie and Emmett got married. She was the maid of honor, and I was the best man. She was already married by that point, but she was nice and we were friendly toward each other. I was never romantically interested in her. That's not how I work, and I hope you know that."

"If she'd been single, would you have been interested?" Not that it mattered, but I was curious as to his thoughts about her. Now that I knew how he'd felt about me all along, I just wondered.

"No, I don't think so. There was no spark there for me, you know? She was nice and funny, but that was it. I saw her every now and then over the years, and her husband, Marcus, was a nice guy. He died a little over a year ago, and it was really hard on her and their boys. His best friend, Peter, had never been married and he lived near them, so he was helping out where he could. He and Maggie ended up falling for each other, and like I said, six months after the funeral, they got married. Most of her husband's family freaked out. They accused them of fooling around before Marcus died. That wasn't what happened, but since then, they've pretty much refused to even speak to Maggie. They've been horrible to her about the boys, threatening legal action to gain visitation and custody. It's ridiculous."

"Oh, my goodness. That must be really hard for her."

He nodded. "Yeah, she's struggled quite a bit. She's trying to make everyone happy and prove that she and Peter didn't do anything wrong, but it's not gone well." He reached over and took hold of my hand, wrapping his fingers around my palm and resting his hand on top of mine. "Bella, I don't want that to happen to us. I would never want to do anything that makes you suffer the way Maggie has. I talked to Emmett about us and what was happening, and he suggested I talk to Maggie and get her side of things. I was really just trying to understand where you're coming from in all this. I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear. I was trying to _not_ hurt you. I was so worried about pushing you into something that you weren't ready for, and I thought talking to Maggie would help. I talked to Peter, too, but I guess Emily didn't mention that."

"No, she didn't," I whispered.

He looked down at our hands clasped together, laying on my lap. "I think you know how important you are to me, and I hope you know me well enough to know that I only want the best for you and your kids. I was just trying to give you that. I'm sorry. I should have talked to you about it. Looking back, I wish that's what I'd done or that I had at least told you about Maggie before I talked to her."

"I understand, and I appreciate you trying to make things easy on me. I really do. But you can always talk to me, Edward. Always, about anything."

"Okay."

"So she's coming here? Maggie's coming to visit?" I asked.

"Yeah. She and Rose try to get together a couple times every year. She and her boys are coming to visit for a week or so in June, I think."

"Oh, Emily made it sound like it was sooner than that."

He laughed a bit, and when I looked up at him, he smiled. "Emily's seven, Bella. She thinks Christmas is next month."

"I know," I replied, shaking my head and smiling at him. "I think I was kinda freaked out and probably a lot jealous. I shouldn't have automatically believed her."

"You were jealous, huh?" he asked, his smile growing more mischievous.

"Of course I was. You went to California for a week and spent time with some other woman and her kids, and you didn't tell me. And all this right after admitting you have feelings for me. What was I supposed to think?" I could feel some of the anger and resentment I'd felt before creeping back in, and I tried my best to push it away. I knew that was only a sign of my feelings of insecurity, that I really didn't have anything to worry about, but I still felt it.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I really, really am. And for the record, I wasn't lying about those feelings I mentioned."

"Good."

His smile faded from his face as he continued to watch me. The heat from his gaze made me feel warm inside, even though I could feel goose bumps beginning to form on my skin from the chill in the air. Sitting next to him, I'd never been warmer than I was at that moment.

"How was therapy today?" he asked.

I drew in a deep breath and then slowly let it out. "It was good. We didn't really talk about anything big yet, just kinda got to know each other. But I like her, the doctor. And the things she said to me today were very helpful. I don't feel like such a freak anymore."

"Why would you feel like a freak?"

"You're not supposed to find happiness again so soon after your spouse dies, you know? At least, that's what I keep hearing. Not from my family, though. They're great about all this, but everyone in town seems to think horrible things about me."

"Yeah," he said quietly. "What's that all about? I haven't heard anything, and when you were talking about that mom from the party and what she said at the store, I was kinda confused."

I had to figure out some way to say what needed to be said without hurting him or blowing up his ego. I wasn't too sure how to do that.

"Well, you know you're good-looking, right?"

His eyes stared into mine and a lopsided grin pulled at his lips. "You think I'm good-looking?"

"Edward," I sighed. "You know I do."

"Yeah, I know. Continue."

An exasperated huff slipped from my lips. "We've been over this before."

"Humor me," he softly replied, then gently squeezed my hand. Maybe he needed a bit of reassuring, too. Maybe I wasn't the only one craving that.

I laughed. "Well, like I've told you before, I'm not the only one who thinks you're good-looking. And I think now that you're on the market again, a lot of women in town feel like they can be what you need, like they could fill the role that Jane left behind."

"I'm not on the market, and I don't want any of those women, Bella."

"I know that, but those women don't." I turned just a little so I could face him better. "They say things to me, Edward. And that night in the grocery store when you were off getting that hair stuff for Emily, that mom and the cashier were saying horrible things about me, to my face, Edward. If they'd say that kinda stuff with me right there, what are they saying behind my back?"

"Bella, I don't..."

I reached up to wipe at a tear that had trickled down my cheek. "I don't want to be the source of their entertainment. I don't want my children subjected to that, and I don't want Emily having to hear things like that, not about me or you. I just..."

"Bella, hey," he said, pulling me against him so that my head was resting on his shoulder. "You know I don't think those things about you. You know I think you're the most amazing woman in the world. Bella, I don't want any of those women. I know that my opinion probably doesn't make you feel any better or you shouldn't feel better just because of my opinion, but for what it's worth, you're so much more than any of them could ever be. And if I don't hear the things they're saying, it's because that's how little they mean to me. It's because I'm looking at you, and I'm thinking about you, and I'm wanting you, Bella. Not them. Never them."

"Are you sure?" I asked as I cried against him. "Some of them are really pretty."

His chest shook as he laughed. "Bella, you're really pretty. And you're really sweet, and smart. And you're really funny. And you're really hot."

A laugh forced its way out of me as he spoke, and I pushed against him, then shifted closer, burying my face in his neck. "You promise?" I whispered.

"I promise."

We sat like that for a few minutes, just being together. I remembered times when Alec and I had sat in the same position, but never had it felt the same. For some reason, even though I was crying and we were talking about hard things, I was completely at ease and content and at peace.

"What are we doing?" I asked, remembering a few weeks earlier when the same question had been asked.

"We're being careful, and we're being happy. I don't think that's wrong."

I sniffled and lifted my hand to wipe at the tears on my cheeks. "It doesn't feel wrong, not to me."

As my hand lowered, Edward caught it in his and pulled it against his chest.

"You feel that? You make my heart beat faster," he whispered.

"You make me feel like I'm melting," I said with a smile.

"You make me nervous."

"You make me forget everything but you," I murmured as my fingers gripped onto the fabric of his shirt.

"You make me want things for my life," he breathed into my hair.

"You make me feel crazy and calm at the same time."

"You make my palms sweaty, like I'm in high school again."

I laughed. "You make me happy."

He was silent for a few moments. "You make me wish I'd met you sooner."

Visions of Alec flashed through my mind. So many of our happy times were there and so many of our sad times, too. All the best memories I had with him flowed through my head; images of him holding our children, of him sleeping peacefully in our bed, of him laughing and teasing and loving me. My eyelids slid closed as I drew in a ragged breath.

"You make me wish that, too." I whispered so softly, I wasn't sure he could even hear me.

"Can we try this, Bella? Can we try to make this work?" he asked. His voice was shaky, just like I knew mine was, and I wondered if he was thinking about Jane, just like I was thinking about Alec. I wondered if he was feeling guilty, just like I was. I wondered if he was missing her like I was missing Alec. And I wondered if he was grateful for what he had now, just like I was.

My tears flowed onto his shirt and I worried about the mess I was making there, but leaning on him in that way felt too good, and I couldn't bring myself to move. "I want to. I want to try. But we can't tell anyone, not yet."

"Not yet. Not even the kids, right?"

"Right. I don't want to confuse them, you know? They're still getting used to Jane and Alec not being here. I don't want to hurt them."

He breathed deeply, and I felt his lips press against my head. "Me, either."

After several minutes of sitting together - of listening to Edward's heart beating, of feeling his chest rise and fall with each breath, of wondering what Alec and Jane would say if they could see us - I felt Edward shift.

"We should get back. I don't want to, but we told the kids we wouldn't be gone long."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we should." Wiping at my eyes, I sat up and pulled away from Edward.

"Is it wrong that having you lean away from me actually hurts?" he asked with a smile.

"No, I don't think so."

"We still have a lot to work through, but I want to. I want to do that with you. And there's no rush, okay? We'll just take our time."

Smiling at him as he stood up, I nodded again. "That sounds perfect to me."

"Can I hold your hand?" he asked, and I could hear a quiver in his voice. He was nervous that I'd say no.

"I'd like that."

Slipping my hand into his, I stood up and laced my fingers with his, holding his hand tightly. We started back toward his house, walking slowly since neither of us was in any real hurry. We both seemed to know that as soon as we returned to our children, our little bubble would disappear for a while. I wasn't sure how we'd work things out, but I wanted to. I desperately wanted to.

His house came into view and I slowed even more, trying to make our time last as long as possible. He laughed as I pulled him to a crawling speed. "You know this is just the beginning, right?" he asked.

"I know. I'm just trying to make tonight last as long as I can." Smiling up at him, I leaned my head against his shoulder and let out a sigh. Being close to him made me happy, content, and for those few seconds my life felt perfect again.

We walked toward the door, and I heard him let out a little laugh. "What?" I questioned.

"This is normally where I'd try to kiss you goodnight. But I just realized, we're at my house, so technically you'd be kissing me goodnight."

Watching him speak, my eyes were drawn to his lips. I wondered what they'd feel like on mine. He'd kissed the corner of my mouth only a couple of weeks before, and the way that kiss had burned into my skin made me want even more from him.

"I had a nice time tonight," I said, smiling up at him as I tried to play shy. He laughed.

"I did, too."

I was still holding his hand and I stepped closer to him, turning my hand so that both his and mine twisted behind me onto my lower back. When I let go, his hand stretched out along my waist, sliding down toward the waistband of my jeans. My hand moved and slid around his waist, too, grasping onto his shirt. Staring up at him, I felt his other hand glide up my arm toward my face, his thumb resting on my cheek as his fingers curled under my jaw bone.

"Bella," he whispered as he leaned closer to me.

"Yeah?" I asked, letting my free hand ghost up his body and wrap around his neck, my fingers toying with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I really want to kiss you," he whispered, and I smiled.

"I really want to kiss you, too," I replied, my teeth biting down into my lower lip.

He leaned forward, and I pushed up onto my tip toes. Our noses touched for just a moment, before I finally felt his lips press so tenderly against mine. It was amazing. I'd never had a kiss like that before. It had only just begun, and yet, I already knew it was different. I could taste him and smell him and feel him, and I never wanted it to stop. All thoughts left my head and I simply existed in his arms, his hands holding me steady in time. I had no idea how long we stood there, no idea if I even breathed. I didn't care. All I cared about was the fact that we were standing on his front porch step, with our hands on each other, and he was kissing me. It was amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing.

When he pulled back, leaving our foreheads touching but our lips a few inches apart, I took a breath.

"Bella," he whispered, and that was it. I pulled at him and kissed him hard. It may have caught him off guard, but soon enough, he was kissing me back. Our lips moved together so easily. It was like we'd been kissing forever. We just worked and matched and flowed. It was perfect. My tongue peeked out just a bit, tasting his lips before slipping back into my mouth. I wasn't going to push things too far yet. I knew we'd have plenty of time for that. But it was so right and wonderful, and I couldn't feel my body, so I figured that was a pretty good sign that things were going well between us.

Pulling away from him, I suddenly noticed how hard I was breathing. And I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

"Sorry," I said, breathless from the way he was making me feel. And surprised that I actually _could_ feel again. When his lips were on mine, it was like I'd been floating, weightless, soaring.

"I'm not," he replied with a laugh.

"We're doing that again, first chance we get."

He smiled. "Absolutely."

We stood on the porch for a few more moments, watching each other closely and enjoying our new-found connection. Then I heard our children laughing from inside the house. Edward heard them, too, and we both sighed, stepping away from each other.

"Soon," he said, winking at me.

"I'm holding you to that," I told him, then smiled back at him as I slipped my hands from his body and turned toward the front door, my eyes still locked with his.

I was never going to be able to give him up. Not now. Not ever.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********I**** hope it lived up to your expectations. :)**

**Thanks again! :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from a USA Today photoshoot. My buddy ****__****EdwardsBloodType******** used to say she loved this one, and I can see why. :) Rob's wearing a brown and white checkered shirt over a white v-neck t-shirt. The brown and white shirt is unbuttoned and open and you can see just a hint of chest hair peeking over that v-neck t-shirt. :) He's leaning against a balcony railing, his hands clasped in front of him, and a serious look on his face. He's pretty clean shaven... well, as clean shaven as our guy can get. :D And his hair is a little longer and kinda graspable. :) That's always a good look on our man. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

All day Saturday, I was in a haze. I floated from one thing to the next. I caught myself daydreaming at least once an hour. I was totally oblivious to anything happening around me. And my children took complete advantage of it. By the time dinner rolled around, my house was a disaster area - toys scattered all over every room, dirty clothes laying in corners, used dishes sitting on any flat surface under four feet high, and crumbs all over my furniture.

"Mommy, why you look so silly?" Kenna asked me as I sat at the kitchen counter.

"What?" I said, shaking my head and turning to look at her.

"Your eyes look all silly, Mommy. You gots a funny face."

"I do?" I questioned with a giggle. "I guess so, huh?"

"Unca Edward had a silly face yesterday, too."

Suddenly I was worried, needing to know exactly what she was talking about.

"Before we comed home, I seed him in the kitchen with Nana Essmee and he was lookin' all funny. Her was laughing at him, Mommy."

It made me smile, knowing that I wasn't the only one of us affected by our talk and kiss. Our first kiss. Just thinking about it started my mind wandering again. I remembered the feel of his soft lips against mine, and the way his hand spread across half my back as he pulled me closer to him, and how his thick hair felt under my fingers as I greedily let it glide across my skin and-

"Mommy!" Mckenna yelled. "Stop that silly face right now!"

"Oh, sorry, baby. Mommy will stop. I promise."

She smiled. "Can I have bubbles in my bath, Mommy?"

Nodding and assuring her that she could, I followed her to the bathroom so she could get cleaned up and ready for bed. Once she was washed, dried, dressed, and her hair was combed, I yelled for Collin to get into the bath, as well, and then went to read a bedtime story to Mckenna.

It wasn't long before they were both tucked into their beds and I was cleaning up the mess they'd made that day. I had been hoping to see Edward at some point, but I knew he had some work to do and that Emily was starting a gymnastics class. She was very excited about it, and I'd promised that when she eventually had a competition, I'd be in the front row cheering her on.

After cleaning the house, I sat down with my laptop and decided to check my bank account and Facebook. The life and car insurance payments had finally come through, and I'd talked to Aro about investing some of the money so that I could make the most of it. I erased several emails from local car dealerships. They all seemed determined to sell me a new car, since Alec's had been totaled in the accident. I still had mine and it was relatively new, so I didn't see the need for another any time soon. Although, I thought it _would_ be nice to have a back up, and maybe something a little smaller and more economical than my SUV was.

Facebook was filled with strange things, as usual. Once a week or so, I'd still get the random condolence message from someone who'd just heard about Alec's passing. Or I'd hear something from a great-aunt wanting to check and see how I was handling things. I knew they all meant well, and I spent a few minutes replying to them. As I looked through vacation pictures for a friend from college, a friend request popped up.

_Esme Cullen_

It made me smile, and I quickly accepted the request. Seeing her name and picture made me blush a little as I remembered the way she'd looked at me the night before.

_Walking in the door, the kids all ran toward me and Edward, grabbing around our waists and legs and laughing with excitement._

"_Kids!" I heard Esme call just before she hurried around the corner from the living room. "Oh, you're back. I was worried they'd taken off again."_

"_Taken off again?" Edward asked, looking down at Emily._

"_I just wanted to show Collin the lightning bugs in the front yard, Daddy. We didn't go anywhere else."_

"_Em," he said, smiling down at her as he ran his hand over her hair._

"_You nearly gave Grandma a heart attack," Esme said with a smile. Then she looked at me, and her smile brightened. "So you had a nice time?"_

_I nodded. "Yeah, it was good. Thanks for watching the kids." I glanced at Edward who was standing a few feet from me. "I guess we should get going."_

"_You don't have to go yet," he said, looking at me quickly and then looking away. He was nervous, and why wouldn't he be? I felt like we were back in high school, just home from a first date and answering to our parents. His dad joined his mom, and both of them looked back and forth between me and Edward._

"_Mommy, we're still watching the movie. Can we watch the end?" Collin asked._

"_Yeah, we'll watch the end."_

"_Come on and sit with me," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me behind him. Soon enough we were all back in the living room watching the movie, with me on one couch surrounded by my children, Edward on a chair with Emily on his lap, and a grinning Esme and Carlisle on the love seat._

_I couldn't stop the feelings of embarrassment that were flowing through me. It was like Esme could tell that I'd kissed her son, like his lip prints were tattooed on my skin. It felt like they were burned there, and I had to stop myself from reaching up to feel my lips every two minutes._

_As nervous as I was, I also couldn't wait until the next time we were alone so that I could kiss him again._

"_I'm gonna grab a drink. Anyone want anything?" Edward asked, standing from the chair._

"_Water, please?" I asked._

_He smiled. "You got it."_

"_Oh, I'll help!" Esme said, jumping up and following him to the kitchen. After a couple of minutes, Mckenna decided she wanted something, too, and rushed off to the kitchen. She soon returned, giggling and laughing as she carried her cup of juice into the room._

"_What?" I asked._

"_Unca Edward's funny," she whispered, then giggled again. Edward and Esme soon returned, and I was curious if something had happened. Edward's face was red, he was clearly blushing, and Esme had a very pleased smile on her face. It made me nervous._

_When the movie was over, Esme and Carlisle gathered their things to go. Esme pulled me into a hug, kissing my cheek and whispering into my ear._

"_You make him very happy, Bella. Thank you for that."_

_The look of love and kindness in her eyes as she pulled away struck me, and I nodded. "He makes me happy, too."_

"_I'm glad," she said, then kissed Emily and Edward goodbye._

_My kids and I followed them out the door to our car, and I got the kids buckled into their seats and then moved to my door, which Edward opened for me._

"_I probably won't see you tomorrow," he said with a sigh._

_"I know, but it's okay. What about Sunday? You busy on Sunday? Maybe we could barbeque or something. The kids would love that."_

"_That sounds like a plan," he replied. "I can't wait for Sunday."_

"_Me, either." _

_He watched me closely, his eyes burning into mine, our fingers touching as we both held onto the car door, our breaths mingling as we both breathed hard._

"_If we didn't have two very curious sets of eyes watching us right now, I'd kiss you," he whispered._

_I moved forward just a bit, letting my arm touch his. "If we didn't have those eyes watching us right now, I'd let you."_

_He smiled a smile that I was starting to recognize as a smile he only ever gave to me. I loved it._

"_I'll see you Sunday, Bella."_

"_I can't wait," I said, digging my teeth into my bottom lip._

"_Ugh, you have no idea how sexy that is," he mumbled under his breath._

_I laughed. "I do now."_

There was a ping on my computer, and it startled me from my thoughts. Looking at the screen, I saw a picture posted by Esme. It was a cute little boy with freckles and red hair. He had the biggest, most inquisitive green eyes I'd ever seen, and it made me smile when I realized it had to be Edward.

_Just thought I'd share a picture of my baby. For anyone who might want to see... :)_

I knew she was posting that for me, and I quickly "Liked" it. I spent a few minutes looking through some of her family picture albums, seeing holidays and birthdays and other fun times for Edward's family. It made me happy that they were so close and loving toward each other. I only hoped they'd be the same way toward me and my children, if the thing between Edward and I turned into something long term.

A soft knock on my front door sounded through the house, and I set my laptop down on the sofa so I could see who it was. It was nearly eleven at night, and I hoped it was the one person I wanted to see more than anything. Looking through the window, I smiled. After taking a couple of deep breaths, I opened it to a nervous-looking Edward.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi. I was hoping you were still up."

"Yeah. You wanna come in?" I asked, opening the door to him.

"Just for a second. Emily's asleep in the car. We're on our way home from my parents, and I just wanted to stop and tell you good night."

"That's all?" I asked, pushing the door most of the way closed.

"Maybe not all," he softly said. "I was hoping maybe..."

The excitement flowing through my body had my stomach flipping and turning, my hands shaking and sweating, and my heart thumping and racing. I stepped closer to him, placing my hands on his chest as he backed up against the wall. Putting my feet between his, I pushed up just a bit on my tip toes.

"Whatever you were hoping, I'm hoping, too."

With that, he kissed me. His hands lifted to cup my cheeks, holding me gently like I was something precious and breakable. Maybe I was. My hands moved upward until they gripped the open collar of his button-down shirt, pulling him closer to me as our lips moved together. For several minutes, we stood in the darkness of my entry way, kissing and smiling and laughing and groaning. It was nothing more than lips on lips, open and closed and soft and tender and moving together, and I was totally fine with that. We had plenty of time for more later, but as far as second kisses went, it was the greatest one ever, in my opinion.

"I gotta go," he whispered. I could see his chest moving up and down, hear how strained his breath was, see how lust-filled his eyes were.

"You're coming over tomorrow, right?" I asked. Well, more like begged.

"Oh, yeah. We'll be here."

"Okay. Tomorrow, then," I said and then moved to kiss him lightly once more. It turned into about seven more kisses, all simple and soft and easy. But all the hottest things I'd ever experienced.

After he finally pulled away and left, I leaned against the door, with my back to the wood, and stared up at the ceiling.

This man was setting me on fire. Something so simple as a kiss had the power to completely melt me. If he ever touched my boobs or – dare I even think it – tried to have sex with me, I was afraid I'd combust.

But oh, it would be so worth the risk.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ****Finally, a flashback that didn't happen before the accident. :D ********I**** was hoping one of those might happen. I**** think there will be a few more... No, ********I**** know there will be. :)**

**FYI - When review replies don't go out, there will usually be two teasers on Facebook – one on my profile & page, and one in my group. If you're on there and wanna see them, find me._ Beegurl OneThree FanFickee_ or _Stories by beegurl13._ And if you want in the group, which is secret so no one will know you're in there, just ask. I'll add you. :)**

**Reminder - The Edward POV outtake for reviews from Chapters 19, 20, and 21... Please, ****_please_****, PLEASE if you want it, go and make sure you reviewed ALL THREE of those chapters. And also make sure your PM's are turned on. I've got a few girls who don't allow PM's, so ********I**** can't send it to them. :( Even if you just want to turn them on long enough to get the outtake, that's cool with me. :)**

**Thanks again! :)**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the movie ****__****How to Be********. He's so young in that movie, but he's so good in it, too. :) In this picture his hair is long and shaggy, and he's wearing a heavy plaid jacket with that kinda cream colored fluffy lining on it. He's got a hoodie on underneath that and a black band around his wrist. He's sitting at a table, just kinda staring off to the side, with this smirk on his face. He really does give the best smirks ever. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Sunday morning did not start well. Aside from Collin's grumpiness and Kenna's sudden earache, something was wrong with my barbeque grill and it wouldn't light up. After trying everything I'd ever seen Alec do to it, I gave up and let out a frustrated grumble. It was in those moments that I found myself missing Alec. Things like fixing pipes, moving heavy furniture, replacing fuses – all the things he'd always done around the house – now fell on my shoulders. And I didn't know how to do them. I was learning, but there was still so much. If I lived closer to my dad or Jasper, I knew they would always be happy to run right over and save me, but I didn't. And even though I knew Edward would gladly take care of those things for me, I felt this need inside of myself to stand on my own. I wanted to show him – and prove to myself – that I could take care of my family, that I could be a responsible adult, that I had things under control. I needed to be that person for so many different reasons.

"Hey, Edward," I said when he picked up his phone.

"Hi. We're heading over soon. Is everything okay, or do you need me to grab something before we get there?"

My head started spinning in a very dirty direction, thinking of the things I wanted him to grab. Unfortunately, they were all parts of my body, and I knew that wasn't happening just yet.

"No, it's my grill. I can't get it to start up. I've done everything I know to do, and it's just not working. I don't think we're gonna be able to barbeque on this thing today."

"Oh, well just come over here. I've got mine, and I just used it the other night, so I know it's working. Pack up your stuff and bring it over here," he said, and I could hear the relief in his voice. I was certain there was no way he'd actually think I might cancel, not after the kissing we'd done the night before.

"Are you sure? I'm sorry, but I don't know what's wrong with it. I guess I'll have to get someone to come look at it."

"It's fine. Trust me. Come over, and we can still do what we'd planned. The kids can play, and we can hang out or whatever..."

The long, awkward pause after he finished talking sent my thoughts down that naughty road from earlier and I shook my head, letting out a deep breath.

"Okay. We'll be over in a little while."

The idea of going to Emily's house seemed to cheer my kids up a bit, and soon enough, they were dressed and helping me pack up the food for lunch. Mckenna asked about 100 times if she could wear her swimming suit since she was certain Edward would have set up Emily's slip-n-slide in the back yard. While it was getting warmer, it was nowhere near that warm, and with her earache, I assured her there would be no water activities happening that day.

Edward rushed out to help me carry bags in when we got there. The kids ran into the house ahead of me, leaving me with all the groceries.

"Let me help," he said as he hurried to the back of my car and began lifting things into his arms.

"I didn't realize how much stuff I got yesterday until this morning. I think I went a little overboard," I laughed.

"Don't worry. It just means there'll be enough for dinner tonight, too. So you can stay longer."

His smile and the glimmer in his eyes nearly had my knees knocking together, and I grinned back at him and nodded, then stumbled toward the house.

Once we had everything in the kitchen, Edward went out back to start up the grill and check on the kids, who were playing on Emily's swing set. I was standing at the counter, trying to get the hamburger patties and hot dogs ready for Edward, when I heard him walk into the room. It reminded me of a very similar moment we'd shared in my kitchen, and soon enough, his hand was resting on my hip while his other reached up and moved my hair from one shoulder to the other. His lips were instantly on my neck, and I shivered as he lightly kissed me there several times.

"The kids are playing, so I figure we got a minute or two before they notice we're not out there." His voice was deep and gritty and oozing with sex. It made my stomach flop.

"I think I love when you do this," I whispered to him.

"Good to know," he mumbled against my heated skin, then began to kiss me again. I tilted my head to the side a little more, giving him more access to me. His lips opened, and I could feel him tenderly licking and sucking and biting at me.

"Oh, crap," I moaned, causing him to laugh a little.

"Hmmm, Bella," he said, then we heard the back door slam shut.

"Daddy!" Emily yelled, and Edward let out a sigh and then pulled away from me.

"Dang kids," he muttered, and I laughed. Kids always seemed to put a damper on romance, and I knew it was going to be a long day for me and Edward.

As the afternoon wore on, I soon found myself sitting on Edward's deck that overlooked the backyard. The kids were playing and enjoying themselves, and Edward sat next to me at the table, laughing at how silly our children were being. Every time the kids got immersed in whatever game they were playing, Edward would reach over and take my hand in his. His fingers would trace up and down mine, like he was trying to memorize each little crease and line in my skin. Once I was so lost in the intense feelings coursing through me that I didn't even realize he was sliding my wedding ring from side-to-side on my finger, pressing his thumb into the diamond solitaire that sat at the top of the ring.

I hadn't been able to bring myself to remove my ring from my finger. It just didn't feel right yet, but I knew that if things with Edward began to progress as quickly as I wanted them to, I'd need to take it off. I didn't want to disrespect Alec's memory by wearing his ring while being with another man. And I never wanted Edward to question my desire for him. I didn't want him to think he was just filling a role that Alec had left open. I knew Edward still wore his ring, and I wondered when he'd finally take it off.

One thing I had done was remove the chain I wore around my neck that held Alec's ring. I still put it on every so often, but for the most part, it lay in my jewelry box, where it was safe and waiting for the day I could give it to Collin. In place of the chain, I wore the necklace Edward had given me for Easter and I found my fingers twirling over the cool, thin metal several times every day.

"So, Collin's birthday is this week. I think we're gonna have pizza and cake on Saturday afternoon. You and Emily can make it, right?" I asked Edward, looking to the side to see his eyes focused on my hand.

"Yeah, of course."

I sighed, reaching forward with my free hand and playing with the straw in my glass. "I wasn't sure about Em's gymnastics schedule."

He smiled at me – a big, goofy smile – and it made me curious.

"What?" I asked, feeling a little self-conscious.

"I like you calling her Em. Is that wrong of me?"

His words made me laugh a bit. "No, I guess not. It just feels normal to call her that. But I know how much Jane hated that nickname, so maybe that's why I never did it much before."

"Yeah, she did hate that. I call her Em all the time, and it used to drive Jane crazy," he laughed. "It's only confusing when we're around Emmett. Although, he usually ends up acting like he's Emily when he's there and I'm trying to talk to her. He's kind of a dork."

I didn't know Edward's brother that well, but from what I did know of him, I completely understood what Edward was saying.

The sky was beginning to darken by the time the kids were tiring out. We ate dinner, filling up on the leftovers from lunch, and I couldn't help but notice how comfortable and natural things felt. It was like we'd always been a family, working together every day. It was easy with Edward, and I smiled more and more each time we spent days together. Before leaving, Edward kissed me lightly on the lips as we hid in the darkened entry way. My kids were loaded into the car and Emily was getting ready for bed. It was only a minute, but feeling his arms wrap around me and pull me to him was amazing. For those 60 seconds, I completely lost myself in his whispered words, in his tender kisses, in his caring eyes... in him.

I loved it.

On our way home, Collin was quiet. "What's up, honey?" I asked him, glancing at him in the rearview mirror. Mckenna had fallen asleep the moment my car left Edward's driveway.

"I like being at Emily's house," he said.

"I'm glad. I do, too."

"I like Uncle Edward, too." His voice was softer, like he was admitting something he didn't think he should.

"That's okay. It's okay to like Uncle Edward. You know that, right?" I asked.

"Yeah. But Mommy, do you think Daddy would be sad if I like Uncle Edward?"

"No, of course not."

I knew we'd covered this topic before, but my son was so much like me, I figured Collin probably needed more reassurance that what he was feeling was okay. For a moment, I wondered, too, if he and Mckenna should attend a therapy session with me or on their own. That was something I'd have to ask Dr. Carmen at my next appointment.

"Uncle Edward acts like a dad. He's a good dad to Emily, and sometimes, he feels like a dad to me, too," Collin said.

I let out a deep breath, hoping to find the right words to say to my son. "He is a good dad. He loves Emily, and I know he loves you and Kenna, too. Maybe that's why he feels like a dad."

"Do you think he would ever wanna be my dad? Would he do fun stuff with me like Daddy did?"

My heart stopped beating for a moment. I knew it had, because suddenly my eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't feel any part of my body, and I was grateful that we were stopped at a stop sign. It was late and there was no one else around, so we sat there for a few moments as I watched Collin in the mirror.

"Honey, I think Uncle Edward would love to be a dad to you someday, if that's what you wanted." Edward's words to me when we'd fought in my backyard came ringing through my ears, and I remembered how passionately he'd said them.

"_I would be honored if Collin chose to call me his dad someday."_

The thought made me shiver, and I drew a shaky breath into my lungs.

"Mommy, sometimes I forget what Daddy looks like," Collin whispered. And it broke my heart. "Do you think he'll be mad at me if I forget about that?"

I shook my head. "No, baby, he won't be mad. Sometimes I forget, too. That's when I go look at our pictures with him, and I see him smiling and how happy he was. I know how much he loves us, and then I remember again."

Collin sighed a heavy sigh that no nearly six-year-old boy should ever have to sigh. "Maybe I need to get more pictures, so I'll remember better."

We were quiet the rest of the way home, and when I tucked him into his bed that night, I noticed several pictures from around the house were resting on his nightstand. And I saw the photo collage I'd made for him tucked safely into his bed next to his pillow.

It was hard falling asleep in my bed that night, laying there and thinking about the things Collin had said. Then I started thinking about Alec, trying to remember every little thing about him, and I couldn't. I quietly cried myself to sleep, wondering if moving forward with Edward so soon was really the right thing for me to do. It felt right, but was it? I just wasn't sure, and I needed to be before I made a huge mistake I could never take back.

Esme kept Emily on Monday and Tuesday afternoons, so I didn't get to see Edward until Wednesday evening. By that point, I needed to see him. We'd exchanged several text messages and a few phone calls, but seeing him – feeling him – was different. When he walked into my house that day, the kids were sitting at the table eating dinner.

"You guys sit and eat, okay? I need to talk to Uncle Edward for just a minute. We'll be right back. And if you're good, then I'll give you two cupcakes tonight, okay?" I asked the kids as I gently pushed Edward out of the kitchen and toward the hallway. The look on his face showed he was curious as to what I needed to talk to him about, but the kids agreed and he followed me, so I didn't worry about it. Once we were in the hall bathroom, I closed the door and turned to face Edward.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, watching me closely.

I was still for a few moments, then nodded and moved toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him. "I missed you."

His quiet laugh filled the air around us. "I missed you, too," he said, circling his arms around me. "Are you all right? Did something happen?"

I didn't want to look at him as I spoke, so I kept my cheek against his chest. "It's fine. It's just... things with us. This is serious, right? I mean, I don't wanna screw up what we had before. And I'm feeling kinda like... I don't know. I'm just... I don't..."

"Hey," he softly said, rubbing his hands up and down my back. "You know this is at your speed, okay? I want something serious with you, but if you're not ready, I'll wait. I don't want you to get upset over this. I mean it."

A sigh left my body, and I relaxed a little. "So if this doesn't work, we're gonna be okay, right?"

He pushed back from me and took my chin in his hand, tilting it upward until I was looking at him. "Why wouldn't this work, Bella?"

"It's just... Collin was talking about Alec and how he missed him and how he can't always remember what he looked like. And that got me to thinking, and I realized I can't remember it all the time, either. And then I was trying to think about Alec's little quirks that used to drive me crazy or the sweet things he'd do or say, and I can't remember all of them anymore. And the only thing different is that I have you now, and I don't know if I can risk losing Alec for something that's not gonna last. You know?"

Edward smiled a warm and caring smile, then let out a long breath. "Bella, I don't want to take Alec's place. I don't want you to forget about him. He was your husband, and he's Collin and Mckenna's father. Nothing will ever change that. You don't have to forget him for me. I don't want that. He was my family, too, and I want to be able to talk about him with you. And I want to be able to talk about Jane with you. And I want our kids to know we loved Alec and Jane, and that no matter what happens between us, that will never, ever change."

"Collin said you act like a dad to him sometimes," I whispered, my eyes stinging with tears. Maybe it wasn't the right time to be telling Edward, but I couldn't keep it inside anymore. "He asked if maybe you'd want to be his dad someday and do dad things with him. Edward... If you and I start something and the kids know, it won't be just us that are hurt if things go wrong. I need to know that no matter what that you're gonna be in our lives, whether you and I are together or not."

I watched him closely as he looked at me, leaning his head to the side and running his fingers through my hair a few times. Then his fingertips ghosted over my shoulder, down my arm, and behind his back where he took hold of my hand and brought it up between us. Lacing our fingers together, he leaned down and kissed my knuckles.

"No matter what, I'm always gonna be here for you and the kids. Always."

"Promise?" I begged.

"Promise," he assured me, then leaned forward and kissed my lips. It was sweet and loving and reassuring, and after it was over, I pressed my body against his and held him for a few more moments. I felt his face in my hair, felt him breathing in and out and lightly kissing me over and over again.

The road to what we wanted wouldn't be easy, but I knew if we were careful and if we gave it all we had, we could do it. I had to believe in us. I wanted it too much not to.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ****Kinda good, right? :) Who wouldn't want this Edward? :D**

**Thanks again! ********:)**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from that ****__****Vanity Fair******** photoshoot. We've seen one other from that shoot so far, but there are a ton of great ones. It would be wrong to ignore them. :) In this picture Rob's wearing a white t-shirt with a blue, black, and white plaid jacket with the collar standing up around his neck. He's walking past a window, and his hair's a little longer and he's wearing a blue baseball cap. I remember back in his Beanie Days I used to dream of him wearing a baseball cap. I love baseball caps and baseball players. :) Little did I know he'd one day become addicted to them. Caps, or hats, that is. :D Anyway, in this picture his expression is pretty serious, with his brow furrowed and his lips puckered together. It's sorta beautiful. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty

I stood in my kitchen next to my mother, scooping up dishes of ice cream for my guests. Trying to keep everyone's order straight was quickly frustrating me, though I knew deep down that my frustration had nothing at all to do with the ice cream flavor requests.

Thursday and Friday evenings had turned out pretty much identical to Wednesday: I kept Emily after school, Edward came to pick her up, we ate dinner, we talked while the kids played, he held my hand or tried to touch me in some way about every two or three minutes, he secretly and gently kissed me goodnight, he and Emily left. I was a mess. It was like kissing him had ignited a fire I thought had been smothered when Alec died. I never thought I'd find anyone else to love and want to spend my life with. I certainly never pictured myself caring about someone enough to want to have a physical relationship with them. Not that I thought I had to be married to have sex with someone. It was just that sex had always meant something to me, and I didn't see my ideas on that changing.

Saturday morning, my parents showed up with Jasper and Alice in tow. They were staying the weekend, and after getting them set up in the guest room and the office, we started working on Collin's party. It wasn't anything fancy; mainly just family and a few of his friends from school. I'd been slightly caught off guard when Heidi told me she and Aro would be in town, and they wouldn't dream of missing the party. It made me nervous, especially knowing that Edward would be there, too. I only hoped I could keep my feelings for him hidden well enough that they wouldn't have any idea that something was going on. I'd already told my parents to keep quiet about it, and I asked Jasper to keep Edward busy and as far away from me as he could. He just laughed a teasing laugh, like most brothers would, and then promised to help. Alice was in charge of all the food and the few games the kids would be playing, so I figured she'd be too busy to talk much anyway.

Having my mother with me was a big help, and she'd kept me calm all morning. It was especially helpful when Edward showed up, looking like sex on legs with that smile only he could smile. I felt my knees weaken just from one glimpse, and it was my mother's laugh and mumbling of "Oh, Bella" that made me shake off the impending swooning and take a deep breath. Get my head back on straight. Focus on the tasks at hand. Luckily for me, I got things under control just in time to notice Aro and Heidi pull in right behind Edward.

"They're actually in town?" he asked when he came into the house, following a very excited Emily.

"Yeah, I guess they're in town and missing the grandkids or something. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't know for sure until this morning that they'd definitely be here."

"It's fine," he said with a smile. "I know we're not saying anything about what's going on with us, so we'll just have to be careful, right?"

I nodded. "Right." Looking up at him, I let out a sigh. "It's gonna be really hard to have you here and not be able to touch you."

"I know," he replied. The look in his eyes was one I was getting used to seeing when we were alone and he was about to kiss me. "This might kill me."

His words made me giggle softly and want him all that much more.

"Edward! Hey!" Jasper yelled just then, pulling Edward toward the backyard where Jasper and my dad were sitting on the porch watching the kids play in the yard.

I turned toward the front door to let Aro and Heidi in, since I knew they were most likely out of their car and waiting at the door. They were walking up the sidewalk when I got there. I hadn't seen them in over a month. They always seemed to be traveling to somewhere new and different for whatever reason. They looked older, and it was completely understandable to me. Their two oldest children, who were close to them, were gone. If I'd lost Collin and Mckenna within mere days of each other, I didn't think I would have survived it.

"Bella," Heidi said with a smile. "Oh, my sweet girl. We're so glad to see you."

I stepped outside and let her pull me into a hug, wrapping my arms around her and letting her hang on to me for longer than what was typical for us before the accident. Aro stood off to the side with a small smile on his face.

"Hi, Aro," I said, reaching my hand out and pulling him into our embrace. I really had lucked out in the in-law department. They had always been very loving and kind toward me, even if they were a little eccentric and formal. They were very concerned with how things appeared to the outside world, though I knew a lot of that was because of their business. It was the reason Alec and I had been at the New Year's Eve party to begin with.

"_I don't really understand why we HAVE to attend this party," I told Alec after getting out of the shower._

"_Bella, they have a party every year. This isn't any different."_

"_Yeah, and we ditch that party every year. It's our anniversary, Alec. I was hoping to go out to dinner or something. Just the two of us and not all of your work associates."_

_He sighed, then stepped closer to me and took my face in his hands. "Baby, please. My dad really wants me and Jane there, for whatever reason, and you know I want you there with me. Please, Bella. I swear we'll do something special soon, just the two of us."_

"_Alec..." I sighed. I wasn't feeling all that well, and the kids were being clingy and whiny. Plus, they'd been bickering with each other for days. I wanted a break, and taking them to a party at Aro and Heidi's house was as far from a break as I could get – unless that break was a vase, or a picture, or a sculpture. Their house was not very kid-friendly. At least not the areas where they entertained, and that's where the party would be, where their perfectly behaving grandchildren would be expected to be, too._

"_Bella, please. And I was thinking the other day... What if we start trying for another baby? Mckenna's almost four, and you know the doctor said it's just a matter of removing that thing. Then you can get pregnant. Don't you want another cute little cuddly baby around?" he said with a smirk on his face._

_I'd been asking about having another baby for almost two years. Alec knew mentioning that would win me over._

"_Really? You mean it?" I asked, looking closely at him._

"_Yeah, I mean it. Why don't you schedule an appointment for next week and have that thing taken out, and then we can start trying. Kenna would love having a baby around," he whispered with a smile on his face. "And so would I."_

_The _thing_ Alec kept referring to was the IUD I'd had inserted after Mckenna was born. At the time, we thought two children might be enough for us, but I was quick to realize it wasn't. There was a hole in our family, it seemed. I hadn't told Alec yet, but I kept feeling like maybe there was room for two or three more children. I knew he'd have a panic attack at the idea of five children. But that number felt really right to me._

"_Okay," I said, giving in and getting ready for the party._

_Once we got there, I realized why it was so important to Aro and Heidi that we all be at the party. He was announcing, officially, that he was retiring and leaving the business to Jane and Alec. Of course, I already knew that since plans had been in the works for the majority of the past year, but many of their business associates didn't know. It was important to Aro that they trust Jane and Alec and know their companies were still in good hands with Black Construction._

_Heidi was sweet, apologizing about taking up our anniversary but promising to keep the kids for a weekend so that Alec and I could get away for a few days. I smiled and thanked her, then hurried to stop Kenna from eating too many of the desserts that were on a table just tall enough for her to see over. She was in heaven, and knowing her sweet tooth - as well as the slight fever she was still running - she'd be sick in no time if I didn't make her slow down and eat something that wasn't made completely of sugar._

_I mingled, meeting several of the people there while trying to keep a close eye on my children. I knew it was important for Alec to schmooze and talk with everyone, so I tried to stay present but out of the way. As the night wore on, I noticed Edward doing much the same thing with Emily, although he already knew many of the people there since he worked with them regularly._

"_Bella, dear, are you two all right?" Heidi asked as I sat holding Kenna's head in my lap._

"_Yeah. She just ate a few too many pastries, I think. And she's had a bit of a fever today. She's not feeling very well."_

"_Oh, I'm sorry. I could ask Aro to hurry along his announcement, maybe. That way you guys could get home a little earlier."_

_I smiled at her offer but knew Aro wasn't likely to change his schedule for a sleepy, feverish little girl with a tummyache. "It's fine, but I'll talk to Alec and see if we can go soon."_

_She rubbed her hand over Kenna's arm, wrapping her fingers around my daughter's tiny hand for a moment. "She really is a beautiful child, Bella. I'm so grateful my Alec found such a good woman to be his wife."_

"_Thank you, Heidi. That means a lot to me."_

_A sigh escaped her, and her shoulders dropped a bit. "Both you and Edward... Aro and I couldn't have asked for better spouses for our children. We're so blessed. Now if Felix would just settle down..."_

_I leaned over and hugged her for a moment, smiling warmly at her. She'd always been good to me and my children, and I was glad for that._

I watched them both closely for a moment, happy that they'd decided to come to the party. I never blamed them for the accident or anything about that situation, and I didn't think they blamed me. I got the feeling they felt guilty for not insisting that Alec and Jane stay at their house until the next morning, but they couldn't have known what would happen. And Alec could be very stubborn when he had an idea in his head.

"Where are my grandbabies?" Heidi asked, pulling back from me.

"They're out back playing. Emily's here, too. You probably saw her come in."

"Yes, all three of them in one place. It's been so long since I held them."

There was a sadness in her eyes, and I could only imagine the hurt she'd been living with. We went inside and said hello to my mom and Alice, then went into the back yard.

"Grandma! Grandpa!" Emily yelled, running toward Heidi and Aro with a big smile on her face. They were good grandparents to my children, as well as to Emily, and I knew the kids would enjoy seeing them. Edward and Jasper were out in the yard throwing a football around with Collin while my dad helped Kenna color at the table on the porch. Once I knew they were all okay, I returned to the kitchen to help my mom and Alice.

The backyard was soon crawling with little boys, all of whom were running and screaming and enjoying themselves. The party was fun, and we'd had a good time. Seeing Edward play football with the boys got my heart thumping hard and fast. I could feel the want for him building in me, and I had to force myself to look away from him and do something else before I completely blew our secret and started drooling, or moaning, or something equally as embarrassing. If I didn't get my emotions under control, I knew the next time we were alone I was going to do a lot more to him than I was ready to do. I wouldn't be able to stop it... It was just going to happen.

Finishing with the ice cream, I carried all the bowls outside to the porch where the cake was set up on the table and everyone was ready to sing to Collin. I still couldn't believe that he was six. It seemed like time was flying by, and I remembered his birth like it had just happened. I remembered how excited Alec had been and how happy we were that day. So many of the people who were there with us then were still with us, standing around the table – except for Alec and Jane. Seeing how grown up Collin was getting, it made me sad to realize how much Alec had already missed. And it hurt even more to know there was still so much ahead he wasn't going to be there for.

Looking up, I met Edward's eyes, and he smiled a knowing smile. I could tell he knew exactly what I was thinking, and he was probably thinking the same thing. It made me feel a little better knowing Collin would have Edward in his life no matter what happened. I smiled and lit the candles, then joined in as everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to my baby.

Once all the gifts were opened, the cake and ice cream eaten, and the boys had gone home, I was cleaning things up and patting myself on the back for how well the party had gone. Everyone seemed to have a good time, and I had managed to avoid completely embarrassing myself over Edward. Alice laughed at me when she found me knocking my head against my bedroom door after having seen Edward wiping ice cream off Kenna's face. The way he'd done it was so sweet and loving, and the love in her eyes when she looked up at him afterward set my heart flying.

I was so spun over that man.

"Bella, I think we're gonna go," Aro said.

"Okay. Thank you for coming. I know the kids were excited, and I'm really glad we got to see you."

He smiled a sad smile. "It's been really hard for Heidi with the kids gone. Hard for me, too, but even more for her. I'm trying to keep her mind off things as best I can. You know how prone she is to depression."

I did know. I'd seen how she reacted to Felix moving away after high school before we'd moved back to Forks. She was lost, completely unable to function, and felt like she had no purpose in life. Aro had tried to get her involved in some charity functions, and she did enjoy them, but they weren't the same as raising children. Having us, and Jane and Edward move back, and then have grandchildren had really helped her. I'd spent many moments wondering if she would ever recover from losing Alec and Jane, and more recently, I had wondered about how she would react to Edward and I being together.

"I hope you'll be around a little more," I told Aro with a smile. "We miss seeing you. I do, and I know the kids do, too."

"Thank you, Bella. We'll see how things go."

Heidi was hugging Mckenna goodbye, and it kind of broke my heart.

"Oh, my sweet baby," she cried into Kenna's hair. "My sweet girl."

Kenna clung to Heidi for a few moments, then giggled as Heidi kissed her cheek.

"I miss-ed you, Gramma. How come you not come to see me?" she asked.

"I've been gone, but I'll be sure to come see you soon, okay? You be a good girl for your mommy."

"Okay, Gramma."

After a few more kisses for Collin and Emily, and a few more tears over how much Collin was starting to look like Alec, they left, and my fear of them picking up on the Edward and me thing vanished. Once everything was put away and taken care of, my parents decided to take a nap, and Alice and Jasper wanted to go check out a few of the antique stores downtown. I was certain with all the kids that had been in the house, Alice and Jasper needed a few moments to themselves; time just to deal with the things they were going through and to be together.

Emily and Collin were on the family room floor playing a video game while Mckenna was lying on the sofa, trying her hardest to stay awake. It was a battle she was quickly losing. I watched them for a few minutes, then felt eyes on me. Turning my head, I saw Edward in the doorway behind me, staring at me. His usually bright green eyes were dark and stormy-looking, and I quietly turned around and walked out of the room. I knew he was watching me, following me, and I was glad.

I went straight to my bedroom and left the door open, hoping he'd take the hint. He did.

"Lock it," I whispered. It was loud enough for him to hear but not anyone else, then walked into my bathroom. Pausing in the doorway, I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled. It seemed like an instant, but then, he was there, next to me, closing the bathroom door and pushing me up against it.

"Is this okay?" he mumbled against the skin of my neck.

"Yes, but we don't have a lot of time."

His lips pressed against my lips as his hands gripped my waist, pulling my body against his. My arms wrapped around him, my hands pulling his head toward mine, my fingers tangling in his hair. The way we moved together was perfect, natural, instinctive, and so hot. He kissed me roughly, harder than he had before, and I liked it. It was harsh, abrasive, determined... desperate.

The first moment I felt his tongue lick at my lips, I thought I might come right there. He wasn't hard or demanding with it, but soft and tender; a complete contrast from the way the rest of his body was reacting.

"You've been driving me crazy all day," he said into my open mouth before slipping his tongue past my lips and letting it slide against mine.

I moaned, probably louder than I should have, and his hands moved down my hips and around until they were grasping my cheeks and pulling my hips even tighter against his. I could feel him, the hardness in his jeans completely evident to me. It made me want him even more.

There weren't a lot of words between us. The occasional moan, sigh, begging of "more" or "please," and a few "oh, yeah"'s were the only sounds – other than heavy, hot breaths and kissing. I'd heard kissing sounds before. I'd paid attention when kissing Alec. It was never the same as what movies made it out to be. Well, not all movies. But with Edward, it was different. More intense, more passionate, and definitely more X-rated. The way our lips moved together and our tongues searched for each other, combined with the smacking sound of wetness and spit, made me melt. Alec had been a good kisser. Edward was incredible.

"Edward, wait," I breathed as one of his hands began to slide up my waist, moving higher and higher toward my breast.

"What?" he asked, moving his lips down to my neck and sucking. Hard.

"Wait. We can't. Not yet."

"I wanna feel you, Bella. Just once, please."

His hand stopped on my rib cage as he continued to suck on my neck and press his hardness against my belly. I pushed him back just a bit, so I could see his eyes, then reached down to grab his hand that was on my side. Without breaking eye contact, I slowly slid his hand over several inches until it was resting on my breast.

"Feel me," I begged, looking deep into his eyes as his hand squeezed and his fingers tightened over me. It felt so good, and I never wanted him to stop. He squeezed several more times, letting his thumb trace back and forth over my cloth-covered nipple. I knew he could feel how hard it was, just like I could feel how hard he was.

"For now, this is enough," he whispered. "For now."

His hand stayed there as he started to kiss me again, this time slower and less frantic. I loved the sloppy wetness of the slow, needful kisses. Our tongues danced and tangled, twisting into each other's mouths, and I never wanted it to stop.

He placed several sweet, tender kisses on my lips and then pulled away a few inches, continuing to look at me.

"I'm falling for you. I can't stop it," he whispered. The emotion in his eyes was so raw and real, so unguarded and trusting. His chest heaved up and down as he continued to breathe hard.

"I don't want you to stop it," I said. And I meant it. I didn't want him to stop falling for me. I wanted him to fall, and I wanted to fall. I wanted him to feel me, and I wanted to feel him. I wanted him to touch me, and I wanted to touch him. I wanted him to love me, and I... I wanted to love him.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********Seems they got a little carried away, huh? :) I'm thinking that's not a bad thing... :) And see, Aro and Heidi aren't so horrible, are they? :)**

**Thanks again! You're all so wonderful to me. Thank you. :) ****Oh, and for the one who asked, my favorite fanfics of all time are (in no certain order because it would be like trying to choose between my children :D ) - ****_Starry Eyed Inside_**** by Rochelle Allison, ****_The Tutor_**** by ItzMegan73, and ****_River Dam_**** by JennyFly. Ugh...so good. And all super realistic high school Edward and Bella stories. ********I**** love those kind. :)  
**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the ****__****L'Uomo Vogue******** photoshoot. Let's be honest...that was a WEIRD photoshoot. :D Some of those pictures are just odd and strange and... weird. :D This picture is of Rob sitting in the backseat of a car, I think. :D He's wearing leather pants with his legs up, laying over the back of the front seat, and he's wearing a white t-shirt with a black, studded leather jacket. The scruff is past actual scruff status and quickly approaching beard qualifications, and his hair – which is getting pretty long – is tousled and spiked and standing up kinda like a roosters comb. :D He's got one glove-clad finger hanging onto the roof as he stares off to the side with his lips pressed together. I'm not sure what he's thinking, but if I were the one sitting in that old rusted out car, all I would have been thinking was, "There had better not be any spiders or snakes in here..." :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty One

Life doesn't always turn out the way you think it will. There's always something unexpected that happens. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and sometimes it's not really either of those. Once in a while, what you think is good turns out to be really bad. And every once in a great while, something you think is bad – so sad you wonder if you'll ever be able to recover from the pain and heartbreak of it – turns out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to you. Realizing that doesn't always make you feel good, though. It usually makes you feel guilty. At least that's what it did for me.

"Bella, I think you're making great progress so far," Dr. Carmen said as she walked me out of my second session. "It really is a wonderful help that you're so open to change and that you have the desire to move on and live your life. I'm very proud of you, Bella."

"Thank you. It's getting easier to talk about Alec as time goes by. Of course, that doesn't always make me feel better."

"I know, but just keep in mind that you're living for yourself now. Alec would be pleased with the strength you're showing."

I smiled, thankful for the encouragement I was getting. I knew I needed it. After scheduling my next appointment, and scheduling one for me and the kids, too, I hurried to Jasper and Alice's house to pick up Mckenna. School was out early that Friday, which meant I needed to be back to Forks sooner than usual so that I could pick up Collin and Emily.

Alice asked about how things were going between me and Edward. There wasn't a lot to tell, unfortunately. We were living real lives, with kids and jobs and responsibilities. It wasn't as easy to find alone time as the movies always made it seem. Edward had been busy at work and I'd been helping with Collin's school, in addition to trying to help my mom plan a family reunion for the summer. She didn't have nearly enough siblings to make it as hard as it was. But I told Alice about the few moments Edward and I had together, and she swooned with me over the whole bathroom door incident, as she was calling it. She assured me that Edward and I were good, we were on a normal schedule, and there was nothing to worry about. I wasn't as much worried as I was yearning. For him. For more, more, more. It was bad.

Every evening when Edward picked up Emily, we talked and flirted and smiled and meshed our lives together just a little bit more. The kids were great, and they loved being together. That made it easy for us. Emily loved getting to sleep over or at least falling asleep at our house. I wasn't sure how Edward explained her waking up in her own bed after she'd fallen asleep in Kenna's. But with there still being a month of school left, Edward and I knew the "sleepovers" could only happen on weekends. Emily still needed some normal home routine in her life, and as much as I hoped we might one day blend our two families, for the time being, we were still two different families with two different houses and two different routines. I knew it was important that with all the other changes happening in our children's lives, some things needed to stay the same.

It was late on a Friday night, two weeks after the birthday party, and Edward and Emily were at my house. The kids were all tucked into bed, with Emily sleeping in Mckenna's room, and Edward and I were lying on the sofa in the family room watching a movie. We were supposed to be watching the movie, anyway, but neither of us really managed to pay attention to it. We'd kissed a little bit, talked a little bit, stared at each other a little bit, and laughed a lot. We were trying to keep any physical contact PG rated, since the kids hadn't been asleep very long, and we hadn't told them anything about our relationship yet. But it was hard. There were so many things running through my head and so many urges running through my body. From the way Edward's heart raced, I figured he was fighting the same battle I was.

Edward was lying on his side with his back against the back cushions of the couch. I was lying in front of him on my back, with my shoulder tucked carefully into his side, his arm stretched out and under my head. His denim-clad legs were bent, laying across mine, and his sock-covered feet were tangled with my bare ones. It was comfortable and cozy, and I loved it. Lying with him that way made it easy to reach up and kiss his lips, or his chin, or his neck.

I held his right hand in my hands, playing with his fingers and fingernails. Every few minutes, I would pull it toward my lips so I could kiss his skin or inspect something a little closer. His fingers were so long and flexible and I bent them back as far as I could, wondering when he'd make me stop. He didn't.

"Are you having fun?" he jokingly asked.

"Yes. This isn't natural," I told him. "Your fingers aren't supposed to bend this way."

He smiled at me. "Yeah, well, they do. But they won't anymore if you break them."

I giggled, keeping eye contact with him as I pulled his index finger to my lips and kissed it lightly, just on the tip. He sighed, and part of me was really hoping that maybe he was imagining me kissing another part of him like that. Not that I had a lot of experience in that act. Alec had never been a big fan of oral sex, and though we'd done it many times during our relationship, it didn't happen very often.

"It's because of my long fingers that I was forced to take piano lessons for fifteen years. My mom wouldn't let me stop until I graduated from high school."

"You play the piano?" I asked. I couldn't remember ever having seen him do that. He nodded. "Why don't you have a piano in your house?"

"My parents have a grand piano in their house, so I play that sometimes. I always wanted to get a piano for my house but Jane didn't want anything but a concert grand piano, and they aren't cheap. She knew I wouldn't be okay with spending that kinda money on something I hardly ever had time to play, especially not when I could just go to my parents' and play theirs."

I grinned at him. "Piano players are hot."

His laugh shook his whole body, and it made me warm inside. "Yeah, tell that to a teenage boy who's forced to accompany every grade school recital in town, just because his mom thinks he's some kinda musical genius."

I could totally see Esme doing that to Edward, and it made me wonder about him as a teenager.

"What were you like then?" I asked.

"Dorky. Why?"

"I don't believe that. How could you have been dorky then and turned out like this? Not possible."

He sighed, pulling his hand from my grasp and tracing his fingers over my hands instead. "I had braces and acne, and my hair was mess. I think I weighed about 125 pounds – soaking wet – until college, which wasn't horrible, except that I was 6'2" by the time I was fifteen. It was fine since I was all into my school work and stuff. I wanted a scholarship to college, and I stayed pretty focused."

"How old were you when you had your first kiss?" I asked. I was dying to know.

"Almost seventeen. Why? How old were you?"

"I was fifteen. He was a bad boy, so it was never anything more than a few kisses. I think he got arrested a few months later."

Edward's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Arrested? You were wild, weren't you?"

"No," I said with a laugh. "My dad's a cop. I was a good girl. But the guy was cute and my friend liked his friend, so that's why I knew him."

We talked for a little while longer, learning more about each other and our childhoods. Soon, I reached for his left hand with my left hand and laced our fingers together. Pulling our hands toward me, I kissed the back of his thumb and then saw something that surprised me. Edward's ring finger was bare. His wedding ring was gone.

"When did you take your ring off?" I whispered.

He didn't answer for several seconds, and finally, I turned my head to look at him. Seeing the look in his eyes, it made me curious.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked, waiting for him to answer.

"I don't want to freak you out, okay? It's not a big thing."

"Edward, it is a big thing. When and why?"

His eyes closed, and he lifted his right hand to rub them as I kept hold of his left one.

"I took it off last weekend. Sunday night. You know, after the whole thing in your bathroom. I've been meaning to take it off, but I couldn't do it before."

"Does this mean something?" My mind was racing in a million different directions. I wanted a relationship with Edward, but I wasn't ready to take my wedding ring of yet. It had been such a huge part of my life for the past eight years. I just couldn't see myself without it yet.

"I only means that I took off the ring Jane gave me. That's it. I put it away so that someday Emily can have it. That's all it is, Bella."

Letting out a deep breath, I closed my eyes. "Okay. If you're sure."

"Bella, I need you to know something, okay?" His silence forced me to open my eyes and look back at him.

"What?"

"I loved Jane. I did. Honestly and genuinely and completely. I loved her. She broke my heart and she betrayed me in the worst way, but I still loved her. I know I told you that I've had feelings for you for a long time and I know we've been over this before, but I need you to know with absolute certainly that I loved her. I never betrayed her. I never let myself think about a life with you or what it would be like to be with you. I dedicated myself to Jane and then to Emily, and I was faithful and devoted. To both of them."

"I know that," I said, tears beginning to pool in my eyes.

He smiled a sad smile. "Good. I need you to know it, because you need to understand that this thing between us, this you and me thing, is more than I felt for Jane. And I really think that when this works out, it will be something amazing. And you never have to worry about me straying. Ever. I might not have let myself dream of you then, but I am now."

"Okay," I whispered as tears slid down my face and into my hair.

"I know you love Alec and I know that it was probably something greater than what Jane and I had, and I'm okay with that. I know it's gonna be a while before you're ready to take your ring off and let him go. I'll wait." He lowered his eyes to my lips, watching as I nervously worked over the tender flesh with my teeth. "As long as you're certain you want to try this with me, I'll wait."

I nodded. "I do. I do wanna try with you."

The smile that turned up his lips was beautiful, and when his hand touched my cheek, his fingers wrapping around my jaw bone and tilting my head toward his, I sighed. His lips met mine in a sweet, loving kiss, and we were frozen like that for what seemed to be an eternity. There was no hurry, no urgency; nothing hard or frantic; only sweet and caring and sincerity. After having our lips pressed together so innocently, his finally moved, opening just a bit and wrapping around mine in delicious and sensual ways. I moved with him, angling myself closer to his body and reaching up to place my hand on the back of his neck, my fingers in his hair. I felt him lean forward, letting some of his body weight settle down onto me, and it sent my heart into a flutter.

Our touches were innocent, new. We'd both loved others and we were familiar with how things went, how actions and touching progressed. But we were new to each other. It was different, exhilarating, fresh, burning. I wanted to know his body – to know every inch of skin, every crease and freckle, every dip and curve and long length of muscle – and I wanted him to know mine. But we weren't there yet. It would take time, exploration, and I wanted it.

As we kissed, Edward's hand skimmed down my side, stopping at my waist where his fingers pulled at the seam of my shirt. Our tongues slid together as we deepened our kisses, and our little moans and sighs were lost in the sounds coming from the long forgotten movie. As I lay underneath him, I took the chance to kiss along his jaw, down to his neck, where I kissed and sucked and licked at his stubbly skin. That was one thing about Edward that was different from Alec – his beard was always thicker and faster to grow. I called it scruff, and it was one of the things I found most attractive about him. And that was saying a lot, because everything about him was attractive. Everything.

His hand pushed under the fabric of my shirt, resting on the skin of my stomach, and I felt his fingers and thumb glide and spread across my belly and then down my side toward my back. He never moved his hand upward toward my breasts, which both thrilled and disappointed me. His fingers simply moved back and forth as I continued to nip at his neck.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Hmmm," I responded, not willing to stop kissing his skin long enough to form an actual word.

"Bella, we should stop. If you keep doing that, I'm not gonna be able to stop."

A smile spread across my lips and I sunk my teeth into his flesh just a little bit, groaning as I did it. When I let go, I pulled back from him and looked into his eyes.

"Maybe I don't wanna stop yet."

My teasing made him grin and he moved his hand higher up my side, the cool flesh of his fingers chilling the goosebump skin over my ribs.

"Next time, okay?" he said, watching me closely. "Next time I want to touch you, to feel you. And I want you to be thinking about it until it happens."

I laughed just a little. "Tease."

His answering smile told me all I needed to know, and after a few more kisses, we got up from the couch and he and Emily left for home. Watching his car drive away made my heart ache and I looked down at my wedding ring, wondering if the sadness over Edward leaving was the same as the sadness of Alec leaving. I knew they were different, that Edward would be back but Alec never would. But still, for both of them, my heart hurt. I knew it probably always would.

Over the next several days, I thought about what Edward has said about wanting to touch me and about how he thought he and I would be more together than he ever had been with Jane. I wondered if it would be more than Alec and I had been, and I knew it probably would be. That made me sad, but it reminded me of the things Alec had said before he died, how he wanted me to be happy and how he knew there was something more for me. Maybe this was it. Maybe Edward was it.

I twisted the ring on my finger and felt how loose it had gotten. Pushing it just a bit, I slid it over my first knuckle, letting it hover over my skin, then pulled it back into its place. My ring was starting to let go, and I realized... I was, too.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********Let me just say – for the record – that I'm keeping this story realistic. A few people have expressed worry that Bella's not really able to fall for Edward because she still loves Alec, or that Bella is just using Edward to fill the space Alec left because of the fact that she keeps comparing them to each other. Please note that in those comparisons she's simply seeing the differences between them. I think after spending 11 years with someone, it's only natural that you would compare them to a new person. Or compare the new person to them. Bella can't instantly turn off the feelings she had for Alec, and she shouldn't. That wouldn't be healthy. The truth of the matter is that she can love Alec and still fall in love with Edward. It's not like she has to choose between them, anyway. :) If you've ever seen that movie ****__****Stepmom******** with Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts, Susan's character has a great line toward the end of it. She says about her kids, ****__****"**_**The thing is, they don't have to choose. They can have us both. I have their past, and you can have their future." **_**I**** think that fits pretty well here. :)**

**Thanks again! **** :)**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the ****__****Theo Wenner – Dossier******** photoshoot in 2009. Several of the pictures were featured in****__**** US Weekly******** magazine. There are a few different looks for this shoot, but the picture this time is of Rob in a black leather jacket, beat up blue jeans, a black shirt, and unlaced black boots. His hair is longer and wild, and he's so skinny... I just feel the need to feed him a cheeseburger or something. :D In this picture he's looking down, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket, while holding a burning cigarette in his fingers. He's looking down, so you can't see a lot of his face, but there's enough of a view to see his lips all pressed together and his scruff covering his chin and jaw. And the jeans are tight enough to see the lines from his undies. At least we know he wasn't wearing tighty-whities. :D Oh yeah, and thanks to_ sassygirl156 _for reminding me about this photoshoot. :)  
**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty Two

Before I had even realized it, nearly a month had passed. We'd fallen into a routine of sorts during the evenings, and I looked forward to Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays like I never had before. Edward and I were getting more familiar with each other, both emotionally and physically, though we hadn't progressed past the occasional boob groping – always over the clothes – during our make out sessions. Often times, I'd feel him press up against me in the kitchen or he'd follow me into the guest bathroom, where he'd then proceed to kiss me silly. The kids nearly caught us quite a few times, but we were always able to play it off like we were clumsy or we just hadn't been paying attention to where we were. Emily watched us the closest, and I told Edward that I thought she was on to us. He laughed and assured me she didn't know anything, but sometimes I wondered. That girl was too smart for her own good.

My ring remained on my finger, though I hadn't taken Alec's ring out of my jewelry box in over a month. I always wore the necklace that Edward had given me, and each time he caught me twisting it in my fingers, he smiled big and bright. I loved it.

My counseling sessions were going well, as had the one with me and the kids. Collin and Mckenna both talked a lot about their dad and the things they loved most about him. Dr. Carmen told them how important it was that they never forget him and how much he loved them. It was really inspiring to see my children dealing with something so difficult and heartbreaking. They were both so strong and brave, and they gave me the courage to move on the same way they were.

Collin talked about Edward and how much he loved him. He told Dr. Carmen about the fun things they'd done together and that he was worried Alec would be sad about missing those things. Collin and Alec had always been close, so I knew it was hard for my son to not have a father there, especially when Alec had been so involved in Collin's life. Mckenna didn't seem to have the same worries that Collin did, but she still missed her father.

Dr. Carmen reassured me that both kids were doing well and that they were handling the changes in their lives exactly as they should have been. She was confident that as time passed, they would continue to progress and they'd eventually be back to their old selves again. I was glad to hear that and grateful they wouldn't be scarred from losing Alec so early on in their lives. The reality was that neither of them would probably remember a lot about him when they were older. They had their memories now, but childhood memories so often faded with age. It made me sad yet determined to do all I could to keep Alec a constant presence in their lives.

I was meeting with Dr. Carmen alone a few days earlier than my normal appointment. The last day of school for Collin and Emily fell on a Friday, and there was a school carnival that afternoon that I'd be helping with. It was something the school did every year, and even though I'd taken the kids and gone with Jane and Emily in the past, I was excited to go as a mom and get to help out.

"I thought maybe today we could talk a little about what happened after the accident. We've discussed your life with Alec and your life after Alec, but what about that in between time? Let's start there today," Dr. Carmen said after sitting down in her chair across from me.

"Um, okay. Well, Alec was alive for 12 days after the accident. Um, the morning the accident happened, I really thought he'd be okay. I thought he'd just have to heal and get better but that he'd be okay. It wasn't until I saw Edward and realized that Jane was dead that I thought Alec might not make it."

"And how did that make you feel in that moment?"

"Scared. Alone. Worried. I... I'd never really been on my own before. I mean, I dated boys in high school and stuff, and then I had a boyfriend my first year of college. We broke up during spring break, and the next week I met Alec. I went from living with my parents, to living in a dorm with my best friend, to living with Alec. The thought that I might have to leave the hospital and go home by myself was something I'd never dreamed of, until I saw Edward's face and I knew Jane was gone."

Dr. Carmen wrote some things done on her notepad and then looked up at me. "What happened to Alec? How did the accident occur?"

My mind started to flash back to a few months earlier, and I told her the story as I remembered it.

_It had been two days since the accident, and I'd been practically living in Alec's hospital room. The kids weren't allowed in to see him, which broke my heart. Neither of them really knew what was going on, just that Daddy was hurt and Mommy needed to be with him, so Grandma and Grandpa Swan had come to take care of them._

"_Good evening, Bella," the ICU nurse said as she entered the room. _

"_Hi," I mumbled. I hadn't really tried to learn the names of any of the nurses, not because I didn't want to but because I just couldn't find it in me to care. All I cared about was the fact that my husband was lying in a bed, sedated and unconscious, hooked up to all kinds of monitors and machines. And I couldn't take him home._

"_I need to take your husband's vitals and clean up a few things. Why don't you go get something to eat and give me about 20 minutes?" she asked. The doctor had told me earlier that afternoon that Alec wouldn't be waking up for several more days, so I knew I wouldn't miss much if I left for a little while. Plus, after sitting in a chair all afternoon, I needed to stretch my legs. _

"_Okay. I'll be back soon."_

_She smiled as I stood from my chair, then bent over to kiss Alec's cheek before I left the room. I walked the hallways for a few minutes before I decided to go downstairs to the cafeteria. I hadn't had much of an appetite, but I knew I needed to eat something. I was feeling a little lightheaded, and that wasn't good._

_Rounding a hallway corner, I saw Edward's father, Dr. Cullen, standing near the nurses' station. I'd met Edward's parents several times, but I really didn't know them. They were always nice and polite to me, and I couldn't remember ever hearing Jane say anything bad about them. Dr. Cullen looked up and saw me as I approached._

"_Bella," he said, laying down the papers he was looking at and taking a step toward me. "How are you doing?" He wasn't Alec's doctor, but he'd come in to see me a few times, just to check on how things were going. I knew Edward was home planning Jane's funeral, which was probably why I hadn't seen him. He must have been so heartbroken over her death, and I hoped and prayed with everything in me that I wouldn't soon be doing the same thing for my husband._

"_Hi, Dr. Cullen. I'm okay. I'm just walking for a while. The nurse is doing all her tests and stuff, so I thought I'd go see if I could find something to eat."_

_My voice was flat, lifeless, dull... just like I felt. I was wearing the same clothes I'd been wearing the day before and all I'd had to brush through my hair with was a small black comb from my purse, so I knew I wasn't looking my best. Not that I cared._

"_Would you like some company?" he asked with a small smile. He reminded me so much of Edward, with his gentle words and sweet, calming voice. The kindness in his eyes was probably what really did me in and I nodded, accepting his offer._

_We sat together in the cafeteria for a little while, talking about Alec and Jane, about Edward and Emily. Dr. Cullen and his wife were so worried about her, and I couldn't blame them. She was a sensitive little girl, and I could only imagine how hard losing her mother would be on her. I knew Jane wasn't always there for her the way I thought she should have been, but Jane loved Emily. I knew that, too._

_After a half hour or so, we returned to the floor Alec was on and Edward's father wished me a good evening, saying he'd try to come by and check on me before he went home that night. He was such a good man, and I could see where Edward got his manners and characteristics from._

_The next day, a police officer came by to see if Alec was awake yet. They were still trying to fill out the accident report, and they were really hoping he could supply a few of the missing details._

"_We know your husband and Mrs. Cullen were traveling at about the speed limit when they suddenly hit the brakes, and the car skidded out of control. The car hit several trees before finally flipping over and coming to rest upsidedown. We are assuming that some type of animal ran into the road. That wouldn't be uncommon, especially with the full moon."_

"_I see," I said, still numb as he described their drive home that night._

"_Your husband's blood test came back, and while he did have some alcohol still in his system, he was nowhere near the legal limit, so we haven't classified this as a DUI."_

_Why that was important, I wasn't sure, although I was glad that I wouldn't have to tell my children their father was driving drunk and that's what killed their aunt. The thought of that made me curious, too. Would Edward sue Alec for Jane's death? Alec was the one behind the wheel, and though I couldn't imagine Edward doing something like that, grief affected everyone differently._

_After that, I prayed even more fervently that Alec would wake up and tell us what happened. He finally did, a week after the accident. He was groggy but aware of who was there and what was happening. Jane's funeral had been a few days before, and ever since that day, Aro and Heidi had been at Alec's side in the hospital, waiting and hoping for the best._

"_What happened?" I asked him the first night he was awake. He was still in a lot of pain and falling in and out of consciousness, but he tried to talk to me when he could._

"_It was dark... Jane was singing a song... I was laughing," he quietly said._

"_Yeah," I said. We still hadn't told him that Jane had died. We were waiting until he was doing better before we said anything that might cause him to regress._

"_I looked at her... and then I looked at the road... and there was a wolf. I tried to turn, but it was too much."_

_I held his hand as he spoke. My fingers rubbed over his skin and I watched him closely, relieved that I was getting the chance to see his pretty blue eyes. For a while, I'd feared I might never get to see them again._

"_She was screaming... there was blood... and then it just stopped... everything. It stopped."_

_His eyelids slid closed, and he went back to sleep. I wiped at the tears falling from my eyes and leaned forward to kiss his hand._

_A couple of days later, when he was able to stay awake for longer periods of time, Aro and Heidi were there with me and Edward showed up. It had been nine days since the accident, but Alec hadn't realized that. Each time he asked, he said he thought it had only been a day or two. We corrected him every time, but it didn't seem to make a difference. The four of us were gathered around him, and I knew it was time we told him about Jane._

"_Alec, son," Aro started. "We need to tell you something. It's going to be hard for you to hear, but you need to hear it."_

_Heidi softly sobbed in her seat, causing Alec to look back and forth between his parents. Finally, his eyes turned to me._

"_Bella? What's wrong? Am I not gonna get better?" he asked. There was fear in his eyes, and I shushed him, holding his hand and trying to smile._

"_You're fine. You're gonna be fine. It's about Jane."_

_He looked at me with a puzzled look and then looked at Edward, whose head was bowed. His eyes were closed, and his hands were pushed into the pockets of his dress pants. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, and I wondered if he was about to lose it._

"_Baby? What?" Alec asked me._

"_Honey, um... The accident was pretty bad. It's been nine days since it happened, and you were unconscious for seven of those."_

"_Oh," he whispered._

"_Alec, Jane was hurt really bad. The doctors operated and did everything they could, but it was just too much. They couldn't fix her, honey." I looked up at Aro, hoping to gain the strength to tell my husband what I needed to tell him. "Janey died, Alec."_

_His eyes immediately began to fill with tears, and his chin started to shake. "What?" he asked in a breathy voice that I almost couldn't even hear._

"_She died, Alec. Her funeral was a few days ago. She passed away that afternoon after the accident."_

_He was silent for several seconds before finally clearing his throat. "Are you sure?"_

_I nodded. "Yeah. I'm so sorry, honey."_

_Tears slid down his cheeks. "I killed her, didn't I?" he asked as he began to cry._

"_It was an accident," I whispered, listening as Aro and Heidi both sobbed and mourned the death of their daughter. Edward was silent beside me, and I wasn't certain what he was thinking._

_After several minutes, Alec calmed down. "Can I be alone with Edward for a minute, please?" he asked._

"_Are you sure?" I replied._

"_Just a few minutes. Please, Bella. Then you can come back."_

_I followed Alec's parents out of the room, shutting the door behind me and leaving my husband alone with his sister's husband. I didn't know what they talked about, but ten minutes later, Edward walked out of the room, his eyes red and swollen. He looked up at me for a moment._

"_He said you can go back in," he said. Aro and Heidi quickly hurried around me and into the room but I was frozen in the doorway, looking up at Edward._

"_Is he okay?" I asked._

"_No, Bella. He's not okay. None of us are."_

_With that, he left and I returned to my husband's side, taking hold of his hand and counting my lucky stars that for one more night, I still had him. I didn't know how Edward was managing to go back to an empty house, where Jane would never return. I prayed I'd never know that feeling._

Driving back to Forks, I thought about those last 12 days I had with Alec. I thought about how much Edward was at the hospital for the last three of those days. I wondered why he had been. And I wondered why, after leaving Alec and Edward alone in the room, Alec had seemed at peace and content up until his final breaths. It was something he refused to talk about, and I decided as I drove that maybe it was something I needed to ask Edward. Maybe he would tell me. That is, if there was anything to tell.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********Maybe not much Edward in this, but there were finally some answers that I know many of you were waiting for. :)  
**

******I'll be writing a future take for this story for the _Fandom4LLS_ charity compilation. Donations can be made through the end of August, I believe, and the compilation will go out the beginning of September. I can post the futuretake here on ff dot net on December 1********st********, so I'll plan to do that then. Now to figure out what to write for these two... :D**

**Thanks again! Your kind words make my heart happy. :)**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from 2009 when he went to the Cannes Film Festival for the very first time. He was so cute, doing all his interviews and walking the red carpet. This picture is from the photoshoot on the boat docks, I think it was, when he just stood there and people took a million pictures of him. He's wearing a black polo shirt with white pin stripes. This picture is a close up and he's smiling. I realized I haven't chosen many pictures of him smiling, so in this one he's got a big, full-on smile, and you can see he's happy. There's a little twinkle in his eyes and he was probably laughing, as he grabs nervously at his hair and looks off to the side. You can see the little laugh lines around his eyes, and his forever-long and curly eye lashes. I gotta say, it's very cute. ;)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty-Three

Later that evening, as Edward and I sat in my family room watching the kids play together, I motioned toward the backyard.

"Can we go outside for a minute?" I asked.

"Sure," he said with a grin. "Emily, can you guys be good for a few minutes? I need to help Aunt Bella with something out back."

"Okay," she said, continuing to sort through the Lego blocks that were scattered all over the floor.

Once we were outside and out of direct sight of the kids, Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. "I've been dying to do this all day," he whispered before leaning down and kissing me lightly on my lips.

I smiled up at him, then moved my arms around him and hooked my fingers into the belt loops on the back of his pants. Keeping eye contact, I let out a deep breath before asking the question that had been bugging me all afternoon.

"I need to know something."

"Okay. What?"

"Do you remember that day in the hospital when we told Alec about Jane?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Alec asked to talk to you alone for a few minutes. I hadn't really given it much thought, but after my session today, I can't stop thinking about it."

Edward's hand lifted and brushed a lock of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. "What do you wanna know, pretty girl?"

His sweet words made me smile a bit, and I sighed. "What did you talk about? When you were alone with Alec, what did he say to you?"

Something flashed in Edward's eyes for just a moment, and I noticed the muscles in his neck tightened ever so slightly. It worried me but I kept eye contact with him, hoping to encourage him to tell me.

"Why do you wanna know all of the sudden?" he asked.

"I just need to know. He seemed so content after that night, almost like whatever happened to him was fine. I wanna know why."

Edward nodded and then took a deep breath. I could feel his chest swelling against mine, and I waited. After letting it out, he spoke. "He apologized to me about Jane. He felt like it was his fault, no matter what the police report said. He wanted to know if anyone hated him, if his parents hated him, or if Emily hated him. He wanted to know if I hated him."

"Oh," I whispered, sad that my worries about Alec feeling responsible were true.

"I told him the truth, that no one hated him. No one was angry or upset. We were all just sad, but we knew it was an accident and we were glad that we still had him. I told him how thankful you were that he'd woken up and how relieved you'd been to talk to him again."

I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering how glad I'd been the first time his eyes had opened, remembering the blue sparkle that I now only saw in my children's eyes. "Okay."

Edward was silent for several seconds, and then I felt his lips on my forehead, kissing me.

"Bella, he asked me something else. He asked me to promise him something, and I need you to listen to me and understand what I'm saying, okay?" Edward asked. When I looked into his eyes again, I could see worry and hesitance. It made me nervous.

"What? What did he ask you?"

He swallowed a few times before speaking. "Alec asked me to watch out for you and the kids, you know, if he didn't make it. And I promised him that I would. I promised him that I'd take care of you all and that I'd make sure you were happy in your lives."

His words sank into my head, and as they did, my heart hurt just a little bit. Was that the reason he wanted a relationship with me? Because he'd promised Alec that he'd take care of me? That couldn't be it, could it? Edward must have seen the confusion in my eyes, because he instantly bent down and was eye-to-eye with me. His hands held my face gently as he forced me to look at him.

"Stop thinking that right now," he begged. "I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. I'm not with you because of some promise I made to Alec. If I was just trying to keep my promise, then you'd only be seeing me a couple times a week, Bella. Please don't think I'd ever disrespect you that way."

"I don't understand," I whispered.

"Bella, he was asking me to make sure you were okay. That's it. I don't think he ever imagined anything like this would happen between us."

"He didn't know how you felt about me?"

Edward smiled. "No, of course not. I told you. No one did. Maybe he had a feeling about us or something, but if he did, he never told me. He just asked me to take care of you. It's the same thing that I would have done if I were in his place."

Looking into Edward's eyes, I could tell that he was being honest with me, and it made me both relieved and a little sad. "But he told me that there was something more for me. Before he died, he said there was something more waiting for me. What did he mean by that?"

"I don't know," Edward said. "I really don't. I wish I did."

I nodded, closing my eyes and biting at my lower lip. "Okay," I said, though I was still worried.

"What else?" he softly questioned.

"It's just that... I thought maybe he knew how you felt. I thought maybe that's why he'd said what he did to me and why he asked you to take care of us. Now that I know what he told you, I'm not sure what to think."

"I'm sorry, Bella. But please believe me. I'm here because I wanna be. I wanna be with you and the kids. I want that more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. You three and Emily... You're the most important things to me."

Looking back into his eyes, I smiled a sad smile. "Me, too. You and Emily, I feel that way about you, too."

His smile was beautiful, even in the dark, and I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. The kiss lingered longer than the one before, and soon, I was tightening my grip on him and pulling him closer to me as I let my lips open and my tongue peek out to taste him. His hands still held my face, and soon, his fingers pushed back into my hair, angling me just a little so that he could deepen our kiss. The tingles shooting through my body were ones I was beginning to get rather familiar with, and I knew that kissing wasn't going to be enough for me anymore. I would need more. I would need to touch him, to feel him, and I would need him to do the same to me. I wanted to be skin-to-skin with him, hot and sweaty and perfect as he loved me over and over again.

He slowed his movements and slowly the kiss ended. As he leaned away from me, his lips turned up into a sly little smile. "I'm fairly certain Alec never meant for me to take care of you like that."

His playfulness made me smile, too. "That's too bad, because I like you taking care of me like that."

"Bella..." he whispered, looking closely at me and then letting our noses rub together. "He was like my brother. Do you think it's wrong that sometimes I worry what he'd say if he knew about us? If he knew how I'd felt about you all that time?"

I lay my head against his chest and breathed in the smell of him. It comforted me and relaxed me, and I let myself wonder about his question for a minute or two before I answered him. "I don't know. But this isn't about Alec. And it's not about Jane. This about you and me, and they're not here. But we are. We have to live our lives, and I think they'd want us to. I wanna be with you, and I'm not sorry for that."

His shoulders dropped just the slightest amount, like a weight had been lifted from him and set him free. "Me, too," he said. "I'm not sorry either."

It wasn't long before I heard little feet running across the darkened patio floor. "Mommy!" Kenna yelled, causing Edward and I to fly away from each other.

"Hey, baby," I mumbled. "You okay?"

She looked closely at us both. "What you doing with Unca Edward, Mommy?"

Edward and I looked at each other, both completely uncertain of what to tell my rather inquisitive three-year-old daughter.

"Well, um..." I muttered.

"Why were you huggin' him? Is he sad?" she asked me and then turned to Edward. "Is you sad, Unca Edward? I could hug you."

Edward smiled, then reached down to pick up Mckenna. "I'm not sad, but I'll always take hugs from you."

My daughter squeezed Edward tight, her arms wrapped around his neck as she groaned with effort. When she let go, she put her face right in front of his. "Why was you huggin' my mommy then, if you not sad?" she asked him.

"I was just-"

"He was checking my eye. I thought I had something in my eye, and then when I heard you run outside, it scared me and I about fell over and Uncle Edward was just helping me stand up again. Right, Uncle Edward?" I sputtered out in one long breath.

"Right. She had something in her eye," he told Kenna with a smile on his face.

"Oh," she replied. "You can check my eye, too? Maybe I gots somethin' in there like Mommy does."

Edward made a rather dramatic effort to check her eye, then declared her cured just before kissing her on the nose. She quickly ran back into the house, leaving the door open, and I knew our few minutes were up.

"Me and you," Edward whispered in my ear before lightly kissing my cheek. He took my hand in his and led me back to the house, where our children were waiting to show us their latest Lego creations.

Two days later, it was Friday and the last day of school for the kids. They were excited about the school carnival, and I was anxious to see what I'd be helping with. The year-end carnival served both as a last day of school party for the kids and a fundraiser for the upcoming school year. It was a long tradition at Forks Elementary, and families came from all around to enjoy the booths, games, and rides.

It was warm out that day, and since I knew I'd be working in a booth for a two-hour shift plus walking around with the kids for another two hours, I dressed comfortably in a tank top, sleeveless shirt and shorts. Mckenna was excited about the carnival, and to appease her, I put on several necklaces and a bracelet and let her do the same.

The plan was that I would work two hours in the booth I was assigned to help in while Edward walked around with the kids. Then we'd switch. and he could work in his booth while I kept an eye on the kids. Once we got there, the other moms from Collin's class let me know that I'd be working in the cotton candy booth. I was a little nervous, being that I'd never actually made cotton candy before, but they assured me it was simple and I'd enjoy it.

They were wrong.

By the end of my two hours I was covered in cotton candy sugar, and children were running around with pink candy fluff barely hanging onto the paper cones I'd been using. After sparks started shooting out of the heater portion of the machine, I shut it off and let my friend Angela know that I needed to be finished.

"I think I broke the machine," I whispered. "There were all these sparks and then no more hot air was coming out."

She laughed and said she'd check it out and take over until the other mom got there for the second shift.

I hurried to find Edward and the kids, hoping that maybe we could play a few games together before he had to go help out. I finally found them near the bounce house, where Edward told me the kids had been for the previous half hour. They were having a great time and after handing all of their tickets to me, along with a bag of small toys and trinkets they'd won, Edward set off to find the baseball toss he was supposed to be helping with. Twenty minutes later, as the kids and I stood in line for shaved ice, Edward walked back over to us.

"Have you seen the baseball toss booth? I can't find it," he said. I hadn't seen it, so once all the kids had their treats, we set out to find the booth. After making nearly two laps of the carnival, we still hadn't seen it. Off to the side of the bake sale, I saw a large pink booth and standing next to it was Lauren, the horrible mother that had invited Emily to her daughter's birthday party and who'd been talking about me in the grocery store.

"Edward!" she yelled, running toward us once she saw us. "Edward, there you are! We've been looking for you!" When she saw me and the kids with him, she glared and came to a stop next to him. She was way too close to him, in my opinion, and her hands instantly grabbed onto his arm. "Come on. Your shift has started."

She pulled him toward the pink-painted wooden booth, and it was then that I realized it wasn't a baseball toss at all. It was a kissing booth. Edward seemed to notice about the same time, and he stopped just a few feet away from us.

"Wait a second. I was told I was helping with a baseball toss booth. I didn't sign up to work in a kissing booth."

Lauren laughed her fake laugh, and I felt anger and fury bubbling up inside of me.

"Oh, well, once we realized we had the hottest single dad in town for our booth, we just knew we'd make so much more money with a kissing booth," she gushed, clearly hoping to flatter him into participating.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not kissing anyone," Edward told her, crossing his arms over his chest. "You'll have to find someone else."

Her bottom lip jutted out in a pout and she started to protest, telling him over and over again that it was for the school and the kids and that she'd forever be in his debt if he'd just do this one little thing for her. The kids were getting antsy and ready to go try some more games but I wasn't leaving yet, not until I'd heard the end of the conversation.

"Please," Lauren finally said. "I don't have anyone else here to do it. I promise you won't have to kiss anyone."

Edward let out a huff. "Well, then, if I don't kiss anyone, how is it a kissing booth?"

"Well, we'll just say it's a dollar for them to kiss you on the cheek. How's that? And if you're okay with it, maybe we could say two dollars for you to kiss them on the cheek?" Her voice was so whiny and fake that I knew there wasn't any way Edward could be falling for her act. Then he turned and looked at me, silently asking what I thought he should do. I pressed my lips together and shook my head, saying I didn't think it was a good idea.

"Well, I'm not kissing anyone," he said as he looked back at her. "I guess them kissing my cheek is okay. This is just little girls, right?" he asked her.

"Sure, of course," she said, a smile growing on her face.

"Fine. Little girls, and we can do the cheek things, either them or me. But that's it."

"Okay!" she yelled and then rushed to the booth.

Edward made his way back to me. "Are you okay with this?" he hesitantly asked me. "It's just little girls, and it's just on the cheek. You have nothing to worry about."

I wasn't happy, but it was for the school and the kids. And if it was just little girls, I thought it would be okay.

"Fine. But no one over 12," I told him. He smiled.

"12, huh?" he said with a laugh.

"Yeah, because older than that is just creepy. You'll be the old pervy guy from Forks, and I don't wanna date the old pervy guy from Forks." I teased. Even though I didn't like it, I knew I could trust him, so I turned around and walked toward the next aisle of games with the kids. Just as Collin started to play, I heard Lauren's voice over the loud speaker.

"Come on, all you ladies! We've got the hottest single dad in town at the kissing booth! You don't wanna miss out! One dollar lets you kiss him on the cheek. Two dollars will make him kiss you. And five dollars gets you some lip action! You don't even want to know what he'll do for twenty! Hurry over!"

My stomach about dropped. I didn't believe that Edward was okay with what she'd said, and as soon as Collin finished his game, I grabbed him and the girls and rushed back to where Edward was. The line was already about thirty women deep. There wasn't a single little girl in sight. Edward was inside the booth, fuming and talking in very low tones to Lauren. She just laughed and giggled, and then when that didn't work, she pushed him toward the booth window, telling him he owed it to the school and the kids.

As she started taking money from different women, Edward turned to Lauren once more.

"I'm not doing this. Kissing means something to me, and I'm not doing this. I'm sorry, Lauren, but you need to find someone else."

The women in the line – many of whom I'd seen at the birthday party – began to protest and yell for him to stay and give them their money's worth. It made me sick.

"Come on, Edward. Stop being a prude and suck it up. I guess all those stories Jane used to tell about her uptight husband were true," Lauren said with a snarl, and I saw Edward's face cringe. Looking next to me, I saw Emily with tears in her eyes as she watched the whole fiasco.

I was done. No one was going to treat my family that way.

Pulling out my purse, I grabbed my wallet and took out every bill I had in it. Counting it as quickly as I could, I ran to the front of the line.

"Here," I said, slapping down the money. "This is 367 dollars. I'm buying the rest of his time in your booth."

Edward watched me closely, smiling just a little but trying not to give anything away.

"You can't do that!" some of the women in line yelled.

"Too bad. I just did," I yelled back. "Come on, Edward."

He hurried out from inside the booth and picked up Mckenna so that we could go.

"Well," Lauren spat at me. "Isn't this nice and cozy? Looks like my suspicions about you were right. Slut."

I turned around and faced the stupid wench, letting my temper get the best of me.

"I don't care what you think. How dare you disgrace Edward like this? And in front of his daughter. You have no idea what you're talking about. He's the best person I know, and I don't care what you think his wife told you about him. It's none of your business," I said, then turned to the other women. "And it's not any of your business, either. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. This is disgusting and rude, and I can't believe I let my children be a part of something like this."

Lauren gawked at me, as did most of the other women in line.

"Where are your husbands, ladies? You think I'm a sleaze for spending time with Edward? What about you? You're here trying to kiss him, and you're all married. Why don't you go home and kiss your husbands and leave Edward alone? You're disgraceful, and I hope you're proud of the scene you've caused here today."

Looking around, it seemed like the entire carnival was watching our little exchange. I didn't care. I turned around and grabbed Emily's hand, then grabbed Collin's hand, and started walking away. Edward and Kenna followed me, and soon, we were in the parking lot getting into my car. Once the kids were buckled in, we climbed into the front seats. Edward and I had driven to the school together in my car, since Mckenna still needed her car seat, and we were going back to my house afterward anyway.

"Hey, you want me to drive?" Edward asked. "You're shaking pretty bad."

"I'm fine. I just can't believe they did that to you. How dare they do that?" I spat out in an angry whisper.

He smiled. "I know, but it's okay. We're done, and you're broke, but you kinda saved me, Bella." He reached out and put his hand on my neck, his thumb rubbing over my cheek as he stared into my eyes.

"Well, I couldn't let all those women kiss you, now could I?" I softly said.

"I guess I owe you, huh?" he teased.

"Yeah, and I intend to collect on every last dollar I spent."

As we sat there looking at each other I began to calm down, taking deep breaths and feeling my anger subside. The kids were in the backseat talking and giggling and not paying a lot of attention to us, which I was glad about. When I turned to look at them before we left, Emily was watching me closely. I smiled at her, but she didn't smile back.

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.

"I love you, Auntie Bella. So, so much."

Edward let his hand cover mine on the console between our seats, and he smiled at me as I smiled at Emily.

"I spent all the money I was gonna use to buy us dinner," I told her, then laughed as I watched her smile spread across her face.

"McDonalds," Edward said loudly. "My treat!"

My children squealed with delight as we drove away from the school. Part of me was hoping we'd never have to go back.

And then I realized I never did see any more kids with cotton candy...

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********Looks like when Bella's pushed in the wrong ways, that backbone of hers makes a comeback. :D And now she's got a lot of kissing credit with Edward to work off. :) And the cotton candy thing? Yeah, I did that. Broke it. Sparks and everything. It was delicious, for the ten minutes it actually worked... :) Also, there won't be an EPOV of the Edward and Alec hospital conversation. Pretty much everything they talked about is mentioned in this chapter. You're not missing anything. :)**

******My story ****__****If He Would Have Been Faithful******** was mentioned on The Fictionators ****__****Fictionator Friday******** post, along with several other stories. Thanks to Kassiah for thinking of my and my little Surferward story. I kinda love that one... :)**

******http():()/www().()fictionators().()com/weekly-recs /fictionator-friday-71913/**

******(Remove the ()'s to paste the address)**

**Thanks again! Your words make me happy, giddy... lovely. :)**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from... I don't know. :D I'm sure someone can figure it out and tell me. :D Or if I looked at a couple of sites, I could get it, but I'm just not feeling great, so I'm not looking. :D Okay, in this he's wearing a dark suit jacket with a white t-shirt underneath it. His hair is a little longer and he's all scruffy, which makes me think maybe it's from Twilight promo days. He's looking up to the side and he's got a sweet little smile on his face. You can perfectly see his long, curly eyelashes and the light is shining in his eyes, making it look like there's a sparkle there. We have long hair, sideburns, scruff, and chest hair to swoon over. He looks happy, or like he's up to something. :D I do always love it when he looks that way. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty-Four

After filling our children with chicken nuggets and french fries, and then letting them play to their heart's content in the playcenter, Edward and I decided we'd had enough of McDonald's. The spark that was constantly igniting between us was burning hotter and brighter than ever, and I was ready to get the kids home and to bed so that I could collect on some of the kisses I'd bought. Edward seemed to be on the same page as I was, and we hurried the kids into the car so we could get home.

"Daddy, can I sleep over at Auntie Bella's tonight?" Emily asked as we drove. Edward and I both looked at each other, realizing exactly what that would mean. He watched me closely, and when I nodded to him, he smiled and told Emily that it was fine if she stayed the night.

Once we were back to my house, Edward left to go grab a few of the things Emily would need for the night, and I may have whispered to him that he was welcome to stay, too. I knew I wasn't ready to have sex with him, yet, but I was ready for more than just kissing. The emotions that had exploded in me when I saw all those women lining up for him nearly made me crazy with the desire to mark him as mine. I knew to truly accomplish that, I'd need more than just a few minutes on the couch while the kids slept in their bedrooms.

Emily found an extra pair of her pajamas that she had left in Mckenna's room. I was kind of thankful for them, since it meant I could get the kids to bed before Edward got back. I promised Emily that he'd bring her pillow, special blanket, and dolly in to her when he returned, but she was so tired already that I knew she'd be asleep before that happened. Not wanting to miss out on the sleepover fun, Collin made himself a bed on the floor of Mckenna's room, and I wished them all a good night after kissing and hugging each of them.

I quietly made my way to my bedroom, hoping I still had a few minutes before Edward returned. There was something I needed to do before he got back. Sitting down on my bed, I looked at the beautiful ring that was still on my left ring finger – my wedding ring from Alec. I let out a deep breath as I recalled the day he placed it there.

_The wedding ceremony was over, and we were en route to the reception. We giggled and kissed in the back of the limo as we made our way to the reception hall where the party was happening. After a few minutes, he laced his fingers with mine and pulled my hand up to his lips._

"_Baby, this ring means serious stuff, okay?" he said as the playful smile faded from his face._

"_You think?" I teased, then watched as he stared at it for several long seconds._

"_Promise me – right here and right now, just the two of us – that this ring will stay on your finger until death parts us."_

"_What? I already promised that and in front of all those people in the church," I told him._

"_I know, but it's just us now. Promise me, Bella. Promise that this ring will stay on your finger every day for the rest of my life."_

_I smiled. "Don't you mean every day for the rest of _my_ life?"_

"_No, every day for the rest of _mine_. What if I go first, Bella? Eventually, death is gonna part us. I want to know that for the rest of my days with you, you'll love me and be with me. And I want you to know that for the rest of your days with me, I'll love you and be with you," he said softly._

"_Alec, it's our wedding day. I don't really wanna talk about this, okay? That's a conversation for another day."_

_He nodded. "I know, but just promise me that for the rest of my life, you'll wear my ring."_

"_I promise," I told him._

"_I promise you, too. I'll wear your ring for the rest of your life. We're only bound until death, Bella. That's all the time we have. Let's make the most of it, okay? No regrets. Not now and not later, when we're apart."_

"_No regrets," I whispered, then kissed him - my husband, who I would love for the rest of my life, while wearing his ring for the rest of his - tenderly._

I hadn't ever thought much about the things Alec had said that day or the way he'd said it, but as I sat on our bed, staring at my ring, I knew what he was saying. I didn't have to feel guilty about moving on. He was gone. We'd been happy and had a good life together, and I had no regrets. I knew deep in my heart that Alec would want me to make the most of my life without him. And what I'd said to Edward before was true – this thing we were embarking on was about me and him, not Alec or Jane. Only Edward and Bella.

A few tears slid down my cheeks as I pushed the ring off of my finger. I held it in my fingertips, letting the light glimmer off the stones, sparkling and pretty. Bringing it to my lips, I kissed it lightly as my eyelids slid closed.

"I did what I promised. I wore your ring every day for the rest of your life," I said to the empty room. "And I'll love you every day for the rest of mine."

Getting up, I walked across the room and opened the jewelry box that lay on my dresser. I picked up the chain that held Alec's ring and unclasped it, letting my ring join his on the thin gold rope. Reclasping it, I gently placed it back in the box and closed the lid, looking at myself in the mirror in front of me as I did. I reached up to wipe away the tears that were still on my cheeks, seeing the indention in my skin from the ring that I'd worn for over eight years. It would take time for my skin to recover, just like it was taking time for my heart to recover, but I knew that it eventually would. And if things went the way I was hoping, someday – maybe – there would be a new ring to take the spot left vacant by Alec's ring, just like there was a new man filling the hole in my heart. I would always love Alec, and I would always miss him. I would always be grateful for the life he'd given me and for the children we'd had together. But it was time for me to let myself explore something with Edward. It was time to try and live again.

As I walked out of the room, I heard Edward's car pull into the driveway and my heart skipped a beat. Taking a deep breath, I hurried to the front door and waited for him, smiling as he walked up the sidewalk with two bags in his arms.

"Where are the kids?" he asked once he was inside the house.

"I put them to bed. Emily found a pair of pajamas that she'd left here, so she's wearing them. But I told her you'd bring her things to her when you got back."

He smiled. "Okay, hang on," he said as he made his way to Mckenna's bedroom. I waited on the sofa in the family room, and Edward was soon back and sitting next to me. "Are you sure about me staying? I don't have to, and even if I do, that doesn't mean anything has to happen."

I nodded, reaching over to take his hand in mine. "I want you to stay. I'm not ready for sex, yet, but I wouldn't mind laying with you for a while. Maybe just talking and being close, you know? And I have about $367 worth of kissing to do."

He smiled and squeezed my hand a bit. "Thank you for that. I'll pay you back if you want."

"I don't want your money, Cullen."

His laugh was soft and sincere. "Good. But please know that I had no idea Lauren was gonna do that. She told me it would be little girls and just kissing on the cheeks, like I told you."

"I know," I said. "I heard you talking to her, but I'm not surprised by what she did. That's just the kinda person she is."

"I was really proud that you said what you did today. And I'm sorry I didn't say something to her before you got there. I was trying to think of something that wasn't all curse words. There were a lot of kids around, you know? I didn't want to cause a huge scene or anything."

Smiling, I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I know. I guess you got yourself a front row seat for the crap I've been living with the past couple of months."

"Yeah, I totally understand why you were so upset over that birthday party thing and then the whole Easter deal. I can't believe women are so catty toward each other." Edward was a good guy, and I knew he probably hadn't spent a lot of time around women since he worked in the construction field and there wasn't a high female population there.

"It felt good to tell her off, you know? I probably could have gone a lot farther, but with Emily right there watching and the other kids there, I tried to keep it reined in a little. I didn't want to embarrass them too much," I told him.

"You did good. It was hot. Trust me. Seeing you all worked up like that... It did things to me."

His voice was teasing but low and gritty at the same time.

"So, about that money I spent today," I quietly said. "She made it sound like you'd do crazy and obscene things for twenty bucks. What'll you do for a hundred?" I asked, trailing my fingers up and down his thigh.

"Well, a hundred bucks could buy you a whole lotta kissing. That's for sure. Or maybe it could buy you kissing on more than just your lips."

"Hmmm," I hummed out loud. "Would my neck be one of those areas?" I asked, turning my head so that my face was pressing into his neck.

"Yeah, that could be one."

"What else?"

"Well, I think I'd have to move some clothes to get to the other areas," he whispered before tilting his head enough that he could line up his lips with mine and kiss me. I let my free hand glide up his arm to his neck and then tangle into his hair. As we sat on the sofa, kissing and shifting in an effort to get closer, he pulled away.

"Can we go somewhere?" he asked as his chest heaved with his heavy breaths.

"Yeah. The guest room."

After a couple more kisses, he took my hand and pulled me up behind him, leading me toward the guest room. It was the room I'd slept in right after Alec's death, but I hadn't spent the night in it for a long while. Once we were inside, he pushed the door shut and locked it.

"I really don't want the kids walking in on us. Is this okay?" he asked. I could tell he was nervous about what I'd say, but he didn't need to be.

"I'm okay with it."

As we stood in the room staring at each other, he let out a long breath. "No sex, right?" he asked.

"Not yet."

"All right."

"Soon," I softly said. "Just not tonight."

When he took both of my hands in his it was only a moment before he held my left hand in front of his face. "Where's your ring?" he asked, then looked up to meet my eyes.

"I took it off tonight. I'm ready to move on."

"Are you sure? I'm not pushing you, Bella."

"I'm sure," I told him, smiling at how worried he was. He didn't need to be. "I know what I want for my life. I want you, Edward."

He stepped forward and then wrapped his arms around me. His lips were on mine within an instant of my body being held against his. His kisses were slow and sweet. There was no rush, no hurry to them. Our lips moved together perfectly, with our tongues sliding and rubbing against each other. The quiet moans coming from us both combined with the sound of our kisses filled the room, and after several minutes, I felt Edward pulling me toward the bed. He sat down, standing me between his open knees. Breaking our kiss, his hands reached for the shirt I was wearing over my tank top, and he pulled it up and off me, dropping it on the floor next to us. The room was dark, only lit up by the glow of a street light outside the window. Everything was a deep golden gray color, and I watched Edward as he leaned forward and kissed my still-clothed stomach.

His eyes soon looked up to meet mine, and I could see the question in them. Without words, I reached down to grab his hands that were resting on my hips, moving them to the hem of my tank top and helping him to lift it up. He got the hint, and then both of my shirts were resting on the floor, and I was standing before him in only my bra and shorts.

"You're so beautiful," he said, kissing me lightly all over the exposed skin of my stomach and chest.

I was grateful for the shadows in the room and for the patterns caused by the window coverings. I had stretch marks from my two pregnancies. They weren't horrible, by any means, but I'd spent enough time with Jane to know that she didn't have any from when she carried Emily. There were several differences between my body and Jane's, and I hoped Edward would be okay with them.

Jane had been about three inches taller than I was. She was a little thinner, more up and down without the softer curves I had. I wasn't overweight but just had a different body type than she did. My breasts were at least a full cup size larger than hers, and I hoped that was something Edward would enjoy.

My hand ran through his hair as I held his face close to my belly, tingling from the kisses he was leaving on my skin. His hands had wrapped around my waist, and I could feel him grabbing me and pulling me closer to him as he continued to kiss and lick and suck at my flesh. Soon his hands moved up toward my bra, and as he pulled back to watch, his hands cupped my breasts. His thumbs slid over my hardened nipples – back and forth, back and forth – as he watched, mesmerized. He was like a kid in a candy store, marveling over the treats laid out before him. I was his for the taking, and it seemed like he was finally beginning to realize it was truly happening.

"Can I take this off?" he asked, letting his thumbs rub along the bottom edge of my bra.

"Yeah," I whispered, then sucked in my breath as he reached around my back and undid the hooks. I felt the fabric slacken, and the straps over my shoulders gave just a bit. Looking up at me, his hands moved to the straps and pulled them down my arms, causing the cups to fall along with them. Once the lacy brown fabric was on the floor, Edward's hands moved back to my breasts, cupping me and holding me, squeezing gently before finally he leaned forward and softly kissed the swell of my breast. Kiss after kiss was placed on my pebbled flesh before his lips finally wrapped around my nipple and he kissed, and sucked, and made my toes curl.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned, letting my head fall back. The sight of his mouth on me was nearly my undoing, and I wasn't sure how I would survive if he wanted to kiss any other parts of me that night.

After moving to the other breast and nearly giving me an orgasm just from his lips on my nipples, he leaned back and I felt his hot breath on my chest.

"The way I figure it, we've worked off about 42 bucks right now. Come here so I can at least get to a hundred," he said, pulling me down onto the bed with him, then rolling so that I was on my back and he was hovering over me.

"What's worth $58 more dollars?" I asked, silently shocked that I could do basic math because I was barely able to breathe due to the look in his eyes and the way his hand was running over my chest.

"You're still wearing shorts, Bella. And I'd guess a cute little pair of lacy panties that match that bra." He smiled a teasing smile at me. "Those are gonna have to go."

My eyes closed, my heart raced, and my thighs squeezed together. He was going to kill me. I knew it. The things he was doing and the things he wanted to do... They were more than I could bear. But I couldn't give him up, not when he made me feel so good, so right, so alive.

Reaching up and touching his face, I tilted his head so that I could look into his eyes.

"Show me," I said. And he smiled as his lips wrapped around my nipple again, sucking me deep into his mouth and making me moan.

He was worth every penny.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Thanks again! Your words make me happy. :)  
**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from that TV Week photoshoot. You know, there are a few shoots he's done that have given us a million amazing pictures, and this is one of them. :) I Googled his name and the 35********th******** picture that came up was this one. :D In this he's wearing a black t-shirt and brown jeans, although you can't see the jeans in this cropped version of the whole picture. He's got his hand on the back of his neck and he's looking into the camera. His eyebrows are raised, so his brow is all wrinkled with an "Excuse me, what?" look. His lips are pressed together, his hair is all tousled and short, and he's cute as ever. :) Definitely one of my favorite photoshoots of his. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty-Five

I lay there on the bed, my hands gripping Edward's hair as he continued to kiss my chest, my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach, my neck... Little pecks, open-mouthed kisses, teasing bites, hickey-causing sucks, wet tongue teases – he was literally driving me insane. And I hoped he never stopped. After about 10 minutes of him kissing and my moaning and sighing and having to remind myself to breathe, his lips returned to mine.

"You taste like cotton candy," he said as he kissed my jaw and then let his tongue flick my earlobe.

"Oh," was all I could manage to say in return.

I was laying on a bed with Edward. I was half-naked with his hands all over my body. I was being kissed by the most beautiful lips ever created.

It was a pretty amazing moment in my life.

As he let his weight settle down on top of me again, he pulled his head back just a little so that he could meet my eyes.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered.

I swallowed down the nerves that were keeping me from forming words, then nodded my head. "Yes," I sighed.

"Really trust me? Be sure."

"Yes, I trust you."

He looked at me for several seconds before raising his hand to my face and letting his index finger trace my bottom lip.

"I won't hurt you," he whispered, then leaned back down to kiss me again. His lips covered my top lip, sucking on it lightly before his tongue slid out and pushed into my mouth. As he did that, his right hand slid down my chest, softly grazing my breasts as it passed between them and moved toward my stomach. He let his fingers circle around my belly button for just a moment as he continued to kiss me, and then I felt him grasp the button on my shorts.

My stomach muscles automatically contracted, pulling away from the fabric to give him a little more room. Once the button was undone, I felt him slowly slide the zipper down. It was like torture. His hand was so close to the part of me that was aching for him. I was embarrassed, hoping he would be okay with what he found under my clothes, if he decided he really wanted to take them off.

I'd never been one to compare myself to other women. I was confident in my body and comfortable with my shape. I'd had a few boyfriends before Alec, and the ones who'd seen parts of me naked never seemed to complain. But every man is different, and I knew that I was very different from Jane. I wasn't what Edward was probably used to. It made me more nervous than I already was, but I tried not to let it show. He was so far out of my league, and by some crazy twist of fate, he hadn't realized it, yet. I only hoped that by the time he did, he would have already fallen for me the same way I was falling for him.

His hand stilled on my stomach, his finger pushing just under the denim of my shorts but on top of the lace of my my panties. The way his fingers barely rubbed and moved over the lace was making me breathe funny.

"Breathe, Bella," he laughed.

"You have no idea what you're doing to me right now," I replied.

"Oh, I think I do," he said as he pushed his hips against me, and I felt exactly how hard he was.

"Ohhhh," I moaned as my eyes rolled back in my head.

He propped himself up on his elbow, then looked down at my waist. His hand pushed at my shorts, lowering them ever so slightly on my hips. He looked back at me, and I saw the lust and want in his eyes.

"Say you trust me. Please."

I nodded. "I trust you," I told him. Lifting my left hand up, I ran my fingers along his cheek, letting them tickle the skin of his jaw as they moved down toward his chin. He turned his head and kissed my palm, then sat up and stood from the bed. I lay there, sprawled out before him as he stood before me. Moving between my legs, his hands cautiously grabbed onto my shorts and pulled at them. I lifted my hips off the bed to help him, and soon, I was wearing nothing but my brown lace panties.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his eyes scanning over my body.

I whimpered as my teeth worked over my bottom lip. My arms lay on the bed with one of them bent and angled toward my head. My fingers touched a strand of my hair and started to twist it, drawing Edward's attention up my body. I could see how I was affecting him, and I made my actions more determined, more alluring. I continued to breathe hard, my chest heaving up and down, and I arched my back a bit, shifting my hips from side to side.

His eyes moved back to my face, and he watched my mouth for several seconds before finally lifting his eyes to meet mine. As he held my gaze, his hands returned to my hips, and I felt his fingers slip under the elastic waistband of my panties, pulling them slowly from my body and then dropping them on the floor. He didn't look at my newly exposed skin. He kept his eyes connected with mine. Leaning down over me, his face was soon even with mine again, as his hands pressed into the bed on either side of me, holding him up. He bit at my bottom lip, pulling it from my teeth with his own, and then he sucked it into his mouth. Letting his tongue slide out, I kept my eyes open as he started to kiss me and stare at me, never even blinking as our lips moved in a sloppy, desperate kiss.

Soon he was moving down my body, his lips kissing every inch of skin along the way. As he kissed my belly and then started to lower his body between my knees, it suddenly dawned on me where he was going and I froze. He must have felt the sudden shift in my demeanor, because he looked up at me and stopped.

"What?" he quietly asked, breathing heavily. "What's wrong?"

I let out a shaky breath. "I just... um... I don't know if..."

Instantly, he was lying on the bed next to me, his hand wrapped around my cheek as his eyes watched me.

"Bella, what? You have to tell me. Please."

"I don't um... That- What you were gonna do," I said, shaking my head. "I don't- don't like that... thing."

He watched me for a few moments before turning my face to more fully meet his. "You don't like it? Why?"

Letting out a sigh, I debated on what I should say. Did I tell him that oral was something Alec wasn't a big fan of, so we rarely did it? Did I admit that I'd never done it with the other men before Alec? What did I say? Seeing the concern and sincere question in his eyes, I decided to be honest.

"Alec didn't like it," I whispered. "We didn't do it much, so I don't think I like it. I don't know if I want you to do that to me."

"Bella," he softly said, "I won't do anything you don't want me to do. Not even that. But I will tell you that act is something I quite enjoy. I think if you'll give me a chance, you might like it, too." He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose, then kissed my lips. "And if you don't like it, I won't do it again for a while. Okay? Can we try it?"

"Edward..." I said with hesitation. The hunger in his voice and the desire in his eyes were beginning to sway me, and I was nervous.

"Trust me. Let me show what it can be like."

I breathed out several deep breaths, closing my eyes as I tried to keep myself from crying frustrated tears. I was frustrated with myself and with my inability to let go of my past. I didn't want to be with Edward and have it be the same as it had always been with Alec. Just like when I was with Alec, I didn't want it to be the same as it had been with the other couple of men. I needed to force myself to let go, to take a chance, to trust Edward and be open to new things. It scared me, and I sniffled.

"Bella, please don't cry," he said. "We'll stop, okay? I won't do anything else," he said. I could hear the sadness in his voice, and it jarred something in me.

"No, I wanna try it. I promise. I want to. Just..." I said, looking into his eyes. "Just touch me first, okay? Go slow, please."

"Anything, Bella. Anything for you," he said and then leaned down and kissed me. It was so intense and fiery that I almost didn't feel his hand moving down my body and passing over my hip bone. His fingers gently eased between my legs as I moved them apart just a bit. Feeling the pads of his fingers slide along my slick, lower lips made me nearly crumble, and I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down onto my body.

As we kissed, his fingers slid through the warm wetness where I ached for him. His hot breath on my face as his tongue stroked mine combined with the feel of his touch on my clit caused me to arch up into him and press my breasts against his chest. As he continued to flick and touch me, I soon felt a finger slide a little farther down, push a little harder on me, finally slipping between my lips and into my body. I moaned, pulling him tight against me and reveling in the feel of him pushing in and pulling out, pushing in and pulling out. After several minutes of this, he lifted his mouth from mine.

"Trust me," he whispered.

"Okay."

"Close your eyes."

I did as he said and I felt him move, sliding toward the edge of the bed and onto the floor. I could feel the cold air of the room cooling my skin where he'd been laying on top of me, and I shivered just a bit at the loss of his warmth. My eyes remained closed as I felt him pushing my knees apart, spreading my legs and pulling my body a little closer to the edge of the bed. I was giving him complete control – total trust – and I pressed my lips together as I took deep breaths through my nose. I could feel his shoulders move between my legs, so I knew he was there but he did nothing. There was no touching, no feeling, no exploring, and after sitting that way for about a minute or so, my body quivering with anticipation, I wondered if I should open my eyes and see what was wrong.

Then I felt it.

The lightest, most gentle swipe along my clit. I nearly shot off the bed. The sensations sparking in my body were so intense, so amazing, that I almost couldn't control my reaction to it. I shook, my muscles unable to stop, shivering from his one, tiny touch. Several seconds passed, and just when I was thinking maybe Edward had changed his mind, I felt it again. Only this time it was harder, more pressure, and it lasted longer. Edward repeated the movement a few times and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I opened my eyes and looked down to where he was and nearly came at what I saw.

Edward's tongue was licking at me, passing up and down my pussy, circling my clit, pressing into my opening there, driving me crazy. His eyes were on my face, and after he made a few more passes at me, he pulled his head back just a bit and smiled, then placed his hands on my inner thighs and moved forward again.

His eyes closed as his lips pressed to mine, sucking and pulling, while flicking his tongue on my skin. I couldn't breathe and my back arched, lifting my breasts and blocking my view of what Edward was doing to me. The sound of him licking me filled the room. When his fingers began to push into me as he sucked my clit, my hand moved of its own free will, grabbing onto the back of his head and pulling him harder against me. His laugh vibrated against me, and I let out a cry of sheer ecstasy.

"Ohhhh," I said, over and over and over again. He laughed several more times, each one sparking the heat in me even more, until the fire burning for him was more than I thought I'd ever be able to survive. I listened as his fingers moved in me, my body almost sucking him back in and creating the most delicious wet suction sound.

He continued to groan and growl against me, and as his fingers pumped furiously in and out of me and his lips wrapped around my clit, sucking me deep into his mouth where his tongue could flick and lap at me, my toes began to curl. A feeling of exhilaration started to grow in my stomach, burning fast and wide and nearly splitting me in two. My hand on Edward's hair tightened. My back arched higher than it ever had before. My free hand grabbed onto the comforter underneath me. My heart thundered in my chest. My body shook violently from thrill and feeling. I held back a scream, and I came. It was so fast, so fierce, so intense, so unlike anything I'd ever experienced before, and I couldn't help but dig my calves into the side of the mattress and let go.

"Ohhhh, fuuuuuu..." I yelled, not even caring if I woke our children. I felt like my body was shattering into a million pieces, and it felt amazing.

As soon as the shaking began to slow and I could feel my body again, my back lowered down to the mattress. My hands loosened their grips. My mouth hung open as I gasped for air, greedily trying to fill my lungs and restart my heart. I lay on the bed completely unaware and uncaring and unable to do anything but think about what Edward had just done to me. And wish that I could feel that good every day for the rest of my life.

"You okay?" he asked, sliding back onto the bed next to me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pressed his nose against my cheek, his forehead against my temple.

I couldn't speak. I didn't know why he was talking to me. He had to have known the affect he'd had on me. I grunted a little, groaned even less, finally sighing and trying to get my breathing under control.

"So I take it that was okay, huh? You liked it?" He smiled down at me and I looked at his face, my eyes still unable to totally focus on him.

"How did you..." I managed to say.

He leaned forward and kissed me on my lips, letting his lips move softly with mine for a minute or so. I could taste myself on him, and it made me tingle.

"Thank you for trusting me," he whispered, pulling my body against his for a moment, then sitting up and lifting me into his arms. He moved me on the bed, lying me back down so that my head was on the pillows and I was lying flat on the bed. Then he lay down next to me in the same position we'd been in before, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me tightly into his side.

We lay in silence for a long time with his fingers slowly moving over the skin covering my rib cage. After about 10 minutes, he finally spoke.

"I think we should tell the kids about us. I mean, if you still want to be with me."

I turned to look at him. It was the first voluntary movement I'd made since falling apart in his hands.

"Of course I wanna be with you," I said.

"I wasn't sure. You haven't said anything, so..."

"Edward, that was... It was incredible. I think I'm in shock. I didn't know it could be like that."

His smile was blinding. He was so proud of what he'd done to me, and I couldn't blame him. I was pretty proud of what he'd done, too. He deserved a metal or a trophy or something. Yeah, I'd get him a trophy; an "I do oral like nobody's business" trophy that he could put up in his office. I was certain he'd appreciate that.

"I'm glad you liked it. I think we got $100 worth, don't you?" he asked as he smiled at me.

"I think we're paid up in full," I said, pressing my body into his side. "And yeah, I think we should tell the kids."

He was quiet again, and I wasn't sure if he was thinking or falling asleep. I knew I couldn't be naked in bed with him when the kids woke up the next morning, so I'd have to get dressed and go to my room at some point, but he was so warm and comfortable that I couldn't pull myself away.

"Stay with me," he whispered. "I'll set my alarm for five in the morning so we can get up before the kids. Let me hold you tonight," he said into my ear, his hot breath setting my skin on fire.

"Yes. I'd like that," I said, then curled into his arms, closing my eyes and breathing him in as I fell asleep – my naked body aching for the feel of his clothes against my bare flesh. It felt amazing and perfect, and I slept better than I ever had before. Like nothing was missing in my life. Like I was finally complete.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********Was it good for you? :D**

******Since I was out of town and wasn't able to do review replies for this chapter, I'll make you a deal. If you review this one and the next one, then in Chapter 37's review replies I'll include something that a LOT of you might really want... :) Just sayin', it'll be well worth your time. :) But you HAVE to allow PM's, and be signed in on your account when you review, otherwise I won't be able to send it to you. And that makes me sad. :( You can always check your review history here on the site and it should show any reviews that have been posted with your username. :)**

**Thanks again! ****:)**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from a couple years back. It's most likely either a premiere or an interview or something... I don't really know. :D He's wearing a blue button down shirt, with the top two buttons undone, and a gray suit jacket over it. He's got the Ray Bans he loves so much on and his hair's a little longer and totally grabbable. :D He's got the scruff going and he's smiling, though his lips are pressed together and we don't get to see any teeth. He's kinda looking back over his shoulder, to the side, and waving, and it looks like Dean's behind him, also wearing a suit, which is what makes me think movie premiere... But I'm too lazy to look it up and I didn't save the event in the picture title when I saved it over two years ago. I simply called it "Rob Blue Shirt Glasses Wave." Yeah, I have weird titles for most of the pictures I've saved... :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty-Six

It was warm. My body was so warm and comfortable. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt that way. I was asleep, though slowly inching toward consciousness, yet I didn't want to wake up because I was so warm. And I felt too good. Almost jelly-like, or squishy, or melted. Yeah, I was melting slowly and peacefully, and I loved it.

Then I felt something tighten around, me and my eyelids fluttered. I didn't want to wake up and have the warm, happy feelings disappear, but when my eyes opened, I was surprised to see that my reality was even better than my dreams had been. I was still curled up next to Edward, his arms wrapped around me and holding me close to his body, and I was still very, very naked. As my eyes adjusted to the dark of the room, I realized quickly that there was no light coming through the window shades, and Edward's alarm hadn't gone off yet, so it was early. I couldn't see the alarm clock that sat on the nightstand because it was on the other side of Edward, and I didn't want to move enough to look over him. I didn't want to move at all – ever – so I just lay there looking up at him, taking him in.

His face looked so relaxed and peaceful, and as I watched him, I remembered another morning when I'd done nearly the same thing.

_It was the day after Alec's funeral, and Edward had stayed the night. My parents were sleeping in the office and the kids in their bedrooms, and I'd awoken in the guest room. I wasn't totally sure how I'd ended up there, but after a few minutes, I recalled Edward helping me into bed after I'd tucked in my children._

_I got up, slowly making my way to the kitchen with one goal in mind – making coffee. As I walked past the family room, I saw a foot hanging over the edge of the sofa and it made me pause. Quietly, I stepped into the room and to the back of the couch, only to find Edward sound asleep, curled up on his side with a blanket thrown over his body. His shoes lay on the floor next to the sofa, and he was still wearing the dress clothes he'd worn for the funeral. I doubted he was very comfortable in them, but as I watched him, I studied his face and saw how peaceful and at ease he looked. There was no worry there, no sadness or despair. His lips were pressed together in a little pucker, and his hands rested under his face as he softly breathed in and out._

_How was he managing? Jane had only been dead for two weeks, and yet it seemed like he wasn't affected at all by her passing. He had to have been consumed with his own grief, yet he was so worried about me. He'd been such a rock for me and my children, always there to help in any way we'd needed him. Ever since the day he and Alec had talked in the hospital, Edward had been hyperaware of my needs. I wasn't sure why that was, but I also didn't question it because I knew I needed him. I needed him and his help, support, encouragement... him. I needed him._

"_Hey," he whispered as I stood there watching him. I hadn't noticed that he'd woken up, but when I looked back at his face, he was looking at me with tired eyes. And all the despair, sadness, and hurt that had been missing just moments earlier were back on his face, showing through in the lines and creases and wrinkles caused by his expression._

"_Good morning. You stayed," I said, more as a statement since it wasn't much of a question._

"_Yeah. Emily was asleep, and I wanted to be here if you needed anything."_

_I nodded. "Thank you. For everything. I don't know what I'd do without you here," I confessed to him, my voice growing softer as I spoke._

"_Of course. Anything you need, Bella. I'm here for you and the kids."_

"_I know," I whispered, feeling my eyes begin to tear up._

"_Hey, hey," he said, standing from the sofa and moving around the back to where I stood. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay," he said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me against him._

"_How can it ever be okay without Alec here?" I mumbled into his chest as I started to cry. He held me, tight yet gentle, supporting me and holding me up when I needed it. After several minutes, my tears began to slow down and I heard movement somewhere else in the house. I wasn't sure if it was my children or my parents, but I knew I needed to appear a little more in control before they found me. "Thank you," I said to Edward, pulling away from him and looking up to meet his eyes._

"_You're welcome. How about some coffee? Maybe some breakfast? I could make something, or we've got a lot of leftovers in there."_

_I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. "I promised the kids they could have cake for breakfast."_

_Edward smiled at me. "Well, we've got plenty of that, too. Let's go get things started, 'cause I think they're up and movin' already."_

_I followed him into the kitchen and let him lead me into the first day of the rest of my life._

"Hey," Edward's groggy voice said, and I looked up at him.

"Morning," I said with a smile.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"I don't know. I was too comfortable to move and look at the clock."

He smiled and sighed. "It is pretty comfortable here, huh? Are you cold?" he asked as his hands moved over my bare back.

"No, I'm really warm, actually. It's kinda great." There was no blanket over us, no sheet from the bed, either - just me with Edward's leg draped over mine, his arms around my waist, his body on its side, slightly leaning over me, and his rumpled clothes against my bare skin.

"Me, too."

We lay together for a few minutes until the alarm on his phone suddenly started to beep.

"I guess we know what time it is," he said, then reached behind him to the nightstand, so he could turn off the alarm.

"What time do you think Emily will be up?" I asked.

"I'd guess by around 6 or 6:30. She's an early riser; that's for sure."

"I guess that comes with the territory," I said, smiling up at him. With him and Alec working construction, we were all used to early mornings and early bed times. I couldn't even remember the last time my children had slept past 8:00 in the morning, though I was hoping they might start doing that, especially if Edward and I were to have any future sleepovers. I was feeling greedy, and I wanted as much time with him as I could get.

"How you feelin' this morning?" he softly asked. His hand slid up my back to my hair, and instantly, I remembered every moment of the night before. It was amazing and perfect, until I realized I hadn't returned the favor and Edward had most likely fallen asleep very aroused and uncomfortable.

Looking up at him a little sheepishly, I smiled. "Good. I'm good. Are you okay?"

"I'm great, yeah. I had fun last night."

"Me, too. It was incredible."

The smile on his face seemed to grow to about 10 times its previous size. "Yeah? Incredible, huh?" he asked, slowly nodding his head as he continued to smile.

"Yes. Incredible. And now I feel horrible, because I didn't pay you back."

"What?" he asked, and his smile was suddenly replaced with a look of confusion.

"You know, I didn't do anything for you. In return. You made me feel like... that... and I just went to sleep afterward."

"Bella, that wasn't about you doing something for me. Don't think that you have to repay me or anything like that. That was just about me wanting to make you feel good, to make you happy. As long as I did that, I'm completely content. I enjoyed it. Trust me."

His hand smoothed over my hair as he spoke, his fingertips skimming my ear and neck as his hand moved.

"Are you sure?" I asked. My left arm was wrapped around his waist, and my hand was gently rubbing back and forth on his lower back. The fabric of his shirt had risen up and my fingers pressed against his skin, loving how soft it was.

"Yes. I'm sure. Don't worry about it. We'll get there eventually." He leaned down to kiss me, his lips wrapping around my upper lip as he tenderly kissed me several times. The longer he kissed me, the more forceful the kisses became. Soon his tongue had pushed between my lips and was sliding in and out of my mouth. Normally, I would have been worried about morning breath, but neither of us had been asleep for too long and it didn't really seem to be an issue. His hands moved across my body, leaving goosebumps over every inch of skin that he touched. I quickly took advantage of his shirt rising up and slid both of my hands under it, raking my fingers up and down his stomach and back.

After several minutes, he rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. I could feel through his jeans that he was hard, and as I hovered over him, I slipped my left hand down to his waistband. His lips soon moved to my neck and collarbones, and as he sucked and nipped at my skin, I popped the button on his pants.

"Bella," he breathed out in a strangled sigh.

"Shhhh," I whispered. "Let me."

He continued to kiss me as I lowered the zipper on his pants and pushed the fabric away. I could feel the cotton that still covered his length, and I ran the back of my fingers up and down him several times. He moaned and growled with each pass of my hand, and it made me smile to know how much I was affecting him. When my fingers finally moved to the elastic waistband on his underwear, he pulled away and grabbed my face, making me look at him.

"You don't have to do that," he said, his eyes searching mine. "That's not why I did what I did last night. I wanted to, because I wanted to. Bell, you don't have to do anything you're not ready to do."

I nodded and sighed. "I want to. I want to give you what you gave me. I'm probably not as good at it as you were, but I can learn, if you show me what to do... what you like."

He watched me for several seconds, and I could see the hesitation that was taking control. Finally, he let out a long, deep breath. "Bella, I do want you to do that to me but not right now. It's been a really long time since I did this stuff with anyone, and as embarrassing as it is, I know I'm not gonna last too long."

"I don't care."

"But I do," he softly said. "I want to be good for you, and I know if you do to me what I did to you last night, I'll last about 30 seconds and that's embarrassing."

I smiled at him, leaning down to lightly kiss his lips. "What if I just use my hand this time? And then next time you can show me what else to do?"

He continued to look into my eyes, debating over what to do, and then finally nodded. "Yeah, okay."

I kissed him hard and deep and then quickly forced my hand into his underwear, letting my fingers trail over the silky soft skin of his cock. I wrapped them around his length and slowly began to pump up and down, delighting in the moans that soon began to pour from Edward's mouth.

"Oh, baby," he said, letting his head press back into the pillow as I continued to jerk him off. After a minute or two, I let my bravery take control and I pulled away from him, taking my hand out of his underwear. "What?" he asked as his eyes opened wide and he watched me lean back onto my heels.

"Hang on," I said, reaching for his pants and underwear and then shimmying them down his hips, exposing his erection to the open air. His shirt was still on, though the hem of it was pushed up around his chest, and I looked down at how beautiful he was. The color of his skin, the muscles underneath, the sparse bit of hair on his abdomen... it was all different to me, and yet, there was something so familiar about it. I never wanted to be without it again.

I couldn't help but lick my lips as I looked at his hardened cock laying against his belly. The room was still dark, but my eyes were adjusted enough that I could make out the head and the veins of it, and where it disappeared into the darkness between his legs.

"Bella?" he asked, and I looked up at him.

"Don't worry," I said, then leaned back down to hover over him. My lips pressed against his again as I straddled his thighs, sliding to his other side. My right hand took hold of him, and I started to pump.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed, kissing me hard and deep and so, so forcefully. His hand threaded into my hair and held my mouth against his. His other hand found my breast and squeezed hard, letting his thumb rub over my nipple as our tongues slid against each other. "Oh, fuck," he whispered, and I knew he was close.

My grip tightened and quickened, and I couldn't help but move my hips in time with his, grinding myself against his thigh that my leg was laying on. I knew it would have been easy to just move over him again and let him fill me, let him make love to me, but I couldn't do it yet. Not yet. That didn't mean I wasn't wet because of what we were doing. Having my hands on him while he had his on me was intoxicating, and it pushed me to go faster.

"Bella!" he nearly yelled into my mouth, and then I felt hot, wet spurts of cum cover my hand, wetting me and his belly as he came. I kept moving my hand on him, not slowing down until he sighed and I felt his chest relax a little. His lips were still on mine, kissing me slowly and easily, and he smiled.

"Good?" I asked, grinning at him.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "You have no idea how long I've dreamed about this."

Leaning up on my elbow, I looked at him. "How long?" I asked.

"Too long," he quietly said. "I never in my wildest dreams thought it would ever come true, that I'd ever get to be with you like this. Never. And now with everything we've been through, I almost feel guilty about it."

"Why?"

"Because. My life's not supposed to be this good, you know? And why did I get so lucky? How is it fair that for me to get everything I ever wanted, someone else had to lose it?"

He watched me for several seconds as I thought about what he was saying. I had purposefully not thought about Alec that morning. I'd made a point not to compare them, not to remember times with Alec, not to think about things I'd done with Alec, and then Edward had to bring it all up. I understood it, that he was probably feeling the same things I was and wondering why we were getting a second chance at happiness. It didn't mean I wanted to think about my dead husband as I lay naked against my brother-in-law.

"I don't know," I said, because I _didn't_ know. "But this is about us, remember? You and me. You told me that. I know we're gonna talk about Alec and Jane, and that's okay. We should talk about them. They were a big part of our lives, and they always will be. But now, right now... this is us. This is you and me on this bed. You and me naked and touching and kissing and happy. And while I know eventually we'll talk about all the things we need to talk about, this isn't the place. Not here. I can't do it here."

He nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be sorry," I told him. "We'll talk about it later, okay? But right now, I wanna kiss you until I have to put clothes back on and sneak out of this room before our children wake up. Okay? That sound alright with you?"

"Yeah. Perfect," he said, pulling me back down to kiss him. And I did, until 6:30 when I reluctantly pulled away and let him watch as I slid my panties up my legs, wrapped my bra around my chest, stepped into my shorts, and pulled on my shirts. Then I smiled as he fixed his shorts and underwear, running his hands through his hair in an effort to tame it.

"Breakfast?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Why don't you take a shower while I'll start some pancakes?"

"Sounds good," I said, stepping toward him to kiss him one more time.

"So, when do you wanna talk to the kids?" he asked as I pulled open the bedroom door. He grabbed me one more time and held me close against him.

"Today. Maybe after breakfast?" I offered.

"Okay," he said, then kissed me again, long and wet and sloppy and so good. I sighed as I leaned away, then quickly turned around when I saw movement from outside the doorway.

"What?" I said in surprise.

"Auntie Bella, how come you're coming out of where my daddy was sleeping? And why do you still have on your clothes from yesterday?" Emily asked.

"Mommy, you hair's all messy," Mckenna said.

Edward and I stared at our two daughters who looked back at us with curious looks on their faces.

"Okay, so maybe we tell them during breakfast," Edward whispered into my ear.

"Yeah. Good idea," I said, smiling down at the two girls I loved most in the world and hoping they would both still love me after breakfast.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********A lot of you were worried that Bella was too selfish and wouldn't pay Edward back for the lovely things he did for her last chapter. Really? Really?! :D Come on, now. :D If you were her would you miss out on a chance to pay him back? :D**

******I set up a page on Facebook and the Rob pictures from each chapter are there. You don't have to have a Facebook account to see the page, so feel free to find it and check out all the stuff on there. Eventually I'll have all the story pictures from the FB group on there, too. Hopefully by the end of the week. :) The page is - _Stories by beegurl13_. :)**

******Since I couldn't do review replies for this chapter or Chapter 35, make sure you review them both, along with Chapter 37, and I'll send you something special. And I'll just say this... it's something many, many, many of you wanted a while back. :) PLEASE make sure your reviews are from your account, with your username on them, AND that your PM's are turned on. If the reviews come in marked GUEST or PM's are disabled, I can't send you the special thing. :(  
**

**Thanks again for being patient ********with**** me! :)**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the 2013 Golden Globe Awards. It's kind of a candid, I think, which makes it fun. He's sitting at his table, leaning his head on his hand and his elbow on the table, and he's smiling. There's a green beer bottle in front of him and a lot of empty champagne glasses around, which makes me wonder just how tipsy the boy got... :D He's wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a skinny black tie. His hair is short and he's all clean shaven. And that smile... so cute. :)**

******Thanks to the girls on Facebook who helped me with part of this chapter. You know who you are. :) Apparently I need to watch more Disney movies. :D**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty-Seven

I stood in the shower mindlessly scrubbing my arm for the third time. My thoughts were lost in the things Edward had done to me the night before, the things I'd done to him just a little bit earlier, and the things our daughters had said to us when they busted us leaving the bedroom together.

The fact that Edward was standing in my kitchen making breakfast for our three children was not lost on me, and for some reason, it felt so natural and right to know he would be there waiting for me. Alec had never been much of a cook, usually resorting to cold cereal or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when the kids were hungry. I didn't care. I enjoyed cooking, and Alec had always been happy to eat whatever I made. But with Edward, it was different. I knew Jane hadn't been too successful when it came to cooking. She'd taken classes, hired people to help her in her own kitchen, and even spent time with the woman who cooked for Aro and Heidi, but she just never could seem to figure it out. Edward had always done the majority of the cooking in their house, and thinking about a future spent with someone who was willing to cook with me or for me was kind of exciting. It would be something new for us both, and I found myself looking forward to it.

Just like oral sex. I really wanted to try that again. It's not that Alec wouldn't do it but just that he never really enjoyed it. I had other friends with husbands who refused to go down on them and even a few friends whose husbands didn't like blowjobs, so it never seemed that strange to me. But having spent time with Jane and knowing how she liked to share tidbits of her life, I knew that was one activity that she and Edward both enjoyed. And to be honest, when he made his intentions clear the night before, I was really excited to see if he was as good as Jane always proclaimed him to be.

And he was. Not only as good as she said but so, so much better than I ever could have imagined. I had to wonder if maybe he'd just been holding back with her or if maybe I really was out of it when it came to that. Either way, I had loved it. I loved looking down and seeing him there, his tongue and lips and fingers doing such amazing and sinful things to me, watching his eyes close as he kissed me in ways I'd really never been kissed before, feeling him climb up my body and kiss me with his lips that still tasted like me. The memories alone had me aching and fighting the desire and need to touch myself. Just as my hand started to slide along the slick skin of my waist toward the part of me that was yearning for Edward most, someone banged on the door.

"Mommy!" Collin yelled. "Hurry up! Pancakes are ready to eat!"

I let out a deep sigh and rinsed off the soap that still covered my body. My want would have to wait. I had something important to do, and three small people waiting for me and Edward to talk to them. They all knew something was up. I wasn't an idiot. I could tell they knew something more than just friendship was going on. I didn't know what to say to them, and I really hoped Edward would be inspired and kind of lead the conversation. Of course, I wouldn't know until I got myself out of the shower and into the kitchen. My only hope was that they'd be okay with our changing relationship and that we would be able to explain things the right way.

Three smiling faces waited at the dining table as I made my way into the kitchen.

"Unca Edward has a apron on, Mommy!" Mckenna yelled to me as I walked by her. Sure enough, Edward was wearing a frilly, ruffled apron my mother had given me for Christmas a few years earlier. It was pink and brown and very cute on him. It made me smile to see him wearing it and acting as if it was the most natural thing ever.

He was busy flipping pancakes on the stove and glanced up when I entered the room. "Hope you're hungry," he said with a smile.

"Starving."

"Must have worked up an appetite this morning, huh?" he asked. I felt my skin heat as I blushed at his words. It made his smile grow even wider. "I love that," he mumbled as he turned his focus back to the stove and the last few pancakes that needed to be cooked.

Shaking my head at the thought of pouncing on him while our children sat only feet away, I hurried to get drinks for the kids. Setting out all the things we'd need for breakfast, I finished just as Edward carried the platter of pancakes to the table. After a few minutes, the kids were happily eating away and giggling with each other. I was hungry, but my stomach was also knotted and twisting, and I had to practically force myself to eat the two pancakes I'd put on my plate. I was nervous and anxious and still had no idea what to say. I was about to excuse myself so I could calm down and regain my composure when Edward spoke.

"So, Aunt Bella and I were wondering if we could talk to you guys for a few minutes."

I watched the kids as they chewed and looked back and forth between the two of us. Emily had a small smile on her face, but Collin and Mckenna looked more curious than anything.

"Okay," Collin said, taking another bite of his breakfast.

Edward was sitting next to me at the table and I felt his hand on my thigh, covering my hand that was resting there. As he wrapped his fingers around my palm and gave it a little squeeze, I took a deep breath and instantly felt better.

"Well, you know how we've all been spending a lot of time together," he began. As they nodded, he continued. "Well, that's because we're a family, right?"

"Yeah," Emily said.

"We's cousins, huh?" Mckenna asked.

"Yes, you're all cousins. That's true. And we like being together, don't we?" Edward asked them, watching as they all nodded again.

I looked over at Edward, catching his eye and hoping he could see the worry in mine. If this conversation didn't go well and our kids didn't want us together as anything more than what we'd always been, I wasn't sure how I would feel. Would I ever be happy if all we could be was what we'd been before? Would I be okay moving forward in my life without Edward by my side? Would I be able to handle seeing him kiss someone else or having someone else try to kiss or touch me? That thought alone made me want to scream and I closed my eyes, forcing out a deep breath as I did.

"Uncle Edward and me... we like being together," I said. Taking a second to look at each of the children, I smiled at them. "Uncle Edward makes me happy, and I think I make him happy, too. After Daddy and your mommy died, we were both really sad for a long time. You remember that?" I asked them.

"Yeah, I remember," Emily answered.

"Me, too," Collin said. "You cried a lot, Mommy."

"I did. I did cry a lot. I love your daddy, just like Uncle Edward loves Emily's mommy. But sometimes sad things happen, and you can't change them. You can't go back and make them go away. Sometimes, you have to find new ways to be happy. You know what I mean?"

"Like when my kitty got hit by that car, huh, Daddy?" Emily asked. "I was really sad, but then I got my guinea pig and I wasn't so sad anymore."

Edward smiled. "Exactly. Just like that." He looked over at me, and his hand squeezed mine again. "Well, Aunt Bella and I were sad before, and we'll always be a little bit sad because we'll always miss Mommy and your daddy. But we like being together. We like being friends and helping each other. I think we make each other happy, and we want to spend more time together. What do you guys think about that?"

The room was silent for a few moments as the kids looked at us and at each other.

"Are you gonna marry Uncle Edward?" Collin quietly asked, looking right at me.

"Honey, no. That's not what we're saying."

"You're not gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend?" Emily almost yelled at us.

"What?" Edward said with a surprised voice.

"I thought you were gonna be boyfriend and girlfriend," she replied. "I thought you would wanna hold hands and kiss and stuff."

"Why did you think that?" I asked her.

"Because you look all funny at each other," Emily said with a sheepish grin. "You look like those funny people on TV look right before they kiss."

Mckenna started to laugh. "Yeah, like Rapunzel and Flynn when they sing in that boat. They look all silly, huh, Mommy?"

I smiled. "Yeah, they do. Is that what we look like sometimes?"

"Yep," Mckenna said. "Your eyes are funny."

Edward laughed, squeezing my hand. "So how would you all feel if I held Aunt Bella's hand?"

"That's okay," Emily said.

"And what if we sat together sometimes. Would that be okay?" he asked.

Emily nodded. "Yeah."

Edward looked at me quickly, then back at the kids. "And what if we kissed sometimes? Would that be okay?"

Kenna nodded. "Okay."

"Not those gross kisses, right?" Emily asked.

"What gross kisses?" I questioned her, wondering what her definition of a gross kiss was.

"Those kinds where they look like they're eating each other's faces. That's gross," she said, scrunching up her face in disgust.

"No, no gross kisses," I assured her. Those kisses would be saved for private moments behind closed doors. "Can we hug each other sometimes?"

"Yeah, I guess," Kenna said before shoving another bite of pancake into her mouth. Emily nodded her consent and I looked at Collin, who sat quietly looking at his plate.

"So, the thing is," Edward hesitantly began, "that Aunt Bella and me being special friends... well, it's kind of a secret. We don't want to tell everyone, so you have to keep it a secret."

"Why?" Emily asked. This was going to be the really tricky part of the whole situation. Our immediate families knew, and now the kids knew, but no one else did. Both Edward and I really wanted to keep Aro and Heidi from finding out. We wanted to be the ones to tell them, but only if we knew things were going to work out between us. I wasn't sure how they would react, and I didn't want there to be any hurt feelings between them and us.

"Well, you know how sad Grandma and Grandpa have been, right?" I asked, hoping to remind the kids of how hard Aro and Heidi had taken the deaths of their children. The girls nodded, and Collin just looked at me. He wasn't being as vocal as the girls were, and it was starting to worry me. "Uncle Edward and I are worried that if they knew we were being special friends that they might be sadder. There's nothing wrong with us being happy together, but for Grandma and Grandpa... It might just remind them that Daddy and your mommy aren't here anymore. We want to wait a little while before we tell them about us being friends. Do you understand that?"

"They might think you didn't love Mommy, huh, Daddy?" Emily quietly asked.

"Yeah, they might think that. But you know that's not true. We don't want to make them sad or hurt their feelings, so we need to keep this a secret for right now," Edward said.

"Okay. I'm good at keeping secrets," Emily replied.

"Me, too. I's a good secret keeper, huh, Collin? I didn't even tell Mommy that you took extra cookies, huh?" she said.

"Kenna!" Collin said, looking at her with surprise and anger on his face.

"Oops. Sorry, Collin."

"Hmpf," Collin huffed, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at his plate.

I smiled at them. "It's okay, honey," I told him. "But yeah, it's good that you're all good at keeping secrets. You know there are good secrets to keep and bad secrets that you need to tell, right? Just remember, this is a good secret."

"Okay," Emily said. "So you're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

Edward looked at me with a smile on his face. "I don't know. Are we?" he asked me.

I couldn't contain the smile that spread across my face. "Yeah," I nodded, "I guess we are."

He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the cheek, making Emily and Mckenna laugh but Collin stayed silent. I was worried that he wouldn't like the change between me and Edward, but I wasn't sure what I should do about it.

"Let me talk to him," Edward whispered in my ear.

"Thank you," I said, squeezing his hand that was still holding mine. It was a little weird to me how in tune Edward always was to what I needed or wanted or what was bothering me. He always just knew, which was something else that I'd never had with Alec. I liked it.

I turned toward the kids with a smile. "Well, since Uncle Edward was so nice and made our breakfast, I think I'll clean up the dishes when we're done eating. Would you girls like to help me?" I asked, hoping to give Edward a chance to talk to Collin on his own.

"Okay!" Kenna happy squealed. She loved to help in the kitchen, and I knew if she and I were in there, then I had a good chance of getting Emily to join us.

As we finished breakfast, we continued to talk about things with the kids. They were excited about summer, and Emily was thrilled to tell us all about her gymnastics class and how well she was doing. They had an exhibition coming up in July, and she couldn't wait for us to see all the things she'd learned so far. I knew if I took the kids, it would only be a matter of time before Mckenna would be begging to join. I didn't mind, and I hoped that maybe it would be something special the two girls could do together. They were already close as it was, but Emily and Collin had school in common, so I really wanted Emily to have something in common with Kenna, too.

Once everyone was done eating, the girls and I started to clean off the table.

"Hey, Collin," Edward said. "Do you think maybe I could talk to you for a minute?"

Collin shrugged his shoulders. "'Kay."

I watched them walk toward the family room together, hoping they would be okay. Returning to the kitchen, I asked the girls to empty the dishwasher and put a few things away, telling them I'd be right back. I quietly hurried toward the family room doorway, then stood against the wall and listened.

"I just thought maybe you and I should talk for a few minutes," Edward said.

"Okay."

"Well, I know this is kinda different for you, you know, me and your mom being special friends and all."

"You mean boyfriend and girlfriend?" Collin asked. There was an edge to his voice that I hadn't heard before, and it worried me.

"Yeah, that." Edward cleared his throat, then continued. "I think I need to make sure that's okay with you, since you're the man of the house and all."

Collin was quiet for several seconds. "My daddy said that, too."

"What?"

"That I was the man of the house now. He said it when he was in the hospital. The last time I talked to him, he said I was the man of the house. What does that mean?"

"Well, I think it just means you're the one in charge. You're the one responsible for what happens to your mom and your sister. It's your job to be strong and tough and to make sure they're happy," Edward said.

"But Mommy's in charge, so how can I be the man here if I'm just little?" Collin asked.

"Well, your mommy is in charge, that's true, but you know she cares about you and the things you say or do can make her happy. The same with Kenna. I think that's probably what your daddy was talking about. I think he wanted you to make sure that your mommy and Kenna are happy."

"Does being your girlfriend make Mommy happy?" Collin softly asked.

"I think so. I hope so. I know having your mommy for my girlfriend would make me happy."

"Do you love her?"

I held my breath during the few seconds that Edward was quiet. "Of course I do, just like I love you and Mckenna. We're all family already, so I already love all of you."

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the wall, grateful for what I'd heard. Edward was right. We were family, and we already loved each other. That's what made our situation so different. If I'd met Edward after Alec died, there was no way I'd have gotten serious with him so quickly. If he'd been a stranger, I wouldn't even be entertaining the idea of dating him only four months after my husband had died. But Edward wasn't a stranger. And I hadn't just met him. I'd known him for over nine years and spent countless hours with him during that time. I loved him, even if I wasn't in love with him, yet.

But I was getting there. Fast. And it scared me.

"Okay. If you make Mommy happy and you love her, then I'm glad you're her boyfriend."

"Thanks, Collin. I hope you know I love you, too. And I love Mckenna. I know Emily loves you all, too, and I'm really glad we'll get to be together more." He was silent for a moment, then spoke in a lower, gentler voice. "I hope you know I'll never try to take the place of your dad. He was my friend, almost my brother, and I miss him, too. I hope you and I can always have a good relationship and that we can love each other."

"Okay," Collin said. "Do you think maybe you and Mommy will get married? Will you be my new dad?"

"I don't know, buddy. Your mom and I are just starting to figure things out. There's a long way to go before we start thinking about getting married and all that. But you don't need to worry, okay? If we start thinking about that, you and the girls will be the first people we talk to about it. And since you're the man of the house and all, I'll have to get your blessing."

"What does that mean?"

"Well," Edward said, and I could hear the amusement in his voice. "Usually when a man wants to marry a woman, he has to ask her dad for his blessing. It's kind of like his permission. The man asks the dad because he's the man of the house, just like your daddy probably talked to your Grandpa Swan before he asked your mommy to marry him."

I knew Alec hadn't asked my dad's blessing until after we'd gotten engaged. It never really bothered me, but I also knew that Edward was more old fashioned and proper than Alec had been in that regard, and I knew he'd talked to Aro before asking Jane to marry him. The thought of him asking Collin for his blessing made my heart beat so quickly that I had to force myself to take several long, slow, deep breaths.

"So since you're the man of the house, I'd need to ask for your blessing if I wanted to marry your mommy. I'd need to make sure you thought it was okay. Do you understand that?"

"I think so," Collin said. "You need my permission to get married, just like I need Mommy's permission before I cross the street on my bike."

Edward laughed. "Exactly. I knew you'd get it."

"Okay. I like you being Mommy's boyfriend, and I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"Thank you, Collin."

"Can you play catch with me now?" Collin asked, and I took that as my cue to get back to the kitchen before my eavesdropping was discovered.

"Mommy, I gots all the dishes put away," Kenna said holding her hands up in the air.

"Alright! Should we start washing the dirty ones now?" I asked her.

"Yep! I's gonna get my stool, so I can help you, Mommy."

Emily smiled at me while Mckenna pushed her little red step stool toward the sink.

"You can kiss my daddy in front of me if you want to," Emily said. "Like today when we go home, you can kiss him. It's okay with me."

I smiled and hugged her to me. "Thank you, sweetie. Thank you so much."

Her bright, beaming smile as she looked up at me told me all I needed to know. And it made me happy.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********That went well, right? Wow, things have been going so well for them, it's almost like you'd expect something epically horrible to happen soon... :)**

******Little reminder - I set up a page on Facebook and the Rob pictures from each chapter are there. Chapter teasers are there, too. You don't have to have a Facebook account to see the page, so feel free to find it and check out all the stuff on there. The page is - Stories by beegurl13. :)**

******As a thank you for reviewing Chapters 35 and 36, knowing I wouldn't be able to reply, I have something special to send in the review replies for this chapter. *cough*EPOVofawedding*cough* Please, ****__****please********, PLEASE make sure you review ALL THREE CHAPTERS so that I can send it to you. You want it... trust me. :) And PLEASE make sure your reviews are under your account name. Someone reviewed Ch's 35 & 36 but it logged them on as a guest, and there's no name, so I can't send this special thing to them. :( Please check your review history and make sure your reviews are from your account. :) And make sure your PM's are enabled. Feel free to PM me if you're not sure how to check this stuff and I'll help you out as best as I can. :)  
**

**Thanks again****! :)**


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from a while back. Probably a movie tour or something, but I don't know. Maybe New Moon? Whatever. :D In this picture Rob's wearing a gray t-shirt with a blue suit jacket over it. Showing just over the collar of his shirt is what looks like a leather cord. It's probably from when he wore that shark tooth, or whatever it was, for a while. I remember people freaking out and wondering where he got it, and who gave it to him, and what it meant. :D His hair's a little longer and he's grasping it with his right hand in that swoony way he always does. He's sporting a bit of scruff, though not too much. His lips are pressed together and he's kinda looking up and away at something since his head's tilted down just a tad. He seems very calm, in the moment, and content. I like when Rob looks like that. :D This particular version of the picture has been altered a bit by Biel, so whoever you are, thanks for sharing your pretty with us. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty-Eight

We spent the next few hours together talking and watching the kids play. I hadn't laughed so much in a long, long time. Now that the kids knew about me and Edward, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. We were still reserved in our touching, keeping it to only appropriate and simple gestures in front of the kids. When we were alone or the kids weren't watching, he held my hand once, and rested his hands on my hips another time as he stood behind me. He even put his hand on the small of my back as he led me through the door and into the house once the kids were tired of playing in the backyard.

Just before lunch time, Edward and Emily got ready to leave. She had her gymnastics class that afternoon, and then they were going to Port Angeles for the night to stay with Emmett and his family. I knew I wouldn't see them again until Monday morning when Edward dropped Emily off at my house for the day. I was excited to have her with me and the kids throughout the summer, and even more excited to have Edward stopping by every night for a few hours.

As I walked them to the door, I noticed Emily smiling up at me, pausing and walking much slower than her dad. "Em, come on. We're gonna be late," Edward said.

"Auntie Bella," she whined, and I knew what she was waiting for. I smiled at her, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

"You be good and have fun today," I told her. Then I stood up and stepped toward Edward. "You be good and have fun, too," I said with a smile and then leaned closer to him as I pushed up a little on my tip toes. His eyes widened instantly and he pulled back just a bit, glancing over at Emily. She was still grinning widely at us, and his eyes snapped back to mine.

"You sure?" he whispered.

"Yeah. Don't leave a girl hangin' mid-kiss, Mr. Cullen. It's rude." I smirked at him, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

He smiled back at me. "Yes, ma'am," he said, then leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. After the night and morning we'd had, it was a very tame and chaste kiss, but it was perfect for the three children that I was certain were watching us. My hands rested on his chest as his reached out to sit lightly on my hips. The kiss lasted only a few seconds, but when I opened my eyes before pulling away, I saw his eyes were open and he was watching me.

"What?" I mumbled against his lips.

He kissed me a little harder once more before ending our kiss. "I like this."

"Me, too," I said, then circled my arms around his neck to hug him. "I'll see you Monday."

"Bye," he whispered into my ear, and then he was gone.

My children were watching us from the kitchen doorway. I couldn't tell exactly what they'd thought of our little display, but they didn't seem too put-off by it.

"Mommy, that was like when you kiss Daddy," Mckenna said. Her words made me pause for a moment, realizing that's how she would see my actions. The way I'd kissed Edward was similar to the way I'd always kissed Alec goodbye in the mornings, and for some reason, it felt wrong that she would think both kisses were the same. They didn't feel the same to me. With Alec, it had always been comforting, easy and normal, and just something we did. I never gave it much thought, to be honest.

"_You working late tonight?" I asked, putting the sandwiches I'd made into a bag for him.  
_

"_Yeah. We've got that new client from Port Angeles that's coming to meet with us this afternoon. It'll probably take a couple of hours, and then once he's gone, I gotta catch up on a few other things before I can get outta there," Alec said._

"_Okay. Don't forget tonight's family night at the yogurt shop downtown. The kids want to go," I reminded him. Once a month, the yogurt shop did half price yogurts for families, and all the toppings were free. To say the kids loved it was an understatement._

_He smiled. "How could I forget?" he asked, pinching the side of my waist, making me squeal and jump away from him. "Someone always tends to go a little crazy with the sprinkles."_

"_I can't help it if I can eat my weight in chocolate sprinkles," I told him. I loved them, and I knew the owner bought extra now that we were regulars there on family night and I usually cleaned him out._

"_I'll be home. I think Edward said Emily wanted to go, too. You mind if they come with us?" Alec asked as he finished off his coffee._

"_No, that's fine. Is Jane coming? I need to talk to her about your mom's birthday."_

_Shaking his head, he rinsed out his mug. "No, I think she's in Seattle for the weekend. Girls trip or something. Hey, how come you never do that kinda stuff? Ditch me and the kids for the weekend, so you can hang out with your friends?"_

"_Why should I?" I asked. "I don't wanna be anywhere other than here with all my favorite people."_

_He kissed me sweetly on the lips. "You're too good to me," he said._

"_I know," I grinned up at him, causing him to laugh._

"_See you tonight. Thanks for lunch!" he said as he hurried out of the kitchen and toward the garage. After putting away the things I'd used to make Alec's lunch, I noticed Mckenna standing in the doorway, her crazy bedhead hair everywhere and her pajamas rumpled from sleep._

"_Juicie, Mommy?" she asked with a yawn._

_I picked her up and hugged her tight against me. "Come on, baby. Let's get your cup, and then we'll go get that diaper changed, okay?"_

_Her head lay against my shoulder, and I kissed her cheek. She was sweet and always watching me. Her curiosity was something I loved most about her, and I laughed as she wrapped her arms around my neck._

Alec and I had always been easy and good, and I'd been completely happy with the way he made me feel. It was always sweet and content – peaceful, even. But with Edward, just the lightest, simplest kisses caused me to burn with want and desire. Maybe it was only because things between us were still new and fresh, but part of me doubted that was the reason. I couldn't imagine my feelings for Edward ever turning into something normal and commonplace. The way I already felt about him had nearly knocked me off my feet, and I knew it was only going to get more powerful as time passed.

Collin watched me for a few seconds longer before smiling and coming to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me. "I love you, Mommy."

He didn't need to say anything else. I understood what he was telling me and I hugged him back, telling him how much I loved him, too.

Once the kids were tucked into bed Saturday night, I sat on the sofa watching television and thinking about how different my life was. It wasn't anything I'd ever imagined it would be, but I liked it and I felt good about where things were going. Edward and I had something special, and I was anxious to see where it would take us. I knew the children were happy about things, too, which was important to me. We didn't need their permission to be together, but their happiness meant the world to me, and I would never willingly do anything that might hurt or upset them. I wanted them to be as blissfully joyful as I was, and I could see in their eyes that they were.

Monday came along soon enough, and our new daily routine began. There would still be some random days through the summer when Esme or Carlisle would take Emily for the day, but for the most part, she would be with me and my children. I loved it, and the kids did, too. Just like we'd done during the school year, when Edward came to pick up Emily in the evenings, he would stay and eat dinner with us. I enjoyed our time together, even though I knew it was probably healthy that we maintain some normalcy in our own homes. Emily needed time alone with her father, and Collin and Mckenna needed time with just me. Luckily, Edward and I were on the same page, and most evenings, he and Emily would head home around seven or eight.

Sometimes they would stay a little later, and that gave Edward and I a chance to talk while the kids played or watched movies. One night, we talked about our childhoods. One night we talked about our high school days. One night, we talked about our relationships before Alec and Jane came along. It was good that we were getting to know each other better and getting more physically comfortable around the kids. We had yet to get any real alone time together, so nothing more than light touching, sweet kisses, and a few heated, spur-of-the-moment, push-me-up-against-the-door type of passionate kisses had happened. And those kisses only happened when the kids were completely distracted with something, and Edward and I were able steal away for a minute or two without being noticed. Usually, one or more of the children would come looking for us. They were little make-out-blockers is what they were. They seemed to have a sixth sense that alerted them whenever Edward's or my hands started to roam the other person's body. It was driving me crazy, but it was just part of being a mother.

One Thursday night, almost two weeks after our night spent together, things got a little heated while the kids were watching _Tangled_ for the 500th time.

"We need to set up a play-date for these kids," Edward whispered against my neck as he had me pushed up against the wall in the guest room. Mckenna was looking for me. I'd heard her calling my name, but Edward's hands had just shoved my bra up and his fingers were twisting and pulling at my nipples. Kenna was gonna have to wait, because there was no way I was stopping him.

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Maybe we need a sleepover this weekend," I said before moaning as he bit down on the heated skin of my neck.

"Mommy! Where is you at?" Mckenna called again. She was getting closer, and it was only a matter of time before she realized the bedroom door was closed and locked.

"Definitely. Saturday night, we're staying over," he said before lifting his mouth to meet mine again.

We kissed until we heard the doorknob jiggle. "Mommy? Is you in there?" she said.

"Shhhh," Edward said against my lips. "Maybe she'll go away."

I smiled, knowing that was nothing but a wishful dream, then glanced down to see little fingers poking under the door.

"I see some shoes in there, Mommy. Open the door!" she said. I could tell her face was pressed against the floor, and I sighed and then groaned when Edward let go of my breasts.

"Saturday night," he said, then quickly lifted my shirt and kissed each of my nipples. "I'll see you girls Saturday night," he whispered to my breasts, his warm words blowing across my pebbled skin

I laughed, then groaned again. "But that's so long," I said, tightening my fingers in his hair and holding his face to my chest for just a few more seconds.

He smiled against my skin. "Not really. It's the night after tomorrow."

"But it's been almost two weeks since we... you know," I reminded him.

"Oh, trust me. I know." He smirked up at me as I released my hold on him and then slowly put my boobs back into my bra while he stood up and reached down to adjust himself. "I can't wait to sleep next to you again."

"Me, too."

Once we were presentable, I opened the door to see Mckenna laying on the floor, trying to see through the crack under the door.

"There you is! I was looking for you. Can I has a cookie?" she asked as she stood up and brushed her blonde curls away from her face.

"Yeah, let's get you a cookie."

"What was you doing in there, Mommy? How come you and Unca Edward were making funny noises?"

Internally cringing, I heard Edward try to stifle his laughter as he walked behind us. Even his laughing at me was sexy, and I couldn't wait for Saturday night to come. Hopefully Saturday night wouldn't be all that was coming.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********Gotta love little kids. Or tiny fun-blockers, which is a much more fitting name. :D**

******Little reminder - I set up a page on Facebook and the Rob pictures from each chapter are there. Chapter teasers are there, too, as well as on my profile and in my group. You don't have to have a Facebook account to see the page, so feel free to find it and check out all the stuff on there. The page is - Stories by beegurl13. :)**

**We're getting closer to the bow-chicka-wow-wow you all seem to be craving. :)  
**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from... well, I don't know. I saw it on Facebook and fell in love with it. :) ****__****Francies Cullen******** shared it with us and I just had to pass it on to you. :) It's a black and white picture of Rob in a tux, smiling a bright and happy smile. :) His hair's a little shorter, his black tie is a little skinnier, his jaw's a little clean shaven, and he's sporting some little laugh lines around his eyes. I think this picture kinda gives us an idea of what Rob's going to look like as he gets older, and holy crap... we're in for a real treat. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) Seriously, she's amazing. ********I**** can't even tell you the love ********I**** have for this woman. :)**

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Early Friday afternoon, I had my normal appointment with Dr. Carmen. Alice had offered to watch all three of the kids, which I was grateful for. Emily really didn't add any extra stress to my two. In fact, she usually helped keep them occupied and out of trouble. I was a little surprised when I got to Alice's house and saw a strange car in her driveway. Wondering if I'd misunderstood her, I parked next to it and got out, so I could help the kids out of their car seats.

"Hey, that's my Aunt Rose's car!" Emily said. She and Mckenna ran toward the front door as Collin and I followed them.

Alice answered the door with a smile, and I saw Edward's niece, Claire, behind her.

"I hope this is okay. Rose and I were talking yesterday, and I mentioned that the kids were coming over. She thought it might be good for Claire to spend a little more time with all of them, considering how well things are going with you and Edward," Alice said, her words progressively getting quieter the longer she spoke. "They could all be cousins someday." She winked at me as she said the last part, and I took a moment to breathe in deeply as I let her words rattle around in my head.

Rose sat in the living room, and as I entered the house, she stood up. "Bella!" she said, coming over and pulling me into a warm hug. "It's so good to see you. How are you doing?" she asked. I'd met her many times over the years, obviously, but now it was different. I wasn't simply Edward and Jane's sister-in-law or Emily's aunt. I was Edward's girlfriend. I was potentially Rose's future sister-in-law. I was very likely Emily's future stepmom. Suddenly, I wanted Rose to like me. I wanted to impress her and have her tell Edward how great she thought I was. When thoughts of Maggie passed through my mind and how jealous I'd been over something that had never even happened, the need to gain Rose's acceptance intensified even more. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't help it.

"Hi, Rose. I'm good. How are you guys doing?"

"Oh, we're great. I'm glad Alice told me the kids were coming over to play today. Claire's been asking about Emily for the past few days. She wasn't quite ready to say goodbye the other day when they had to leave our house."

That reminded me that Edward and Emily had stayed a night with them the weekend before. "I'll bet. Did you guys have a nice visit with them there?" Edward hadn't said much about why they were going, so I was a little curious. And really hoping it wasn't because Maggie was in town. Edward promised he'd tell me, because he wanted me to meet her when she did finally visit.

"Yeah, it was great. We just had a barbeque that night, and the girls stayed up watching movies and having fun. Emmett got a promotion at work, so he wanted to celebrate. He worries about Edward now that Jane's gone. I mean, it's silly, because even before the accident, she wasn't around all that much. She was always taking off to this place or that place. Must be nice, getting away whenever you want to," she said with a laugh, but I could hear a hint of annoyance in it. Jane and Rose had always gotten along fine, but I remembered a few of the things Jane had told me about Rose and how Rose didn't appreciate Jane's need to have a life other than just that of mother and wife.

We chatted for a few more minutes, and then I excused myself so that I wouldn't be late for my appointment. Alice said they were just planning to hang around the house and let the kids play while I was gone, but they'd order in some lunch and we could eat when I returned. I was looking forward to a little girl time with Alice and Rose, so I hurried off to Dr. Carmen's office.

Our visit was good. It felt very productive as I told her how things were progressing between Edward and me. I told her how we'd been talking about our lives, getting to know each other, how we talked about Alec and Jane, and how I felt like it was a good thing that we could be so open with each other. I didn't want to have to live my life always being careful about saying the wrong thing or hurting Edward by mentioning my husband or our previous life together. She encouraged me to bring the kids along with me to our next visit and said that maybe in another month or so, it might be a good idea if I brought Edward with me. He had dealt so well with Jane's passing that I didn't think he really needed a lot of counseling, but it might not hurt us to speak to Dr. Carmen together as we tried to move forward with our relationship.

When the appointment was over, she walked me to the door. "I just have to say, off the record, that I've had quite a little burst of business from Forks in the last couple of weeks."

"Oh, really?" I asked. "I wonder why that is."

She smiled. "I think it might have something to do with an end of the year school carnival. I hear quite a spectacle was made by some women there."

I paused, looking at her for a moment and taking in the sly smile on her face. "Okay," I slowly said.

"I find it interesting that so many of the people calling to set up appointments are men. It's usually the wives calling my office. But either way, I've got several new clients, and I'm anxious to work with them. I'm sure you don't know anything about that."

Laughing, I shook my head. "I don't know anything about new clients, but I will say I may have recently found a little of the old Bella that disappeared after Alec died."

"Good for you," she said with a laugh. "You're making such great strides in your recovery process. I'm very pleased with the work you've been doing. I can see it's really beginning to pay off."

I thanked her and set up my next appointment, then headed back to Alice's house. I was curious about what she'd meant and who from Forks would soon be seeking treatment from her. I wasn't surprised that they would choose her, since she was one of the more highly rated and reviewed therapists in Port Angeles. Taking a deep breath, I figured it might be good to make certain she didn't schedule my appointments at the same time as anyone else from Forks. The town was small enough, and I was sure I'd get enough backlash over my relationship with Edward. Heck, I already was. The last thing I needed was for someone to see Edward and I entering a counseling session together. That kind of information would make it back to Heidi in no time flat. I needed to avoid that at all costs.

Alice and Rose were sitting in the kitchen drinking wine when I got there. The house was silent, aside from their chattering, and I wondered where all the kids were.

"They're outside painting," Alice said.

"What?"

"Yeah, I set them up in the backyard with paint brushes and paints and gave them all very specific assignments. They've been out there for over half an hour, and we haven't heard a peep out of them."

I was shocked and worried that maybe they'd escaped, and that was why she hadn't heard anything from them. Looking out the kitchen window, I was even more shocked to see all four of them standing in front of easels with smocks covering their clothes. Each was working furiously on a picture, and to be honest, I was kind of excited to see what they would come up with.

"Alice, that's great," I said, turning to lean against the counter, so I could face the table where she and Rose sat.

"Well, I had those easels just sitting in the garage. The library did a paint demonstration for kids last week, and the art center asked me if I'd go help out. I've still got all the supplies, so I figured why not let the kids have some fun? It's a gorgeous day, and they were anxious to go outside. I think they've been having a good time."

"Yeah, they were pretty excited," Rose said. "I think we should probably tell them they've got five more minutes since lunch should be here soon. We'll need to clean them up so they can eat."

After yelling to the kids and having Mckenna shout to me over and over again that her picture was going to win, I had to ask Alice what she was talking about.

"Well, I told them there would be prizes in a few different categories. I figured that way, everyone will win, you know? And I've got ice cream bars in the freezer, so that's gonna be the prize."

"Alice," I said. "You've really got this kid thing down pat, you know? I'm excited for you and Jasper to have a few of your own one of these days."

She smiled. "Me, too. We're trying. Trust me." I didn't want to hear too much about that part of their marriage and was relieved when the doorbell rang. Although, her mentioning trying did get me to thinking, and once lunch was finished and the kids were sitting at the kitchen table eating their "prizes," I took a moment to ask Alice something I was wondering about.

"Um, I kinda need your help with something."

Alice's eyes lit up. "Your hair? You're finally gonna cut it? Oh, I knew it! I've got some styles that would be perfect for you!" she said excitedly, then started to get up and leave the room.

"No, not my hair. What's wrong with my hair?" I asked. I liked my hair, and Edward liked my hair, so I didn't see any need to change it.

"Oh, nothing's wrong with it. You've just had it the same for so long that I thought maybe you were ready for a change," she said sweetly as she sat back down in her chair.

"Honey, we don't all change our hairstyle every year," Rose said to Alice. I wasn't sure how she knew Alice did that, other than the pictures all over the house that displayed Alice and Jasper's lives.

"Well, it's something kinda personal. You know? Um," I said nervously. "Well, I just need some help with _something_."

Alice smiled and wiggled her eyebrows. "I thought Edward was helping you out with _something_."

Rose laughed as a red blush began to tint the skin on my chest, neck, and face.

"Alice... Oh, geez. Yeah, well, um... I kinda need some pointers or ideas. I think," I mumbled as I picked at the napkin that still lay across my lap.

"Pointers about what, exactly?" she asked. Clearly, I'd piqued her interest with my nervousness.

"Well, you know that stuff that Alec never liked? You know…"

"What? Blowjobs?" she asked rather loudly.

"Maybe you could yell it a little louder. I don't know if all the kids heard you. They're right there!" I hissed at her. She didn't mean anything bad by her words, and I knew that. She was simply excited.

"Oops, sorry. Yeah, I thought that might be it. Seriously, how a living, breathing man could ever turn down a blowjob, I will never understand. What was Alec thinking? I mean if I just mention that kinda thing to Jasp-"

"STOP!" I yelled, drawing the attention of the kids in the other room. I smiled at them, telling them it was fine and to just finish their ice cream, then turned back to Alice. "I don't want to hear about your sex life with my brother. Are we clear?" She nodded, pressing her lips together as she continued to smile. "Can you act like a normal adult about this for like two minutes? Please?"

Rose sat next to her quietly laughing and snickering at the two of us. Luckily, Edward was just her brother-in-law, so I was hoping the subject wouldn't bother her too much. Not in the same way it bothered me when Alice wanted to talk about Jasper. I'd never been offended when Jane used to talk about her intimate time with Edward, but that was before, when I still thought of him as just my brother-in-law. Now the mere memory of listening to the things Jane had said made me uncomfortable.

"I'm nervous about doing... _that_... because I want to do it right, but I really don't have much experience. You know?" I said.

"Wait a minute. Let me get caught up here," Rose said. "You and Edward are moving along in your relationship – which I'm totally on board with, by the way – and he wants to do some oral stuff that you're not familiar with. Am I getting this right?" Rose asked.

Nodding my head, I looked down at my lap again. "I just want to be good for him, you know? He told me that's something he really enjoys, and I worry that if I'm horrible at it, he'll change his mind about being with me. And that would break my heart," I admitted to them.

"Oh, Bella," Alice said, rubbing her hand over my arm in a comforting gesture.

Rose sighed. "Listen. I really don't think you need to be worried about Edward not wanting to be with you. From what I know, that's not something you'll _ever _have to worry about. I think you could burn the guy's eyebrows off and he'd still think you hung the moon and stars."

I didn't know if I was really buying what Rose was saying, but she seemed sincere. And every word was right in line with all the things Edward had told me.

"I'm not sure exactly what Edward likes when it comes to _that_," she continued. "Jane and I never really shared that part of our relationships with each other. But if he's anything like his brother, he'll be completely happy with anything you do down there. You understand?" she said, raising an eyebrow to me.

"Okay, yeah. I think I get it. So as long as I put forth some honest effort, he's gonna be happy with whatever I do?" I asked.

"Most men are," said Alice. "They're just glad you're going to town on them, you know? They wanna watch it, feel it, and then hopefully, they'll be nice enough to warn you before they blow it."

Rose laughed. "Yeah, that's one thing you should be worried about in case he's more like his brother than we know. Emmett tends to get a little carried away, and he kind of forgets until it's too late. Trust me. You don't want a mouthful of _that_ unless you're prepared."

_That_ was one thing I'd never experienced. Swallowing. Or spitting. I was going to mess things up so badly. I just knew Edward was never going to allow my mouth near his body again. I needed to make sure I did it right and well.

"Alice help me. Please. Give me something to do, so I can get this right," I begged her, noticing that the kids in the kitchen were getting done with their ice cream. That meant I didn't have a lot of time left to talk about sex stuff with Alice and Rose.

"Well, don't you have any porn on your computer?" she asked.

"Uh, no. I don't think so. Alec usually had that kinda stuff on his laptop. I've got lots of recipes, though."

"Bella, cooking will definitely earn you some extra points with Edward, but you need to find yourself a porn site and watch a few videos. Think of it as research," Rose said.

"Research. Okay. Do I just google porn or blowjob and see what comes up?" I asked.

"Oh, goodness, no!" Alice said. "Never do that unless you want one of those computer viruses to completely mess things up. Tell you what, I'll email you links to a few sites this afternoon. Then tonight, after the kids go to bed, you lock yourself in your room and open them up. I promise they'll give you plenty of ideas of things to do to Edward."

I really didn't know a lot about porn sites, since if we ever watched any porn it was usually Alec that got it going on his laptop. "So, there will just be videos there for me to watch? They'll just start, or what?"

Rose patted her hand on my knee. "Honey, you really are clueless when it comes to this stuff. So there's most likely a section with subjects or categories. You want the one titled Blowjobs. You can even check out the Gay section, too. I mean, where better to learn what a guy likes than from another guy?"

"Oh, yeah," Alice said with a smirk on her face. "You're gonna have a good night. And trust us. Edward's going to thank you tomorrow. He's still staying the night tomorrow, right?" she asked. I'd told her about our plans for another sleepover, so she understood how soon I needed to learn some tricks.

"Yeah. Tomorrow," I said as I let out a deep breath.

"You're gonna be fine," Rose said. "Just do your research and then take your time with him. He'll love it, I promise."

"And try to keep eye contact with him, especially when you first start. And moan a lot, too. Men like that."

Rose nodded. "Humming works, too. And remember not to push him too deep into your throat. If you've got much of a gag reflex you'll end up gagging, and that's not sexy."

"Okay," I whispered, trying to remember all the pointers they were giving me.

The kids had finished their ice cream, and soon, they were running into the living room, showing us the paintings they'd created. It wasn't long until I loaded up my three and said goodbye to Alice, Rose, and Claire. On the way home, the kids talked non-stop about the fun day they'd had, but I didn't hear much of what they said. All I could think about was getting home, opening up the links Alice was going to send me, and figuring out exactly what I was going to do to make Edward completely come undone. After what he'd done for me, I knew I needed to be good. I needed to be the best he'd ever had. I needed to make him forget he'd ever had a blowjob from any other woman.

I needed to not throw up all over him. That's really what I needed most.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********I know, it's hard to believe, but not everyone looks at porn online all day, every day. Seriously. It's true. :D**

******Little reminder - I set up a page on Facebook and the Rob pictures from each chapter are there. Chapter teasers are there, too, as well as on my profile and in my group. You don't have to have a Facebook account to see the page, so feel free to find it and check out all the stuff on there. The page is - Stories by beegurl13. :)**

**Thanks again! :)**


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from last Friday when he visited sick kids in a hospital. SICK KIDS! Are you KIDDING ME? Just when I think this man can't possibly get any more perfect, he goes and visits sick children in the hospital? Can you SEE me weeping with pride over this wonderful man? Ugh, not only is he pretty on the outside, but he's freaking beautiful on the inside. :) Now this picture... He's wearing a blue jacket, white t-shirt, blue jeans, and sun glasses. His hair is short on the sides and kinda long and spiky on the top. He's got just the right amount of scruff and he's walking toward his car with that whole "Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man, no time to talk" strut. Kinda awesome. :D**

******I was told that part of this is hilarious. I was told that part of this is so. freaking. hot. I'm not used to writing either of those things, so you'll have to be your own judge. :)**

******And thanks to ****__****AJFM Drofnats******** for her review that inspired the hilarious part. I do kinda like it. :D Apparently there IS a movie with the same name, but I couldn't find any info on it, so this movie is alllllll mine. :D I love baseball players... :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Forty

Once the kids were asleep that evening, I nervously took my laptop and a pair of ear buds into my bedroom, climbed onto my bed, and pulled up my email. Sure enough, there was a message from Alice that contained several links to different websites. The last link also had a note written just above it.

_I thought this might be helpful, though it's longer – more like a movie. So make sure you have an hour or so. And don't laugh at the acting. They're porn stars, not Oscar nominees. Although some of those Oscar nominees... Well, nevermind. Anyway, this movie has LOTS of BJs with several different techniques, so it's perfect for you. I probably shouldn't say this, but this movie is Jasper's favorite of all the ones we've watched. He says the ball playing is actually pretty good._

It was slightly traumatizing to know what my brother's favorite porn movie was, but after finally shaking the idea of him watching it from my head, I decided to click on the link and see what it was about. I figured if there were lots of blowjobs in it, then I'd probably get more examples in a shorter amount of time. Plus, I liked baseball. And Edward had a baseball player's body. He was tall and lean and muscular in all the right places. He had this grace about him that not many men had, but that seemed to be present in most baseball players I'd known.

I clicked on the link, and a new window popped up. The screen was black, which gave me time to plug in my ear buds and get them into my ears. The thought of having one of my children walk into the room halfway through a sex scene was not a pleasant one. Music began playing, and then the words crawled across the screen.

Field of Creams

"_If you blow them, he will cum."_

What had I gotten myself into? I waited until the movie started, then had to hold back a laugh at just how bad the acting was. Somewhere along the way, the poor actress starring in the movie had lost half of her clothes, although I figured it was probably planned that way. It just meant less time to get her naked. As I watched the story of Anna, a penniless farm owner about to lose her family farm in Iowa, I had to roll my eyes several times. The acting really was horrible, but about five minutes into the movie, the action started to pick up. As Anna toiled away in the hot summer sun, she heard a voice whispering to her.

"_If you blow them, he will cum."_

Her exaggeration of every little gesture made me laugh, as did her sudden thought that she should build a baseball field in the middle of her corn field. Soon enough, she was hiring contractors, paying them with sexual favors, and had her very own ball diamond surrounded by a huge outfield. As she stood on home plate admiring the field, a man came walking out of the corn rows. Then, they were standing on the pitcher's mount, and Anna dropped to her knees.

"_If you blow them, he will cum,"_ again sounded through the wind just as the man's moans began to increase. I carefully watched what Anna did to him, hoping to pick up a few pointers and ideas that I could use. The first blowjob was pretty basic, from what I could tell, but as the movie progressed and new players came onto the field, her techniques began to change, and after blowing an entire dugout full of ball players, I'd learned several things I was certain I could use on Edward.

I felt like I had gained everything I needed from the movie, but even though the acting was horrible and the storyline was worse, I still wanted to see the end. I watched as the players all returned to the corn rows and Anna stood on second base, wiping fresh cum from her face.

"_If you blow them, he will cum,"_ again whispered through the night breeze, and when Anna turned around, there on home plate stood a man in a ball uniform.

"Is this Heaven?" he asked her as he and Anna started walking toward each other. Clearly, they were supposed to be enamored with one another, but the low quality of their acting skills made it a little hard to believe.

"No, it's Iowa," Anna said.

Just when they reached each other, the man smiled a cheesy, porny grin at her. "If you blow it, I will cum," he said, causing Anna to laugh and drop to her knees, ripping open his baseball pants and blowing him in ways she hadn't done to any of the other players. I was actually a little glad I'd watched the whole movie, because I learned a few more things that I could hopefully use in the future. That was, if things went okay during my first try and I got more chances to be with Edward.

I erased my browsing history and then put my laptop away. With so many new ideas swirling around in my mind, it was hard to fall asleep. I was horny and worked up, and though I knew I could finish myself off without too much effort, I really wanted to wait and let Edward do it for me. I wanted to feel like I had before, and it made me both nervous and hopeful; nervous that our moment before had been a one-time thing, and we'd never be able to recreate it; hopeful that it was only the beginning, and that every time I was with Edward, it would be better than the time before.

Saturday seemed to drag on and on until finally, in the middle of the afternoon, Edward called. He and Emily were just finishing up with her gymnastic lesson and were on their way home to get their overnight bags. He asked if I wanted him to bring something for dinner, but I already had food planned for the night. I'd been careful, too, and only planned things that I was certain wouldn't give me gas, make me bloated, or give me heartburn. I knew it was silly, but I needed things to go well for me, and food was one thing I could control.

Once they got to the house, the kids ran to put Emily's bag in Mckenna's bedroom while Edward dropped his in the guest room. Emily smiled brightly when Edward gently kissed me as they entered the house.

"Hey, I missed you," he said.

"You just saw me last night," I told him with a laugh.

He smiled. "I know, but I only got a couple kisses in. Too many kids around. I'm hoping that's not gonna be a problem tonight."

"No," I assured him. "Not a problem at all. I promise."

We worked together to get dinner made while the kids played in the backyard, running back into the house every few minutes for one reason or another. I thought it might have been that they were curious what Edward and I were doing when we were alone and maybe even an effort to keep us from getting too cozy together. Either way, we didn't do anything more than tease, laugh, and lightly touch each other. The one time he pulled me against him to kiss me, sliding his hands into the back pockets of my jeans, Mckenna came running into the room looking for her dolly. He quickly withdrew from me, though he kept his arm around my waist.

All evening long we talked and smiled, touching each other in casual ways as the children looked on. Soon enough, it was bath time, and once the kids were all washed and ready for bed, we tucked them in and promised them we'd have pancakes for breakfast the next morning. They were excited and talkative, finally settling down after a story. Collin was sleeping on the floor in Kenna's room again, since he wanted to be with the girls. He'd asked if maybe they could all sleep in the guest room since that bed was large enough to fit them all, but after a knowing glance at Edward, I quickly told them that's where Edward would be sleeping, so they would have to make due in Mckenna's room.

Edward and I moved into the family room once the bedroom light was out. I knew we had all night together, but I was anxious and nervous. Edward picked up on my mood immediately.

"You okay? You know we don't have to do anything tonight. I don't want to worry you," he said as we sat together on the sofa.

"I'm okay. Just nervous, you know? This is still new, so..."

"I know," he nodded. "I'm nervous, too."

"You don't seem like it," I replied, looking up into his beautiful green eyes. His eyelashes were so long and curly, and suddenly, I began to wonder what they would look like on a pretty little baby boy, what they might look like on _my_ baby boy.

"I am. Trust me. I've been thinking about this for a while, especially since Thursday night. You have amazing boobs, babe. I can't get them out of my head."

His words and head shake made me laugh. "I'm glad you like them. I'd be worried if you didn't."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss me. As the kiss grew in intensity, my hand soon wrapped around his neck, and then my fingers pushed up into his hair. He hovered over me just a little, and I could almost hear his heart beating in his chest.

"You called me babe. Did you realize that?" I asked in a breathy voice when our lips parted and he moved to kiss my neck.

"No, but I like it. Is it okay with you?"

"Yeah, I like it."

Soon enough he had me pushed onto my back on the couch as he lay on top of me, kissing me and touching me, making me feel like I'd never felt before. His leg pushed between mine, and I could feel him ever so slightly thrusting his pelvis against mine. When his hand slipped under my shirt and his fingers spread across my stomach, I let out a groan.

"Do you think the kids are asleep?" I asked him.

"Maybe. Should we check?"

"Yes," I moaned as he pressed his lips to my throat and sucked hard on my skin. "Are you trying to give me a hickey?" I asked with a laugh.

"Maybe. Would it be bad if I was?" he mumbled against my skin in between several more wet, open-mouthed kisses.

"No. But the kids are gonna see it. You okay with that?" He was driving me out of my mind with want, and I was a panting, breathless mess lying underneath him. If we didn't move things into the bedroom soon, I was going to end up flipping him over onto his back and taking his cock into my mouth right there in the family room. The thought wasn't a bad one, but I really didn't want the kids to accidentally walk in on that scene. It was one thing for them to see us holding hands or kissing but another for them to see us performing sex acts on each other.

"Fine by me. Let's check on the kids, so we can get into the bedroom before I rip this shirt right off of you," he groaned.

His words – along with his hands and lips – set my skin on fire, and I followed him toward Mckenna's room. It was dark and quiet, with only the sounds of three sleeping children filling the room. He tugged my hand, nodding his head toward the guest room, and instantly my nerves were back with a vengeance. I could feel myself beginning to shake over what I knew was about to happen. Once we were in the room and the door was closed and locked, Edward turned on the lamp and pulled me to the bed. He sat down, urging me to stand between his open knees.

"What?" he asked tenderly, kissing my hand as he looked up at me. There was so much sweetness in his eyes, and I could tell he was worried about me.

"I'm just nervous. Sorry."

"Why? We're not having sex, right? You know I'm only gonna do what you're comfortable with. I won't ever hurt you, Bella."

I nodded. "I know. I just want to be good for you, good to you. And this is still new and different. That's all it is. I promise. I want to be with you."

He watched me carefully for several seconds before placing his hands on my hips and pulling me a little closer.

"Be with me how?"

He question stopped me in my tracks for just a moment. I knew he was only clarifying things before we got started, but for a few seconds, I wavered. Did I want to have sex with him? Could I see myself ever having sex with him? "Yes" and "Of course" were my answers, and in that moment, I wondered why I was stalling. What was making me want to wait, and why was I so nervous? This was Edward, and I knew how he felt about me. I knew I had nothing to worry about when it came to him.

"I want to be with you in every way. But I'm still not ready for sex, yet. Soon, though. I promise."

He smiled. "Can I see you tonight?" he asked in a soft, lustful voice.

"You're already seeing me," I replied with a smirk on my face.

"Smarty pants," he laughed. "I wanna see you. All of you. It was dark last time, and I want to see you. I want to look at your skin, to see your body, to touch you, watch goosebumps rise on your ribs, and watch my fingers circle your nipples. Will you let me? Can we leave the lamp on tonight?"

Letting him see me naked caused a shake to run through me, and I swallowed down my nerves and nodded. "Okay. As long as I can see you, too." I wanted to see him, all of him. I wanted to memorize every freckle on his skin, every scar or blemish there was on his body. I wanted to hear the stories of old wounds, to trace the outline of his muscles. As nervous as I was to have him see all of me and to know all of my most intimate stories, I wanted to know his. I wanted to share that with him and no one else.

But there had already been someone else, someone else who knew every piece of me, just like there was someone else who knew every piece of Edward. The thought filled my head, and I watched him as he tried to figure out the look in my eyes.

Alec would want me to be happy, I thought. He would want me to find love and to feel pleasure and to share my life with someone. He would be glad I'd found joy with Edward, and I knew that. Lightly rubbing my fingers over Edward's cheeks, I tear slipped from my eyes.

"What? Baby, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong. It's perfect. I want you to know all of me, and I wanna know all of you." Ducking my head, I pressed my lips to his, kissing him for several moments as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Let me love you, Bella,"

I nodded. "Please," I said, then pushed him back on the bed and climbed on top of him.

We took our time, slowly stripping each other of our clothing and kissing the newly freed skin as we did. The little lamp on the nightstand filled the room with a warm glow, and I was grateful that I wasn't under the harsh glare of the overhead light. I had stretch marks that I wasn't too anxious for Edward to see just yet, though I knew that even when he finally did discover them, he would say he loved them. That was just the kind of man he was, always finding the beauty in life and in me.

As his mouth slowly sucked at my breasts, his fingers ghosted down my stomach toward my hips. I knew I was wet, because I could feel the moisture there, and when his fingers gently pushed into me, I let out a gasp. He pumped them in and out, making me moan and whimper from the contact.

"You like that, baby?" he asked, to which I could only nod. The thought of him tasting me there again had my head spinning, and when he began to crawl down my body with painfully slow and wet kisses, I nearly lost my mind.

He moved to my left side, kissing the skin over my hip bone and letting his whiskers scratch over my flesh. It felt so good, a cross between pleasure and pain. His scruff would scrape across my skin, and then his lips would kiss away the irritation. His tongue would slide over the spot, lapping at me and making me moan before he moved on to the next area. I loved it, and I would never want him to stop. After moving to my right side and repeating his movements, he lowered to between my thighs and made his way toward my center with painstaking slow, tender kisses. When his tongue first licked at my clit, I thought I'd fly off the bed. The feeling was just as intense as it had been the time before, but I was able to rein in my emotions a little quicker and just enjoy the fabulous things his mouth and fingers were doing to me. It only took a few minutes until he had me coming all over him as he licked and sucked at my raw flesh.

Once he was done and the feeling began to return to my body, I felt him sliding up the bed, kissing along my waist, ribs, and breasts before finally burying his face in my neck. My hands were on his back and arms, pulling him against me and hoping he'd never move away. I knew my moment had come, and after taking a couple of deep breaths, I pushed him back. His eyes quickly met mine, and I could see the question in them.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. It's my turn," I told him, then continued to push until he was lying on his back and I was hovering over him. I kissed his lips, tasting myself on him and plunging my tongue into his mouth. The fact that his tongue had been inside of me only moments earlier was so arousing, and I was quickly beginning to love the taste of my cum mixed with his kisses.

Kissing down his neck and across his shoulder, I moved my hand to his cock that was hard and waiting for me.

"Baby, that feels so good. Your hand wrapped around me like that is so good," he mumbled. His fingers were tracing over my cheek as I moved to kiss his chest with sloppy, hot, wet kisses. I let my tongue dart out and rub against his nipples, causing them to grow hard and tight. When I gently bit down on one, he let out a moan like I'd never heard before, and I smiled around his skin, happy at the reaction I'd caused.

"You're so sexy, Bella."

I giggled at his want-laced words and continued my descent down his body. My hand kept pumping as I got my mouth closer and closer to his cock. I knew he wasn't expecting what I had planned, and I liked that I might be able to surprise him. I hoped it would be a good surprise and that he'd like what I did, but I thought back to some of the things the men in the movie I'd watched had said. Some said there was no such thing as a bad blowjob. Others said if a girl sucked their cock, it was the best day ever. I also thought back to what Alice and Rose had said, and I knew that even if I was horrible at it, Edward would appreciate the initiative I'd taken and he would enjoy himself. Looking up at him, I noticed that his eyes were closed, and he was breathing hard. I kissed along his hip bone and listened as his breathing picked up just a bit. It was time, and I needed to just jump right in before I lost my confidence.

Pulling away from his body, my eyes looked down at his cock and noticed how pretty it was. Not that penises were actually pretty, but Edward's was different from the others I'd seen. The skin was smooth and glistening with pre-cum. The ridge around the edge of the head was defined and sharp-looking. The part of the shaft that wasn't covered by my hand was thick, and I could see veins bulging through the skin. I wanted to taste it. For the first time ever in my life, I actually wanted to wrap my lips around it and push it into my mouth. I didn't even have to work up any more courage or bravery. It was like my body craved him and I wouldn't be happy until I was running my tongue all over his dick. I had to have him, like air or water. He was essential to my existence.

His eyes remained closed and I moved closer to him, gripping him tight in my hand as I lightly let my tongue lick over the head of his cock. He let out a groan that almost sounded painful and then I licked again, only harder and with more pressure. His eyes popped open, and he stared down at me just as I took the head of him into my mouth, my lips closing just under the rim.

"Bella, what the fuck?" he blurted out, quickly sitting up onto his elbows. "What are you...? Oh, shit," he said.

Letting go of him, I leaned away yet kept my hand around him. "What? What's the matter?" I quietly asked.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

With just a hint of a smirk on my face I stated the obvious. "Giving you a blowjob. Why? What did you think I was doing?"

"Bella, babe, you don't have to do that."

"I know. I want to."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I want to."

"You don't have to do that, baby. You don't have to pay me back for what I did. It's okay. There are other things we can do. You don't have to do this."

I wondered for a moment if he was being so insistent because he was concerned about me, or if it was just because he didn't want me to touch him that way. I let out a little huff and irritation began to set in.

"I know I don't have to do this. I _want_ to do this. I want to make you feel good, just like you did for me."

"Bella, I didn't do that so that you'd pay me back. I did it because I wanted to," he said.

"Fine. And I'm doing this because I want to."

"Bella," he said, then sighed.

"What? Am I not doing a good job so far?" I asked. I was beginning to get a little more irritated and wanted some answers.

"It was fine. It's not that."

"Then what?"

He watched me for a few moments before lifting his hand to my face and brushing his fingers over my brow. "I know you're not comfortable with this kinda stuff. I don't want to push you to do something just because you think you have to pay me back."

"I don't think that. I know I don't have to do this, but I want to. And the reason I wasn't comfortable with this stuff before was probably because my partner was never comfortable with it. Now that I'm with you, it's like I need it or something. I want this. I want to do this. I want to watch you come undone because of something I did to you. I want to hear you moan and call my name, because I'm sucking you so well, you can't stop it. I want you to teach me what you like and how to please you, because I want to share this with you. I want this, Edward. Trust me. I want this."

"Bella, I just-"

"No," I said. "I watched porn and everything, so I could learn some tricks, and now you won't even let my try it? What the hell, Edward?"

His eyes widened. "You watched porn? For me?"

"Yeah, I did. I learned some things, and I'd like to try them out."

"What did you watch?" he asked, and I could see a fire in his eyes that hadn't been there moments earlier. Apparently, the thought of me watching porn was a turn on. Silly man.

I let out a huff. "This baseball movie, _Field of Creams_."

"You watched _Field of Creams_?" he asked rather loudly.

"Yeah. Why? Have you seen it?"

"Well, yeah. Holy shit. You really watched that?"

"Yeah. And what's with all the cursing all the sudden? You're never this dirty-mouthed in normal life."

His head dropped back a bit as he stared up at the ceiling. "Well, I don't usually have a sexy woman hovering over my cock, okay?"

"Let me," I softly said. He didn't respond right away, and I took that as my cue. I let my tongue peek out and lick the ridge of his tip, then listened as he moaned softly. I did it again and again and again before finally taking his head back into my mouth and beginning to bob up and down.

"Fuck, baby," he whispered, and when I opened my eyes and looked up, I saw that he was watching me. "Yeah, like that. Can you go faster?"

I hummed an agreement, which caused him to shake just a bit and bite down on his lower lip. I made a mental note of the fact that apparently humming really was a good thing during a blowjob. I did my best to work my hand and mouth in unison and took Edward's increased groans and sighs to mean I was doing a good job. Soon I felt his hand on the back of my head, tenderly gripping my hair as he began to guide me at the pace he wanted. Not once did I feel like I might gag. I was so aroused by the moment that I thought of nothing but sucking him until he was coming into my mouth. The cum that had seeped out so far didn't taste too bad, though I wasn't sure if I'd be okay with a whole mouthful of it.

His hips began to thrust upward as he pushed my head down, and soon he was grunting and moaning so loudly, I thought he might come any second.

"Baby, off. I'm about to come," he whispered and I pulled up, letting him go with a pop but keeping my hand firmly around his shaft as I continued to pump him. "Bella, baby..." he moaned and then began to shoot streams of thick, milky cum all over my hand and his stomach. I kept jerking my hand up and down until there was no more fluid coming out and he'd stopped cursing under his breath. When he was still, I took my hand off of him and crawled back up his body, lying next to him and leaving my wet hand on his hip where the rest of the mess was.

"We might need to buy some condoms if we're gonna keep doing this," I said. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to him so that he could kiss me.

"Okay. Whatever you say. If you keep doing that, you can have anything you want."

I laughed, then lay in his arms for a few minutes. Eventually we had to get cleaned up and dressed, just in case one of the kids came looking for us. We lay in the bed afterward, each of us wearing our pajamas and talking late into the night. Edward asked about the porn I'd watched and what I thought of it. He really was turned on that I'd do something like that, especially for him. I was happy to have excited him, and I was really happy I had managed to give him a blowjob without throwing up all over him.

"Hey, I was thinking," he said. "In a couple of weeks, it's gonna be mine and Emily's birthdays. She really wants to go camping, and I wondered if you and the kids might want to go with us."

We'd gone camping with Edward and Emily before, and I knew it would be fun. He had every piece of camping equipment we could ever need, so I wouldn't need anything.

"Yeah, that would be fun," I said. "I think the kids would love that. I remember how great it was last summer when we went."

Remembering the weekend trip we'd gone on the year before, I absentmindedly traced my fingers over the burn mark on his forearm and remembered how he'd gotten it.

"_Shit!" Edward yelled as he turned away from the fire. I wasn't sure what had happened, only that I'd heard a loud popping sound from the fire and Emily was crying._

_"I'm sorry, Daddy!" she wailed as she stood frozen next to the fire ring._

"_It's okay," he said, holding onto his arm and hurrying over to the water jug._

"_What happened?" I asked, moving to check Emily before I went to see if Edward needed help._

"_I threw the rocks in the fire, and they made sparks go all over. One of 'em got Daddy," she cried. "I didn't know that would happen."_

"_Oh, honey. It's okay. Your daddy knows you didn't mean it. Why don't you go into the tent with Kenna, okay? I'll go check your daddy and make sure he's alright."_

"_Okay," she cried, and I took her to the tent where Mckenna and Collin were quietly watching a video on my laptop. It was the middle of the afternoon, and I was trying to get them to take a nap. Alec had fallen asleep right after lunch, which was good. He was so strung out at work that he desperately needed a break for a few days, and when Edward offered to let us go camping with him and Emily, I insisted that we take him up on it._

"_You okay?" I asked as I approached him. He was running water over his forearm, and I could see an angry red welt already growing there._

"_Yeah. It's just a burn. But damn it, it hurts," he grumbled. "Is Emily okay?" he asked._

"_She's fine. I sent her in with Collin and Kenna. She's upset, but she'll be okay."_

"_It was an accident. I tried to stop her before she threw the rocks in, so this is probably my own fault. I should have been farther away from the firepit."_

_I found a towel and wet it, then took a few ice cubes from one of the ice chests. Making Edward sit down, I sat next to him and held the icy towel on his burn. "Did you bring the first aid kit?" I asked._

"_It's in my truck. I'll hold this if you wanna go grab that for me."_

_After getting the bandages and ointment, I checked on the kids and found them all sleeping. I returned to where Edward was sitting and sat down next to him. We talked quietly for several minutes before I asked the question that had been bugging me since the day before._

"_Where's Jane? I thought Alec said she was coming this weekend."_

_Edward sighed. "Yeah, she was supposed to. I don't know. I guess something more appealing came up. Whatever, it's fine."_

"_She's been kinda weird lately, always going to lunch with her friends and stuff. She keeps asking me to join them, but I don't like those women. They're not nice, you know?" I said._

_He laughed. "Yeah, I know. But I guess they give her the validation she needs in her life. At least, that's what she says. Apparently she doesn't get it from me anymore, so she'd rather spend her time with them."_

"_I'm sorry. She's crazy, you know. Sometimes I see the things she does, and I think she's lost her mind. I don't know what happened to her. She's always had that wild, out there side, but she's kept it under control before. Now it seems like she can't stop it, you know?" I asked._

"_Yeah, I know," he sadly said. "Thanks for this. I hope you're having fun this weekend."_

"_Of course. And yeah, this has been great. Alec really needed the break from work, so thanks for inviting us."_

_Edward smiled at me, and I smiled back. For a moment, I saw how devastatingly handsome he was, and I wondered how Jane wasn't all over him all the time. He was a good man who treated her like a queen. What she was doing hanging out with the women she called friends was beyond me. I only hoped that she came to her senses before it was too late._

"So I thought we could head out Friday afternoon and maybe stay until Sunday afternoon. That sound okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "Perfect."

"What?" he questioned me, kissing the top of my head as I lied in his arms.

"I was just remembering last year when we went. That was fun."

He huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, I guess."

"What? It was. I had a good time."

"I know you did." The way he said it sounded a little off, and I leaned up on my elbow to look at him.

"What does that mean?"

He sighed. "Let's just say I didn't sleep very well those nights."

"Why not?"

"Tent walls are very thin, Bella." He looked pointedly at me, and I shook my head.

"I don't understand."

"You and Alec... in your tent during the night."

I thought back and then gasped. "You heard us?" I sputtered. Alec and I had sex each night in our tent. I thought we'd been quiet, but apparently, we hadn't.

"Yeah. Like I said, tent walls are very thin."

"Oh, my goodness. I'm so embarrassed," I said, ducking my head against his chest.

"Why? He was your husband. You should have been having a good time. It wasn't your fault I had a crush on you, and my marriage had gone to shit, and my wife was spending the weekend with her lover."

His words made me feel even worse. "I'm so sorry, Edward." Looking up at him, I hoped he would see the sincerity in my eyes. "I really am. I didn't know any of that."

"I know," he said with a smile. "Besides, if your reaction those nights was anything like your usual reaction during sex before, then we're fine."

"What does that mean?" I asked, only to be answered with a blinding smile.

"Because the way you come undone for me is about 100 times more explosive and raw than you were those nights. And we haven't even had sex yet."

I stared at him for a few moments, shaking my head at how proud he was of himself, and knowing in all fairness that he was right. Sex with Alec had always been good, and I'd enjoyed it. But what I didn't know at that point was that good wasn't the best there was. The best there was was Edward, and sex with him was going to be amazing. I could just feel it.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********And yes, I googled "Field of Creams" just to see if there was a movie by that title. Apparently there is, but I couldn't find any more information on it. :D If you know anything, PLEASE let me know! :D I hope it at least features baseball players and it's not like, about a lonely guy running his own dairy farm. :D Ew. :D  
**

**Thanks again! :)**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the TV Weekly photoshoot. It's one of my favorites. In this picture Rob's wearing a gray hoodie sweatshirt/jacket thing. There's a good deal of chest hair showing, so I'm not sure if he's got a shirt on underneath it. Not like it matters. :) His scruff is in full effect and his face is rather somber, serious looking. His lips are pressed together and his eyes are kinda intense, with his eye lashes fanning out around the pretty blue eyes he has. I've loved this picture from the moment I saw it. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Forty-One

Edward set his phone alarm for five in the morning. We didn't want the kids to catch us in bed together, but we both craved the comfort of sleeping next to each other all night. In all honesty, it was probably the best night of sleep I'd had since before the accident. Wrapped up in Edward's arms, his legs tangled with mine, his feet rubbing against my feet, my head against his chest, my nose and mouth just under his chin, his breath hot and steady in my hair – it was perfect. I felt safe and cherished, and I knew he wanted me with him just as much as I wanted to be there.

When the alarm began to ring, we both woke up, though neither of us moved much. Clinging to him, I kissed his neck and jaw bone as his hands began to rub up and down my back. It was only a matter of minutes before he was lightly thrusting his erection against my hip and I was pressing my hardened nipples into his chest. Our breathing was heavy, our heartbeats were rapid, and our kisses were sloppy. Neither of us even cared about morning breath. The need to consume one another was getting too great, too strong, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I gave in to the desire building in me. The desire to have him, all of him. The desire to let him have me, too. I hadn't felt that same intensity for Alec in a long time, and the difference was almost intoxicating.

"I don't want you to go," he whispered into my ear as his hands squeezed my breasts.

"I don't want to, either."

"Stay with me tonight. You and the kids, come stay at my house tonight."

My fingers twisted in his hair as my other hand pulled at the sleep pants he was wearing, urging him closer to me. "Okay."

He pulled back just a bit, looking at me in the dimly lit room. "You'll stay? All night?"

"Yeah," I said with a nod. His smile was nearly blinding.

"Thank you."

We kissed until nearly 5:30 when I forced myself out of the bed and toward the door.

"I don't want this to end, Bella," he said from the bed. He was lying there watching me with intense eyes and a lustful gaze.

"Me, either. It won't. Don't worry."

He let out a sigh as I turned the lock on the doorknob. "It always ends," he mumbled quietly. "It's like I'm not allowed to be happy or something."

My heart broke at his words and I hurried back to the bed, kneeling over him and taking his face in my hands. "This isn't ending. Not now, not ever. You and me. Okay?" I reminded him.

He nodded, but I could see the worry in his eyes.

Leaning down to kiss him softly a few times, I rubbed my nose against his. "This is just the beginning. Our beginning. We're gonna be okay."

"I hope so," he said, then kissed me again until I pulled away.

Smiling down at him, I sighed. "I know so," I said before hurrying back to my bedroom.

Later that morning, we served pancakes to our chatty children. They'd all slept in a little later than usual, even though I'd tossed and turned in my bed after leaving Edward in the guest room. It was like my body knew he was there, he was close, and it wouldn't let me rest without him wrapped around me. He said he was the same way, and we'd shared several sweet touches and light kisses all morning long as we moved around the kitchen together and took care of our children.

I was very pleased with how well the kids seemed to be adapting to the way mine and Edward's relationship was changing. They didn't really notice the kisses or the whispered words we shared. They didn't appear to have any issue with us holding hands or touching one another. Even us sitting together was apparently fine with them. It was almost like the way we were together was normal and natural, and they'd been witnessing it their whole lives. It made me feel good that the kids were so completely okay with things, and I tried to not worry about it anymore. I tried to just let myself enjoy the closeness between us. It was easy and simple and basic. Perfect. There was no other way to describe it.

Since we'd eaten a late breakfast, no one was hungry for lunch when noon rolled around. The kids played together, both inside and outside the house, and Edward and I took turns watching them while the other showered and dressed for the day. It was hard staying out of the guest bathroom when I knew Edward was naked and wet in the shower. I wanted so much to pick the lock on the door and join him in the hot, steamy water, but I knew I couldn't. That would only lead to me completely giving in and us having sex against the tile wall. While shower sex wasn't a bad thing, it definitely wasn't the way I wanted to consummate our relationship for the first time. Maybe the second or third time would do, but not the first.

As the afternoon wore on and we were just enjoying each other's company as we lay on the sofa, my phone rang.

"Hello?" I said without looking to see who it was.

"Bella? Hello, honey. It's Heidi. How are you, dear?" my mother-in-law asked.

It had been about two weeks since I'd last talked to Heidi or Aro, but I wasn't surprised to hear from her. They'd been better about staying in contact since Collin's birthday, and the kids were happy that they'd gotten to spend a little time with them. With my parents three hours away and no family in town – other than Edward and Emily – Aro and Heidi were their closest relatives. And my children loved their grandparents. I knew it was really helping Aro and Heidi to be around the kids. It was reminding them of the joyful times with their own children, letting them see how Alec was living on in the world even though he wasn't here himself anymore. We were all benefiting from the time spent together, even me. It made me happy to see them passing stories of Alec on to my children that I could never tell them; memories that only Aro and Heidi had. Collin and Mckenna needed to know those things about their dad, and I was grateful for the opportunity they had to spend time with their grandparents.

"Hey. I'm okay," I said, standing from the couch and walking into the kitchen. Edward looked at me in an odd way, and I mouthed "Heidi" so that he'd understand why I was going into another room. While Edward and I were pleased and excited about the way things were progressing between us, neither of us was ready for our in-laws to know what was going on. To be honest, I wasn't sure how they would react. I didn't want them to think badly of either of us, and I didn't want them to withdraw from our lives again the way they'd done immediately after Jane and Alec passed away. I was nervous to tell them what was happening, but I knew that with the way Edward and I felt, it was only a matter of time before I had to say something.

"Oh, good. I'm so pleased. Now that school's out for Collin, I'm sure you're just busy busy busy, having both kids home and still doing work for the company."

I wasn't doing as much work for Black Construction as Heidi thought, but I still had a few things I did every week. It wasn't hard or a bother for me to make up the crew schedules or figure out the pay checks. I knew how much it was helping Edward and how it was giving him more free time to spend with me, so I was happy to do it.

"Listen, dear. Felix called last night, and apparently, he's landed a guest starring role on a television show. It's airing this Thursday evening, and Aro and I were hoping you and the children could come over and watch it with us," Heidi said.

"Oh, that's so exciting for him," I told her. Felix had always had a flare for the dramatic, and I wasn't too surprised when he packed up his little car and drove himself to Los Angeles, so he could follow his dreams of becoming an actor. I hadn't heard much from him, aside from seeing his Facebook posts, but I knew he was auditioning and enjoying himself. "Sure, the kids and I would love to come over. That'd be great."

As I said the words to her, I wondered what I would need to say to my children to prepare them for the night and to ensure that they wouldn't say anything about Edward and my new relationship.

"Wonderful! I'll have dinner ready, so you just plan to bring the children and relax for a couple of hours. Does that sound alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, that'll be great. What time do you want us there?"

"He said the show would be airing at eight o'clock, so maybe if you could come between six and seven, then we could eat and visit before. Aro's got something he wants to show Collin and Mckenna, but it's outside, so we we'll need to do that before it gets too dark."

"Okay," I told her. For a moment I wondered about asking if I should bring Emily with me, but then she continued.

"I'm going to call Edward and invite him and Emily, too. I'm sure he's probably got plans, but I thought it would be nice to see all three of my beautiful grandchildren at once," she said.

I knew I'd told her that I was babysitting Emily during the days, but it sounded like maybe she'd forgotten.

"I'm sure he'd be happy to come over," I said. I was silently kicking myself, knowing there was no way I was going to be able to spend the evening with him and not have it be completely obvious to everyone how I felt about him.

"I know he's so busy with work, and I would imagine by now he's probably got a few lady friends he spends time with, but I'll ask him."

Her words stopped me cold. Lady friends? I wondered why she would think that, so I asked.

"Well, dear, he and Jane weren't as happy in their marriage as you and Alec were. Apparently, they'd been considering divorce, but Jane didn't want her father to know, so she never told anyone. I only knew because I heard her on the phone a few times when she and Emily were at the house. I don't think Edward was seeing anyone else before the accident, but if they'd been apart for a while, I can only imagine he's moved on by now."

"Oh, really?" I said, acting as if I was completely unaware of their troubles. "That's too bad. I thought things were good with them."

"Sometimes things just turn out that way. Not that it's all that surprising, really. So often couples that have to get married end up divorcing later on. It's a lot of stress on a relationship, you know?"

I sighed and agreed with her, even though I knew of plenty of people who'd had children before being married and were blissfully happy together even after years and years of marriage.

"Well, we'll be over a little after six on Thursday, then," I told her before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Walking back into the family room where Edward and the kids were, I sighed as I sank down onto the cushion next to him.

"So? What was that about?" he asked.

"Well, apparently Felix got himself a role in a television show and it's airing on Thursday night. Heidi wanted to invite us over to watch it with her and Aro. She said she's inviting you and Emily, too."

His eyes widened. "What? Are you serious?" he asked.

"Yep," I said with a nod. "Could be fun, right?" I asked in a jovial tone.

"Bella, how am I supposed to spend the evening with you and not make it obvious how I feel about you?" he said with a laugh before leaning over to lightly kiss me.

"Maybe you should just talk about all your lady friends around town that you spend so much time with," I teased, smiling at him.

"Huh? Lady friends?" he stuttered out in surprise.

I giggled. "I guess Heidi thinks you've got lady friends, because she knows you and Jane weren't doing too well together. I didn't have the heart to tell her it's just one lady friend. Me."

As he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him, I relaxed. "That's right. You're my only lady friend, and don't you forget it," he said before kissing the top of my head.

After a few minutes of sitting quietly together, his phone rang and he let out a groan. Checking to see that it was, in fact, Heidi, he got up and went to the kitchen to talk to her. He wasn't gone as long as I was, but when he returned, he settled down next to me and pulled me across his lap, my back ending up against the side of the sofa with my legs draped across his thighs.

"What?" I asked, looking up at his face only to find his eyes closed and a pinched look on his face.

"Oh man... What are we gonna tell the kids?" he said with a pained voice.

"About Thursday?" I asked, and he nodded. "I know. Well, I'm sure we'll think of something. And if all else fails and they spill the beans, we'll just grab the kids, throw them into the cars, and get out of there. Then maybe you can take Friday off work, and we can spend the whole weekend locked away in my house or in your house. I wouldn't mind that," I said with a smile.

"Me, either," he grinned, reaching across my body to place one hand on my hip while the other wrapped around the side of my neck and pulled my face to his. He kissed me over and over again as he spoke softly. "Just you." Kiss. "Me." Kiss. "And the kids." Kiss. "Alone." Kiss. "All." Kiss. "Weekend," he said, then kissed me again. "I love it."

I giggled as my hand slid across his waist and grabbed onto his side, pulling me tight against him.

"Me, too. I love it, too."

Suddenly, the words I was saying had a greater weight to them. They felt bigger, stronger, more powerful to me. As we spent the next couple of hours holding on to each other, I started to wonder if being with him all weekend wasn't the only thing I might love.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Things are starting to get a little more serious for these two. Should be fun... :) **

**Thanks again! :)**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the hand and foot-print ceremony at Grauman's Chinese Theater in November 2011. It was so exciting to get to see Rob, Kristen, and Taylor given the honor of leaving their prints for the world to enjoy. :) This picture is kind of a close up, so we can see his gray jacket and white shirt, which is unbuttoned and open at the collar. His hair is shorter and crazy, his sideburns are pretty long, and he's got a lot of scruff happening. His eyes are just a bit squinty in the bright sunlight. I think he referred to himself as looking like Rumpelstiltskin, or something. Silly man. :D But he's got a smirk on his face as he looks off to the side. I think he had fun that day. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Forty-Two

As evening wore on, Edward and I told the kids that we'd all be spending the night at Emily's house. They were excited, to say the least. Collin and Mckenna helped me pack an overnight bag for them, making certain to include their favorite pajamas and slippers, insisting we take the pillows from their beds. Emily was excited to be hosting her very own sleepover, since she was usually the one to spend the night at my house.

"Did you want to take your car, or should we all just go in mine and I can bring you guys home tomorrow evening?" Edward asked as he stood in my bedroom and watched me picking out some clothes for the next day.

"It doesn't matter to me. Whatever you think will be better."

He sighed. "I'm just not sure about your car being in the driveway all night, you know? Not that anyone will care, but it might seem strange if someone saw it."

I understood what he was saying. The nights that he and Emily had stayed at my house, we always parked his car in the garage next to mine. Not that it would seem out of place in front of my house since he was there all the time, but small towns had big rumor mills and we were tempting fate as it was. We didn't need any more attention thrown our way.

"Okay, we can just go with you. You sure you don't mind bringing us home tomorrow night?" I asked.

"Nope, I'd love to," he said as he moved toward my bed and reached into my bag.

"Hey!" I said, slapping playfully at his arm when he pulled the sleep pants and t-shirt out of my bag. "What are you doing? I need those for tonight."

"No, you don't," he whispered with a grin on his face.

"Yes, I do. I can't walk around naked with kids in the house," I said, grabbing at my clothes that he was holding behind his back.

"You won't be naked. You'll be wearing my shirt."

His words made me pause and look carefully into his eyes.

"You want me to sleep in your shirt?" I asked.

"Bella, do you have any idea how sexy it is to see a woman wearing your clothes?" His grin grew wider, and he threw my clothes toward my dresser and then pulled me into his arms. "I want you to sleep in my shirt so that tomorrow night, when I'm alone and thinking about you, I can put it on and smell you all night."

His words were so hot, and they had me nearly aching to be alone with him. "What if I don't smell so good?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood just a bit.

"That's not possible. You smell incredible, especially after I make you come. And I will be making you come tonight."

I whimpered as he bent to kiss my neck. My fingers tightened their hold on the front of his shirt, and my head relaxed to the side so that he could have as much access to me as he wanted.

"Do you want me to make you come with my tongue or with my cock? What do you want, Bella?" he asked with his mouth against my ear, his teeth gently biting on the lobe.

"Both." That was all I could manage to say. The thought of him touching me at all was making me burn, and as his hands moved up my back, threading his fingers into my hair, he moved his mouth to mine and kissed me.

"As you wish," he mumbled against my lips.

"Mommy! I's ready to go! Come on, slow poke!" Kenna yelled through the house, and I took a slow, labored breath.

"I guess we should go," I said, leaning my forehead against Edward's chest as I tried to calm myself.

"Yeah. The sooner we go, the sooner we... Well, you know," he said. I felt his lips in my hair as he kissed my head, and then Edward let go of me so that he could get my bag and take it into the family room where the kids were waiting. They were so excited and practically bouncing around the garage as we switched their car seats from my car to Edward's. It was a tighter fit since he'd brought the smaller four-door car that Jane had always driven.

Once they were all buckled in, we left and made the short trip to Edward's house. We had eaten dinner at my place before leaving, so all that was really left for the night was to get the kids worn out and put them to bed. The sleeping arrangements were pretty easy for them. Emily's bunk bed had a full size mattress on the bottom and a twin size on top, so the kids sorted themselves out on who was sleeping where and were anxious to fall asleep watching a movie on the television in her room. It wasn't something my kids had done very often since they didn't have televisions in their bedrooms, and Emily was anxious to show them what they'd been missing out on.

I wasn't sure where Edward and I would be sleeping, so I waited and hoped he would mention something before it got too late. I knew he had an extra bedroom in the house, but as far as I could remember, there wasn't a bed in it. I didn't know if I was comfortable with us sleeping together in his room all night and possibly having the kids find us there, but I knew he had to be up early for work, so the chances of them walking in on us were slim. My bag sat in the family room behind the sofa while we took care of the kids and got them headed off to bed. Once we were done, I followed him down the hallway and back to the family room.

"I was thinking we could sleep in my room, if you're okay with that," he hesitantly said. I knew he wanted to say something more, so I waited and tried to appear open to hearing him. "Um, I bought a new bed after the accident, so it's not like we'd be doing anything on mine and Jane's bed, you know. I don't want you to think that I'm just moving you in to take her place or anything. I mean, even with the old bed, it had been, like, a year since we'd done anything, so..."

Edward and Jane had been in a bad place in their marriage for a long while before the accident happened, but hearing him say they hadn't been intimate in a year made my heart hurt for him. And made me realize just how hard it must have been for him to be so physical with me, and yet never get the release I was certain his body was craving. It had been almost a year and a half since he'd had sex with anyone, and he must have been going mad. It had only been about five months for me, and there were moments when I missed the intimacy so much that I thought I'd lose my mind.

"I know it's not like that. I don't feel like I'm stepping into Jane's place or anything. But I do feel better knowing I won't be sleeping in her bed with her husband," I said with an easy smile.

He seemed to relax a bit after that, and I reached out and took his hand in mine. Leaning into him, I looked up at his green eyes that seemed to be a little darker than they normally were. "A year and a half, huh?" I teased. "You have more will power than I thought."

Edward's laughed shook his whole body. "You have no idea how hard it is to be around you normally. And then you let me touch you, and I seriously think I'm gonna go crazy. But I'll wait as long as it takes. You know that. The first time I make love to you, it'll be because you're ready. I promise."

"I know," I whispered, then pulled his face toward mine so that I could kiss him. "Now, why don't you show me this new bed, Mr. Cullen? I think it deserves to see a little action at some point, don't you?"

Instantly, his arms were around me, picking me up and carrying me as he rushed us toward the bedroom. I laughed at how anxious he was and didn't give a second thought to my overnight bag that remained in the family room. According to Edward, I wouldn't need it until the next day, anyhow, and I was curious to see what shirt of his he wanted me to wear to bed.

The night was filled with soft touches, hard kisses, frantic gropes, and licks. I felt like I couldn't get enough of him, and as we lay on his bed, with his fingers pushing into me over and over again, my eyes focused on the ceiling, and I wondered how many times he and Jane had done the same thing in the same place. For a moment, I was jealous, but then that feeling faded. She didn't appreciate him the way she should have. She didn't love him the way she'd promised to. She didn't want him the way a wife should want her husband. She'd missed out on someone wonderful and pure, who would have given her the world if he could have. But I wasn't Jane, and I wasn't going to make the same mistakes she had. Alec had been amazing to me and to our children, and I would forever be grateful for the life and happiness he'd given me. But he was gone, and he was never coming back. He would want me to feel joy again, to have someone love me again. He would understand if I moved on from him.

I pulled Edward's mouth to mine, kissing him with all the passion and intensity I had in me, letting him know that it was him I wanted. It was him I craved. It was him I needed.

"Bella, baby you feel so good," Edward whispered against my lips. His hand was still doing amazing things to my body, but I wanted more.

"I wanna try something," I told him, pushing his body off of mine and rolling him onto his back as I sat up next to him.

"What?" he asked as he looked up at me, curious as to what I wanted.

"Don't think I'm crazy, okay? I just... I wanna try something."

He smiled a sexy smile that would have made me instantly wet if I weren't already wet from his fingers. "What? What do you want, sweet girl?"

"I remember seeing something one time. It looked kinda fun, and now that I know what it's like to taste you and have your mouth on me, I really wanna try it." I was nervous about what I wanted. It wasn't something I'd ever done with Alec, and to be honest, I'd never heard anyone else talk about it. Maybe it was something disgusting and gross that only porn stars did, but I really hoped not. I knew how I felt when Edward was licking me. It was amazing, causing all kinds of tingles and electric pulses to run through my body. And I knew how I felt when I had Edward in my mouth. Feeling the way his body trembled and seeing the look of desire in his eyes was nearly intoxicating. I could only imagine how incredible it would be to have both those feelings coursing through me at the same time.

Edward smiled at me as he lay on the bed. "Whatever you want, just take it. I'm yours."

I sat still, taking a deep breath and pausing for just a moment before I turned over and got on my knees. "Tell me if I'm doing it wrong, okay?" I asked him.

"Okay."

It was clear he was still uncertain of what I wanted, so I moved closer to the headboard of the bed until my knees were level with his shoulders. Then I turned around.

"Bella..."

Looking down at his face, I stopped. "Is this okay?" I asked, biting down on my bottom lip as I awaited his answer.

"Oh, fuck yes," he said. His eyes moved to my boobs, then lower until they were focused on my thighs.

Placing my hands on his chest to steady myself, I lifted my leg and moved to straddle his face. Before my knee was even back on the bed, his hands were on my hips, pulling my center toward his waiting mouth. I felt his tongue lap at me and I moaned, reveling in the feel of pure bliss that was overwhelming me. His cock was thick and hard, and I reached out to take it in my hand as I leaned over and laid my chest on his. It wasn't long before my lips were wrapped around him and my head was bobbing up and down, taking him as deep into my mouth as I could manage. His tongue and lips were relentless, and he sucked and licked and bit until I was seeing stars. Literally. My orgasm hit so fast and so hard that I couldn't help but push him farther and deeper into my throat.

I'd had a pretty serious gag reflex all my life, but as I sucked and slurped Edward into my mouth, it seemed to disappear. Only a few moments after I finished coming, Edward was still licking at me when he began to moan loudly. His hands were pushing my head down on him, and I could tell that he was close. We'd only been fooling around for a little while, but I was already getting familiar with his body and the signals that he was about to orgasm.

"Bella," he breathed against my clit. The hot air from his mouth only made me tingle more, and any hesitance I had about letting him come in my mouth all but disappeared. "Baby, I'm close," he mumbled as he continued to lick at me. "Bellaaaaaaaa..."

My hand moved quickly up and down around his cock, and my mouth sucked hard, and within a few moments, I felt his stomach muscles tighten as he began to groan and curse. I kept my lips firmly around the head of his dick, and soon, he was shooting cum into my mouth. For a moment, I panicked. My mouth got more and more full, and I wasn't sure what to do with the salty, warm, thick substance. My mind started yelling how gross it was, and that if I swallowed it, I'd have his little swimmers in my stomach. Would it make me sick? Would they attack whatever was already in there, and would I throw up? As I thought about what to do, I realized he was finished and my mouth was full of sperm. If I kept it there any longer, I knew I would for sure throw up, so I did the only thing I could do. I swallowed it as quickly as I could and didn't let myself think about the taste or the temperature of it. I forced myself to swallow it all, then slowly pulled my mouth from his cock, licking the tip a few times as I also tried to lick my lips and get rid of any remaining cum that might be there.

"Holy fuck. Did you just..." he whispered, and I leaned back, pulling my leg over him and kneeling next to him. "Bella..." he said, then sat up and looked closely at me. "Are you okay? You didn't have to do that." His hand lifted to my face, and his fingers stroked my cheek.

"I'm okay. I know I didn't, but I wanted to. I couldn't stop," I softly told him. "It was like this need or something. I couldn't help it."

He continued to stare at me, his eyes never leaving my face. But he didn't say anything. It worried me.

"Was that alright? I mean, was it totally disgusting or something?" I anxiously asked.

"Baby, that was incredible. Thank you. Did you like it? Was it what you thought it would be?" he asked me.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. "It was amazing. I didn't know it could be like that. Thank you. And we're totally doing that again sometime."

He grinned and pulled me to him, kissing my lips. As his mouth opened and his tongue began to push against my lips, I pulled back.

"Are you sure you wanna do that? I just swallowed your whole load," I giggled.

"I don't care. Kiss me."

With that, I kissed him hard and long and so, so good. He was all over me, and I loved it. We laid in the bed for the next hour, kissing and touching and laughing. It felt good to be with him, to be open and easy and natural with him. I didn't think about Alec anymore that night. And I didn't think about Jane, either. I knew Edward and I had pasts; we had spouses that would always hold special places in our hearts. We had done just about everything possible with Alec and Jane, so not much between us would be new or just ours, but it didn't matter. I knew there was a difference between our past relationships and our current one, and it was okay. There was nothing I needed to be jealous of Jane for and nothing Edward needed to be jealous of Alec for. We were happy together, and that was enough.

When morning came, Edward woke me up before he left for work. "You don't know hard it is to leave you here in my bed, wearing my shirt," he said as he kissed me lightly on the lips. "I'll see you this afternoon. The car's here if you need it, okay?"

"Hmmmm, okay. Be careful, and I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Bella," he said before leaving me alone in his bed.

It was early and the kids were still sleeping, but I got up and walked around the house a bit. It was strange. His house was nice, and I knew Jane had taken a lot of time and effort decorating it, but there was just something missing. Something was not quite right to me. It took me a few minutes before I realized what it was. There were no family pictures in the house. There was art work and pictures of extended family, as well as several pictures of Emily, but nothing of the three of them. It wasn't until I went back into Edward's bedroom that I found a small picture on a bookcase. It was of Edward, Jane, and Emily when she was just a baby. It was their second Christmas as a family, and I remembered it well because I was pregnant with Collin and still fighting morning sickness.

"_Jane, did you hear her?" Edward yelled from the living room in Aro and Heidi's house. We were all gathered there for Christmas morning, and Emily was beginning to talk._

"_What? No," Jane said as she rushed from the kitchen back into the room. "Did I miss it again?" she asked._

"_Yeah. Listen," Edward said. He turned to Emily who was sitting on the floor in front of him. "Come on, sweetie. Say it again. Can you say Daddy?" he asked, smiling and encouraging the little girl._

"_Dadadadadada," she began to babble._

"_No, say Daddy," he said._

"_Dadada," she said. Everyone laughed._

"_No, come on, Em. Say it, so Mommy can hear you. Daddy."_

_Emily watched him closely for a moment, then stood up and toddled toward him. "Daddy," she said as she put her hands on his face._

"_She said it!" he yelled, so much joy on his face._

"_Oh, baby, you said it!" Jane called out happily. Everyone was clapping and oohing and ahhing over the sweet little girl. Edward held her tight in his arms, kissing her face over and over again as Jane smiled beside them._

"_Hey, you guys, look over here," I said, holding my camera up so that I could capture the moment for them. Jane slid over next to Edward, wrapping her arm around his waist as he turned Emily around to face me. I snapped the picture, seeing so much love and happiness between them._

"_Thanks, Bella," Jane said._

"_Sure thing."_

"_Dinner's ready!" Heidi called out when Renata finished setting the table. As we all sat around the table, I thought about how lucky I was to have found a wonderful husband, to be having a sweet and perfect little boy, to have an amazing family around me, and to be happy in my life. It was all I'd ever wanted or hoped for, and I was thankful for it._

I held the frame in my hands for a moment, looking at Edward's younger face, Jane's bright smile, and Emily's sweet baby cheeks. They'd been happy at one time, and regardless of what happened to end that, I knew it was okay. I was glad that Edward had loved someone, just like I knew he was glad I'd loved someone. Our pasts were separate, but our futures would be together. I wanted it, to make it work. As I slipped back into Edward's bed and clung to his shirt that I was wearing, I smiled, knowing that he wanted it, too.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Come on now, we couldn't miss out on Bella staying the night at Edward's house, right? :D Don't worry, the evening with Aro and Heidi is up next. :)**

**Thanks again! :)**


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the new Dior campaign. He's amazing in these ads, in case you've been living under a rock and haven't seen the pictures and videos. :D In this picture he's standing behind a sparkly curtain. Maybe a nice tribute to a certain vampire he played in five movies? Who knows. Anyway, he's wearing a tux – most likely – with no tie. The white shirt is buttoned up to the top, but there's no tie. I didn't think I'd ever like the buttoned-up-no-tie look, but it's good on him. :D He's staring ahead, with his lips turned down a little. His eyes are focused and almost glazed-over looking. He's got a bit of scruff and his hair's shorter. It's a very intense looking picture, and I like it. :) This particular picture is an edited version by Francies67. I saw it on Facebook and fell in love. It's good. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Forty-Three

"Hmmmm, barefoot in my kitchen, huh? Do you have any concept of what this is doing to me right now?" Edward whispered into my ear as his arms wrapped around my waist. He'd just walked in the door from work and came straight to me. "I missed you today."

I smiled at how sweet and forward he was. "I missed you, too. You hungry? I made some cookies with the kids today."

"Depends. Do I still get to kiss you if I've got cookie all over my face?" he teased.

"Yes. It'll just make kissing that much better."

I loved the playfulness between us. It was fun and easy. It was different from what I'd had with Alec. As things continued to progress between me and Edward, I began to realize just how much I liked the differences between the two relationships. They made it easier for me to separate things and not dwell on what I'd lost, but instead revel in what I was gaining.

The rest of the afternoon was enjoyable, and that evening, when Edward and Emily took me and the kids home, I was quiet on the ride.

"What's up?" he asked when we got to my house.

After letting the kids into the house and asking Emily to help them get ready for bed, I sat down on the porch swing and patted the spot next to me so that Edward would join me.

"Are we moving too fast?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I don't think so. Do you?"

I shook my head. "Not really, but I'm worried about confusing the kids. I feel like we barely told them about us. I mean, we just decided there even _is_ an us, and now we're doing sleepovers. I don't want to hurt them or us."

"Do you want to slow things down? I told you that whatever you want is what we'll do." I could hear the hurt and hesitance in his voice, and that's not what I wanted.

"No," I said as I reached over to take his hand in mine. "I don't want to slow down. I like where things are with us, and I love where this is going. I'm already decided on where I want this to end up. I'm just nervous about rushing it. You know? Are you worried about that?"

He smiled just a bit, pulled his hand from mine, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into his embrace, laying my head on his shoulder and leaving my hand on his thigh.

"I'm not worried about us. I know I want you. I know any sacrifice I might have to make is worth it as long as I have you. I know the kids are happy, Bella. I know they love each other and they love us, and I don't think there's any way they're gonna end up hurt by this."

I took comfort in his words, letting out a deep breath as he began to gently rock the swing.

"But I get what you're saying about the sleepovers and how that might be confusing for the kids. I think we should slow those down a bit. Maybe we shouldn't have another one until after we go camping next weekend. Besides, I started on a big project at work today, so things are gonna be kinda crazy for the rest of the week."

"Okay," I told him, grateful that he understood my concerns. "But so we're clear, even though we aren't having sleepovers, we can still do stuff, right? Like we can still make out and all that?"

He laughed softly, shaking his chest and making mine shake with it. "As if I could keep my lips off you now. I'm addicted, baby," he whispered before leaning in to kiss me.

I wasn't too worried about my neighbors seeing us, since it was dark outside and they were usually inside their houses or in their backyards. Letting myself relax, I kissed him back and didn't stop until we heard the kids laughing and running around inside the house. It was hard to watch him drive away that night, but I knew it was for the best. At least for the moment, anyway.

The rest of the week flew by, and before I knew it, Thursday had come, and I was driving myself and all three of the kids to Aro and Heidi's house. Edward was working a little late, trying to wrap up some things before he finished and met us for the night. I'd talked to the kids a hundred times about mine and Edward's relationship and how important it was that no one say anything to Grandma and Grandpa. The kids had asked questions, curious as to why we wouldn't want Aro and Heidi to know yet. I simply told them that it might hurt their feelings since they were still so sad about Jane and Alec, but that we would tell them soon. That seemed to appease the kids for the most part, and after promising a Friday afternoon of baking cupcakes if they kept quiet, I was feeling pretty good about things. I wasn't above bribery when I knew it could help me out.

As soon as we were inside the house, Aro whisked the kids out to the backyard to show them the new playset he'd just had installed. It was huge, and the kids were so excited about it. I stood with my father-in-law and watched as the kids crawled all over it, trying out everything it had to offer.

"You didn't have to do this," I told him. "They already love coming here to see you."

Alec had tried for a couple of years to talk his father into building some type of play structure for the kids, but Aro had always resisted. He had a lot of work functions at he and Heidi's house, often times having parties in the backyard, and he'd worried that a large wooden toy structure would detract from the high-class landscaping in the yard.

"Well, I got to thinking about it, and I realized how silly it was that we didn't have something here. They are my grandchildren, you know, and they should be able to enjoy themselves when they're at my home. It seems quite ridiculous how worried I was about appearances before, but that's not the case anymore. I want them to be happy, to have happy memories here."

"Thank you, Aro. Alec would have really loved this, especially seeing the kids climbing all over it."

"I hope so," he quietly said as he watched the kids and quickly wiped at his eyes.

"That playset looks like it's built for adults, too. Maybe you should go spend some time playing with your grandchildren," I told him before squeezing his hand and lightly kissing his cheek.

"Thanks, Bella," he said and then rushed toward the swing area of the structure, where Mckenna was trying to climb onto a swing.

"Grandpa, you can push me now?" I heard her asking him as I walked back toward the house, giving Aro some alone time with the kids.

"Oh, Bella, there you are. I was hoping you'd come back in and visit with me for a little while," Heidi said as she sat on a chair at the dining table. Renata was busy cooking in the kitchen, and Heidi was putting together some little treat bags I assumed were for the kids.

"Aro's out there playing with the kids. They love the playset. Thank you for doing that," I said as I sat down next to her.

"We've been thinking about it for a while. We both feel like we need more laughter in this house. It's so quiet here... unsettling." She sighed. "Oh, Bella, we're so lonely."

I reached across the table and took hold of her hand. "I know. I miss them, too."

After several seconds, she sniffled a few times and then wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. "I never thought my life would be this way. It's been so wonderful for so long, and now this happened and I'm lost. I don't know what to do with myself."

"It's understandable, Heidi. No one would know what to do in a situation like this."

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry that we left you here alone. We should have been here more to help you through everything. I couldn't bear it. I couldn't take being in town and remembering all the places Jane and Alec had been, all the things they'd done as they grew up here. I still can't drive by the high school without thinking about them at practices or assemblies or concerts. It just breaks my heart all over again."

I could only imagine the pain it must have caused Heidi and Aro both, to have raised their family here and be constantly reminded of things from the past. I hoped and prayed that was something I would never have to endure.

Heidi started to cry harder, and I cautiously moved my chair closer to hers and wrapped my arm around her shaking body. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

"Oh, Bella. Everything is wrong, Bella. I don't know how much more I can take."

"Heidi, what is it? What's wrong?" I asked.

"First the accident, and now this. My heart is broken. I don't know what to do."

For a moment I started to panic. Did she know about me and Edward? Had someone told her something? Had she seen something? My heart began to beat harder, and I took several deep breaths as I tried to calm myself.

"What? What's happened?"

"Felix called. When he told us about the show tonight, he had some other news for us, as well."

"Is he okay? Did something happen to him?" I questioned as I rubbed my hand up and down her arm and tried to comfort her.

"Oh, Bella. He's gay," she said as a sob broke free from her chest.

Felix was gay? As I thought about it, I realized it wasn't something out of the question. And it wasn't really all that surprising to me. He'd always been very dramatic and involved in theater as he grew up. He'd never had any girlfriends that I was aware of, and he really liked old school Madonna. While I was a little caught off guard by the news, it wasn't shocking by any means.

"Felix is gay? He told you that?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Yes. Apparently the man he told us was his roommate is actually his lover. His partner. Whatever. I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to that. What do I say?"

"I don't know. How did he sound when you talked to him?"

"Like normal. Like it was no big deal. Like he hadn't just broken what little was left of my heart."

"Heidi, why do you say that? Is he happy? I mean, if you're just upset that he's gay, there's no reason to be. If he's happy, then what's the problem?"

"Bella, no mother wants that for her child."

I pulled away from her a little. "No mother wants her child to be happy?"

"No, not that. Gay, Bella. He's gay. No mother wants that."

I let out a deep breath, hoping to find the right words that would make Heidi feel just a little better. I knew she wasn't a hateful person and she had several friends who were gay, so I wasn't sure what her issue really was.

"Why don't you want him to be gay, Heidi? Is there something wrong with that?"

"Of course not. But Bella, I don't want him to have to endure the hatred that comes to so many who live that lifestyle. Haven't you seen how cruel and horrible people can be? I don't want to lose the only son I have left," she said as she continued to cry.

"You know things aren't the way they used to be. People are much more open and accepting of things like this. He'll be okay. If he has people around him that love and support him, he'll be fine. He's strong, Heidi. You won't lose him," I assured her.

She sniffled a few more times before finally looking up at me. "I'll never have anymore grandchildren. And once you and Edward find new partners and get remarried, you'll probably move away and then we won't even get to see the grandchildren we have now."

"Heidi," I sighed, pulling her head onto my shoulder. "That won't happen. I promise you, it won't."

"Oh, Bella, there are so many single women in this town. It's just a matter of time before Edward moves on. And what woman is going to want her husband to run the company his dead wife's father started? He'll follow his wife – as he should – and we won't see Emily anymore. Maybe a Christmas card here and there, but that's it. I just know it," she said as she continued to cry.

As I listened to her speak I wondered what her reaction would be when she found out about Edward and me. I had worried that she'd be angry or hurt, but now that I was given a glimpse into her mind, I began to wonder if maybe it wouldn't be nearly as bad as I'd feared.

"And dear, you're such a sweet girl. I just can't imagine you spending your life alone. I know Alec would never have wanted that for you. But the men in this town... Well, there aren't a lot of options. Not good ones, anyway. I just know some lovely man will come in and sweep you off of your feet, and we'll never see you again. And the children..." she said as she let out a sob.

"Heidi, I swear to you that won't happen. None of that will happen. Please, believe me. It's gonna be fine. Don't worry."

"But that needs to happen. You can't be alone, and neither can Edward. My children are gone, and you can't live like they're still here." She took my hand in hers and sat up, so she could look straight into my eyes. "He's not coming back, Bella. We have to accept that."

My eyes teared up at how blunt her words were. It surprised me a bit, especially since I'd been feeling so much better over the past few weeks. Clearly, that was because of Edward, but I couldn't tell Heidi that.

"I've been seeing a therapist," I told her. "She's really been helping me and the kids. I know Alec's not coming back. I miss him and I always will, but I'm still here and I have to live my life. I might find someone else that I want to spend that with. I might find someone else who will love my children and want to be there for them. But no matter what happens, Alec will always be part of us, and he will always be in our thoughts and in our hearts. Moving on doesn't mean I loved him any less when he was alive. Heidi, no matter what happens, please believe me. Please believe that I loved him as much as I knew how to. And please trust me when I say I will never take your grandchildren away from you. Ever. They need you just like you need them. Alec would have wanted that."

"Oh, Bella," she said as she hugged me. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

After several seconds of her clinging to me, she pulled away. "And I know Edward feels the same way I do. Don't worry about losing Emily, either," I assured her.

"You two really do have a special bond, don't you? Jane used to tell me that you did, but I just didn't see it. I'm so glad you have each other to lean on through this time."

I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. "He's wonderful, and I know how lucky I am."

I helped her finish with the snack bags for the kids, and just as we were cleaning things up, Renata let us know that dinner was done. Aro and the children came into the house, and a few minutes later, Edward arrived. He was in a bit of a hurry and nervous, I could tell, and it was with a very watered down smile that I greeted him as he entered the dining room. I needed to reassure him that he wasn't walking into a mess in the making – our secret was still safe – but also wanted him to know I was glad to see him. Having him near me made me feel more complete, for some strange reason. And the deeper I fell for him, the stronger that feeling got.

Once dinner was done, I volunteered to clear the table so that Aro and Heidi could spend some time with the kids before Felix's show began. Edward quickly offered to help, and I hoped no one but me noticed the wink he gave me as he stood from the table.

"I missed you today," he whispered into my ear as I stood in front of the sink, putting the plates in it. His hand skimmed across my back, and I couldn't help but sigh from his touch.

"I missed you, too."

"So, everything's okay still? No one's said anything about... you know?"

Smiling up at him, I turned to face him but kept a respectable distance from him just in case someone were to walk into the room. "Yeah, we're okay. As far as I know, the kids have kept quiet," I told him. We were speaking only a little louder than a whisper, and it was killing me to be so close to him, yet keep so far away.

Once the table was cleared, I told Heidi that Edward and I would wash the dishes, too. Renata had gone home, and I didn't want to leave a mess in the kitchen. Plus, I really wanted a little bit of alone time with Edward. I knew we weren't really going to be alone, but at least we would be out of sight from curious eyes. Heidi insisted that we use the dishwasher, but I knew if we washed, dried, and put away everything ourselves, that would give me more time with Edward. I'd just pass off our good deed as saving Renata from having to put everything away the next day.

Edward flirted and made me swoon as we washed and dried the dishes. Every barely-there touch, every quick glance, every whispered word had me aching to grab him and kiss him. My mind even started to wander a bit as I thought about pushing him against the island and climbing on top of him. I didn't want his hand on the small of my back or his fingers brushing mine in the soapy water. I wanted his hands on other parts of me while his lips were pressed against mine. Even though we were in the house I'd spent countless hours in with Alec, I didn't think about him – not once as soon as Edward had arrived. Part of me wished it wasn't like that, but another part of me was glad I was beginning to forget. Like Heidi said, Alec wasn't coming back, and it was only right that I move on.

We sat in the family room, Edward on one side of the room and me on the other, while watching Felix's television debut. The show was funny, but a little irreverent. Luckily, most of the sexual innuendo went right over the kids' heads, though I caught myself glancing over at Edward several times just to find him already staring at me. It would take a miracle for Heidi and Aro to miss the obvious tension that was filling the room. I hoped that they were so engrossed in their son's performance that they wouldn't be paying close enough attention to notice anything else.

After the show was over, Aro called Felix and put him on speaker phone so that we could all tell him how much we'd enjoyed seeing him and what a great job he'd done. It was good to hear his voice, though it was a little shocking to me just how much he sounded like Alec had.

"Mommy, is that Daddy on the phone?" Kenna had whispered to me after listening to Felix for a few moments. Her eyes filled with tears and she frantically climbed into my lap, looking up at me with wide eyes. "That sounds like my daddy."

"No, honey, it's Uncle Felix. You remember Daddy's brother? He was on the TV tonight, remember?" I told her softly as I tried to calm her down and keep Collin from noticing.

"Oh, yeah," she said and then laid her head against my chest. "I wish it was Daddy. I missing him, Mommy."

"I know, baby. I know," I whispered, struggling to keep my own tears from falling down my cheeks.

Edward watched us closely, and I could see the sadness in him, just like I was certain he could see it in me. I held Kenna close to me, letting her sniffle and whimper a bit as Felix continued to talk to his parents. Once the call was over and the older kids had packed up the leftover candies and treats from their goodie bags, Edward announced that he and Emily were going to head home. He had to be to work a little early the next day, and since it was nearing ten o'clock, he needed to get home and put Emily to bed.

"I think we'll go, too. I've gotta be up when he drops Emily off in the morning," I told Heidi.

"Of course, dear. I'm so glad you all could come tonight. It was so wonderful to see you. Maybe you could come over next weekend. I know Edward and Emily are having their birthdays," Heidi said.

Edward cleared his throat, and I looked nervously at him. That was the weekend we were planning to go camping together, but I wasn't sure how to explain that to Aro and Heidi.

"We're going camping next week. Huh, mom?" Collin said.

"Me, too! Me and my daddy are going camping next week for our birthdays. Auntie Bella's gonna come with us. Right, Daddy?" Emily said, causing Edward to stumble over his words a bit before finally agreeing with her.

"Oh, I didn't realize..." Heidi said, looking back and forth between Edward and I.

"Well, Edward mentioned it, and I know we had a good time last year when we went. The kids were really excited about going again, and since I don't think I could manage a decent camp out on my own with them, I just thought that... You know... It might be more fun for the kids if they had Emily there, and Edward, since he knows what he's doing..." I rambled to them. Looking up at Edward, I pleaded with him to help me.

"Yeah. Uh, Emily and I were gonna go, and she said she'd really like it if Collin and Mckenna could come with us. Like last year. I think Emily would get pretty bored with just me the whole weekend," he said with a laugh.

Aro nodded. "That makes sense. Maybe the following weekend, we could have you all over again. That would be fine, wouldn't it Heidi?"

She continued to look at me and then at Edward, as if her eyes were seeing something they'd never seen before.

"Of course. That would be lovely," she finally said.

After the kids all hugged and kissed Aro and Heidi goodbye, we hurried out to our cars. I got my kids into my car while Edward helped Emily into his. I was grateful for the darkness that gave us just a hint of privacy, and when the front door closed, I let out a breath I'd been holding in all night.

"That was close," Edward said as he walked around toward my door, offering to help me into my car.

"Yeah. I think we got out of there just in time."

He smiled as he stood in the open space between my car and the door. "You think it's dark enough that I could kiss you goodnight?" he whispered.

"Um," I said, glancing back toward the front of the house quickly, then looking back at him. "Yeah. Just hurry."

He leaned in and kissed me lightly several times on the lips before pulling away. "See you tomorrow morning."

"Okay. Good night," I said, smiling at him as he pushed my door closed. I watched him walk around the front of his car and get inside. Then he waited for me to back up and leave before he did. As I pulled away from the house, I looked in the rearview mirror quickly and saw the front of the house getting smaller and smaller. Then I saw the curtain shift, as whoever had been watching us moved away from the window.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: FYI - ****There is a future-take for this story in the ****__****Fandom4LLS******** charity compilation, if you're interested. It will be posted here on ff dot net on December 1st. There's also a ****__****Starry Eyed Inside******** future-take in the compilation. It's soooooo good. :)  
**

**Thanks again! :)**


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from who knows where. :D It's nice, that's all I care about. :D He's wearing what looks to be a black denim jacket and a black baseball hat. He's got a few days worth of scruff going and his hair looks to be a little longer than the cut he's been sporting recently. The picture is a side shot, so it's his profile and he's looking down toward the ground. His lips are pressed together lightly and his eyes are open. There's no real expression on his face, but he just looks kinda serene or content. It's a nice look on him. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Forty-Four

It was the Wednesday before our big camp out, and I was excited and very, very nervous. Edward and I had kept to our agreement of no sleepovers even though it nearly killed me to watch him walk out of my house each night. I wanted to grab him and drag him into my guest bedroom so that I could rip his clothes off and just be with him. I was horny, to say the least, and all of his kisses and touches and looks weren't helping my situation. It had been nearly six months since I'd last had sex, and I was craving it. Badly.

I felt a lot better about where things stood between me and Edward. I was dealing with it all much better, too. After thinking about how things had gone with Aro and Heidi, I was starting to really believe that they might be okay with Edward and me as a couple. The two of us together meant there wouldn't be any new people brought into the equation. Each of us had already decided that we'd keep contact with our in-laws and make certain the kids still spent time with them. Now I just had to worry about making sure that Aro and Heidi knew nothing inappropriate had been going on between Edward and me before the accident happened.

I'd taken the kids to the library for storytime Wednesday morning, and on our way back to my house, they asked if we could take lunch to Edward. After texting him to make sure he was there, we hurried back to my house and threw together a quick lunch that we could all eat without too much mess. The kids were happy to be going to the office, since they'd all spent a lot of time there during their lives. With both of their fathers working there, as well as their grandfather, they were no strangers to all the fun things the office and storage yard held for them. Jane and I did a lot of work for the business, and it had always been rather common for us to stop by a few times a week, dropping off things we'd been working on. While I still did a little bit of work for Edward, he'd insisted I not take on quite so much during the summer time since I had the kids with me all day. He was sweet to worry about my sanity, especially since it meant he had to hire someone part-time to help out. Fortunately for him, one of the crew foremen had a daughter home from college for the summer, and she was looking for some part-time work that would help her gain work-experience hours for the architecture program she was enrolled in.

"Hey! Look who it is!" Jake yelled across the storage yard after the kids and I parked and were walking toward the office building.

"Hi, Uncle Jake!" Collin called back, waving and smiling at his father's best friend.

"What? No hello from my sweet Kenna?" he asked with a pout as he approached us. Mckenna laughed and squealed when he picked her up and swung her around.

"Unca Jakie, you gots to put me down!" she yelled with a giggle. Once he'd set her back on the ground he greeted Emily and then turned to me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. The kids wanted to bring Edward lunch. I should have asked him if you'd eaten, but I'm sure there's plenty of food if you're hungry," I told him.

"Nah, I'm good." He patted his stomach with his hand as he smiled. "One of the supply guys brought us lunch today, so I'm stuffed."

"Oh. Did Edward already eat?" I asked. "He told me he didn't."

The smile on Jake's face slipped a bit, but then he plastered it right back on. "Nah, I don't think he did. He's been workin' hard in his office all day. He's makin' a lot of work for that part-timer he hired, that's for sure."

I had yet to meet the girl, so after telling Jake goodbye, the kids and I went inside the office. At the front desk sat the young girl, who looked about 20 or so. I figured all of the guys on the crews probably enjoyed coming into the office since she was a cute girl with a friendly smile.

"Hi. I'm Bella," I said as I put my hand out to shake hers.

"Hi. I'm Rachel."

"We're here to see Edward. Is he in his office?" I asked.

"Um, yeah. He said you were coming, so you can just go in."

"Thanks," I said, then shooed the kids toward the door. Emily knocked quietly before opening the door and stepping inside.

It still felt strange to be at the office without Alec or Aro there. The rooms looked the same, none of the décor or furnishings had changed, but the mood was different. Each time I came to the office, I looked at the door to what had been Alec's office and remembered how many times I'd opened it to find him there, busy working away on projects. Now it was Jake's office, and each time I visited, I told myself not to look through the open door, because no matter how much I wished it, Alec wasn't there. And he never would be again.

"_Hey, Bella," Edward said as I walked in._

"_Hi. Is Alec in? I've got some stuff for him."_

"_No. He's in Port Angeles today. Is it anything important, or do you want to just leave it with me? I can get it to him?"_

_I held out the rolled up documents I was carrying. "It's nothing too important. Just some blue prints he had me work on and some supply lists for a new project."_

_Edward took the rolls from me and opened them a bit, looking at them. "He has you working on construction documents? Doing what?"_

"_I was doing some dimensioning and labeling. And I worked on the lighting plan and that reflected ceiling plan, too," I said as I pointed out what I'd done._

"_You know how to do all that?" he asked with a surprised look on his face._

"_Yeah. Alec showed me the CAD program you guys use, so I figured it out pretty quickly. He has me do this stuff all the time for him."_

"_Wow, that's great. Thanks. All I can get Jane to help with is payroll, and I think that's just because she wants to see where all the money's going," he said with a laugh._

_I believed what he was saying, especially since over the past year or two, Jane seemed to be getting a lot chummier with some women who were clearly concerned about money and only having the best of everything. I'd asked Alec how she was affording all the fancy clothes she'd bought and the lunches and spa days she was constantly going on. Edward didn't make any more than Alec did, and I knew I couldn't afford to do half the things she did. Something about Jane had been off for a while, though I couldn't quite figure out what it was._

"_Um, if you could just get those to Alec, that would be great," I said._

"_Sure thing. Hey, I talked to Alec a bit, but I wondered if you guys wanted to come over and barbeque for Memorial Day next week. Could be fun," he said with a smile._

_Looking up at him, I was momentarily caught off guard by how beautiful his green eyes were, and I held my breath for a few seconds before I replied._

"_Well... sure. I think that's fine."_

"_Great. Emily will be excited. And maybe if Jane knows you're coming over, then she'll stick around for the weekend."_

"_Okay," I told him before turning and walking out the door._

"Hi guys," I heard Edward say as we entered his office. He had papers all over his desk and some documents on his drafting table. I could tell he'd been working on them since all of his equipment was scattered around the area. "I'm starving. I hope you brought me some lunch."

"We did!" Collin excitedly yelled as he jumped up and down.

"We know'd you'd be hungry, Unca Edward," Mckenna said as she wrapped her arms around his thigh, pressing her face against his leg. In that moment, I wished it was me grabbing on to him like that – pressing my face against his hard, muscled thigh. I wanted to run my hands up toward his hips and grab onto the silver buckle of his belt so that I could unfasten it and drag his pants—

"Hey," he said to me, startling me out of my daydream.

"Hi," I replied with a smile. "Hope you're hungry. We've got a feast."

He moved past me and stuck his head out the door. "Rachel, can you hold any calls while we eat lunch? Thanks." Then he closed the door before returning to my side. "Hi," he whispered before softly kissing me.

The kids were busy taking out the different things we'd brought to eat, and Edward and I sat down on the floor next to them. Soon, we were all eating and talking as we laughed about the stories the kids had heard at the library. They told Edward all about the little blue engine that had a hard time climbing up the hill, making certain to emphasize the same things the librarian had as she'd read the story.

"Sounds like you had a good time," Edward said with a smile. I watched him for a few moments and was glad to see how happy he was just listening to the kids talk and laugh and play. The smile etched on his face made me more certain that I was ready to be with him. I wanted something serious and real and lasting with him, and I was ready to take the next step.

After we were finished and the kids had thrown away their trash, they begged to go find Jake and have him take them to the soda machine that was in the garage area of the storage yard. It was an old one that didn't require money, and Jake always made it fun for the kids as he "struggled" to get them bottles of soda. He was in his office when we found him.

"Sure, I'll take you. Come on," he said.

"Oh, hey. I need to talk to Bella for a minute. Can you keep an eye on the kids?" Edward asked him.

"Yeah. No problem."

Once they were out the door, Edward led me back to his office and closed the door. Only Rachel was left in the reception area, but anyone could walk into the building, and he clearly wanted some privacy. Almost instantly, he had me pushed up against the wall and his lips were on mine, hungry and intense and wanting.

"I can't wait until this weekend," he mumbled against my mouth.

"Me, either. Alone with you and the kids for two whole days? I can't even imagine," I said with a moan as he moved his lips to my neck and began to suck on my skin.

"Do you know how many times I've imagined having you in my office like this?" he asked, his hands trailing up my waist toward my breasts. "How many times I've thought about bending you over my drafting table and fucking you from behind? Or leaning back in my chair as you ride my cock?"

His words – combined with his touches – were making me insanely horny, and I lifted my leg to wrap it around his hip.

"Have you ever been fucked on a desk, Bella?" he asked.

"No," I replied as I struggled to stay upright and not swoon over the things he was saying.

"We might have to fix that."

We continued to make out for the next few minutes until finally things slowed down a bit. "I have to go check on the kids, and you have to go back to work," I whispered in a breathy voice, trying to sound determined and sure about myself. I wasn't. If he'd told me to drop to my knees and suck him, I would have.

"Yeah... Responsibility. It's kinda overrated, you know?" he said with a smile as he pulled away from me.

"So I hear."

We stared at each other for several seconds before he finally leaned forward to kiss me. His hands held my face tenderly as his lips moved with mine.

"Mr. Cullen, there's a Mr. Daniels on the phone― Oh! I'm so sorry!" Rachel said as she slammed the door she'd just opened.

"Shit," Edward said. "Um. Oh, boy."

She had totally seen us – mid-kiss with loving touches and all. Why he hadn't locked the door, I wasn't sure, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

"I need to take care of that before Jake gets back," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's fine. You don't think she'll tell if you ask her not to, do you?" I asked.

"I don't think so, but I'll talk to her."

We both made a point to straighten our clothes before we left the office. Rachel was sitting at her desk, staring down at the keyboard in front of her.

"Rachel," Edward said.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Cullen," she said as she looked up at us with panic in her eyes. "I didn't even think. I know you told me you needed to talk to Mr. Daniels as soon as he called, and I forgot that your wife was still here. I didn't mean to walk in on you," she nervously rambled.

"It's fine," Edward said. "Um, can we keep this between us? I mean, please don't tell anyone what you saw. Okay?"

"Of course. Okay," she said before turning to me. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen."

"Rachel, Bella's not my wife," Edward said, and the young girl's eyes grew wider at his words. "We're not married, but we are together. And we're both single, so it's okay. We just don't want anyone to know. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen. And Ms., um..."

"Bella. Just call me Bella," I told her. "I'm gonna get the kids and go. We'll see you tonight," I told Edward before saying a quick goodbye to Rachel and leaving the office. I didn't have time to really consider the fact that Rachel had just referred to me as Mrs. Cullen because Jake and the kids were making their way toward the building as I walked outside. Each of the kids was happily sipping on a soda and laughing as Jake carried them all either in his arms or on his back.

"Don't break Uncle Jake," I told the kids as I laughed at them, trying to get my jumbled thoughts in order. He really was a good guy and a great friend. His reaction to Edward and I being together was one that I worried most about, since Jake had been Alec's best friend for so long. I didn't want Jake hurt, and I didn't want him upset with me or Edward, so I really hoped that Rachel would keep her mouth shut until Edward and I had a chance to talk to Jake ourselves.

Friday came soon, and after an early morning appointment with Dr. Carmen for me and the kids, I hurried home so that I could get ready for the camping trip. Emily had stayed with Edward's mom that morning, so I hadn't seen her. It felt wrong without her in my house, but that afternoon, she and Edward pulled up in his truck, which was loaded down with more camping equipment than any one person should ever own.

"We're going camping, Auntie Bella!" she said as she ran into my house.

"I know!" I said in return, smiling and laughing at how excited she was. Edward was right behind her, and he made his way to me.

"You ready?" he asked before kissing me softly.

"Yeah. Totally."

"I've got two tents," he said. "I figured we could put the kids in one, and then we could..."

I smiled. "That's a good idea, because I bought a box of condoms and packed them in my stuff."

His breath rushed out of his chest. "Really?" he said.

Pushing up on my tip toes, I wrapped my hand around his neck and brought his head down so that I could rub my nose against his. "Really. Happy birthday," I whispered before kissing him.

"This is gonna be the best birthday ever. Why are we still standing here? Let's go!" he almost yelled, which made me laugh.

I was finally ready. It was going to be his birthday. We'd have the whole weekend together and be alone in a tent for two nights.

We were totally gonna have sex. Finally.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: ********I**** know you know what's coming next... :)**

**At least all those years I spent studying Interior Design come in handy. :D And seriously, I'm a dimensioning fool! :D Just ask my college drafting class instructor. I'm sure she still remembers me. I got the highest score of any of her students that whole year. :D She kept asking me over and over again if I was certain I didn't want to go into architecture. :D I probably should have... it's WAY fun. :)**

**Thanks again! :)**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: ********I ****don't own this. We all know who does. What ********I ****do have is a copy of a Rob picture ********from the 2011 Golden Globes. He's wearing what looks like a dark navy blue tux with a white shirt and a long skinny dark navy blue tie. His hair is shorter and spiky with a tint of red to it. In this picture he's on the red carpet, sporting a little scruff and a smirky smile. His eyes are sparkling and his lips are pressed together, not giving us any glimpse of his teeth. It's kind of a great picture. :)**

**Thanks to ****_goldentemptress, BellaEdwardlover1991, _****a****nd ****_bugsmama07 _****for pre-reading this. They're sweet. :) And they write awesome stuff. Check it out.**

**Thanks to ****_MariahajilE _****for being brave and smart. :) She's keeping me in line and fixing my brain spewings. She's kinda wonderful. :) **

***** My awesome beta has put together a really fun Fandom Awards that I'm gonna be helping with. There is a link to the Award site on my Facebook Page, as well as on my Facebook Profile and in the Facebook Group. Please check it out and see all of the 33 categories we'll be giving out awards for. Nominations begin this weekend, so look at the categories and start deciding who you want to nominate. It's gonna be amazing! *****

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

Chapter Forty-Five

The route we took from Forks to Lake Ozette was mainly made up of forest roads, half of which didn't even exist on a map. How Edward knew about them, I wasn't sure, but it was a nice drive and the kids enjoyed themselves as they tried to spot animals and talked to Emily on the walkie-talkie set Edward had brought along. By the time we reached the area we were camping in, I was starting to get a little confused. Edward parked his truck under some trees, and I pulled up next to him. As I got out of my car, I noticed the meadow that opened up a few yards in front of us. We weren't at the same place we'd gone the year before, and the first thing I noticed was that there were no restrooms anywhere nearby.

"Um, I thought we were going to a campground like last time," I said.

Edward smiled a devilish grin before stepping behind me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. "Nah, that was easy last time. This will be more fun. More private and quiet for us. We're completely alone out here," he said, whispering the last part into my ear. His warm breath made me shiver and in a very good way.

"But I like bathrooms," I whined as he laughed.

"Oh, ye of little faith. Give me an hour, and if you hate it, we'll go find that campground on the north side of the lake."

I kissed him lightly then followed him so that I could help unload the back of his truck. It was packed full with camping gear, and he had the kids carrying certain items to designated places where we would be using them. It wasn't long before both tents were set up – luckily not right next to each other – and he was setting up a tall, narrow tent a little ways away from the main camping area.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Your bathroom," he replied, smiling brightly at me. "You didn't think I was gonna make you squat behind a bush, did you?"

"I hoped not."

Once it was staked down to the ground, he started setting up another tent that was very similar to the bathroom tent. "We need two bathrooms?" I asked.

"No, Bella. This is your shower tent. I figured you'd want a shower every day. Right?"

I was in shock that he'd planned so many things he knew I'd like, and it made me laugh. "The next thing I know, you're gonna tell me you brought an oven out here," I said mockingly at him. When he didn't reply, I looked closer at him and saw the sheepish look on his face. "Edward?"

"Well, we gotta make Emily's birthday cake somehow. It's small. Don't worry."

I stared at him with my mouth wide open, in shock of just how wonderful he was. He really had thought of everything, and as the night continued on, I realized just how many everythings he'd thought of.

"We're cooking hot dogs over the fire for dinner tonight, but I've got steaks and potatoes for tomorrow. We'll cook all of that on the stove," Edward told me as he pulled out all the items we'd need for our dinner. He had a couple of large tarps set up on poles that formed overhead cover for us, which was great. They'd keep us dry from the rain that would almost definitely show up at some point during our outing. The tents were set up on either end of the overhead tarps, so while they were close to one another, there was still a good amount of distance between them.

I got the kids situated around the fire in their little folding chairs while Edward got the roasting forks loaded up with hot dogs. We had a great night cooking our dinner and making s'mores afterward for dessert. After it was dark, the kids got into their pajamas, and we all sat around the fire singing silly songs and laughing with each other. It was so much fun, and I loved every second of it. At one point, I looked up and across the fire from me to where Edward was sitting. He was looking straight at me, and the fire in his eyes was nearly as bright and beautiful as the fire in the little pit between us. I knew he was loving our night just as much as I was, and I was anxious to get the kids to bed.

"Mommy, is you gonna sleep with me tonight?" Mckenna asked as I helped her in the bathroom just before we sent the kids to bed. Edward had glow sticks in the bathroom and all around the campsite so that the kids would still be able to find their way during the night, even if they lost their flashlights.

"No. You're gonna sleep in the kid tent with Collin and Emily, remember? Aren't you excited?"

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "But you'll be lonely without me, Mommy."

I knew I couldn't tell her the truth, so I sighed along with her. "I'm always lonely without you, but just think of how much fun we're gonna have tomorrow. Maybe we can go fishing or swimming or something. Would that be good?"

She nodded happily. "I bringed my swimsuit."

"I know. It'll be fun, so we need to get to bed. We have to make a cake tomorrow, too. It's Uncle Edward's birthday, and then the next day is Emily's. You gotta help me frost it when it's done."

"Okay!" she said. Then she picked up her little pink flashlight, and we left the bathroom tent. The bigger kids were already in their sleeping bags in their tent, so I got her snuggled in and then kissed them all before zipping the door shut. I only pulled the zipper down half way since they were all a little nervous about being alone in the tent, but I assured them that Edward and I would be right outside.

When I got back to the fire, I was surprised to see a blanket on the ground with some big pillows and a quilt on top of it. Edward was sitting there, smiling up at me.

"What's this?" I asked as I smiled back at him.

"Well, I thought it would be nice to lay out here and watch the fire or look at the stars. It's not raining, and there's no cloud cover tonight. So, you know…"

"I see," I told him as I slipped off my shoes and sat down next to him. The ground was hard, but he had a thin foam mat under us, so it helped cushion us just a bit. I lay down with my head on one of the pillows and looked up at the sky. "It's so pretty tonight."

"Yeah," he said as he watched me.

"No, the stars. The stars are pretty," I joked.

"I stand by my original answer." He scooted closer to me, letting his body press against mine as he lay down.

"We're not sleeping out here, are we?" I asked.

"No. We'll go in the tent later. This is just so we can listen for the kids and have a little romantic time by the fire. Is that okay?"

"Romantic time, huh? I like that," I said, then reached up to pull his face down to mine. "Tell me more about this romantic time," I whispered against his lips just before he kissed me.

It was a beautiful night. We stayed under the stars for a couple of hours, talking and kissing and laughing. Sometimes it was just quiet, but it was okay. I knew that neither of us needed the steady flow of conversation between us. We were still able to communicate with each other by just being there together.

"I know you mentioned bringing condoms, and I thought maybe we should talk about that a little bit tonight. Get that conversation out of the way before we're in the moment," he quietly said.

"Okay."

"I'm clean. I know I already told you that I got checked after I found out Jane was messing around, but I wanna make sure you know. There hasn't been anyone else since her, and there were only a couple before her. I'd never put you in danger like that, Bella."

I nodded, letting my fingers twist with his. He had his arm under my neck and I was holding his hand that was resting on my chest.

"I'm clean, too. It's the same for me; no one since Alec and only a couple before." I let out a breath and then continued. "I have an IUD, so I'm not worried about getting pregnant. And I don't want you to think I bought the condoms because of that or because I'm afraid of getting something. I just thought they might be more helpful out here since things can get a little messy. You know?"

"Yeah. Good thinking," he said with a soft chuckle. "How long have you had your IUD? They're only good for a certain number of years, right?"

"Um, five years is how long they last. I think, anyway. I got mine after Mckenna was born, so it's been almost four years. I'll have to get it replaced within the next year."

Edward was silent for several seconds before speaking again. "Do you want to get it replaced?"

His question made me think for a minute. Did I want it to be replaced? I wasn't sure anymore. Although I knew it was crazy to even be considering having a baby with Edward so soon into our relationship.

"I don't know. After Alec died, I thought I wouldn't need to because I wasn't planning on being with anyone again. But now, I don't know. What do you think? Assuming we're in this thing for good, do you want more children?" I asked him. I couldn't look at his face, so instead I focused on our hands.

"I want more children. With you. Do you want that?"

The love and quiet excitement in his voice was enough to have me quivering with desire and hope for our future. "Yeah. I would want that."

"So, maybe when it comes time to have it removed, you just don't get another one? And then we can decide when we want talk about a baby."

"Okay."

After several more quiet minutes together, he started to kiss me. It felt so amazing to have him hovering over me, pressing his hips against mine and knowing that I could have him in any way I wanted him, and it would be okay. He rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him as his hands wandered my body and I straddled his waist. He was so hard underneath me, and I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter by the minute. I wanted him and there was nothing to stop us.

"Can we? Can we go in the tent? I want you," I whispered into his ear before sucking the lobe into my mouth.

"Baby, I think we should wait. We can fool around, but I think the kids are gonna wake up. We should wait until tomorrow."

I pulled back so that I could look at him. The glow from the fire was dying out, but I could still see his face in the soft amber flickers that continued to dance and wave in the fire pit.

"You wanna wait? But we don't have to."

"I know. I just thought..." He let out a deep breath. "Tomorrow's my birthday. I want it to be tomorrow. Okay?"

I nodded. "Okay. If you want."

"I'm not saying we can't still fool around, because we most definitely can. And I want to, but I know the first night of camping; Emily never sleeps well, and I don't want to get interrupted by kids. Not during our first time together. So tomorrow, I'm gonna wear them all out, and by the time it's dark, they'll be so tired, they'll sleep all night. We'll have the night together without any worry of little ears hearing us, okay?"

"Okay."

He smiled up at me. "Trust me. I want this to be perfect, and it will be. I promise."

After packing up the foam mat, blankets, and pillows, we quickly settled things around the campsite and then went to bed. Edward kept his promise of doing amazing things to me, and we both went to sleep completely happy and content. He was curled all around me, his chest against my back, and I might have "accidentally" ground my rear against his groin a few times. The groans that flowed from him made me smile. Knowing I was able to affect him that way was an amazing feeling, and I couldn't wait for what I knew was coming soon.

Sure enough, at some point during the night, each of the kids found their way into our tent, and by the time the sun was coming up, there were three small bodies sandwiched between Edward and me. I woke up to Mckenna's curls in my face and her elbow digging into my ribs.

"Morning," Edward softly whispered. I opened my eyes to meet his and saw the most beautiful smile on his face.

"Hi."

"So far, this is the best birthday I've ever had," he said, looking at each of the kids and then back at me. "If I can wake up like this every day for the rest of my life, I'll be a happy man."

I let out a little laugh. "Well, maybe not every morning. I tend to enjoy the mornings where it's just you and me," I told him.

He smiled. "Yeah. I do love those mornings. But this... This is pretty incredible, too."

The kids began to stir a bit, each of them grumbling and wiggling as they tried to get comfortable in the cramped space.

"I think I'll go start some breakfast," Edward said. "You go back to sleep. I'm planning to wear these kids out today, and you're gonna need all the strength you can get for tonight. I have plans for you." The fire in his eyes was back, and I felt my breath stutter out of my chest.

"Oh," was all I could manage to say in response to his words. When he smiled at me before standing up and grabbing clothes so he could go change, I might have stared at his butt for a little too long, but I didn't care. He had a gorgeous backside, and it deserved to be appreciated. And I couldn't wait until I could appreciate it in all its naked glory.

True to his word, our entire day was action-packed and busy. Edward kept the kids moving and active constantly, and even though I didn't participate in every activity, it was enough to nearly wear me out. By the time we started working on dinner, I could see the weariness in our children's eyes, and I knew they'd be out before too much longer.

"Uncle Edward's gonna take us fishing tomorrow," Collin said as I helped him get into his pajamas after he'd taken a quick shower. The kids had gone swimming in the lake, and even though the water was relatively clean, I still wanted to wash them off with some soap before letting them go to bed.

"That'll be fun, huh?" I replied.

"Yeah. I wonder if he got worms for our fishing poles. Do you think he'll let me put one on the hook? That'd be so cool, all those worm guts."

I laughed at his excitement and assured him that Uncle Edward would know exactly what they needed to catch some fish, so he didn't need to worry.

Just like Edward said, the kids were falling asleep around the campfire not long after the sun set, and we moved them all into their tent. They each managed to mumble a "good night" to us, but after that, they were out. It was so quiet around the campsite after that. There was an excited electricity in the air, and every time mine and Edward's eyes met, it was like we knew. We knew what was coming. We knew what we were about to do. We knew that after that night, nothing would ever be the same. There was no going back, and I wanted it.

I'd debated bringing lingerie for the night or some skimpy, tight outfit, but I knew that we'd be in the dark and not on the most comfortable of beds, so I decided to just go with normal clothes. Our love-making wasn't going to be anything super wild or crazy, but that was okay. It would be us, together, finally giving ourselves to each other, and that would be enough. I knew things would get more intense and hot later on as we grew more familiar with each other. I was looking forward to those times, but I was nervous and anxious for our first time together.

I took a quick shower in the shower tent, just to clean up a bit, and when I finished I found Edward playing with something on one of the tables under the tarp awnings.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I tried to see what he had.

"I brought my iPod and speakers, so we'd have a little music for tonight," he said. "I thought that might help in case the kids wake up. That way they won't hear us or most likely you," he teased with a smirk on his face.

The look in his eyes made me blush, and I smiled as I looked down at my feet. "I can't help it. It's just what you do to me."

"Hey," he said as he laid the iPod down on the table and moved toward me. "I like it. I like that I do that to you." His hand brushed my hair over my shoulder just as a song began to play through the speaker. "I want everything to be perfect tonight. I don't ever want to forget this."

He took hold of my right hand, bringing it to his chest as his right hand slid around my waist. When his feet started to move back and forth in time with the music, I sighed and lifted my left hand to his shoulder.

"I wanna dance with you," he whispered into my ear as we swayed back and forth. The moment was so perfect and intense, and I laid my head against his chest, tucking in just under his chin. I breathed in deeply, taking in the way he smelled, and I couldn't help the tears that instantly filled my eyes. I never thought I'd feel the things I was feeling for him. Not after Alec. I thought I'd always be alone – on my own – but Edward had changed that. I wanted to be with him. I needed to be with him in every sense of the word. I knew how I felt about him, and even though it scared me, I wanted it.

"Bella," he whispered softly. When I looked up at him, he kissed me lightly. His lips were so soft and heavy on mine, and as the seconds flew by, the kisses grew more intense and powerful. Soon his tongue was sliding against mine, and his arm around my waist was pulling me tight against him. I could feel how hard he already was, and I wanted it. I wanted him.

"Make love to me," I breathed as he began to kiss along my jaw. He paused for a moment and then pulled away so that he could see my eyes. They were filled with a fire and spark I'd only seen a few times before in my life, and it nearly brought me to my knees. Stepping away from him, I reached down to take his hand and pulled him after me, toward the tent. It only took a few moments until we were inside the tent with the door zipped shut. The music still played outside on the table, and it added to the way I was feeling.

Slowly he stripped me of my clothes, taking time to kiss and touch my skin as he exposed it to the warm night air. His fingers rubbed across my nipples, hardening them instantly as his mouth sucked at my neck and collarbones. I took my turn at undressing him, too, worshiping every part of his body that I could. His chest shook with excitement or nervousness as I ran my fingers along his skin, and it made me want to be braver, bolder.

When I originally thought about having sex with Edward for the first time, a campout was not my first choice. Sleeping bags were hard to clean, the ground was often times hard or bumpy or slanted, tent walls were thin and easy to hear through, and there's no place to easily clean up afterward, if we needed to. It seemed like a bad idea, a wrong choice. But as Edward and I stood in the tent, our hands grasping at skin as our mouths hungrily sought out one another, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else for our first time. I didn't want it to happen in my house, where I'd shared so many intimate moments with Alec, and I didn't want it to happen in Edward's house, where he and Jane had been together so many times. A hotel seemed almost cheap and seedy, and a car was so high school and wrong. I knew both of those places had their good points, but for our first time, they weren't right. In the forest, alone, and with our children sleeping soundly nearby was perfect to me.

The bed we were sleeping on was made up of foam pads. Clearly that was just another thing Edward had thought about ahead of time and prepared for. As much as I liked sleeping on air mattresses, they weren't always conducive to sex and the thrusting that I was really hoping would happen. The pads under us were firm, yet soft, and as Edward finally guided me to the bed, sitting me down on top of the open sleeping bag, I pulled my mouth away from his for a moment.

"Please," I begged, trailing my hand down his chest and toward his hard cock that was tempting me. He paused, leaning back until he was standing up straight before me, then threaded his hand through my hair as my tongue peeked out to lick him.

"Bella," he whispered as I kissed and licked him for a few moments. My hand slid up and down his length, and I watched as his eyes closed and his head fell back. He began to pump into my mouth ever so slightly, filling me with the taste of him as my tongue slid along the smooth, silky skin. As much as I enjoyed having my lips wrapped around his cock, I needed more from him. I let go, then slid back on the bed until I was laying before him, ready and waiting to finally be with him.

He grabbed a condom from the box that sat on the top of my open suitcase, then knelt down on the bed and stalked toward me. As he hovered over my body, I smiled, letting my teeth press into my bottom lip. I knew he loved it when I did that, and the groan that rumbled from his chest reaffirmed what I already knew.

"Are you sure?" he asked as he dropped down and let his body rest on top of mine. I could feel him hard and pressing against my belly as his eyes searched mine for an answer.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, letting my hands trace up and down his back before they slid around his shoulders and I pulled him tighter against me. "I'm sure. I want you. All of you."

He kissed me again for a few minutes as his hand squeezed my breast, pulled at my waist, and then finally slid between my legs. His fingers pushed into me, and I could hear the sound of them sliding back and forth through my wetness. I moaned when he pushed them in farther than they had been and wiggled them around a bit. He hit a place inside of me that he hadn't before, and I began to whimper and pant, hoping that he'd get the hint and fuck me already.

As Edward lifted away from me, he leaned back and took a moment to sheath himself with the condom. Once it was in place, he watched me as he traced his fingers along my hips and thighs. We both were breathing so heavy, our chests rising and falling faster than they probably ever had before. I could see the need in his eyes, but there was something more there, too. There was a softness, a tenderness that made my heart stutter. It was dark in the tent, but there was enough light that I could see his eyes gloss over just a little, and for a split second, I wondered if he was having second thoughts.

He leaned down, holding himself up as his body stretched out over mine again. My knees bent and my legs dropped open, cradling him between my thighs. He was so quiet, so calm, so serious as he stared at me. I lifted my hand to his head, letting my fingers push into his hair and twist the strands slowly and carefully. He placed gentle, innocent kisses on my lips as he reached down to take hold of his length and line himself up with my entrance. I felt the tip of him between my folds, and as he pushed in, I felt a breath in my chest slowly escape my body, a breath I'd been holding in for so long and so deep. My muscles began to shake as he filled me, pushing inch by inch until, finally, he was completely inside of me. Then he stopped.

"I love you, Bella."

His fingers ghosted over my face, and he watched me closely. I was speechless, silent, still. I didn't know what to say.

"You don't have to say anything back. I just wanted you to know. This means something to me. It means so much. I wanted you to know," he whispered.

I felt my head nodding, and my eyes watering as I continued to shake and tremble. I could see the worry in his eyes as he lay on top of me, still inside of me.

"Are you okay?" he quietly asked. I nodded again, biting down hard on my lip. "Can I...?"

"Yes. Please," I managed to squeak out, and then he began to move.

I felt him thrusting in and out of me, loving me with his mouth and his hands and his hips. I clung to him as I fought back the tears that were threatening to explode from me. Closing my eyes, I clung to him, trying to keep myself from falling. Trying to keep myself from scaring him. Trying to keep myself from completely losing it. Trying to keep myself in the moment and with him and feeling everything I knew I wanted to feel.

It was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life. Harder than losing Alec. Harder than living for my children. Harder than letting myself want Edward.

"Oh, Bella," he moaned as his lips kissed up and down my neck, sucking at my skin. His right hand grasped my hip, then moved down as he pulled my thigh higher so he could bury himself deeper in me, hitting places I'd never been touched before. My eyelids slid closed, and I gasped as my back arched up and my breasts pressed against his chest.

"Ahhhh," I sighed before letting out a moan as he continued to pump in and out of me.

"So good, baby. So fucking good," he whispered, his lips still attached to my neck as his hand kept hold of my breast. He kept moving as I fought back the tears that continued to build in my eyes. I could feel a sob bubbling up in my throat, and I tried so hard to keep it in, to contain it and fight it back. I refused to let myself think about Alec. I wouldn't let my first time with Edward be tainted with memories of someone else, and to be honest, I'd never been made love to in the same way Edward was making love to me. This was different, he was different, and I would never disrespect him by thinking of someone else. Not even Alec.

Edward deserved better than that.

"Bella, I'm close," he said as his hand slid from my breast and moved down my stomach toward my hips. I felt his fingers glide across my belly and down to where Edward and I were joined. His thumb began to rub softly against my clit, causing sparks to shoot through me as I cried out. It felt good - so, so good - and my thighs squeezed against his hips as he started to move faster. "Fuck, baby. You feel so good. Oh, baby, I love you," he said as he brought his lips back to mine, kissing me hard and deep and long.

My toes began to curl. My heart pounded harder. My stomach tightened and fluttered. A burning sensation began to fill my body, and my hands fell from Edward's sides, reaching out to the empty spaces next to me before finally grabbng onto the fabric of the sleeping bag underneath us.

"Edward..." I cried out just as he buried his face in my neck and thrust harder and deeper into me, pushing my body down into the foam padding under us. He stilled above me, though his thumb kept moving, and soon I was flying, lost in the most intense orgasm I'd ever had in my life. My mind was blank, my fingers were numb, and my skin felt every inch of his skin that was touching me. In my eyes, all I saw was him... Edward.

After several seconds, a few more pumps, and soft, gentle kisses, he relaxed above me, letting his body loosen and lay heavily on mine. His fingers softly smoothed over my cheekbones, my nose, my brow, and my chin before moving behind my ear and wrapping around the back of my neck. His thumb tucked under my chin and lifted my face to meet his.

"I meant what I said. I love you, Bella. I'm in love with you."

I could see the hope in his eyes; that I would say it back, that I would tell him I was in love with him, too, and that I was feeling everything he was feeling.

But I couldn't say it. And not because I didn't feel it or because I didn't want to, but just because I couldn't.

The longer I stayed quiet, the less hope and light I saw in his eyes until finally he smiled a little and kissed me so sweetly, so tenderly, so perfectly.

"I'm gonna take care of this. Don't go anywhere," he said before pulling out of my body and causing me to shake just a bit at the loss of his touch. I knew I needed to put some clothes on since I really didn't want to be naked if the kids came crawling back into our tent at some point in the night.

Over the next few minutes as we both dressed and got ready for bed, he smiled at me. He kissed me. He touched me. He was wonderful and perfect and everything I wanted him to be. Yet I knew he was disappointed, and he was sad. And that broke my heart. I wanted so much to tell him I loved him, too, but I didn't know for sure. And more than anything, I never wanted to lie to him. Never.

As we got into bed that night, he curled up behind me, whispering sweet things to me, and I lost it.

"I'm sorry," I said as my tears broke free and began to pour out of me with a vengeance. "I'm so sorry."

He pulled me tight to him, soothing me and calming me and telling me over and over again that it was okay, that we'd be okay. My body shook as I cried harder and harder. The reality of what we'd done finally hit me, and in that moment, I was forced to accept the fact that my husband was really gone. I'd never see Alec again, and as much as I wanted to be with Edward, I still missed Alec. The guilt was overwhelming, especially when I admitted to myself that if given the choice between Alec and Edward, I wouldn't choose Alec. I would choose Edward a hundred times over, and the thought broke my heart.

"It's okay. You're okay," Edward whispered as I cried and twisted in his arms, then clung to him, soaking his shirt with my tears.

"I'm sorry," I whimpered.

"I know. I know," he said.

He rocked me in his arms, gently humming to me for such a long time as I cried and cracked into a million pieces. There were so many things I was sorry for, yet I couldn't put myself together enough to tell him, to explain it to him. It would have to wait for the morning. I could tell him then, make him understand.

My head began to ache from all the crying I'd done, and gradually, the tears slowed down, eventually letting me fall asleep. It was a restless sleep, and almost instantly, I was overtaken by a dream. Alec was there, smiling and calling to me. He was happy and lovely and everything good that I remembered about him. He was familiar and safe, and I wanted to go to him, but I couldn't move.

"_Alec?_" I called out just as he started to walk away. "_No, don't go._"

"It's okay, Bella. Go. Be happy," he said as he smiled back at me. It was then that I realized Edward was behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist, holding me to him.

"_Edward. No,_" I told him as I pulled out from his arms.

"Stay with me. Be with me, Bella," he said, brushing a piece of hair from my brow and tucking it behind my ear. His smile was like an angel, and I couldn't take my eyes away from him.

"You can stay with me if you want to," Alec's voice said from right behind me. When I turned around, I saw his face so close to mine and a sadness in his eyes.

"_I want to go with him,_" I whispered. "_I always want to go with him._"

Alec smiled as I took hold of Edward's hand. "He loves you. It's okay if you love him, Bella."

"_I do. I love him. Only him. I'm sorry,_" I told Alec before looking up at Edward's smiling face. "_Always._"

I felt a breeze, and when I turned around, Alec was gone. "_Alec?_" I called, but Edward and I were alone.

"I love you, Bella," Edward said.

"_I love you,_" I told him, then wrapped my arms around him and vowed to never let go.

Suddenly I woke up, sitting up in the dark tent and trying to calm my racing heart. Edward was asleep next to me, lying on his back with a look on his face that made me sad. It made my spirit hurt for him. I didn't want him to look that way, and I promised myself that as soon as morning came, I would tell him. I would make him understand that I loved him, too. That I wanted to be with him and only him. That he was the love of my life, my soulmate. That I had never and would never love anyone else the way I loved him. That he was it for me, and that I wanted to be with him always.

Laying back down next to him, I curled into his side and let out a deep breath. "I love you," I whispered as I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of him, the spirit of him, and the love I'd been unknowingly waiting for my whole life.

**~*o*~*O*~*o*~**

**A/N: Hopefully this didn't let you all down too much. This is how I've seen this chapter since before ********I**** even considered writing this story. This and the next few chapters are the reason ********I**** finally decided to write this. I**** couldn't get them out of my head. :) This lemon totally made me cry when ********I**** wrote it. ********I**** hope you were at least able to feel a bit of Bella's emotions during those moments.**

**Please don't be too upset with Bella's slight freak out. Like I've said before, I'm trying to keep this realistic and honest, while staying true to the characters I've created. Bella's been coping with a lot of things and this is how ********I**** see her dealing with this. She really did want to be with Edward and she didn't want to think about Alec during that time. ********I**** think she was too worried about that happening and she never stopped to consider how actually making love to Edward would affect her. Give her some time. She's figuring it out. :)**

**This is for Whitney. She's been with me since the very first moments of my fanfic writing journey and she's one of the most amazing people ********I**** know. She's dealt with more sadness and hardships than any one person ever should have to, and I'm in awe of her strength and determination. ********I**** hope ********I**** got this right for you, Whit. :) I love ya, Chickee. :)  
**

**Thanks again! I'll see you soon! :)**


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